Can you be mates with someone you fancy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 11, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
    Just interested to know peoples thoughts on this. Do you find it easy to be just mates with a guy you really like, or is it something that is best avoided? Does how long you've known them for before hand affect your decision making in any way in deciding?
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    Jul 12, 2011 12:33 AM GMT
    Of coarse. I try to be friends first anyway
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    Jul 12, 2011 12:40 AM GMT
    It's happened to me twice before. I'm actually still good friends with both guys who I have known for years but until the crush passes (which technically it never does) it just makes the friendship kinda weird at times. Well, it also depends if the guy knows you like them too... So to answer the question YES, you can be friends with a guy you like but don't delude yourself into believing it's more if they just don't like you back or if...they're straight o_0
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    Jul 12, 2011 12:42 AM GMT
    I'm just not in the mood for guys right now.
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    Jul 12, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    Generally (and more often lately) I find that if I hang out with someone more than two times in a public setting without any privacy I have a HARD time being anymore then their friend. That initial lusting feeling goes away quickly once we've establish something more than appearance.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 12, 2011 1:15 AM GMT
    Yes, if he's str8...if he's gay too ,No....You or him will get tanked one night....You'll start praising your friendship and respect for each other...The word love will be used by both....One starts the passionate kissing...The next morning you'll wake up in his bed with the deed already taking place several times during the night......BUD
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    Jul 12, 2011 1:30 AM GMT
    I have one friend of mine that I have a thing for, but know that it's only going to come down to a friendship. Thinking about makes me think having a friendship besides anything more is best for myself.

    So yeah, it's very possible. =)
  • ShanksE

    Posts: 263

    Jul 12, 2011 2:20 AM GMT
    If you fancy someone it is generally difficult to think of them as "only friends". Somewhere, somehow you may feel that the attraction is mutual and things might change. That being said, however, let me state that it requires a lot of effort, respect and understanding to make sure that you remain friends with the person you fancy, simply because you value your friendship a lot!
    Difficult, but doable.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jul 12, 2011 2:22 AM GMT
    I've been in that situation. I had a str8 friend that was realy hot. He used to bring his str8 friends over to my place to smoke some weed and watch movies. I don't have any porno or homophobia stories to tell. Nobody shot a load or died from gunshot wounds. It was a happy time in my life. I was surrounded by gorgeous young country boys, and got to smoke some dope. Sorry, I think I was just rambling instead of making a point.
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    Jul 12, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    Yeah.
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    Jul 12, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    Done it several times and am best friends with some of them.
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    Jul 12, 2011 8:09 AM GMT
    Yeah, I got a thing for a mate of mine, but at the end of the day it's not gonna happen and it's more important that he's happy and content with life then for me to have or try to have any sort of relationship with him beyond a friendship.

    Besides there are tons of fish in the sea and I'm enjoying the swim icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 12, 2011 8:40 AM GMT
    stone66 saidOf coarse. I try to be friends first anyway


    I hate that. I would much rather date/hang out than than hang out friendly and then later the guy wants to get in my pants. I feel confused and lied to. But I'm pretty boxy and not good at reading between the lines.
  • brendanmuscle...

    Posts: 593

    Jul 12, 2011 8:41 AM GMT
    Defenseon saidGenerally (and more often lately) I find that if I hang out with someone more than two times in a public setting without any privacy I have a HARD time being anymore then their friend. That initial lusting feeling goes away quickly once we've establish something more than appearance.



    Hmm... it sounds more to me like you had an initial sexual attraction to them, but after you met perhaps were not turned on by your social chemistry with them in that regards

    in other words, perhaps, one of you (or both) realized you just wouldnt be compatible after meeting. You were attracted to them physically, but in other ways one or both of you did not feel that spark of attraction when you actually met...

    at least, that's how it can be with me sometimes. You just don't feel that connection-
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    Yes, but it's tricky. I have one such friend right now, who started out as a hookup. After the initial infatuation passes and reality sets in, it gets easier. I started noticing things that made me realize we're better off just friends.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 12, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    So many things contribute to a guy's appeal; looks, style, personality, humor, kindness, point of view, etc. Any one of which could potentially lead to a romance. It would be a lonely world if I avoided everyone I found attractive.
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    Jul 12, 2011 2:36 PM GMT
    I can't stop reading everything in an english accent now... *sigh*
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    Jul 12, 2011 3:17 PM GMT
    This fits a current situation.

    Meet him... attraction... He is single..

    Meet him again (I cook dinner for him at my place).. He is single..

    He texts me a few weeks later, can you help me with something.. Yes, I meet him at my house.. he is still single.

    He texts me when I am out of town.. 'How's life'... Great.. I reply. He and a guy he is now seeing are having difficulty. We agree to meet up for dinner.

    We set up to have dinner at a nice mediterranian restaurant. We talk, we have great conversation, it just flows . He asks if I am seeing anyone. The answer: no.. Lots of smiles. Lots of chatter. we finish dinner. Hug, we depart.

    He texts me again a few weeks later. Are you ever in town. we need to connect. you need to meet john..

    Few weeks go by... He texts me.. We need to connect. .. Ok drinks this weekend. Are you and John available... His reply: we need to connect.. we broke up.

    Ok... I'm making him dinner this Wednesday. He is bringing wine.

    If he wanted to pursue something, I would with out a doubt say. Yes..

    He though, before you all rush off and say.. go for it... He, whenever he has been single, and talking about that... he told me he was enjoying being single...

    Like the OP.. I really like this guy. He can challenge my intellect as well as my physical self!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2011 8:55 PM GMT
    Sometimes some of the best friendships come out of the ones that are sparked by a deeper interest or curiosity than you would typically expect. When you are into someone you ask more questions, think more about them and ultimately get a more developed picture of who they are... as long as you stay subjective and really listen when you're hanging out.

    If it's someone you're lusting after, being friends isn't probably going to work but if its someone that makes you hold your breath when you see 'em - Friendship or Long Term Relationship are both good options. A quality guy in my social circle is always a plus, intimate or intimately known.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2011 9:11 PM GMT
    I think it can be tough, because what we are looking for in a friend is not necessarily what we looking for in someone to whom we are sexually attracted. When you are sexually attracted to someone, you are often prepared to overlook the things you both lack in common, because sexual attraction is a very basic (and visual) instinct.

    Are you just friends as a substitute for the greater intimacy you desire with the person?

    That said, it is not impossible. You can often 'get over' whatever you found sexually attractive about the person and find that you are compatible as friends. Of course, the jackpot is to find someone who becomes your friend and your lover.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2011 9:14 PM GMT
    Hope springs eternal, babe..... You never know...some night, after a few too many Old Milwaukee pounders.........icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 12, 2011 10:06 PM GMT
    No I get it....

    Sometimes I felt it was easier to be friends when he was with someone. That sexual attraction wasn't there. I was happy for him.

    I'm looking forward to tomorrow evening. and I"ll let ya all know what happens.

    Good conversation and leave it at that.

    If he asks if I am seeing someone, I have been having a few dates lately, a few return visits, nothing too serious.

    He's an honest person to talk to.

    Leaving my options open. It's all good.

    Thanks for the honesty Jprichiva..
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    Jul 12, 2011 10:08 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    wi2sd saidThis fits a current situation.

    Meet him... attraction... He is single..
    Meet him again (I cook dinner for him at my place).. He is single..
    He texts me a few weeks later, can you help me with something.. Yes, I meet him at my house.. he is still single.
    He texts me when I am out of town.. 'How's life'... Great.. I reply. He and a guy he is now seeing are having difficulty. We agree to meet up for dinner.
    We set up to have dinner at a nice mediterranian restaurant. We talk, we have great conversation, it just flows . He asks if I am seeing anyone. The answer: no.. Lots of smiles. Lots of chatter. we finish dinner. Hug, we depart.
    He texts me again a few weeks later. Are you ever in town. we need to connect. you need to meet john..
    Few weeks go by... He texts me.. We need to connect. .. Ok drinks this weekend. Are you and John available... His reply: we need to connect.. we broke up.
    Ok... I'm making him dinner this Wednesday. He is bringing wine.
    If he wanted to pursue something, I would with out a doubt say. Yes..
    He though, before you all rush off and say.. go for it... He, whenever he has been single, and talking about that... he told me he was enjoying being single...
    Like the OP.. I really like this guy. He can challenge my intellect as well as my physical self!

    Sorry guy, HJNTIY.


    I'm tired of your coquetry.......spread 'em, Jeffrey.....icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2011 10:10 PM GMT
    Please.. ... UGH. do not use the name Jeffery! That is a WHOLE different situation! LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 12, 2011 10:14 PM GMT
    wi2sd saidPlease.. ... UGH. do not use the name Jeffery! That is a WHOLE different situation! LOL


    I said Jeffrey, not Jeffery........relax...it's ok!