broke up with a great guy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 12:15 AM GMT
    so the background is this: he dated my college friend for two years. I stopped being friend with his years ago while they were still dating because my ex friend was becoming best friends with the guy that my ex cheated on me with...

    anyway, a couple months ago I ran into this guy at a bar... he asked me to come hang out at his little get together after the bar closed. So I did. Everyone had fallen asleep and it was just him and I on a couch talking. Midway through my sentence he leaned over and kissed me. I was in such shock that when we finished talking I just continued to finish my sentence. I had no idea how to process it... it was weird. Anyway he did it again and this time he took me to his room to do the same in there. Well that sparked an almost two month thing where I went over to his house every day. He works ridiculous hours, 12 a day 6 days a week.

    Slowly I began to lose who I was. I wasn't going to the gym as much or running, surfing or playing volleyball. I was staying up late to wait for him (2am usually because he's a manager at a wine bar), I wouldn't wake up till 11 (which is late for me) just to feel like I wasted my day too out of it to do anything. When we would hang out, things were fine because He is an amazing guy, sweet and very beautiful inside and out. However, because he didn't like the same things, I found myself watching tv (which I dont do, I dont even own a tv), shopping (I cringe even of the thought of going to A mall).
    Well sure enough, I was feeling like I was moving back into old habits.

    My first real bf of almost 6.5 years (including the time we dated), I gave up everything for. My parents disowned me for two years, excommunicated from my entire family. He ended up cheating on me a few months after the death of my mother and a few weeks after the death of my grand mother. Leaving me in a vulnerable place. I was basically paralyzed by the entire situation, basically it was a shitty year for me but I was slowly making strides back to feeling normal.

    I met a guy through a friend who was gorgeous. 6'1" green eyes, caramel skin and a body of a god. He was very caring but had his secrets. First 3 months into it he tells me he was in jail. Forward 3 more mos and I find out he had been dating another guy on the side, His entire family and friends knew about it... they liked me a lot and wanted me to stay with him which is why I gather no one ever told me. Anyway, I find this out while in the Dominican Republic with him... I felt like what little ground I had gained from the last year just came crashing down. We fought that night and he left got drunk and abusive both physically and emotionally that night. So I grabbed my wallet, my travel docs and spent the day at the airport till I could get on the next flight home.

    Anyway, back to this guy.... I started nursing school, straight a's, forgave myself for some dumb decisions but after two and a half years of losing people, having my heart broken, Its been hard to let someone in. So one night he decided to give me keys to his place, I was hanging with his friends a lot and in the process hanging less with my friends and family. So last weekend he went to vegas for a wedding. That night a great college friend of mine decided we should go out. we did, but lost each other in the crowd because he was looking to score some ass. anyway, I realized i had lost my keys so I sat in front of his place for a few hrs (didn't mind at all). He waltzes in at 3am with a guy I knew. Anyway, at this point I was tired and freaked out because if my keys weren't in his house, I was going to have to figure something out. Anyway, my friend asked me what was wrong and he mentioned the guy I was dating's name and the guy he was with said, I know him, we have been dating on and off (mind you I'm drunk), so i freak out, i felt my heart sink into my stomach, a total distrust for anyone and a feeling of my small sense of security ripped from me. Well, I proceed to text the guy i was seeing that I no longer wanted to see him. I explained why...

    well, we fought on the phone and the next day I woke up sad and ashamed that I did what I did. It turns out the guy was drunk, not speaking correctly and joking. He knew the guy and they had hooked up a few times years ago. So I didnt contact the guy i was dating till after he came back from vegas because i didnt want to ruin the rest of his weekend. Anyway, I apologized and bought him 12 white roses, his fav chocolate cake, wrote him a letter explaining everything and a harry potter wand (he loves hp).

    anyway, we talked that night and he decided he needed time away from me. I disappointed him and although he was willing to forgive, he wasn't ready to let me back in his life. anyway, now I'm having the hardest time getting over it. i deactivated my fb account, spend as much time doing the things i love to distract myself. still, i'm hurting and cant do anything to stop it. I realize its the fact that i had someone i saw and talked to every day, slept with every day and now i dont have that. My ego is busted because I was wrong to do what i did and that he didnt want to hang out anymore.

    ugh, i guess i just need time and maybe writing this will help me get a little more perspective. icon_confused.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 12:25 AM GMT
    Damn what did I just read? That's crazy.

    I hope you feel better, writing it out can help sometimes.

    Maybe you should date no one for a while....
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    Jul 11, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    no kidding. I'm planning on not dating till i sort though the crap. It does help to write it out though. (:
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    Jul 11, 2011 1:35 AM GMT
    I think I need a flowchart.
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    Jul 11, 2011 1:39 AM GMT
    anyone got the cliff notes version?
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    Jul 11, 2011 1:41 AM GMT
    Import saidanyone got the cliff notes version?



    No. It would require cutting down too many trees.
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    Jul 11, 2011 1:41 AM GMT
    This sounds dumb
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    Jul 11, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    It does help to write.

    We attract the people we are ourselves.

    I hate to say there's a few codependent tendencies.

    Sort through all the irrelevant stuff - FB, descriptors, where you met, activities, etc... and you may find the core of what you're trying to figure out.