Why is your relationship with your parents?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    I just thought that I would ask. Get to know all of you a little better and see how everyone is doing with the 'rents. Respectfully, I know that some of the users that will post have parents that are deceased, don't know who they are, etc. Please describe your relationship before they died, or describe what you think they may be like based on yourself. I would like to know how all of you are/were doing with them.


    Also: Do you believe you've taken more influence from either mother or father (Or female legal guardian/male guardian)?
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    Jul 18, 2011 3:47 PM GMT
    I got the "badass" influence from my dad. We were never really close, but he did teach me to stand up for myself. Of course, that backfired in his face when he started to hit me when he found out I'm gay. He's dead now...thankfully. He never came to accept my sexuality.

    My soft-heartedness came from mom. We're still close. She still prays for my gayness, but has learned not to tell me about it anymore because I crawled down here ass about her oppressive religion vs my sexuality (basically cussed her the fuck out like a sailor one night when I was in a bad mood, and hung up on her). icon_lol.gif So now, as long as she doesn't delve into my private life, we maintain a great closeness.
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    Jul 18, 2011 5:15 PM GMT
    Take no shit from anyone from my dad.

    Unfortunately because of the Gay Agenda, we no longer speak. My mother My father and me.

    My parents also have stopped communicating with my sister, because she allowed me to stay at her place in Australia when I went to visit.

    It's a F*&*E(#&%)(#)( situation, however; I do not have room in my life for such intolerance and it doesn't matter who you are.

    Allows me to focus on what is important.
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    Jul 18, 2011 5:21 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI got the "badass" influence from my dad. We were never really close, but he did teach me to stand up for myself. Of course, that backfired in his face when he started to hit me when he found out I'm gay. He's dead now...thankfully. He never came to accept my sexuality.

    My soft-heartedness came from mom. We're still close. She still prays for my gayness, but has learned not to tell me about it anymore because I crawled down here ass about her oppressive religion vs my sexuality (basically cussed her the fuck out like a sailor one night when I was in a bad mood, and hung up on her). icon_lol.gif So now, as long as she doesn't delve into my private life, we maintain a great closeness.



    Im so sorry man. Its funny how I have the same shit. My father, whom i learnt alot from absolutely hates me. The level of anger that I seem to draw out of him for no real reason is blitering. You can just see the anger in his face towards me and the lack of emotion. Infact it makes me feel worthless at times.

    My mother likes to chime in and do the same as well at times.
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    Jul 18, 2011 5:22 PM GMT
    my mothermostly worked after my dad left, so i raised my sister and i until i was about 10. my mom met someone, and i think my stepfather is probably biggest influence on my upbringing. both him and my mom are ok with me now, but my mother was horrified when i told her and locked herself in her room for 4 or 5 days missing my little sisters birthday. my stepfather had told me that its fine if i was, but he didnt agree with my lifestyle "choice". my mother proceeded to kick me out and i have been on my own since 17.

    like i said, my family is fine with it now, so we all get together every once in a great while.
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    Jul 18, 2011 5:38 PM GMT
    MrPolish said
    paulflexes saidI got the "badass" influence from my dad. We were never really close, but he did teach me to stand up for myself. Of course, that backfired in his face when he started to hit me when he found out I'm gay. He's dead now...thankfully. He never came to accept my sexuality.

    My soft-heartedness came from mom. We're still close. She still prays for my gayness, but has learned not to tell me about it anymore because I crawled down here ass about her oppressive religion vs my sexuality (basically cussed her the fuck out like a sailor one night when I was in a bad mood, and hung up on her). icon_lol.gif So now, as long as she doesn't delve into my private life, we maintain a great closeness.



    Im so sorry man. Its funny how I have the same shit. My father, whom i learnt alot from absolutely hates me. The level of anger that I seem to draw out of him for no real reason is blitering. You can just see the anger in his face towards me and the lack of emotion. Infact it makes me feel worthless at times.

    My mother likes to chime in and do the same as well at times.
    de ja vu

    My dad was always mean at home even before I came out; but out in public he was the sweetest little angel and well respected by the community (very small town of 3000, and he was a letter carrier). His backwards ways had be believing I'd never accomplish my childhood dreams. After he died, I told myself I was gonna do it just to spite him (and everyone else who didn't believe in me); and now I've accomplished two out of three childhood dreams...the third was more of a fantasy than a dream...wouldn't want the lifestyle.

    However, I gotta give him credit where it's due: Him and mom married as virgins, and held their vows 26 years till he died. Well, I'm 99.999% positive, because I do think my dad was hiding his true sexuality behind all the religion and southern hypermasculinity.
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    Jul 18, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    Well Mom and dad split when I was three they both remarried. From what I can remember about my mom, because she was murdered three years later Christmas Eve. Enough of that.

    She was a very strong, outspoken person like myself and had a heart of gold would give you the shirt off her back (again much like myself).

    She loved us five kids and we never needed for anything we had a lot growing up!

    I had a great relationship with her, I was six years old...she was Momi lol! . My dad had his new familia and we didn't matter! "BURRO"!

    Mom great dad not soo much!

  • Musicman91

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    Jul 18, 2011 6:02 PM GMT
    My mom , aunt and now deceased grandfather are the only ones in my family who know. They are all ok with it. My mom cried when I first told her but quickly got over it and now we are pretty close.

    My dad and I are not very close. He is a drunk and into drugs and he can be the "nicest" guy in oublic but the biggest prick at home. I am not sure how he would react but I doubt it would be good.

    I find it funny that my Republican grandfather was fine with my orientation but I have a pretty good feeling my Democrat father will have a big issue with it.
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:06 PM GMT
    Me and my mom have a close relationship. Though she had a hard time coming to terms with sexuality. She came to accept it for what it is.

    My dad thats a completely different story. He was a drunk and a violent man. To many memories of his drunken rampages. When he wasn't drunk he was the nicest person in public, but at home basically a asshole. Needless to say we didn't talk or get along. When he found out I was gay he tried to beat or kill me. Ended with me kicking his ass. So glad I no longer know him on any level.
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    I hit the parent jackpot. I'm incredibly close with both and they'd support me even if I told them I wanted to marry a ficus.
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    Both of my parents love me and accept me for who I am.

    My mom and I are closer because I lived with her after their divorce, and since we have more similar interests. We both love the same genres of movies, music, etc. and she always taught me how to do things like cook and sew.

    My dad and I have a pretty close relationship but his interests are typical straight guy interests so we don't have much in common.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2933

    Jul 18, 2011 7:16 PM GMT
    They're both passed away, and I still miss them enormously. Mom knew, and was very welcoming and loving toward my partner; Dad never knew, but probably would have come around, though he shared his generation's disdain for gay people.

    Mom had the largest sense of the joy of life I've ever encountered, and was always interested in anything. She was hugely giving to everyone, and I really think about the finest human I've ever known. I like to think I've inherited some small bit of that, but I'll never measure up to her.

    Dad was a toolmaker, gunsmith, rancher, sailor - and I like to think I inherited his "can do" attitude toward building it, fixing it, figuring out how it works. I wish I had more of his mechanical/carpenter skills, and I miss talking to him about practical/scientific stuff. They had a wonderful, 67-year marriage.

    I miss them. But I hope I build on what I got from them, and I hope I pass on some of their generosity and adventuresome spirit.
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:17 PM GMT
    wi2sd saidUnfortunately because of the Gay Agenda, we no longer speak. My mother My father and me.
    My parents also have stopped communicating with my sister, because she allowed me to stay at her place in Australia when I went to visit.
    It's a F*&*E(#&%)(#)( situation, however; I do not have room in my life for such intolerance and it doesn't matter who you are.
    vfjwab.jpg
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    Ariodante saidI hit the parent jackpot. I'm incredibly close with both and they'd support me even if I told them I wanted to marry a ficus.

    I didn't realize you were a botanicosexual, Are there pride parades for that?


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  • mybud

    Posts: 11821

    Jul 18, 2011 7:23 PM GMT
    My dad was a jock in school....I followed in his footsteps...I continue to love sports to this day.....He never judged my performance when I played sports in school...He had the attitude has long as you try...it's cool....My father chased women all throughout my childhood...teenage years...even today.....He hurt my mom by doing this and there were times I hated him for it.....time mellows things...I respect and love him for feeding...housing me....being supportive. I love him..My mom....she is the most loving women I know....she's sensitive...caring....full of emotion....Mom has had struggles with alcohol and mental illnesses ...some related to my dad's actions...some were passed down through genetics....My parents divorced when I was about 19....I think it was the best for the both of them....My philosophy has always been take the good...scan the bad and look for any redeemable life lessons so I wouldn't make the mistakes my parents did........BUD
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:54 PM GMT
    I've always had an awesome relationships with my parents. They weren't very strict, and I never went through a rebellious period. They both worked full time, first shift jobs, so the entire family would have dinner together every night. They've been married forever, and as they've aged they're still independent, but do need help with some things, and I'm more than happy to help out whenever I can. Sometimes I feel like I'm their parent and I'm fine with that role. As far as their influence, I've taken a little from each of them.
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    Jul 18, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidI hit the parent jackpot. I'm incredibly close with both and they'd support me even if I told them I wanted to marry a ficus.



    ok now i know im dislexic, i could of sworn you wrote focus. And i thought, why in gods name would anyone want to marry that thing?
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2603

    Jul 18, 2011 8:02 PM GMT
    Both my parents are dead now(father in 1995,mother in 2002).I think I was closer to my mother,she was the gentler and had that most underated of qualities,kindness,especially with children.She was loved and respected in the village she lived all her life in.I went to her in time of trouble.Her long final illness and death were very hard to take.I was in bereavement for eighteen months as a result.I only came to myself in summer,2004.I get my consideration for others from her.
    My father was a sergeant in the RAF and a very hard man generally,though when I was little ie under eleven we were very close.As an infant I used to stand on his outstrectched hand unsupported and just laugh!But between about eleven and thirty we didn`t get on with a vengeance(and that`s without him knowing I was gay!)We just avoided each other as much as possible.And the last five years of his life,as his health and strength failed,we made up back to what it was in the beginning.This has been a great comfort to me.I get my athleticism and strength from him.
    I think part of me is a blend of my father and mother,near equally.
    I came out in 1997 to my mother,but she already knew,I think.I was no big deal for her.I was simply her son.My father never knew,though I sometimes think he had more than an inkling about me.
    In the years since I think my mother would have been happy I was happy and with a guy.My father would have had trouble knowing I was gay,but respected my time in the Police Service.
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    Jul 18, 2011 8:04 PM GMT
    my dad and i were just two big egos driving each other up the wall.
    But i never lacked anything m we just weren't close.
    However the last 2 years before he died kind of improved our relationship.

    i still live with my mom . There's just the two of us in a 16 room house , so sometimes i hardly see her..lol.
    But we get along very nicely , she's quite exceptional.

    i never came out to my dad, but i'm sure he knew. He couldn't care less i think because we had friends at home who were gay.
    My mom knows now of course and she's fine. She loves gay boys...haha. especially if they're hot.
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    Jul 18, 2011 8:13 PM GMT
    Soulasphyxi saidWhy is your relationship with your parents?

    Well.... unfortunately my relationship with them isn't as great as it could be.Hmm
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    Jul 18, 2011 8:20 PM GMT
    I also hit the jackpot in the parental lottery. Mine have always been and continue to be superb parents. They're supportive in every way, extremely loving, and have been totally committed to each other for 50 years. Took them a while to come to terms with my sexuality, but both were soon fine with it and welcomed my ex-partner into their lives as if he were their own son, even though my father's been a Primitive Baptist minister for over 50 years (we make Southern Baptists seem liberal!). I've learned immensely from them both, and I continue to be extremely close to them.
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    Jul 18, 2011 8:28 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    wi2sd saidUnfortunately because of the Gay Agenda, we no longer speak. My mother My father and me.
    My parents also have stopped communicating with my sister, because she allowed me to stay at her place in Australia when I went to visit.
    It's a F*&*E(#&%)(#)( situation, however; I do not have room in my life for such intolerance and it doesn't matter who you are.
    vfjwab.jpg


    Yep..yes it is.

    I told my father the last time I spoke to him.. If mom fell over tomorrow. Do not call me.

    17 years ago, she told me while I was sitting across from the table.. She wished I contracted AIDS and died. She would rather have a dead son than a gay one.

    All her feelings since, and 'forgiveness' were fake. She re-inforced her hatred of me and her fakeness to my partners in the past 17 years that she had met.

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    Jul 18, 2011 8:30 PM GMT
    I can't really complain. It's honestly better than I expected. Mormon parents, gay son. Not exactly kosher. We agree to disagree and leave it at that. It saves us from family feuds.

    Things that influenced me? My mother is very loud, outgoing, outspoken. My father is the exact opposite, very calm and reserved. Both of them show depending on the situation.
  • tautomer

    Posts: 1010

    Jul 18, 2011 8:32 PM GMT
    I get along with both of my parents well. That being said, I get along with my mom better then my dad (parents divorced at the age of 3 for reference).

    My mom is very nurturing, kind, loving, a humantarian in effect, and is very graceful. Being the emotionally sensitive child that I was, she cared for me very well. The downside to her, which didn't really come to a head until I graduated highschool, is her lack of logic. She has a very very hard time grasping anything practical and or scientific, and it has and does affect her life in a negative manner. ...She gets sucked into conspiricy theory VERY easily. The biggest parallel between me and her is our thinking styles are nearly exactly the same.

    My dad is extremely hard working, reliable, tough, firm, and very protective. He'd jump in front of a bus to save your life without even thinking. Bound to duty, he will help you with any problem you have (so long as you help yourself). The downside is he has nearly no empathy, and can not emotionally relate to anything outside of himself. He's too logical and forgets the human aspect very often. I never got along with him as a child, and it wasnt until I graduated highschool that we could somewhat relate. The biggest parallel between me and him is our motivations are nearly exactly the same.

    Also, you might be able to see why they were only married for 4 years, haha. I love my parents very much, and they feel the same about me, despite the very rough childhood I had.
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    Jul 18, 2011 9:42 PM GMT
    Wow. I feel so lucky after reading the initial respones.

    In my late teens and early 20s, there was a lot more stress. Probably much of it due to me and my secret (and I wasn't even out so all I was hiding was what I knew deep down inside).

    Mom had asked me a couple times - starting at 17! - if I was gay.
    She probably should have said a little more, said that it was OK if I were.
    Instead I avoided the question.

    Mom's a social worker and would be fine with anyone else being gay.
    Except her little baby boy.
    Once I told her she was ok with it in her brain, but not her heart.
    I would make such a good father....
    (My brother, not so much. My sister was just 18.)
    It didn't help that she wasn't fond of my partner.

    Dad's an absent minded professor. Probably had to ask my mom what gay was when she told him. Initially he thought I could be "fixed" but one session with a psych (the three of us) got that out of him.

    Now, years later, I have a great relationship with my parents.
    None of that running around working hard to hide the obvious.
    And I'm out to my entire family.
    And I took Matt to my high school re-union.
    All of which takes a load off your shoulders!