What Habits or Traits by your parents inhibited you from realizing a complete comfort level with yourself physically?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 18, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    I've always wanted to ask this question. We all have or are traveling down our own individual roads when it comes to acceptance of our sexuality. How "out" we are and our comfort level with how public we are..

    This is a different question. I'm curious about your own comfort level with yourself physically and whether your parents created any roadblocks, either
    inadvertantly or purposefully that inhibited or caused you to be less comfortable with yourself as a "physical being" as you grew up.. and it had to be overcome.

    I did and it was one of those odd things, you never really understand until some years later.

    My Dad graduated from high school and was working for a grocery store in the small town where he grew up. They had a meat cutting machine and he caught his right hand in that machine and it got cut off right at his wrist. Now, I absolutely respect my Dad, he had guts and determination. He learned to write again with his left hand, went off to college (first in his family to do so), law school and became chief attorney for a large corporation.

    He did so well, I grew up never really thinking of my Dad's handicap as a "handicap". He wore a prosthesis while at work, but at home he always wore long sleeved shirts because of his missing hand. It could be 100 degrees and there Dad would be in his long sleeved shirt with shorts... lol.
    It sort of nonverbally became "inappropriate" to go shirtless during the summer unless we were going swimming. I mean my father never told us not to, but it was sort of a "lead by example" kind of thing. It wasn't until years later that I really got comfortable being seen or being outdoors without my shirt. Shit, have I ever made up for lost time!

    Again, in this case, nothing against my Dad. I love and respect him for his awesome achievements. He is much more conservative with physical appearance. He never had been into weight training and I distinctly remember it being viewed in a slightly odd manner when I got into it. He became a supporter quickly and has bought me a number of things like weight gloves, a great bench, etc. He paid me a stunning (and I could have been knocked over with a feather) compliment last year saying "if I had worked out like you have I'd probably want to show it off too". I still can't believe he said that.

    Anything that happened while you were growing up of a similar nature?
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    Jul 18, 2011 5:51 PM GMT
    Having inherited my mother's hips, large feet and hairy back I'd been reluctant to show them off. After all the times I had to shave her and rub her feet I thought, no way can I put anyone else through that.

    So, 15 hip surgeries, lasers, and four broken metatarsals later (to fit my feet in those little Japanese shoes), I finally feel comfortable enough to be out in public. And here I am.
















    I'm sorry, Chris, your story is great, but I just haaaaaaad to...
  • dannyboy1101

    Posts: 977

    Jul 18, 2011 6:57 PM GMT
    I know my parents really love each other, but I don't really remember ever seeing them kiss or hold hands or anything and I do think I have issues with PDA when I see it in public bc of it. Just seems like it's put on, fake, showing off, pretentious, you name it.

    I inherited a sense of humor from my dad that most people can't deal with - just dirty/off color. Many do enjoy it and even share their equal with me, but I've been called gross by conservative sticks in the mud. I'm also very free flowing with my strong opinions which many don't like honesty delivered when they can live naive satisfactorily.

    I'm still trying to work out of me the religious guilt which is seriously minimized but not gone completely yet.

    Like my parents, I abhor dancing. Pointless waste of energy in my eyes. Also not into live music besides orchestra concerts or musical theatre.

    My dads very particular about certain things especially food. I've taken some of that with me.

    So in essence, I have a lot of strong qualities from my parents but sometimes strong qualities put people off. I know some of these qualities do limit some of my socialization when it comes to pack mentality happenings (think 16 candles playing at a street festival). The good thing is that I have also been given the confidence to stand my ground as an individual rather than following and stewing while in an environment I don't appreciate. I have the power to speak my mind diplomatically or brutally honestly and I think I would rather express an unpopular opinion than no opinion at all.

    Yes it makes dating and friendships hard sometimes, but what alternative would be better for me? I don't know of one.
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    Jul 19, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    I never saw my father hug or kiss my mother in public. I guess I am limited in public affection as well. Also I can remember my father telling me to avert my eyes from girls since they're somebody's daughter and sister. I still feel guilty staring at pretty women now.
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    Jul 19, 2011 3:03 AM GMT
    My sister and I inherited our mother's nose and wish she'd had it fixed before we were born.