Help! Discovered STD while meeting someone new

  • dissociative

    Posts: 45

    Jul 16, 2011 2:32 AM GMT
    Ok, this is embarrassing. Two weeks ago I went out with this guy who I'd met back in January. We only went out once back then, and I soon discovered we were not a match (in many levels). We talked a few more times, but never went out again.

    Then, last week, he gets in touch and wants to meet up. I had sort of forgotten how he was, plus I always found him cute (it was his behavior that put me off), so I agreed. We end up spending the night together (and I realize it was a bad idea and that I really should not see him again). In the morning we part ways and I think it's the end of that story.

    The following week (this week), I start feeling a mild burning sensation when I pee. At first, I don't pay much attention and just go on about my business. On Wednesday I go out on a first date with this guy I'd met online (not on RJ). Date goes well, I'm really into the guy. In the end, we kiss and agree to meet again. He texts the next day talking about meeting again. All great. Except that, in the meantime, the burning sensation has gotten worse and today I noticed some yellowish/white discharge coming out of my penis. Time to see a doctor…

    So I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow morning. Right now, given the symptoms, I'm pretty sure it's not just some random UTI, but rather some STD like chlamydia or gonorrhea. The prospect of having an STD already sucks. This would be my first time. But, to make matters worse, I'm sort of supposed to meet the new guy again on Sunday. He's sent me some naughty texts, and I have a feeling things might get sexual this time. I really like this guy and I don't know what to do! Should I….

    - be completely honest with him about my current situation and tell him I don't want to transmit the bug to him, and that we should wait until this gets cleared up before getting down to business? (but, of course, risking never seeing him again because he might get creeped out by the whole situation)

    OR

    - come up with some excuse not to meet him for a while? (although he might realize it's just an excuse and think that the reason behind is that I just don't want to see him again--which is obviously not true)

    I didn't even include the option of simply not saying anything and just having sex anyway. Obviously, I'd be an asshole to do that, so no.

    What should I do? Suggestions?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 3:03 AM GMT
    I think you should become a nun.

    But if you don't like that, then don't be so reckless.

    You say this is your first time contracting an STD, will it be your last?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 3:04 AM GMT
    It's cooties. Take a penicillin and go to bed. icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    IMO You're only goal here is sex not a relationship. It's clear that you are ready to 'excuse' yourself from being honest with another human being for whatever reason.

    If it developed into something bigger would you not have to tell him ultimately? Perhaps he would respect the fact that you told him, and it would develop into something bigger?

    It doesn't sound like you're interested in pursuing the guy other than a hookup. SO If I were in your shoes I would get an antibiotic, ignore the sex for six weeks suggestion from the Dr., and fuck him... and fuck him good.
  • dissociative

    Posts: 45

    Jul 16, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    Chaa_xwvn saidI think you should become a nun.


    I slept with a guy I had already gone out with before. The following week I had a non-sexual date with another guy. If that makes me a slut, wow.



    Chaa_xwvn saidBut if you don't like that, then don't be so reckless.

    You say this is your first time contracting an STD, will it be your last?


    Where in my post did I give any indication of reckless behavior? I didn't even have anal sex with this guy. In fact, just to make my point, I hardly ever have anal sex. It's just not my thing--last time I did it was 8 months ago. In the rare occasions when I've done it, I wore a condom. I don't think you can get any safer than that. Unless you're suggesting becoming asexual. Maybe that's your issue, given the gratuitous bitterness.
  • dissociative

    Posts: 45

    Jul 16, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    deltalimen saidIMO You're only goal here is sex not a relationship. It's clear that you are ready to 'excuse' yourself from being honest with another human being for whatever reason.

    If it developed into something bigger would you not have to tell him ultimately? Perhaps he would respect the fact that you told him, and it would develop into something bigger?

    It doesn't sound like you're interested in pursuing the guy other than a hookup. SO If I were in your shoes I would get an antibiotic, ignore the sex for six weeks suggestion from the Dr., and fuck him... and fuck him good.


    Did you actually read my OP? I made it clear I like this guy. I want more than just to have sex with him. Of course I would tell him if it developed into something more. But, honestly, how would you react if a guy told you on your second date, "Oh, I just found out I have an STD. Now pass me the salt, please." Most people would run for the hills.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 3:32 AM GMT
    trunk2 said
    Chaa_xwvn saidI think you should become a nun.


    I slept with a guy I had already gone out with before. The following week I had a non-sexual date with another guy. If that makes me a slut, wow.



    Chaa_xwvn saidBut if you don't like that, then don't be so reckless.

    You say this is your first time contracting an STD, will it be your last?


    Where in my post did I give any indication of reckless behavior? I didn't even have anal sex with this guy. In fact, just to make my point, I hardly ever have anal sex. It's just not my thing--last time I did it was 8 months ago. In the rare occasions when I've done it, I wore a condom. I don't think you can get any safer than that. Unless you're suggesting becoming asexual. Maybe that's your issue, given the gratuitous bitterness.


    Honestly, you can't pass that shit to somebody else. If you wanna come clean and sound dirty, go ahead. You can't have sex for two weeks or something, right? Just take your meds and say you have a UTI, and don't wanna mess around until you feel better down there. Say you got checked out by a doctor, and then mess around when you don't have an infected pork sword. Problem solved.
  • dissociative

    Posts: 45

    Jul 16, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    staple_ saidHonestly, you can't pass that shit to somebody else. If you wanna come clean and sound dirty, go ahead. You can't have sex for two weeks or something, right? Just take your meds and say you have a UTI, and don't wanna mess around until you feel better down there. Say you got checked out by a doctor, and then mess around when you don't have an infected pork sword. Problem solved.


    Of course I would never pass it to him. I'd be an asshole to do that, like I said at the beginning.

    I think you're right. I should just say I have a UTI, but omit the STD part. It *is* a urinary tract infection anyway, technically speaking.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 3:40 AM GMT
    trunk2 said
    Chaa_xwvn saidI think you should become a nun.


    I slept with a guy I had already gone out with before. The following week I had a non-sexual date with another guy. If that makes me a slut, wow.



    Chaa_xwvn saidBut if you don't like that, then don't be so reckless.

    You say this is your first time contracting an STD, will it be your last?


    Where in my post did I give any indication of reckless behavior? I didn't even have anal sex with this guy. In fact, just to make my point, I hardly ever have anal sex. It's just not my thing--last time I did it was 8 months ago. In the rare occasions when I've done it, I wore a condom. I don't think you can get any safer than that. Unless you're suggesting becoming asexual. Maybe that's your issue, given the gratuitous bitterness.


    I don't have any personal issue with whomever you have in your bed. I didn't say anything about anal sex. You stuck your dick somewhere and now you have these symptoms.

    Contracting an STD doesn't make you a slut.

    You should listen to deltalimen above and focus on a relationship to help avoid these dilemmas.

    Be safe. icon_wink.gif
  • dissociative

    Posts: 45

    Jul 16, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    Chaa_xwvn saidI didn't say anything about anal sex. You stuck your dick somewhere and now you have these symptoms.


    So where do you get "reckless" from? Is having oral sex reckless to you? Mutual masturbation? That's about as "reckless" as we got that night.

    I stand by my previous statement. Your first post was gratuitously aggressive. "Will it be your last?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    trunk2 said
    Chaa_xwvn saidI didn't say anything about anal sex. You stuck your dick somewhere and now you have these symptoms.


    So where do you get "reckless" from? Is having oral sex reckless to you? Mutual masturbation? That's about as "reckless" as we got that night.

    I stand by my previous statement. Your first post was gratuitously aggressive. "Will it be your last?"


    I don't care if you stuck a pineapple up your ass while he did the hokey-pokey. Whatever it is you have, assuming it's an STD, you got from messing around.

    If you can't take my apparent aggression block me, please.

    I asked if it will be your last because you played with fire and got burnt. Just learn from your mistakes and you'll survive this little obstacle. icon_wink.gif

    (This is why I should stick to "guy above you threads" and the like.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 4:10 AM GMT
    Chaa_xwvn said
    trunk2 said
    Chaa_xwvn saidI think you should become a nun.


    I slept with a guy I had already gone out with before. The following week I had a non-sexual date with another guy. If that makes me a slut, wow.



    Chaa_xwvn saidBut if you don't like that, then don't be so reckless.

    You say this is your first time contracting an STD, will it be your last?


    Where in my post did I give any indication of reckless behavior? I didn't even have anal sex with this guy. In fact, just to make my point, I hardly ever have anal sex. It's just not my thing--last time I did it was 8 months ago. In the rare occasions when I've done it, I wore a condom. I don't think you can get any safer than that. Unless you're suggesting becoming asexual. Maybe that's your issue, given the gratuitous bitterness.


    I don't have any personal issue with whomever you have in your bed. I didn't say anything about anal sex. You stuck your dick somewhere and now you have these symptoms.

    Contracting an STD doesn't make you a slut.

    You should listen to deltalimen above and focus on a relationship to help avoid these dilemmas.

    Be safe. icon_wink.gif


    Really dude? Focus on a relationship? Don't tell other people how to live their life. When you get over the fantasy of a guy riding up on a horse, you'll see that people get HIV, Herpes and other life-long infections while in a "relationship". This guy is doing nothing wrong. Using condoms for anal, and sticking to low risk activities when hooking up. Your dream of a "relationship" doesn't excuse you from the clap. K? icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 4:17 AM GMT
    trunk2 saidWhat should I do? Suggestions?

    Do not have sex with anyone until you learn what you infection you may have, and have completed whatever treatments the doctors recommend to totally cure you. Anything else is reckless & irresponsible, and in some jurisdictions a prosecutable crime. You have no right to expose others to disease.

    How you avoid sex with this new guy in the meantime is up to you. You can say you're reluctant to have sex right away. If the doctors tell you that sex is off-limits for a month or more before you're non-contagious, you may have to pass on this guy. Or hope he's very patient with you.

    But under NO circumstances should you have sex with him or any guy until you know what you have, and the doctors tell you it's completely gone. Or say your wearing a condom makes you safe for oral & anal. Those are the rules of the game, by which all gay men of integrity play.
  • dissociative

    Posts: 45

    Jul 16, 2011 4:17 AM GMT
    Chaa_xwvn saidWhatever it is you have, assuming it's an STD, you got from messing around.


    Really?? I'm shocked. Thanks for telling me! And here I was thinking that I got it from the STD fairy! Who knew?


    Chaa_xwvn saidJust learn from your mistakes and you'll survive this little obstacle.


    You keep calling me on my mistakes. Yet you can't actually specify what it is you think I did wrong.
  • dissociative

    Posts: 45

    Jul 16, 2011 4:21 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    trunk2 saidWhat should I do? Suggestions?

    Do not have sex with anyone until you learn what you infection you may have, and have completed whatever treatments the doctors recommend to totally cure you. Anything else is reckless & irresponsible, and in some jurisdictions a prosecutable crime. You have no right to expose others to disease.

    How you avoid sex with this new guy in the meantime is up to you. You can say you're reluctant to have sex right away. If the doctors tell you that sex is off-limits for a month or more before you're non-contagious, you may have to pass on this guy. Or hope he's very patient with you.

    But under NO circumstances should you have sex with him or any guy until you know what you have, and the doctors tell you it's completely gone. Or say your wearing a condom makes you safe for oral & anal. Those are the rules of the game, by which all gay men of integrity play.


    I would never have sex with him while contagious. I was just trying to figure out how to abstain from sex without having to explain to him why and freak him out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 4:24 AM GMT
    I guess the internet doesn't allow for crude humor. I'm sorry for offending you.

    Just tell him you want to take it slow and not have sex so soon.

    ~peace
  • dissociative

    Posts: 45

    Jul 16, 2011 4:27 AM GMT
    Chaa_xwvn saidI guess the internet doesn't allow for crude humor. I'm sorry for offending you.

    Just tell him you want to take it slow and not have sex so soon.

    ~peace


    Thanks. Peace to you too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    Honestly, I wouldn't tell him the entire truth. I would tell him I'm getting tested before my next sexual partner and that I'm waiting 2weeks as the doctor recommends. Maybe even use it as a chance to ask the last time he was tested, politely.

    Now the "Right" thing to do is be completely upfront. But I'd be lying to myself if I said that I would do the "Right" thing. Now if you can muster up the strength to tell him, I applaud you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 4:36 AM GMT
    trunk2 saidI would never have sex with him while contagious. I was just trying to figure out how to abstain from sex without having to explain to him why and freak him out.

    Good. And some of these replies we post here are not solely directed at the OPs like yourself, but also meant to convey a message to everyone.

    There are lots of guys who don't want to have sex until further into a relationship. Not unlike many straight women, quite frankly, and horny straight guys have to deal with that, too.

    First find out what you've got. Second, find out how long to cure it. Third, how long will you be contagious. Your response will be based on those answers, which at present you don't have.

    You may just have to go celibate "monk" for a while. Bad break, but how it sometimes goes down. First, though, find out what you're dealing with.

    There's a little bit of putting the cart ahead of the horse here. You should be able to put off an eager guy for a day or 2, until you see your doctor. Then you'll know if this is short or long-term. Short-term you could be able to maintain his interest. Long-term you may have lost this one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    Uh, it sounds like you got it from the guy you like?

    Shouldnt you tell him? I would see a doctor, have a test done to see what the hell it is.... and then be like, PS, I think you gave this to me, you need to get yourself checked out.

    How does no one else see this? It sounds like you got it from him, according to what you said and your timeline. It doesnt take much contact at all to get STDs like Gonorrhea and Chlamydia.... just a touch will do. He can be asymptomatic and you can have full on symptoms.

    Normally symptoms of such STDs show up 3-5 days after your exposure.

    if you didnt get it from him, then my question is where did you get it? Unless you hooked up with another guy very recently?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 4:45 AM GMT
    Take your azithromycin (usually four pills x 250mg), take a shot (usually some cephalosporin) and wait 7 days. Whether or not you want to fully disclose your medical history is your business.
  • dissociative

    Posts: 45

    Jul 16, 2011 4:54 AM GMT
    ZbmwM5 saidUh, it sounds like you got it from the guy you like?

    Shouldnt you tell him? I would see a doctor, have a test done to see what the hell it is.... and then be like, PS, I think you gave this to me, you need to get yourself checked out.

    How does no one else see this? It sounds like you got it from him, according to what you said and your timeline. It doesnt take much contact at all to get STDs like Gonorrhea and Chlamydia.... just a touch will do. He can be asymptomatic and you can have full on symptoms.

    Normally symptoms of such STDs show up 3-5 days after your exposure.

    if you didnt get it from him, then my question is where did you get it? Unless you hooked up with another guy very recently?


    Please re-read my OP carefully. I didn't get it from the guy I like. I didn't have sex with the guy I like. Plus, I was already feeling the burning sensation before I ever went out with him.

    See the beginning of my OP. I most certainly got it from this other guy I slept with the week before, and whom I had gone out with in the past (and who I don't like--now even more so, icon_evil.gif )
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 4:58 AM GMT
    I had the same symptoms 2 times (March of 08 and March of 09) and neither turned out to be a STD....just gave me some pills ant it went away.


    If I were you, I wouldn't mention this. Just get the pills, let it clear, and move on. There is no need to mention this when a week from now it will be gone. If he takes it the wrong way, he may jump to conclusions....like you are a whore for example.

    Take care of it, and move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 4:58 AM GMT
    Tell him you got sick from something like an ear infection or whatever illness would mean that you can't see him for however long it will take to get rid of your STDs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 16, 2011 4:59 AM GMT
    Ahh, I missed the second part where you introduce guy number 2.


    Well in that case still... go to the doctor, see what it is.

    I'd say for now just say you put the date off if you dont want to tell him. You could 'lie' and say you have a UTI. But maybe its better to just not go down that road?

    Assuming it IS an STD.... I would DEF call the guy who gave it to you and let him know. He needs to know he's got an infected penis and could potentially, easily, and unknowlingly pass it onto others.