Post-Break up?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 9:17 PM GMT
    So I just got out of my very first relationship and he's the only guy I've ever slept with. Hard to get over it. In any case, what the heck do you do? I've spent a shit load of time with the guy and now I find it hard to move on. What should I do, time with friends? Slut around? Thoughts, please! icon_exclaim.gif
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    Jul 11, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
    Don't do things you regret later on in life. Can't exactly say what to do since it all depends on what you think you should do. If you want to slut around than do so safely.
    Friends was how I decided to get over my first relationship, I don't regret that decision though. I think if I would have slut around then I'd probably end up like my ex.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Jul 11, 2011 9:26 PM GMT
    The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.
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    Jul 11, 2011 9:48 PM GMT
    Spend some time thinking about what you value and put your new time and energy into that. Set some goals and make them happen.

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    Jul 11, 2011 10:01 PM GMT
    all im tryin to do is make some friends, since i need to get out of the house more now. but do whats going to make you happy! its you time now!
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Jul 11, 2011 10:02 PM GMT
    As navi said, you'll ultimately have to do whatever is best for yourself, whether that's friendships, slutting around (safely!), or pouring yourself into some activity. I'm recently out of a lengthy relationship myself, and it has been very helpful for me to knock out a few major projects at work. I'm also re-joining the local gay rugby club, which I had to back away from because of my now-ex, and both the physical exertion and the team camaraderie have been remarkably therapeutic. (I can't believe how much I missed rugby!)
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    Jul 11, 2011 10:41 PM GMT
    Yeah definitely slut around. Hahahahaha
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    Jul 11, 2011 10:45 PM GMT
    Find someone else
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    Jul 11, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
    Edward22 saidFind someone else


    Worst advice ever.

    Take the time to do personal work-- not because you did anything wrong or NEED to improve, but because the best way to get over someone else is to focus on your own goals. And friends-- friendships (and family) are the best thing during this time. Remember that your friends are always there for you.

    Don't try to run out and meet someone else to bury your feelings. Time will heal it, and there's no way around that. It sucks so for now try to distract yourself with the things I mentioned above.

    You'll be just fine... and some day you will meet someone who is better for you. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 11, 2011 10:57 PM GMT
    t_h_r_i_v_e said
    Edward22 saidFind someone else


    Worst advice ever.

    Take the time to do personal work-- not because you did anything wrong or NEED to improve, but because the best way to get over someone else is to focus on your own goals. And friends-- friendships (and family) are the best thing during this time. Remember that your friends are always there for you.

    Don't try to run out and meet someone else to bury your feelings. Time will heal it, and there's no way around that. It sucks so for now try to distract yourself with the things I mentioned above.

    You'll be just fine... and some day you will meet someone who is better for you. icon_smile.gif
    Well, what i meant was by finding someone else after a post breakup you would be more better off but it is what it is
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    Jul 11, 2011 11:04 PM GMT
    aggiepack11 saidSo I just got out of my very first relationship and he's the only guy I've ever slept with. Hard to get over it. In any case, what the heck do you do? I've spent a shit load of time with the guy and now I find it hard to move on. What should I do, time with friends? Slut around? Thoughts, please! icon_exclaim.gif


    Wow! I could have written that post; I'm in exactly the same situation! My boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago -- I cried like a fucking girl but time heals the pain. I still e-mail him from time to time and we are still good friends.

    As you're now single, look at it as an empowering thing -- you have the power to be independent and do what you want without worrying whether it's right or wrong..but only safe sex please icon_razz.gif! Friends really do help, but the most important thing is keeping yourself busy.

    Other than that I don't know what else to suggest because I still get a bit upset about it sometimes icon_neutral.gif...though I know neither of us did anything wrong.
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    Jul 11, 2011 11:05 PM GMT
    I give myself one day of self-pity. Do whatever it is you need to ... depressing movie, gut-wrenching breakup music, alcohol ... chocolate ...
    EDIT: If alcohol is involved, sweet god, GIVE YOUR CELL PHONE TO A FRIEND. Lol. Drunk call/texting ... not ok.

    And the next day, I pick myself up (possibly hungover) and move on.

    I can't vouch for everyone, but all I can say is that I've been through this enough times to know that the pain will pass. Slowly, you won't think about him 400 times during the day. But give yourself time, be patient, and make sure to surround yourself with some great friends who will help distract you, who will put up with you talking about how much you miss him for the 10,000th time ... and then will give you a nice little bitch-slap of reality to bring you to your senses. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 11, 2011 11:16 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear about your breakup.

    What you feel like doing at this point will depend to some degree on how in love with your ex-boyfriend you were/are. Don't be surprised if it takes your heart some time to catch up to your head.

    I always needed some recovery time after a breakup. I'd spend time alone or with friends. icon_smile.gif I was never able to do the slut around thing... not that there's anything wrong with that!
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    Jul 11, 2011 11:17 PM GMT
    If you are looking for a rebound....hit me up icon_razz.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 11, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    aggiepack11 saidSo I just got out of my very first relationship and he's the only guy I've ever slept with. Hard to get over it. In any case, what the heck do you do? I've spent a shit load of time with the guy and now I find it hard to move on. What should I do, time with friends? Slut around? Thoughts, please! icon_exclaim.gif
    listen, i am sure this is going to be difficult but i say move out if you have not already done so. stop talking to him and/or communicating with him. if you haven't already done so. pick up some hobbies, start going out with friends and yeah start having a few one night stands. there is nothing wrong with having a little fun buddy. remember you have been with only one guy. hell get out there explore your sexual side before you end up in another relationship again
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    Jul 11, 2011 11:46 PM GMT
    Rockbiter saidSpend some time thinking about what you value and put your new time and energy into that. Set some goals and make them happen.



    This!

    Become an even better "you". You'll attract even better.
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    Jul 11, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    It suck's, It hurts, and it takes time, but eventually you will wake up one day and it jus wont bother you anymore. Do you live with each other, because that is a whole other situation, one I have to grow accustomed to currently. If that's the case, you need to find ways to put distance between you.

    You cannot get over someone if you do not separate after a break-up. I say date when you're ready. If you get horny and you are with a guy you are comfortable with, have fun but be safe. Don't try to get into another relationship immediately it wont work out well for you.

    Sorry to hear you're in pain. Hope you start feeling better soon bud.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Jul 12, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    You find a nice rebound guy....let him give ya some confidence...branch out after that....All the while working at treating yourself well....Spoil the fuck out of yourself...Time heals..then you move on......
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    Jul 12, 2011 1:33 AM GMT
    sorry to hear about the break-up. but, like everyone has already said, time will heal everything.

    my advice is 1. end all communication with him (at least until the both of you have moved on completely) 2. enjoy the people in your life you love the most and 3. plan a trip! -- one of the best ways to clear your mind is to go some place you've never been, if only for a long weekend.
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    Jul 12, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    Go sleep with one of his friends
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    Jul 12, 2011 1:39 AM GMT
    look inside. heal. confide in the ones you are closest to. grow. become stronger.
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    Jul 12, 2011 1:40 AM GMT
    Defenseon saidGo sleep with one of his friends

    GOOD PLAN GOOD PLAN
    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 12, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    I understand where you are coming from. I'm trying to heal myself after a three and a half year relationship.

    I'm doing my best on becoming a better "me". I'm doing a lot of thinking and beginning to wonder who exactly I was in a three and a half year relationship with. I just don't understand how someone can put a ring on your finger "for better or worse...in sickness and in health" and just give up without trying to work things through. But enough about me...

    What I have read above seems good advice to me. And I am putting some of it in to practice currently. A trip sounds like a good idea. I have slutted around myself. It does help but you might be different. I have felt isolated from my friends because I don't believe they want to talk about it or hear about it. Most are just wanting the dirty gossip as to WHY we broke up but don't seem genuinely concerned with how I am doing. But that may be my perception. Most people felt we would be together for the rest of our lives. But that is not to be the case.

    I did move out. I have put some 100+ miles between us. And we have not talked since Good Friday of this year.

    You have to do what you feel in your heart and your head is best.
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    Jul 12, 2011 2:00 AM GMT
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    ;]
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jul 12, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    You didn't slut aroudn before so why would you start now? You should be the same guy you were that caused another guy fall in love with you. The rest of us single guys are jealous already.