Just a thought. Funerals

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    Jul 15, 2011 6:32 PM GMT
    Do you feel that a funeral is an absolute necessity for someone to be remembered? What are some of the things that might be mandatory for you to include in the ceremony?


    Also, do you think that funerals speak more about the living than they do the dead?
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    Jul 15, 2011 6:35 PM GMT
    I think funerals are a waste of money. If people can't remember me as I was, I sure don't want their last remembrance of me to be a stiff formaldehyde-filled corpse.
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    Jul 15, 2011 6:42 PM GMT
    Funerals aren't specifically about remembering the dead, but to help the living get over or move forward after the death of someone they cared about.
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    Jul 15, 2011 7:06 PM GMT
    When my partner died he was cremated that very same day. I obeyed his request for no embalmment nor casket viewing. Under State law without embalmment the cremation had to be immediate. The final parting at his deathbed was very difficult for me.

    A week later we had a memorial service for him in a packed chapel. It was to honor him, and to give his many friends closure. His photograph and ashes were there, and I had a CD played from the Houston Gay Mens Chorus, in which you could hear his wonderful bass voice. It was his favorite number.

    Earlier this year the mother of the founder of Georgie's Alibi here in Wilton Manors died (a gay bar & restaurant). She was buried in Ohio, but I approached her husband and the rest of the family, and asked if they would like a remembrance here locally, where she had lived, and where she was universally loved & respected.

    They agreed, and my partner & I put it together at our place. The family created a digital projector slide show about her, and the gathering was sort of like a reception, with food & drinks we arranged, and really not at all morbid, very upbeat and joyous. Her family called it a "Celebration of Life." My current main photo was taken at it, by "Pompano Bill" who's our most famous gay social photographer in south Florida.

    I do think people should be remembered. Your options are many. Nothing is mandatory, nor is a classic funeral, which should be determined by the deceased beforehand. That's why my partner & I have clear instructions in legal documents about our final arrangements. We are most meticulous, if only to relieve the burden from others.

    But after cremation, we have indicated nothing. If the other partner survives he can choose what to do. If we both go together (car or plane crash, whatever) we have Personal Representatives named, and they can decide. Because really we don't care. If our friends want to remember us, fine, for their comfort; if not, also fine.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 15, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    My family is in this business, but I've always found it ghoulish. My mom felt the same way and against her wishes and that of my siblings, our family did it anyway when she died. My siblings and I wanted to be alone; not standing with pained smiles for strangers.

    I don't do funerals...as a rule.

    I like the trend of memorial services. Family and friends are often a continent apart, making it increasingly impractical. I hope my feelings on the subject are understood. I'll send a condolence card that always says more than I could express in a receiving line.

    Living out West, I rarely saw a funeral procession. It's kind of trippy back in Chicago now, where they routinely stop traffic. It feels like another planet.
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    Jul 15, 2011 7:58 PM GMT
    Well I have been very clear on the fact, there is to be no funeral service, not memorial service; nothing at all.

    But me in a cardboard box, burn me, no plaque, time to move on...... now dead and gone back to the earth.
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    Jul 15, 2011 8:53 PM GMT
    True_blue_aussie saidWell I have been very clear on the fact, there is to be no funeral service, not memorial service; nothing at all.

    But me in a cardboard box, burn me, no plaque, time to move on...... now dead and gone back to the earth.


    You are determined to deny us any joy, aren't you?

    Just kidding icon_lol.gif
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Jul 15, 2011 9:20 PM GMT
    Funerals can be nice. Except open caskets, that's kinda gross.

    I think a service or get together serves to remind that the person is truly gone and to let out the emotions.

    I want a little bit of seriousness at mine, but y'all better be having a party and laughing.
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    Jul 15, 2011 9:20 PM GMT
    I have a bunch of things picked out for it. I had my funeral planned at 17. Kind of morbid, but I loved it nonetheless. I've always been on the verge of death it feels like, so I figured it would be done and out in-case something were to happen.

    At this point in my life though, I have no idea. I hate attending them though. Mine's going to be light-hearted, and that's the way I want it.
  • Ryvick1212

    Posts: 29

    Jul 15, 2011 9:20 PM GMT
    I feel like something like this would be nice for when I die.

    http://bigthink.com/ideas/38299

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    Jul 15, 2011 9:22 PM GMT
    Funerals are for the living. These are people you only see when someone dies, so think of it as a family reunion.
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    Jul 15, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    Funerals are for the survivors, as many others here have said. The ritual of a funeral provides a framework for the surivors to get through some very difficult times. That said, the idea of spending thousands of dollars for one, at least for mine, is absurd.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Jul 15, 2011 10:14 PM GMT
    Funerals are for the living,no doubt.They give us a ritualized chance to publicly say goodbye to the dead.Then we can continue with our lives.
    Also,a chance to vent very strong emotions.
    My wish is to be cremated.But I want a very big memorial service with all the trimmings,even professional mourners to make sure everyone gets it out of their system!
    My ashes are to be scattered by the sea,and in a small woodland I loved to play in as a boy.
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    Jul 15, 2011 10:24 PM GMT
    Your funeral will likely be the most damaging thing you will do to the environment. First of all, you have all those toxic chemicals pumped into your body and they have to go somewhere when you decompose. Then you're buried in this box that's practically indestructible, so of course it's going to stick around for hundreds, if not thousands of years. Then you have to consider that all that cemetery land can't be used for anything productive. Such a complete waste!
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    Jul 15, 2011 10:48 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidDo you feel that a funeral is an absolute necessity for someone to be remembered? What are some of the things that might be mandatory for you to include in the ceremony?
    Also, do you think that funerals speak more about the living than they do the dead?


    It's a mourning ritual for the living, a chance to say good-bye, a chance to honor a life lived well (hopefully), a reminder of our own mortality, an opportunity to re-focus/re-access priorities and reconnect with family and loved ones, to recognize our sheer need of God as created creatures dependent on His life sustenance, and perhaps ultimately, the living's celebration of a life that once was and of what life can be for us if we choose to take it and continue to live with passion.

    Mandatory at my funeral: Just have a good time with good funny stories, laugh at my expense ;-)
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Jul 15, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
    When my time comes, my mortal remains are going to science (and organ donation, if they'll take them). Once science is done with me, they'll cremate whatever is left.

    As for a funeral/memorial... this past weekend I went to what was, for lack of a better description, a memorial beer bust. There were some very emotional moments, such as the toast to the deceased, but on the whole I think it was great for his surviving loved ones to get together, have a drink or two, and swap stories about how awesome he was, all while raising money for his memorial scholarship fund and for the regional organ transplant services group.
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    Jul 15, 2011 10:57 PM GMT
    Making a quiet impact, like being remembered for one's immorality, has its own rewards. If I go unremembered I did my job right. But since I grew up in Miami I plan to end up in its underwater cemetery in Key Biscayne, Neptune Memorial Reef, building an ecosystem for the fishes, my epitaph probably reading "If people take the trouble to visit they should at least have a good time."

    290q2dl.png

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    Jul 15, 2011 11:36 PM GMT
    jprichva saidFunerals aren't for the dead.
    The period of sitting with the family, such as the Irish wake or the Jewish shiva, serve the purpose of distracting the bereaved during the time of the most immediate loss. Surround them with family and friends until by the time they leave, the pain is at least a few days old. It's very civilized.

    As for my corpus undelectable, I've instructed my children to spare no expense: I want to be stuffed into one of those heavy-gauge Hefty bags----none of those cheap lawn bags---and left on the curb on trash day.


    Name brand trash bags, eh?....and hopefully the ones with the built in "odor control".......you do live in Florida, after all....I don't know...?...could get to be rather pricey........icon_wink.gif

    Yes, funerals are for the living.....the dead really don't give a shit. If you want to spend all that money, spend it on the people you love when they are still alive.
  • islander24

    Posts: 161

    Jul 16, 2011 12:00 AM GMT
    A nice Irish wake and a memorial service with hard to sing songs. Great way to go out... and my friends will remember me.icon_biggrin.gif
    Local legend in Key West says one unhappy spouse put "At Least I know where you are sleeping tonight on the tombstone." Like many other things down here some tourist stole it. So much for rest in peace.
    That Neptune park in Key Biscayne has some appeal, but looks expensive, the sea is free.

    My ashes can go any number of places, but I prefer Key west rather than frozen ground up north... but than I won't be there anyway.
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    Jul 16, 2011 12:04 AM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidDo you feel that a funeral is an absolute necessity for someone to be remembered? What are some of the things that might be mandatory for you to include in the ceremony?


    Also, do you think that funerals speak more about the living than they do the dead?


    Funerals are to help those who have lost someone close to cope with the loss. They are definitely for the living, not the dead.
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    Jul 16, 2011 12:11 AM GMT
    Whenever I get around to doing my will, and such, I will be requesting to not have a funeral/wake. I personally think it's a waste to go and view a dead body. I already have my memories of the deceased, I don't need to go mourn with others I don't even know.
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    Jul 16, 2011 12:14 AM GMT
    jim_stl saidWhen my time comes, my mortal remains are going to science (and organ donation, if they'll take them). Once science is done with me, they'll cremate whatever is left.

    Organ donation is our plan. Though frankly with advancing age I'm not sure what value the organs will be to anyone. Possibly for students to dissect, but little else.

    But I really don't want to be a whole cadaver on a dissecting table, that kinda creeps me out. Harvest the good parts for others, and incinerate the rest.
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    Jul 16, 2011 12:14 AM GMT
    All I ask is that you burn my body and throw my ashes in the lake.
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    Jul 16, 2011 12:18 AM GMT
    This is a very uplifting thread OP icon_sad.gif
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    Jul 16, 2011 12:25 AM GMT
    CHIdude saidThis is a very uplifting thread OP icon_sad.gif


    lol