I'm freaking out and need to vent...

  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jul 16, 2011 1:35 AM GMT
    My roommate is in Mexico with no service so I'm sorry you get his job of listening to me vent.

    So I meet this guy I really like, we instantly hit it off (which rarely happens for me). We were going to have our first official date last night but friends from florida were in town and his twin brother talked him into hanging out with all of them last night. So I'm texting him till about 2am last night when I said goodnight. I texted him this morning... no answer. I just got a call from his brother crying. He's in the hospital and they are keeping him sedated for 48 hours until the swelling in his head goes down. They were swimming and he slipped and hit his head. His brother thinks it's all his fault and if he had let him go out with me, none of this would have happened. I feel so bad for him and did my best to comfort him but I don't know what to do. They won't let me see him because we aren't related. I know theres nothing I can do but I don't even know if he will remember me. I'm freaking out and don't know what to do. I'm gonna go swim laps to blow off steam.. thanks for listening.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 16, 2011 1:44 AM GMT
    It's no one's fault. Just take some time to calm down and tell the brother he has no reason to feel guilty. He could have falled when he went out with you too. No one can predict the future.
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    Jul 16, 2011 2:39 AM GMT
    Stay busy and know everything works out for the best. If he doesn't immediately remember you, it will be just temporary. A good friend of mine was in an IED blast in Iraq. Physically he was fine, but his memory for 5 years was initially gone. He didn't remember his best friend who was in his unit. His friend spent time with him and gradually things came back. They now have a great relationship.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 16, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    I would react calmly until you get the facts of what his condition in fact is.
    Regardless, be supportive and helpful. Even if he loses his memory, sometimes its just temporary. Don't speculate and drive yourself nuts with worry. I've played the "what if" game many times. Just get the facts first.

    Let us know how he is doing

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 16, 2011 3:11 AM GMT
    Nice. What a crazy little twist.

    A concussion can do some pretty amazing things to the brain, but the brain itself is pretty amazing. The major areas are pretty well protected.

    It brings up a pretty interesting topic though; Would you still want to know him if something major went wrong and he was confined to a wheelchair for life? Or something devastating that could take years of therapy (ie. dysarthria, apraxia)?

    I do hope he is fineicon_smile.gif
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    Jul 16, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    Keep in touch with his brother, he'll need support and it will allow him to know that you care about his brother too. When the guy you met is able to accept visitors, stop by and see him. It's a shame he was involved in the accident but it was just that, an accident. They happen and it's not necessarily anyone's fault. Good luck, prayers are with all you you. Hang in there.
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    Jul 16, 2011 3:53 AM GMT
    icon_sad.gif Hope he gets better buddy!!
  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Jul 17, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    So how's your friend now?
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Jul 17, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    1 CHILL OUT
    2 It's no body's fault
    3 Score Major point by taking him flowers the the hospital and spending the day with him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 17, 2011 4:09 AM GMT
    This sounds like an Asian soap opera! Boy likes boy, boy was supposed to meet boy but boy got into a car accident and got amnesia~. icon_rolleyes.gif

  • Spiritreaver

    Posts: 2086

    Jul 17, 2011 4:13 AM GMT
    Like was said, calm down, preoccupy yourself/mind with other things, but keep yourself in tuned (not to pursue anything to merely be kind and supportive for his family). Keep your head up buddy, really sorry to hear about what happened. *BIG HUGS*

    I hope things turn out alright and his family is hanging in there. Keep us updated.
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    Jul 17, 2011 4:17 AM GMT
    I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. I'm sure he will recover just fine. In the mean time, here are my thoughts on the matter.

    • Stop the "what if" thinking, as it's very unhealthy and humans are notoriously bad fortune tellers! You said nothing in your post that would lead me to believe he has lost his memory so don't try and imagine something that isn't real.

    • Don't let yourself get too carried away with projected emotion. You haven't even had your first date yet so try to keep your concern at an appropriate level.

    • When he does come to, make sure you don't rush down to the hospital acting overly concerned and for God's sake, don't be solicitous! This will probably make him feel uncomfortable to the point of not wanting to go on your first date. Show concern but don't pamper him like you're his boyfriend.

    • Keep busy and keep doing activities with your friends.

    • Stop leaving your dirty socks on the bathroom floor. icon_wink.gif
  • rebelbeard

    Posts: 558

    Jul 17, 2011 4:29 AM GMT
    Be there for him and his brother. You can always turn to your friends (like you are here now) or your faith. Prayer can actually go a long way. In a situation where you can't really do much, it's definitely something.

    Best of luck to everyone in this situation and I wish your guy God's speed and recovery!
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jul 17, 2011 5:24 AM GMT
    He's awake... He doesn't remember me, but he's awake. They said the memory loss could be temporary. The last thing he remembers was a little over two weeks ago. Thank you all for your input and thoughts.
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    Jul 17, 2011 5:46 PM GMT
    It seems alittle bit fishy, he can't remember the time before alittle bit over 2 weeks? Raised one eyebrow* He has short term memory loss but can remember the times before your date and he can't remember you.MmmmmmmmmHhhhhhhhhmmmmm.. Lol It sounds like a perfect excuse to stop seeing a you Lol I am sorry if he actually HAS amnesia but it sounds something he and his bro cooked up to ditch you. ;)
  • rebelbeard

    Posts: 558

    Jul 17, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    No way. Short term memory loss is very common with head trauma. It will come back to him in days or weeks.

    I doubt the first thing this guy and his twin bro thought to ditch the OP...seems a bit trivial after such a scare.
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    Jul 17, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    hangulmal saidI don't know, it seems alittle bit fishy, he can't remember the time before alittle bit over 2 weeks? He has short term memory loss but can remember the times before your date and he can't remember you? It sounds like a perfect excuse to stop seeing a guy. Lol I am sorry if he actually HAS amnesia but it sounds something he and his bro cooked up to ditch you. ;)



    Not sure if you're kidding or serious, but I have to admit, that did occur to me. Have you actually called the hospital to confirm he's there?
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 17, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    For it to be your very first "official" date, I think you are way too emotionally involved. icon_confused.gif
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jul 18, 2011 12:31 AM GMT
    malefeet saidFor it to be your very first "official" date, I think you are way too emotionally involved. icon_confused.gif


    This is true, which is funny because not even an hour before this happened I had a talk with him about coming on too strong and not falling too fast. If this hadn't happened I would not be nearly as invested as I am right now but thats human nature. When I was in my motorcycle accident the lady that hit me was balling hysterically. She had never met me before, she just knew I was hurt and wanted me to be alright. If someone I know is hurt I immediately go into protect mode, I can't help it.

    As for it being a scheme to ditch me... haha it's a little hard to fake a coma. I just saw him and although he doesn't remember when we met, he wants to start things over (thankfully we don't go too far back). There are much easier ways to ditch someone... trust me, I've used them.
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    Jul 18, 2011 12:35 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidHe's awake... He doesn't remember me, but he's awake. They said the memory loss could be temporary. The last thing he remembers was a little over two weeks ago. Thank you all for your input and thoughts.

    In my earlier message, I mentioned that I had a friend who was in an IED blast in Iraq and temporarily lost 5 years memory. He did not remember his buddy who stayed with him. They are together today. He is an RJ member and a great guy. I'm sure he would happy to write or talk with you. PM me if you are interested.
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    Jul 18, 2011 12:39 AM GMT


    "As for it being a scheme to ditch me... haha it's a little hard to fake a coma. I just saw him and although he doesn't remember when we met, he wants to start things over (thankfully we don't go too far back). There are much easier ways to ditch someone... trust me, I've used them."


    I think you should approach this as a kind friend only at this point, because he could also get heavily attached and you may be the one having second thoughts down the road, doubting whether it's passion or compassion you're feeling.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2011 1:21 AM GMT
    Ugh don't beat yourself up over it. It's not your fault. It was an accident. The important thing is to see what you can do to improve the current situation now.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jul 18, 2011 8:11 AM GMT
    It's soo weird.. We re-read over 600 text messages and none of it even sounds familiar to him. It just makes him sad and confused. He's gonna be all right though. Thanks again.
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jul 18, 2011 8:13 AM GMT
    meninlove said

    "As for it being a scheme to ditch me... haha it's a little hard to fake a coma. I just saw him and although he doesn't remember when we met, he wants to start things over (thankfully we don't go too far back). There are much easier ways to ditch someone... trust me, I've used them."


    I think you should approach this as a kind friend only at this point, because he could also get heavily attached and you may be the one having second thoughts down the road, doubting whether it's passion or compassion you're feeling.



    There was passion before the accident. The compassion only forced me to bring down the walls I normally leave up to protect myself. I may regret it but we'll see.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2011 8:44 AM GMT
    DrobUA saidIt's soo weird.. We re-read over 600 text messages and none of it even sounds familiar to him. It just makes him sad and confused. He's gonna be all right though. Thanks again.


    Give it time. Just be a friend. It takes a while for the brain to heal after a traumatic brain injury.

    I've been in a similar situation but with an ex BF who didn't remember we broke up (and couldnt remember his current BF). Odd but true and led to some very awkward situations. Lol