What Hurts the Most

  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jul 18, 2011 10:40 PM GMT
    I guess you could say that lines from the Cascada song (or Rascal Flats) is ringing in my ears quite a bit. I'll illustrate my problem:

    About a year ago, I met a guy on Grindr... one of the wonderfully degrading apps to come to the iPhone. It annoys the hell out of me due to the wonderfully high number of illiterate members prodding me for sex. At any rate, I messaged a guy on it who I thought was cute. We had a rather interesting first meeting for coffee. He was back in town for his fathers funeral so he was fleeing the family for a little bit. We ended up wandering around for a bit not really doing much... watched a movie back at my place and made out a bit (cue frottage since my ass doesn't hook up). He was really sweet and I was a bit sad when he left.

    We exchanged numbers, added one another on Facebook and continued to talk. He came back to visit about 5-6 months ago but we didn't have much time to hang out due to my schedule. We started talking more and more, getting to know one another as best we could.

    I was at work one day when he dropped a bombshell on me: he asked me what I thought of a friend with benefits. My thing is: it's not for me. I don't like the thought, it gets complicated after a while and what not. He basically told me he had one or was thinking about it. He broke up with his ex of seven years or so a while ago and, like me, doesn't hook up. I'm not sure if he ever did anything with the guy but it sorta upset me. Granted, I had no right but... when I find out stuff like that from people I know and care about, it doesn't sit well with me.

    Anyways, he told me he was coming back up and 'demanded' I spend one full day and one full evening with him. I happily obliged and took off a day from work and made plans for one of the nights. Anyways, he came up and we had an absolute blast. I'm probably the happiest I've been in the longest time despite some family issues that popped up from his visit. My mother lashed out at me in a very anti-gay fashion and caused a rift between us. She eventually 'apologized'... to him rather than me. She never said anything to him to warrant an apology... it was mainly attacking me. But, whatever. She's now taken quite a shining to my friend and it's probably the first person to ever get a unanimous approval. Likewise on his family side too: I'm a big hit.

    Anyways... I had to say goodbye to him for the last time on Sunday. It was a very emotional time for me and I wasn't looking forward to it. I made a joke by asking if he could pack me in his suitcase and take me back (funny because of my height). He said he could try but that reassembly would be a problem due to dismembered body parts. I quickly shot back with a laugh and a "that's okay. You didn't know I'm an android?". His response was "I never thought I'd fall in love with an android--I mean really like an android."

    That... is what killed me right there. I've never heard those words uttered by anyone. Not even my ex from four years ago. During his time here, he kept stressing that there are other options for me aside from my desire to go into the Marines. He's not too keen on the idea, nor are my other friends, simply because everyone has worries that it will break the character and personality that I have beyond any possible recognition. I laugh it off and say no amount of brainwashing will ever destroy who I am.

    During our conversations he reiterated prior to the blurt out that he really liked me and wished that I would consider something else... but never specifically stated what. After I left that night, I bawled my eyes out like a baby in the drive home. I told him that later on and he told me the following morning that he read it and didn't really know what to say to it.

    My question is... has anyone ever been in this situation? I feel like I'm constantly being shitted on when it comes to being happy. There's always some sort of situation that crops up to prevent it... and this is one of them. He's the first person I've felt attracted to, comfortable around and can have an intelligent conversation with. I don't want to lose it, but at the same time I don't want to wish for something that won't ever exist. He makes me incredibly happy and I'm sure that I bring just as much happiness to him given the subtle and goofy little things he does.

    Words of advice?
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jul 19, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    I'm lost. What did you think he meant when he compared you to an android? If he has those feeling for you that you described, like jesus who has met the mother of the guy they're fucking around with?, then I think you're over-reacting to something you thought he said. He's probably in another gay chat room asking guys to explain you.

    Your husband isn't going to come in a box, like a Ken doll. You've got to meet a real guy you like, like the guy you're talking about, and then keep the lines of communication open...while you're having great sex.

    Really. I don't get what he did wrong.
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    Jul 19, 2011 1:26 AM GMT
    kuroshiro saidI feel like I'm constantly being shitted on when it comes to being happy. There's always some sort of situation that crops up to prevent it... and this is one of them. … Words of advice?


    Yeah, stop whining about it and crying "woe is me". If you want him, go after him. What are you waiting for? Your happiness is determined by your choices and the actions you take. You can sit and whine about not being happy because "the situation doesn't want you to be" or create the situation(s) in which you can be happy. So go for it. Do something about it. Go and be happy. ;-)
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jul 19, 2011 1:27 AM GMT
    I think you need to re-read what I said. I'm not asking for what he did wrong. Nor is there anything to explain about me. And "fucking around with" is a bit much. There was no sex. Frottage =/= sex.
  • flahotstuff

    Posts: 154

    Jul 19, 2011 1:28 AM GMT
    Be strong- fuck him- move on your young!:
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jul 19, 2011 1:29 AM GMT
    TerraFirma said
    kuroshiro saidI feel like I'm constantly being shitted on when it comes to being happy. There's always some sort of situation that crops up to prevent it... and this is one of them. … Words of advice?


    Yeah, stop whining about it and crying "woe is me". If you want him, go after him. What are you waiting for? Your happiness is determined by your choices and the actions you take. You can sit and whine about not being happy because "the situation doesn't want you to be" or create the situation(s) in which you can be happy. So go for it. Do something about it.


    I'm not whining about it, it's just that it's a difficult situation to process. I'm not in a position financially to run after him back to New Mexico. If I knew something would come out of it, then yes I could rearrange my finances to start saving for it but who knows. It's an odd subject to discuss... lol
  • kuroshiro

    Posts: 786

    Jul 19, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    I wasn't aware that grinding in underwear constitutes as sex? I guess by that definition holding hands and kissing does too?
  • islander24

    Posts: 161

    Jul 19, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    Take a chance on love. You like him - he likes you.
    Hell your family even likes him.

    Absence does not make the heart grow fonder and waiting just makes you older. I vote for go for it.
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    Jul 19, 2011 2:56 AM GMT
    islander24 saidTake a chance on love. You like him - he likes you.
    Hell your family even likes him.

    Absence does not make the heart grow fonder and waiting just makes you older. I vote for go for it.

    +100
  • John6311

    Posts: 165

    Jul 19, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    You really need to relax, enjoy life and it's ovbvious you need a good lay! You're overthinking things and you'll lose a good relationship because you're too uptight. What's wrong with following your feelings and having fun with this guy?
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Jul 19, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    Wait a minute... this guy is back for his father's funeral and he breaks away for a date? What definition of "inappropriate" would you not apply here, and what expectations would you have for someone who would behave this way?
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    Jul 19, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    Yeah you jumping down posters' throats because their responses don't meet your list of requirements from your tl;dr thread which I completely tl;dr'ed many sympathies will not garner you.
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    Jul 19, 2011 3:42 AM GMT
    Sooooo long... I wanna post something but can someone give me a summary of the posting?
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    Jul 19, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    kuroshiro, you wrote, "He makes me incredibly happy and I'm sure that I bring just as much happiness to him given the subtle and goofy little things he does.

    Words of advice?"


    My advice is to pay close attention to what I quoted in bold. That's what really matters.

    icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Jul 19, 2011 2:07 PM GMT
    I might be missing something, but I'm trying to figure out what the real issue is to you. That he asked your opinion about friends with benefits, that you are thinking about joining the Marines. Did just asking about friends with benefits automatically mean he insists on open relationships, or are you just making that assumption? Don't know but my impression is you have a great thing, but are looking for imperfections in the situation and making a big deal out of them.
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    Jul 20, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    YOU are the one putting the roadblocks in your own way. You are the one causing the hurt. It's rare to find someone that creates as much happiness as this guy does for you...and vice versa. Figure out a way to be together.