Sending out signals to let others know you're gay.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 4:53 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    So this is a bit of a rant mixed in with a question:

    I used to wonder a lot why some men tend to be over the top effeminate and flamboyant, then go back and forth on whether or not my lack of flamboyancy is a good thing or not. I sort of view flamboyancy as a bat signal, it makes it (at least outwardly) easier to identify others who may be gay. Therefore, a safe person to talk to or potentially hit on. Since I apparently lack any outward signs that I'm gay and i'm not planning on changing my behaviors or mannuerisms I have a hard time meeting other gay men. I tend to know a lot of dykes but the lack of queer men make it tough to find dates. This came up earlier with a friend who was like, "you need to wear something or do something to let guys out there know they can approach you. No one suspects you're gay." This is true and sometimes infuriating as I've been to queer nights or bars where it's either assumed I'm an ally or I end up having to some how prove that I'm gay enough to be there, to which my response is usually a resounding FU.

    Basically my question is: are there any subtle signals that y'all do to show others who may be looking that you're queer. I've put a pin on my messenger bag in the past and worn a pink bracelet but I think I just get pegged as a 'hipster'. Suggestions?

    Thanks.
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    Jul 11, 2011 6:27 AM GMT
    You mean grindr?

    Other clues: if you see a guy who's 25+ and wearing Abercrombie, Hollister, or American Eagle there's a 97% chance he's gay.
    If he's 30+ and in shape there's a 66.7% chance he's gay.

    Other than that, watch the eye contact and body language. It could help tell you if a guy's just friendly or into you.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 11, 2011 10:57 AM GMT
    When my guys work out in the heat, they wear cool collars around their necks. They always get hit on by other guys asking if they are gay. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 11, 2011 2:30 PM GMT
    Body language and eye contact are biggies, I think. Duration and intensity. You're probably sending out plenty of signals without knowing it. If he looks at you for more than a few seconds, smile. icon_wink.gif Start a conversation. That's the best I've come up with so far lol.
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    Jul 11, 2011 2:32 PM GMT
    Ermine saidYou mean grindr?

    Other clues: if you see a guy who's 25+ and wearing Abercrombie, Hollister, or American Eagle there's a 97% chance he's gay.
    If he's 30+ and in shape there's a 66.7% chance he's gay.

    Other than that, watch the eye contact and body language. It could help tell you if a guy's just friendly or into you.


    Time to clean out the tshirts and put on some weight....
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Jul 11, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    cut_and_paste said
    Basically my question is: are there any subtle signals that y'all do to show others who may be looking that you're queer.....Suggestions?

    Thanks.


    Well, you could always try the JakeBenson method and just say to the stranger who MAY be looking "You're cute" and see how far that gets ya. icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif

    see...

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1669656
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Jul 11, 2011 2:57 PM GMT
    Rodcet said Body language and eye contact are biggies, I think. Duration and intensity. You're probably sending out plenty of signals without knowing it. If he looks at you for more than a few seconds, smile. icon_wink.gif Start a conversation. That's the best I've come up with so far lol.


    This. It may not be foolproof, but it's natural and unforced.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 3:21 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    cut_and_paste said
    Basically my question is: are there any subtle signals that y'all do to show others who may be looking that you're queer.....Suggestions?

    Thanks.


    Well, you could always try the JakeBenson method and just say to the stranger who MAY be looking "You're cute" and see how far that gets ya. icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif

    see...

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/1669656


    Hmm going to other threads now and bringing this up? It seems a little childish doesn't it? Look at your life AZ, look at your choices, and seriously move on with your life man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    The most important signs are the eye contacts.
    Straight guys have that dull, uninterested eye contact look, there no spark of any kind whatsoever.
    Gay guys keep the eye contact on for a few seconds, and /or may check you out from head to toe in a few seconds.
    There are also those gay guys that "freak out" and will look like they are about to come hit you in the face. That's just because they are shy, especially if someone that they find hot makes eye contact with them. They will try hard to put on a "poker face", but the moment you start talking to them they change in a more cheerful person.



    As for clothing, grooming etc. it's blurry, especially in the big cities. A lot of straight younger generation guys are doing everything from saving their body hair, coloring their hair, to tight colorful clothing.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Jul 11, 2011 3:33 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Hmm going to other threads now and bringing this up? It seems a little childish doesn't it? Look at your life AZ, look at your choices, and seriously move on with your life man.



    Chainers, it was a joke making light of the whole thing, mostly because it sort of related to the other thread in a way. Perhaps you should lighten up. You worry about your own life. Mine's doing just fine thank you very much.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 3:39 PM GMT
    lol, the only subtle hint i know i can give is a shirt that says "i go both ways" and has hands pointing in different directions. i dont really know how to be subtle, and a lot of people dont know that i like guys unless i tell them.

    the trick for me is to somehow bring it up in conversation. takes lots of balls to put yourself out there on a line, but i figure, if i have them, use em.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 3:42 PM GMT
    cut_and_paste saidHey guys,

    Basically my question is: are there any subtle signals that y'all do to show others who may be looking that you're queer. I've put a pin on my messenger bag in the past and worn a pink bracelet but I think I just get pegged as a 'hipster'. Suggestions?

    Thanks.


    people who cant figure out your gay lack something called gaydar.

    every gay man sends out signs that they are attracted to the same sex. maybe it is just a grin when you smile at him or the eye contact. Maybe you should express more interest so they confirm what they were thinking already.

    flamboyany ≠ gay
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    Chainers said
    Hmm going to other threads now and bringing this up? It seems a little childish doesn't it? Look at your life AZ, look at your choices, and seriously move on with your life man.



    Chainers, it was a joke making light of the whole thing, mostly because it sort of related to the other thread in a way. Perhaps you should lighten up. You worry about your own life. Mine's doing just fine thank you very much.


    nJfdRg.jpg
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    Jul 11, 2011 4:13 PM GMT
    Ermine said
    If he's 30+ and in shape there's a 66.7% chance he's gay.


    LMAO this totally doesn't apply to metrosexual cities like NYC. But I do agree with you to a certain extent
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 4:22 PM GMT
    Ermine said
    If he's 30+ and in shape there's a 66.7% chance he's gay.


    I think this goes up to 82.3%+ if the man is over 40 and in shape
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    Jul 11, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    texasfit said

    I think this goes up to 82.3%+ if the man is over 40 and in shape


    Oh my God...that is funny. And, so true, so true.

    As an aside, people do not seem to realize how much of what they classify as "looks" relate to the shape, and proportions of the individual, regardless of age.

    To the OP, how about semaphore flags? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    Ermine saidYou mean grindr?

    Other clues: if you see a guy who's 25+ and wearing Abercrombie, Hollister, or American Eagle there's a 97% chance he's gay.
    If he's 30+ and in shape there's a 66.7% chance he's gay.

    Other than that, watch the eye contact and body language. It could help tell you if a guy's just friendly or into you.


    In my area, your 30+ or even 40+ rule doesn't fly. Some of the str8s here are pretty ridiculous. I actually feel out of shape here but i sort of agree with the first idea about those brands except Latinos, as they seem to wear those brands whether str8 gay, doesnt matter. i have trouble with this too. im trying some colored rubber bracelets (not livestrong) to see if anyone at the gym notices. LOL
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Jul 11, 2011 5:05 PM GMT
    I have the same problem.When I first came out some of my family wouldn`t believe me!
    Try glancing back at a guy a few seconds after you pass him in the street.If he`s glanced back,you can be fairly sure he`s gay,you`ve caught his eye.A straight guy wouldn`t give you a second thought.
    The other,more general thing is always eye contact/body language.A sustained look/smile is very revealing.
  • prime02

    Posts: 236

    Jul 12, 2011 4:23 AM GMT
    I'll do it every once in a while when I sense that a client is gay to let him know that I'm gay too. Sales is all about letting the other person identifying with you and knowing that you understand them
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    Hey all,

    Thanks for the feedback. I guess I didn't sleep through class when this lesson was taught, like I thought maybe I had.


    van_can saidThe most important signs are the eye contacts.
    Straight guys have that dull, uninterested eye contact look, there no spark of any kind whatsoever.
    Gay guys keep the eye contact on for a few seconds, and /or may check you out from head to toe in a few seconds.
    There are also those gay guys that "freak out" and will look like they are about to come hit you in the face. That's just because they are shy, especially if someone that they find hot makes eye contact with them. They will try hard to put on a "poker face", but the moment you start talking to them they change in a more cheerful person.

    As for clothing, grooming etc. it's blurry, especially in the big cities. A lot of straight younger generation guys are doing everything from saving their body hair, coloring their hair, to tight colorful clothing.


    Oh man, I hadn't even thought of this but I think I'm guilty of the poker face look. I'll definitely check out a guy who I'm fairly sure is straight and if notices, total poker face moment. "Nah, I'm not looking at you, that's CRAZY" ha. I guess stopping this behavior is a good starting point.