Is it difficult for over-weight gay men to find a relationship ?

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 13, 2011 12:18 PM GMT
    2gaymen.jpg


    I mean, it's all about the "Inside" of a guy also...right?
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    Jul 13, 2011 12:31 PM GMT
    Depends what type of gay man he wants to be in a relationship with & what you define as overweight; Like 1 lb overweight or 200+ lbs over weight.

    If someone who is very overweight,like 200lbs overweight and wants to be in a relationship with only body builders,Yeah it can be hard. But if that person wants to be in a relationship with other overweight people then I don't think it would be too hard. Plus, there are plenty of chubby chasers/whale hunters (whatever you want to call them) out there in the world .
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    Jul 13, 2011 1:44 PM GMT
    @ Lenoxx:

    Fred_Fredburger_YES_by_CommanderPigg.pngicon_razz.gif
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    Jul 13, 2011 2:11 PM GMT
    yes.. my ex used me for a lot of things..then i became beautiful and he saw the challenge in his vainness (is that a word)... and so we are no longer together.

    he will date uglier.. i will date equal or better! icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 13, 2011 2:12 PM GMT
    Practically speaking... yes, it is difficult.

    In fact, it was one of a number of motivators that led me to shed over 50lbs./25kg of unwanted body fat. Still got plenty of work to do for that matter.

    In North America and especially the USA, we have an ever-widening dichotomy (pardon any pun) of obese/overweight and fit people, i.e. "the fat folks are getting fatter, and the fit people generally remain fit".

    And with mainstream gay male culture being particularly obsessed with youthful looks and fitness *in general* (the very existence of this site being at least one proof) this does not look to change at any time.

    But over all, yes - being fit is definitely a boon, especially one is attracted to fit looking guys. Looks help to break the ice and form a relationship, and may help to keep it (although a mature relationship is based upon far more deeper things than just mere physical appearances).
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    Jul 13, 2011 2:14 PM GMT
    _KiwiM0nst3r_ said@ Lenoxx:

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    Jul 13, 2011 2:17 PM GMT
    It's difficult for anyone to find a relationship.
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    Jul 13, 2011 2:17 PM GMT
    It depends. If you are talking about gays overall, then yes it is. I have a theory about gay guys and getting laid/dating. You need to have two of at least three things to be succuessful: I call it the gay trifecta

    1. Cute face
    2. Youth (under 35)
    3. Muscles

    If you can put two of those three together you have a decent shot. If you dont, you are basically spending saturday night fapping.

    But, if you have a bear community, then you can get laid. Certainly it makes it much harder, but there are people that like heavy guys.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 13, 2011 2:21 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidIt depends. If you are talking about gays overall, then yes it is. I have a theory about gay guys and getting laid/dating. You need to have two of at least three things to be succuessful: I call it the gay trifecta

    1. Cute face
    2. Youth (under 35)
    3. Muscles

    If you can put two of those three together you have a decent shot..


    Well, I can see that you have 2 of the 3.....and you are a dream come true. icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 13, 2011 2:23 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    Dallasfan824 saidIt depends. If you are talking about gays overall, then yes it is. I have a theory about gay guys and getting laid/dating. You need to have two of at least three things to be succuessful: I call it the gay trifecta

    1. Cute face
    2. Youth (under 35)
    3. Muscles

    If you can put two of those three together you have a decent shot..


    Well, I can see that you have 2 of the 3.....and you are a dream come true. icon_cool.gif


    ahh, you sweet talker you!
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    Jul 13, 2011 2:49 PM GMT
    I think it depends, people need to realize what their limits are in getting a relationship.

    I cant stand having to turn down overweight, non-cute 40 year olds who just bitch and moan that everyone wants someone young and fit (Im not a muscle god, but I would say Im pretty fit) when the only thing they like about me is that I am young and fit.

    More realistic expectations = happy gay men all around.
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    Jul 13, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    Chainers saidI think it depends, people need to realize what their limits are in getting a relationship.

    I cant stand having to turn down overweight, non-cute 40 year olds who just bitch and moan that everyone wants someone young and fit (Im not a muscle god, but I would say Im pretty fit) when the only thing they like about me is that I am young and fit.

    More realistic expectations = happy gay men all around.


    But thats a lot of gay guys. A 25 year old is only interested in you for the same thing. Thats kinda of the law of the land, is it not?
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    Jul 13, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    Chainers saidI cant stand having to turn down overweight, non-cute 40 year olds who just bitch and moan that everyone wants someone young and fit (Im not a muscle god, but I would say Im pretty fit) when the only thing they like about me is that I am young and fit.


    I think that's very true - if a guy is overweight/out of shape and generally doesn't look after himself, he can't expect the guys who do put the effort in to be attracted to him. Yes there are exceptions, but generally a lot of gay guys want to be with someone of a similar level of attractiveness as themselves.
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    Jul 13, 2011 2:57 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 said
    Chainers saidI think it depends, people need to realize what their limits are in getting a relationship.

    I cant stand having to turn down overweight, non-cute 40 year olds who just bitch and moan that everyone wants someone young and fit (Im not a muscle god, but I would say Im pretty fit) when the only thing they like about me is that I am young and fit.

    More realistic expectations = happy gay men all around.


    But thats a lot of gay guys. A 25 year old is only interested in you for the same thing. Thats kinda of the law of the land, is it not?


    why would I go for a 40 year old fattie when a 25 year old fit guy is interested in me?

    The idea that "I" should look at peoples insides only for guys who dont put the effort to stay in shape when "they" dont give a shit whats inside me, they just want to get inside me, is fucking retarded.

    Of course I would go for another in shape hottie over a 40 year old fattie, of course!
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    Jul 13, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    Pure said
    Chainers saidI cant stand having to turn down overweight, non-cute 40 year olds who just bitch and moan that everyone wants someone young and fit (Im not a muscle god, but I would say Im pretty fit) when the only thing they like about me is that I am young and fit.


    I think that's very true - if a guy is overweight/out of shape and generally doesn't look after himself, he can't expect the guys who do put the effort in to be attracted to him. Yes there are exceptions, but generally a lot of gay guys want to be with someone of a similar level of attractiveness as themselves.


    I would agree. I just got an email from a guy who is really overweight asking me if I would ever consider hooking up with him. I had to delicately say he was "not my type".

  • austex85

    Posts: 572

    Jul 13, 2011 3:07 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidIt depends. If you are talking about gays overall, then yes it is. I have a theory about gay guys and getting laid/dating. You need to have two of at least three things to be succuessful: I call it the gay trifecta

    1. Cute face
    2. Youth (under 35)
    3. Muscles

    If you can put two of those three together you have a decent shot. If you dont, you are basically spending saturday night fapping.



    hate to draw in the race card, but there's a crucial fourth factor as well. before people jump on me and start accusing me of self-loathing, or whatever the special phrase of the day is, it's an unfortunate truth. yes, no doubt it can be overcome with offsetting factors, but the fact is that it's a trait that needs to be overcome, regardless of the guy you're going after. sort of like starting a bank account with a negative balance.
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    Jul 13, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    austex85 said
    Dallasfan824 saidIt depends. If you are talking about gays overall, then yes it is. I have a theory about gay guys and getting laid/dating. You need to have two of at least three things to be succuessful: I call it the gay trifecta

    1. Cute face
    2. Youth (under 35)
    3. Muscles

    If you can put two of those three together you have a decent shot. If you dont, you are basically spending saturday night fapping.



    hate to draw in the race card, but there's a crucial fourth factor as well. before people jump on me and start accusing me of self-loathing, or whatever the special phrase of the day is, it's an unfortunate truth. yes, no doubt it can be overcome with offsetting factors, but the fact is that it's a trait that needs to be overcome, regardless of the guy you're going after. sort of like starting a bank account with a negative balance.


    I dont think it factors in to my equation only because it is a given with people. I am talking about general characteristics that would apply to your potential dating/fucking pool. Things like height, hair color, etc dont factor in to it since it is predisposed.
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    Jul 13, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Dallasfan824 said
    Chainers saidI think it depends, people need to realize what their limits are in getting a relationship.

    I cant stand having to turn down overweight, non-cute 40 year olds who just bitch and moan that everyone wants someone young and fit (Im not a muscle god, but I would say Im pretty fit) when the only thing they like about me is that I am young and fit.

    More realistic expectations = happy gay men all around.


    But thats a lot of gay guys. A 25 year old is only interested in you for the same thing. Thats kinda of the law of the land, is it not?


    why would I go for a 40 year old fattie when a 25 year old fit guy is interested in me?

    The idea that "I" should look at peoples insides only for guys who dont put the effort to stay in shape when "they" dont give a shit whats inside me, they just want to get inside me, is fucking retarded.

    Of course I would go for another in shape hottie over a 40 year old fattie, of course!


    Because they're hypocrites. They don't want to put the work in it takes to be fit but, at the same time, they want someone who is fit to settle for them despite their appearance. If it doesn't make sense then it doesn't make sense.
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    Jul 13, 2011 3:11 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 said
    austex85 said
    Dallasfan824 saidIt depends. If you are talking about gays overall, then yes it is. I have a theory about gay guys and getting laid/dating. You need to have two of at least three things to be succuessful: I call it the gay trifecta

    1. Cute face
    2. Youth (under 35)
    3. Muscles

    If you can put two of those three together you have a decent shot. If you dont, you are basically spending saturday night fapping.



    hate to draw in the race card, but there's a crucial fourth factor as well. before people jump on me and start accusing me of self-loathing, or whatever the special phrase of the day is, it's an unfortunate truth. yes, no doubt it can be overcome with offsetting factors, but the fact is that it's a trait that needs to be overcome, regardless of the guy you're going after. sort of like starting a bank account with a negative balance.


    I dont think it factors in to my equation only because it is a given with people. I am talking about general characteristics that would apply to your potential dating/fucking pool. Things like height, hair color, etc dont factor in to it since it is predisposed.


    I think what he is trying to say is that if you are overweight asain over 40 with a non-cute face, then you might as well kill yourself...
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    Jul 13, 2011 3:13 PM GMT
    Animus said
    Chainers said
    Dallasfan824 said
    Chainers saidI think it depends, people need to realize what their limits are in getting a relationship.

    I cant stand having to turn down overweight, non-cute 40 year olds who just bitch and moan that everyone wants someone young and fit (Im not a muscle god, but I would say Im pretty fit) when the only thing they like about me is that I am young and fit.

    More realistic expectations = happy gay men all around.


    But thats a lot of gay guys. A 25 year old is only interested in you for the same thing. Thats kinda of the law of the land, is it not?


    why would I go for a 40 year old fattie when a 25 year old fit guy is interested in me?

    The idea that "I" should look at peoples insides only for guys who dont put the effort to stay in shape when "they" dont give a shit whats inside me, they just want to get inside me, is fucking retarded.

    Of course I would go for another in shape hottie over a 40 year old fattie, of course!


    Because they're hypocrites. They don't want to put the work in it takes to be fit but, at the same time, they want someone who is fit to settle for them despite their appearance. If it doesn't make sense then it doesn't make sense.


    Ive heard it all too "Im working on getting a 6 pack" well buddy work harder, you have had 40+ years to do it!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 13, 2011 3:14 PM GMT
    I would hope that personality also weighs in as a factor, but first impressions in the gay world can be made at a distance and looking at the physical attributes of the person involved.

    Case in point.. on Sunday my partner dropped me off at a board meeting
    for the men's chorus (which is about 90% gay). One of the chorus members, who is obese, was walking in and my partner made an unflattering comment while watching the gentleman from the privacy of our car. While I jumped his case about the comment, it would have been one that many would have made based on the view. In the case of this overweight gentleman, he already has a long term partner and appears to be reasonably happy, albeit "filled with drama".. knowing Brian.. LOL
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    Jul 13, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Dallasfan824 said
    Chainers saidI think it depends, people need to realize what their limits are in getting a relationship.

    I cant stand having to turn down overweight, non-cute 40 year olds who just bitch and moan that everyone wants someone young and fit (Im not a muscle god, but I would say Im pretty fit) when the only thing they like about me is that I am young and fit.

    More realistic expectations = happy gay men all around.


    But thats a lot of gay guys. A 25 year old is only interested in you for the same thing. Thats kinda of the law of the land, is it not?


    why would I go for a 40 year old fattie when a 25 year old fit guy is interested in me?

    The idea that "I" should look at peoples insides only for guys who dont put the effort to stay in shape when "they" dont give a shit whats inside me, they just want to get inside me, is fucking retarded.

    Of course I would go for another in shape hottie over a 40 year old fattie, of course!


    i wasnt arguing with you. I was basically agreeing with you. I just pointed out his motivation was the same. If it were a 25 year old fat guy it wouldnt make much if a difference. I was just pointing out the common denominator. icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 13, 2011 3:16 PM GMT
    I try not to be judgemental & keep my options open. I have always loved muscle guys but dont mind dating stocky guys as long as they are active. Ive met some good looking stocky guys that are sexy & fun. Ive met some hotties that are pricks & have good genes & never have to work out.

    My main thing is I want someone im attracted to that i can do things with & is willing to atleast try to be active & healthy with me.

    Alot of circumstances have to be taken into consideration especially as we get older.

    I live in a very nongay rural area, im poz, have kids & am do not have the perfect physique either. Im tired of searching for guys hours away so if i want someone to love me for me, i try to do the same. I want someone that will be active, healthy, laugh & have fun with. If he doesnt have 2% bodyfat, so be it.
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    Jul 13, 2011 3:18 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Dallasfan824 said
    austex85 said
    Dallasfan824 saidIt depends. If you are talking about gays overall, then yes it is. I have a theory about gay guys and getting laid/dating. You need to have two of at least three things to be succuessful: I call it the gay trifecta

    1. Cute face
    2. Youth (under 35)
    3. Muscles

    If you can put two of those three together you have a decent shot. If you dont, you are basically spending saturday night fapping.



    hate to draw in the race card, but there's a crucial fourth factor as well. before people jump on me and start accusing me of self-loathing, or whatever the special phrase of the day is, it's an unfortunate truth. yes, no doubt it can be overcome with offsetting factors, but the fact is that it's a trait that needs to be overcome, regardless of the guy you're going after. sort of like starting a bank account with a negative balance.


    I dont think it factors in to my equation only because it is a given with people. I am talking about general characteristics that would apply to your potential dating/fucking pool. Things like height, hair color, etc dont factor in to it since it is predisposed.


    I think what he is trying to say is that if you are overweight asain over 40 with a non-cute face, then you might as well kill yourself...


    Fuck dude. rofltastic.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Jul 13, 2011 3:21 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidIt's difficult for anyone to find a relationship.



    Exactly! I wish I had a dime for every overweight guy I've seen who appears to be in a happy long term relationship. Meanwhile, there are plenty of chiseled six packs running around who appear to be single.