When two bottoms date...IE, why my sex life sucks.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 9:07 PM GMT
    Okay, so first off, I'm sorry for being another one of those random anon's who post a question here on their first post, but I don't know where else to seek advice.

    Anyways, I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 22. When we first began dating I told him I was a total bottom, and he was okay with that, since he told me he was a verse/top. So, going into the relationship I thought we'd be rather compatible. And, in most ways we are- just not sexually. A few months into the relationship, though, he confessed that I was the first person he'd ever topped, and a few more months after that, he confessed that he not only disliked topping, but if we ever split, he'd be a bottom as well. However, whenever I mention that he said this, he tells me he loves being inside me/that it feels amazing/that he feels closer to me/etc/etc/blah blah/other random excuses.

    I suppose he might not be lying about enjoying it, but he definitely doesn't prefer it- seeing as how we go WEEKS without sex (despite the fact that I'm pretty much horny 24/7). That, and two weeks ago I suggested having a threesome (because I'm sort of sex starved and desperate) since I'd entertained the idea of being fucked by two tops for ages. He agreed to it, but quickly turned it into both of us getting fucked by one or two tops simultaneously.

    So, long story short, we had a "threesome"- well, I sort of sat in the corner and cried a little while some craigslist stranger fucked him- and halfway through I walked out, he followed, and he told me he didn't want that/he only wanted me/it wasn't like his fantasy/etc again. Of course, he still would rather I be the top in the relationship. I actually have no problem topping, though. It's just...I'm rather lacking in that department (IE, small penis), so whenever I've asked for a solution to this issue from him, he's never suggested I do anything to him; he just gives an, "I don't know," or he lies and says he enjoys fucking me.

    I just want to be with a person who will actually enjoy having sex with me, though, and I don't think he understands that. I believe that he thinks that if I love the sex, then we'll be okay, but I just know it's only a matter of time before he wants to bottom again, and he looks around for something.

    Ugh!

    Tl:dr- My boyfriend is a verse/bottom; I'm a total bottom- we love each other- our sex life is miserable. Neither of us wants an open relationship. I don't know what to do.

    Not sure if we can post pictures, but here's us (just so you know I'm real): http://samlikessex.tumblr.com/
  • Scriven

    Posts: 61

    Jul 11, 2011 9:20 PM GMT
    double dildo?
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    Jul 11, 2011 10:01 PM GMT
    Scriven saiddouble dildo?


    Lol. I've actually mentioned that to him. We're both snobs, though, and prefer the real thing. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 12, 2011 4:35 AM GMT
    Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
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    Jul 12, 2011 8:06 AM GMT
    Sexual incompatibility = relationship incompatibility, IMO.

    Decide to just be friends and both go and find that top guy you crave.
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    Jul 12, 2011 4:04 PM GMT
    Nigh said
    Scriven saiddouble dildo?


    Lol. I've actually mentioned that to him. We're both snobs, though, and prefer the real thing. icon_wink.gif


    aside from sexual mismatch, it doesn't sound like you communicate very well either. at least you own that you are snobs. there's more to life than vanilla fucking, but you're both young so that may not be as obvious as it may over time.

    personally, i say call it a day and move on.
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    Jul 12, 2011 6:18 PM GMT
    BambinoRex said
    Nigh said
    Scriven saiddouble dildo?


    Lol. I've actually mentioned that to him. We're both snobs, though, and prefer the real thing. icon_wink.gif


    aside from sexual mismatch, it doesn't sound like you communicate very well either. at least you own that you are snobs. there's more to life than vanilla fucking, but you're both young so that may not be as obvious as it may over time.

    personally, i say call it a day and move on.

    Pretty much this.


    You two may emotionally love each other a lot, but physically you're a mismatch and it's tearing you apart.
  • Scriven

    Posts: 61

    Jul 12, 2011 10:57 PM GMT
    I don't what kind of answer you expect, or would accept, for that matter. There's no way to grow your penis and there's no way to get him to enjoy topping you.

    The only alternatives I can see is a double dildo, which you guys are too snobbish to try, or find a third/fourth to fuck you guys.

    My only other suggestion would be to try and find a top, or a pair of tops, to play with. Not some stranger you met at craigslist,(Which is insanely stupid btw) but some friend, maybe an ex or something, that you two can both trust/enjoy.

    Other than that enjoy the cuddling.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 13, 2011 9:25 AM GMT
    My first boy friend was a bottom too, and so was i. No sex for 6 months. Which was okay. I found out after that he had sex with other guys at least once a week! But glad were over icon_smile.gificon_smile.gif
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jul 13, 2011 11:52 AM GMT
    BambinoRex said
    Nigh said
    Scriven saiddouble dildo?


    Lol. I've actually mentioned that to him. We're both snobs, though, and prefer the real thing. icon_wink.gif


    aside from sexual mismatch, it doesn't sound like you communicate very well either. at least you own that you are snobs. there's more to life than vanilla fucking, but you're both young so that may not be as obvious as it may over time.

    personally, i say call it a day and move on.





    agree icon_exclaim.gif
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    Jul 13, 2011 4:14 PM GMT
    you know what's funny....imagine if you were on a straight forum and husbands and wives were like "but I don't like giving oral, should i bring someone else in?" ... i mean, part of being a mature adult, IMO, is communicating well enough to be able to do things that may not be on you most favorite list, but you never know until you try them...if you're not comfortable with your partner, it's completely different than if you are. it just sounds like a childish version of consumerism....kinda like label whores. i can relate to it, but not in the present tense... i had similar issues when i was young.

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    Jul 13, 2011 9:53 PM GMT
    covina1987 saidMy first boy friend was a bottom too, and so was i. No sex for 6 months. Which was okay. I found out after that he had sex with other guys at least once a week! But glad were over icon_smile.gificon_smile.gif


    How did you find out? I'd rather play ignorant for as long as I can before my boyfriend and I split.

    BambinoRex saidyou know what's funny....imagine if you were on a straight forum and husbands and wives were like "but I don't like giving oral, should i bring someone else in?" ... i mean, part of being a mature adult, IMO, is communicating well enough to be able to do things that may not be on you most favorite list, but you never know until you try them...if you're not comfortable with your partner, it's completely different than if you are. it just sounds like a childish version of consumerism....kinda like label whores. i can relate to it, but not in the present tense... i had similar issues when i was young.



    Heh, I totally agree. We do communicate rather well, though. I think a lot of this is just me being socially awkward and not understanding what he's saying- well, that and a lack of self confidence. I'm attractive, why wouldn't he want to fuck me? Oh well. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't.

    Scriven saidI don't what kind of answer you expect, or would accept, for that matter. There's no way to grow your penis and there's no way to get him to enjoy topping you.



    This is kind of what I was expecting- also what I needed to hear. If he cheats, then that sucks. Hopefully he's telling the truth, or is actually a changed man. I doubt he is. He'll go back to his scheming, lying ways soon enough. Enjoy the honeymoon period while also being painfully aware that this is all there is. Ugh.
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    Jul 14, 2011 11:49 AM GMT
    Honest question -

    From a sexual standpoint:

    two bottoms = lesbian relationship??? Can you use dildos and stuff to get each other off?

    I never get how lesbians...um do it, but could you look at it the same way?
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    Jul 14, 2011 2:28 PM GMT
    Two bottoms generally do not work out because they will never be enough for each other. At some point, both of them are going to want to bend over and a sex toy, regardless of how lifelike it is, just won't be as good as the real, breathing, warm male appendage. Unless the two bots are willing to open up their relationship, the relationship is doomed from the start.
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    Jul 18, 2011 3:50 PM GMT
    Gosh, you're only 21 and 22. Have you ever thought about taking the pressure out of having to perform as a top or bottom and instead just have SEX. It's supposed to be fun. This is the age that you're free to explore your sexuality, stop putting these self imposed limits on what you do in the bedroom. You don't have to chose what you like better. Learn to enjoy both and become good at both. If it's an insecurity with your dick, work on getting over that. I don't have the biggest cock, but I top like I've got a 10 inch monster. My point is, don't bring all these issues into your bedroom with you, have fun and fuck.

    When you get into the mood and wanna get with your partner, learn to read their moves and encourage them to read yours. If you get the vibe that he wants you to top him, move through your foreplay teasing his ass and encourage him to use his ass to tease you. Command him to finger himself in front of you, whatever. At the end of all this, you'll be dying to stick your dick in him and ride him like nobody's business. Repeat those steps vice versa to get your ass filled. If there's a stale mate, as sometimes there is, learn to flip fuck each other and rejoice in knowing that that possibility is always there. The two of you set the stage for your sex life. Try to enjoy exploring each other outside of the preset definitions of top/bottom, you make your own rules. It's not necessary to keep a tally of who does what more....just have sex.

    AT 40, My sexual course has ran from being mostly a bottom to mostly a top and now i sit happily in between with neither being better than the other. It feels good to never have to ask someone if they are a top or a bottom, because, at the end of the day I can do and enjoy either. Without that worry, I can get to know someone for who they are rather than the sexual act he or I prefer. UCK.....

    change your thought process and open some new doorways!!!