"When I was your age ... "

  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Apr 23, 2008 4:57 PM GMT
    I recently turned 31 (April 19th) and things are finally on the up and up with me. I'm really happy right now.

    For those who know me, that's scary since I'm always a bit of a crab and pessimistic.

    However ... I'm a bit annoyed w/ the gay guys I know who are older than yours truly. They are (not all of them are like this, as a foot note) telling me how I am going to be at 31.

    Okay ... it's 2008. I've been out of the closet since I was 20. I have my college degree. I did my party phase and did my fair share of drugs. It was fun at the time, but it's not for me anymore.

    So, they are using THEIR experience on how they were at 31 to reflect how I will be.

    My question is ... do any of you have older friends like that? They mean well, but they really should shut their trap.
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    Apr 23, 2008 6:34 PM GMT
    I've experienced a little of this. I usually try to say, kindly, that my experience at any any is my own. I find that very few people try to tell me how I'm going to be at fourty-something. I still have people a few years old than I am say "you're just a baby". That's annoying at times.
  • nv7_

    Posts: 1453

    Apr 23, 2008 7:11 PM GMT
    To be fair, this seems to not just be an age thing, but a human nature thing(for some). I notice a lot lately that the way people see the world is the way they think the world is, and if you don't agree, you're an idiot.

    Everyone sees the world in different ways. Everyone took a different path to get the body they have today, yet some would have you believe their way is the only way, much like religious people say their way is the only way. Baffles me.

    And yes, I have some older and younger friends like that. The age thing is usually not the basis of the criticism though. icon_biggrin.gif
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Apr 23, 2008 7:29 PM GMT
    I made a solemn vow when I turned thirty that those words would never pass my lips. I know that whenever I heard them as a kid, I completely tuned out, which is too bad, because there was probably something very wise being imparted.
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    Apr 23, 2008 7:36 PM GMT
    I don't like to say when I was your age. Instead I say, "
    when you are lucky enough to be my age..."
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    Apr 23, 2008 7:59 PM GMT
    No, not gay friends giving me advice since older gay men had very different experiences then me. Gay men in the 50's 60's and 70's had very different life experiences then mine in the 80's and 90's.

    I like hearing the experiences of other gay men from different generations, both young and old. Not necessarily as a blueprint for what I have to look forward to, but I find people interesting, and I especially like history. What is more interesting than an individual's history?

    I will give advice to other gay men if they ask for it, but I will never say I had it tougher then they did (the famous "I had to walk through 3 miles to get to school" type of phrase), in some ways being gay in the 80's and 90's was easier because the internet was not around, so you actually had to go out and meet people in person to get to know them!

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    Apr 23, 2008 8:15 PM GMT
    haha, I get severely irritated when my friends say that to me. Most of my friends are 28+. That's just like when they say "Your too young to experience the things i have" and it's just irritating. Not everyone experiences the same things and hell, some people are blessed to experience more for their 'age'.

    Sorry I vented haha icon_redface.gif

    I shall excuse myself....
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    Apr 23, 2008 8:27 PM GMT
    Yes, everybody has different experiences and their own journey to make. And yes, the way people think of their own experiences has a lot to do with the times in which those experiences took place.

    But on the flip side, there is something to be said for having been around long enough to have taken notice of patterns in your own life and the lives of others youv'e known. There's something to be said for tough lessons learned that you hope others won't have to learn in the same way.

    I've benefitted greatly in my life from the insight of people who were older than me, all throughout my life. I've also learned a lot from people younger than me.

    When you spend as much time figuring out how you can benefit from the experiences of others (no matter how old they may be) as you do defending the chip on your shoulder (because maybe...just maybe...you don't know everything yet...and somebody else knows something you don't), then you find yourself open to growth you didn't realize was possible.

    The first steps on the path to wisdom are taken on the day you being to embrace just how much you really don't know yet. The second steps are taken when you find a way to learn what you don't yet know, no matter who the teacher may be. When you let your ego cause you to tune out people who have something worthwhile to offer, you're the one who loses out.
  • SoDakGuy

    Posts: 1862

    Apr 23, 2008 9:08 PM GMT
    Trust me ... I know that I don't know a damn thing. I use to think I knew it all, but I don't. Hell, my Grandmother told me that she still does not know everything and still not "grownup."

    However ... when the advice reminds me of Miss Havisham from Great Expectations, I tune out. I refuse to turn into an old, bitter queen. It's pointless and worthless.
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    Apr 23, 2008 10:39 PM GMT
    Hard to say. There IS no one older than me.

    Except Caslon. he he he
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    Apr 24, 2008 4:37 AM GMT
    Well, just so that you know that there is someone who isn't into telling you how you're going to be...

    I wasn't as smart as you all are. I kept lying to myself that I was not gay.

    I don't know what I would have been like at 31, and frankly, I don't care. I have a whole new world opened up to me now, and every day is a wonder and a joy. I'm in awe that I have a boyfriend who is incredible (14 years younger than me, and more financially stable than I).

    Guys, everyone is different, and you need to just pay no attention to those who wish to live vicariously through you, or drag you down to their level.

    SoDak, just nod politely and pay no attention to them, or else say to them, "Gosh, sux to be you."
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Apr 24, 2008 4:51 AM GMT
    SoDakGuy,

    When I was your age, we had to walk to school in the snow, uphill bothways -BAREFOOT!!!
    icon_mad.gif
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    Apr 24, 2008 6:25 AM GMT
    Heck, When I was your age, we had no school! We had a magic medicine man and he taught us voodoo and touched our peepee so we would make some girl happy one day. I ran away before he could touch mine... icon_confused.gif Is tha why I'm gay?
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    Apr 24, 2008 7:18 AM GMT
    Yeah, when I was your age women had no rights, fags got beaten up and whores got burnt at the stake.

    These days I like my steak blue. How about you guys..?
    Now bare with me: When I was but a little boy my dad always told me a steak has to be raw to be any good. But did I listen..? NO! I was stupid and young... As I aged I noticed however that meat started not to taste that good anymore. So I eventualy stopped eating meat because I could'nt bare the taste of it anymore. I became thin and white as snow. Anyone could see I was not getting all the nutrients a grown man should.
    But then, one day (while looking for something good to nibble on) I opend the refridgerator and saw the most beautiful red piece of meat that I have ever seen before.
    I remember it clearly. Lying there on a white porcelin plate. The deep red complementing in contrast the pure and unchalenged white of the plate. Then, Suddenly, as if I was possesed, My hand shot forward, grabing the raw bloody steak with my bare hands and devouring it right there....

    ...It was heavenly! I then realised that my father had been right all those years ago. He had insight. He had lived life and had experienced so much more. Older wisdom is a blessing. Older arrogance is weight around a weak ankle.
    God bless raw meat.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Apr 24, 2008 10:49 AM GMT
    I've never used that phrase, but I will admit that people tend to ask me for advise on things, both at work and in my personal life. I'm not sure exactly why.
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    Apr 24, 2008 11:24 AM GMT
    I get younger and older people telling me what my life should be like if I came completly out. I do hear older people speak of how the younger generation is so careless or without focus. I don't know if that's completly true, because they might be speaking about themselves when younger.