Long Distance Relationships!!!

  • alwaysonpoint

    Posts: 173

    Jul 18, 2011 7:17 AM GMT
    So me and this great guy have had a pretty solid relationship for the past 8 months or so. The only problem is that it's long distance.....and while it's not a big deal for me, the pressure is really weighing him down.

    A little back story... we were the best of online friends for about a year before we actually met last October. We hit it off so well that we decided to become exclusive, and the plan so far is for me to move nearer to him once I graduate college this December. Currently, we can only afford to see each other about every 3 months. We have communicated almost every day since meeting, but since I started a new job, we can't speak as often as we'd like.

    We've both successfully weeded out all of the people who could be harmful to our relationship, but that has left us with few people in our community to talk to. So while I'm at work, he's pretty much alone. He is also significantly sexually frustrated. He made it clear to me that he only wants to have sex with me, but is afraid that the lack of intimacy for months at a time will cause him to succumb to unfaithfulness.

    He is basically a little unhappy with being in a committed relationship, yet still alone, and unable to mingle with the single crowd. He cherishes our love as much as I do, and is putting our needs before his own by staying true to me and our commitment. But he is correct in believing that we don't have much real life experience with each other, and isn't completely comfortable with waiting all of this time for a chance at a (possibly) happy relationship.

    He has suggested that we take a break until one of us is financially secure enough to move. However I refused; if we "take a break," then to me that is breaking up for good, and I surely won't want to speak to him at all then. So I am staying put in either being together for good, or breaking up for good. Meanwhile, he will have to either stay in the relationship and stay strong, or lose me forever.

    Any comments, suggestions, or even criticisms would be appreciated!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:34 AM GMT
    I have NEVER heard of a long distance relationship actually working out in the end.

    It's something that should be avoiding from the start imo.
    Not having a constant tangible relationship can be really hard for some people.


    I do wish you the best though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:35 AM GMT
    there is a section of the forum called Dating & Relationships
  • alwaysonpoint

    Posts: 173

    Jul 18, 2011 7:45 AM GMT
    Thank you. There is also this one called "All Things Gay," which is appropriate and much more populated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2011 8:24 AM GMT
    Holy shit there's a section on Squash too. LOL!
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    Jul 18, 2011 10:05 AM GMT
    I think you need to give him his time and space man. I was in a long distance relationship for a year and a half where we couldn't see each other for upto 6 months. But then we decided to break it off because it was creating a lot of issues and we're best friends now. The jealousy factor is still there a lot of times but do you seriously want to let go of a nice guy and all your efforts because he needs his space? I think he is a great guy if he shares all this with you because he could very well cheat on you and you wouldn't know it at all.

    Give him his space and time and decide if you want to stay as good friends. Losing a nice guy because of the "exclusivity" factor isn't a sane thing to do icon_smile.gif
    I hope I wasn't harsh anywhere icon_razz.gif
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Jul 18, 2011 12:33 PM GMT
    marlow said

    He is basically a little unhappy with being in a committed relationship, yet still alone, and unable to mingle with the single crowd. He cherishes our love as much as I do, and is putting our needs before his own by staying true to me and our commitment. But he is correct in believing that we don't have much real life experience with each other, and isn't completely comfortable with waiting all of this time for a chance at a (possibly) happy relationship.

    He has suggested that we take a break until one of us is financially secure enough to move. However I refused; if we "take a break," then to me that is breaking up for good, and I surely won't want to speak to him at all then. So I am staying put in either being together for good, or breaking up for good. Meanwhile, he will have to either stay in the relationship and stay strong, or lose me forever.

    Any comments, suggestions, or even criticisms would be appreciated!


    The simple fact that you say he's unhappy means that you should move on. He's using you because of his fear of being alone.

    Also, I never understand when people say that when they break up with someone that it always has to mean "breaking up for good." Sometimes if you really love someone you wouldn't smother him with the "be with me or fuck off" scenario. It's worth taking a step back, and wait until the time is right, it will make the relationship stronger, and without resentment. Unless he just wants to break it off just so he can go whore around.
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    Jul 18, 2011 1:07 PM GMT
    but what if he really likes him? going on without sex for months isn't easy for everyone and not everyone is controlled enough icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2011 1:29 PM GMT
    My ex was gone for months at a time due to the nature of his work.... not a long-distance relationship, but it sure felt like one. NEVER AGAIN!!!

  • Jul 18, 2011 1:52 PM GMT
    To be honest, long distance relationships are extremely hard~~








  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2011 1:56 PM GMT
    This is a tough one---When you only get to see each other every few months, the time you DO spend together is like a dream vacation--everything is wonderful. You don't get to experience the day to day hum drum of life, and really get to know each other's moods and quirks.
    I've been there--didn't last..but several years later we both realized we were meant for each other.
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:45 PM GMT
    Relationships are complicated, and if you add the factor of distance....... In my own experience, that usually never works.
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    Celcious69 saidRelationships are complicated, and if you add the factor of distance....... In my own experience, that usually never works.


    Ive heard of it working, but after about a year they have to get together. The only one I know that worked was a part for a year, then they moved in together so it worked out for them.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 18, 2011 8:11 PM GMT
    If he's asking for a break and you refuse you look desperate......like you feel you couldn't pick something else up.....agree to the break....broaden your horizons a little...If you continue to remain a long distance bond....great...If you can afford it to move to where he is...cool beans...but for now...you got to give him some space...or you risk losing it all....BUD
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    Jul 18, 2011 8:23 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidHoly shit there's a section on Squash too. LOL!


    I dont like Squash. Especially cooked. My grandmother made a good squash casserole, tho.

    As far as long distance relationships, I either do them or be alone. You have to work harder and spend more money, but you do what you have to do.
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    Jul 18, 2011 8:32 PM GMT
    usually, a long distance relationship goes sour because one or both parties cant handle the strain and become either jealous or feel left out. i just ended my relationship of 2 years, bc communication started to wane after he moved away, and then he got jealous over stupid things
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 18, 2011 8:51 PM GMT
    Unless you live together, a lot of busy couples only get to see each other on weekends. If you had the mad money and schedule flexibility to get together for long weekends, 2-3 times a month, it wouldn't seem much different than being in the same city.

    Taking it to the next level could be a heartbreak though, if neither of you can make the move.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Jul 18, 2011 9:04 PM GMT
    I think long distance relationships can work.... it is just a matter whether the people in the relationship want it to work. If you want it to work.... if your partner wants it to work... the two of you will find a way to make it work. If one or both of you don't want to make it work.... then it won't work. It takes commitment, in the good and the bad times. It is just as simple as that.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 18, 2011 9:07 PM GMT
    sahem62896 saidMy ex was gone for months at a time due to the nature of his work.... not a long-distance relationship, but it sure felt like one. NEVER AGAIN!!!


    Now... there can be very successful long distance relationships, Adam!

    icon_smile.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 18, 2011 9:08 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Celcious69 saidRelationships are complicated, and if you add the factor of distance....... In my own experience, that usually never works.


    Ive heard of it working, but after about a year they have to get together. The only one I know that worked was a part for a year, then they moved in together so it worked out for them.


    Um, you know of another that has lasted years.....
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    Jul 18, 2011 9:11 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    Chainers said
    Celcious69 saidRelationships are complicated, and if you add the factor of distance....... In my own experience, that usually never works.


    Ive heard of it working, but after about a year they have to get together. The only one I know that worked was a part for a year, then they moved in together so it worked out for them.


    Um, you know of another that has lasted years.....


    Agreed, especially if he looked like this

    JeremyWalker15.jpg
  • Spiritreaver

    Posts: 2086

    Jul 18, 2011 9:12 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    HndsmKansan said
    Chainers said
    Celcious69 saidRelationships are complicated, and if you add the factor of distance....... In my own experience, that usually never works.


    Ive heard of it working, but after about a year they have to get together. The only one I know that worked was a part for a year, then they moved in together so it worked out for them.


    Um, you know of another that has lasted years.....


    Agreed, especially if he looked like this

    JeremyWalker15.jpg
    O_O *starts sending out messages to people on his hot list*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2011 9:13 PM GMT
    That man is just too hot to handle.

    I mean I want him to fuck me, but I would rather just worship his body instead.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2011 9:25 PM GMT
    He is hot!!! Wow.

    Back to the problem- I dated my ex from Atlanta for about a year. I live in Winnipeg, Canada. He had a job where he could fly up and see me fairly regularly, but it became less and less and I couldn`t afford to go down as often as I would have liked. We looked at having him emigrate to Canada but it was expensive and would have taken some time for the move to be completed. Bottom line: if you really want to make it work- it`s possible, but someone is going to have to give up a big piece of their life in order to make it work. Otherwise, IMHO- don`t do it unless you both really love each other.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 18, 2011 9:29 PM GMT
    Chainers saidThat man is just too hot to handle.

    I mean I want him to fuck me, but I would rather just worship his body instead.


    No need to remind my bf what he gets when he arrives at the house after not seeing him for 2 or 3 weeks. Last weekend I was in a towel and we didn't even make it to the bed. There can be pluses to a long distance relationship....

    icon_eek.gif