Heartbreak Hotel

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    Jul 18, 2011 3:09 AM GMT
    So I was seeing a guy for 6 months or so. It started out like lets meet and see how it goes. Then we started hanging out almost every day. Over time we grew close together. We never had sex, but I stayed over his apartment and we would fall asleep cuddling all night long. We did have one night where we just couldn't wait to have sex but neither of us had condoms so we just fooled around and jerked off. That is closest to sex that we got. But even without sex the intimacy was so more sexual.
    Anyways over these six months I felt so close to another person for first time in my life and not even a single day went by where we didn't text or talk or meet or chat on messenger. Even if it was just a quick hello or good night.
    Then in last one month or so it has been like we don't cuddle or kiss. There wasn't much flirting left either. And today we talked about it and he said he is not ready for a relationship and that he doesn't know how long it will be before he is ready. I just feel like so crappy and don't know what to do. He wants us to be friends but also for me to see other guys and not wait on him. He says I have every quality that he is looking for a guy he would want to be with, but he is just not ready because of the way his past relationship.
    Problem is I already have feelings for him and don't know what to do now. I know I should move on and respect his decision as well. I told him that I already have feelings for him and that whether he is not into me that way, if so he should tell me that but he says its just that he doesn't know that and doesn't want to hurt me by asking me to wait for him.
    Don't know what am looking for but just had to share hoping it will lead me on to the way to move on. Thanks for reading.
  • John6311

    Posts: 165

    Jul 18, 2011 3:15 AM GMT
    Sorry- but I think he's seeing someone else. I think you should stop seeing him. If after six months he's not ready to take it to the next level- why wait for him.

    Also- how how you not fucked him yet? Perhaps that's why he's turned off by you.
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    Jul 18, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    I think you should stop seeing that guy.

    Six months and he is not sure.... screw him....
    Six months without sex... screw him....

    Run away now before it gets more complicated
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    Jul 18, 2011 11:40 AM GMT
    Celcious69 saidI think you should stop seeing that guy.

    Six months and he is not sure.... screw him....
    Six months without sex... screw him....

    Run away now before it gets more complicated


    I wish I could say screw him and move on but you know the silly feelings they just don't go away so easily icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 18, 2011 11:55 AM GMT
    In all honesty, I think he might not be feeling it because there's no sex involved.....just a thought.

    You might feel very close to him emotionally and maybe he used to, but it might be fizzling because there's no physical to balance it out.

    Why was there no sex btw...?
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    Jul 18, 2011 2:13 PM GMT


    John6311 said, "Also- how how you not fucked him yet? Perhaps that's why he's turned off by you."

    SeemsLike said, "Why was there no sex btw...?"


    asnextdoor, Bill and I did nothing more than what you did for about the first year and a half after we met. Any activity you do with each other that turns you both on and culminates in climaxing is sex, and if you're like us, it's love-making.

    You're in love; he isn't. He's not exactly understanding himself. If you really were everything he wanted in a guy he'd be up front and center about it and nothing would hold him back.

    Now the tough part. You know what it is to love now, and even better, how you got there. This is what you carry away with you. There's someone, several someones, out there that can match this and reciprocate it. Grieve, because that's healthy, and if you need a shoulder or a hug, we're here.

    *a hug*

    -Doug
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    Jul 18, 2011 2:44 PM GMT
    People's feelings change and you cannot control that. If your feelings are not being reciprocated or your expectations are not being met by the other person, you need to move on and find someone who will give you what you're looking for. Sometimes a quick pull is better than a slow extraction.
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    Jul 18, 2011 4:59 PM GMT
    I'd suggest creating distance between you 2. your grief won't heal as well if you constantly pick at the wound. but you know what? you HAVE the capacity to be in love and that's awesome....not everyone does...not everyone can feel that way...and you can...and it hurts....in the same way that being wealthy and being taxed hurts...but you have it to tax...you have that capacity...and that is wonderful.

    someone will appreciate your capacity and reciprocate it, but they're unlikely to do so while you're effectively cockblocking yourself with this guy
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    Jul 18, 2011 11:30 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    John6311 said, "Also- how how you not fucked him yet? Perhaps that's why he's turned off by you."

    SeemsLike said, "Why was there no sex btw...?"


    asnextdoor, Bill and I did nothing more than what you did for about the first year and a half after we met. Any activity you do with each other that turns you both on and culminates in climaxing is sex, and if you're like us, it's love-making.

    You're in love; he isn't. He's not exactly understanding himself. If you really were everything he wanted in a guy he'd be up front and center about it and nothing would hold him back.

    Now the tough part. You know what it is to love now, and even better, how you got there. This is what you carry away with you. There's someone, several someones, out there that can match this and reciprocate it. Grieve, because that's healthy, and if you need a shoulder or a hug, we're here.

    *a hug*

    -Doug


    Thanks Doug for looking my situation from a different perspective. Its not like we didn't want sex, but we never got the time right. As for sex he is not a guy who would have sex with someone he doesn't care about so am pretty sure that is not the problem.
    Also he said the same thing about me being ready to love again after a disastrous 3 year relationship that made me stay away from getting emotionally involved with anyone for a very long time. So I would say that in a way this was a positive outcome from the whole situation.
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    Jul 18, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    BambinoRex saidI'd suggest creating distance between you 2. your grief won't heal as well if you constantly pick at the wound. but you know what? you HAVE the capacity to be in love and that's awesome....not everyone does...not everyone can feel that way...and you can...and it hurts....in the same way that being wealthy and being taxed hurts...but you have it to tax...you have that capacity...and that is wonderful.

    someone will appreciate your capacity and reciprocate it, but they're unlikely to do so while you're effectively cockblocking yourself with this guy


    I know that creating distance will be an important part of healing but I still like him and care about him as a friend and hope I can move on with still being friends who can rely on each other. I would think about something funny that happened between us and still brings a smile on my face. Probably right now am hoping his feelings might change and if started seeing someone else it will be a whole new perspective.
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    Jul 18, 2011 11:36 PM GMT
    One good thing is I will be heading to Tampa starting this weekend till next weekend to visit friends and it will give me good amount of time to think more clearly.