I speak to my Ex

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 18, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    Had a terrible break up after two good years where we were like in the disgusting type of love. I made a decision that his life style choices with regard to use of prescription drugs was not ok with me as it often times made him irritable, and just plain terrible to be around. Its been ten months and we recently connected via text messaging and email. He moved far away from me which is thankful as it has helped with the make up/ break up routine. Sometimes I speak to him and he is so nice and kind and even though we don't talk about getting back together and that's ok...I feel good.

    Then on a day like today he acts gross telling me about what he is doing with a married person and if I mention something in a joke he is all the sudden serious. Clearly we broke up for a reason.But I am sad that this was the person I once loved and spent time with. Its hard to imagine that the guy who used to make me french toast and who cleaned my vomit after surgery is living this weird, over-sexed and gross,random life style. It bothers me. I don't feel like I'm not over him, I feel ok about not being with him. I explained that if he wants to stay in touch with me that he not send "low rent" comments, otherwise don't message me. As I type this my cell is vibrating and I wont read the messages. I have a date in 10 mins and Id rather reorganize my energy to someone more deserving.

    Anyone wanna talk about this with me? I feel like this is say a mental health issue lol
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    Jul 21, 2011 4:34 AM GMT
    Thanks for the post. More reassurance for me as to why I shouldn't talk to my ex.

    Sounds like he is very unpredictable and it may not be the best for you to continue to communicate. Maybe you've gotten what you need out of it and now it's time to move on again.
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    Jul 21, 2011 10:13 AM GMT
    Stop talking with your ex. It is the best way to move on from him. Easy and hard as it looks.
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    Jul 21, 2011 10:15 AM GMT
    Cut all contact.

    Really not a difficult concept yet it seems most people seem to struggle with this!
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    Jul 21, 2011 10:21 AM GMT
    Celcious69 saidStop talking with your ex. It is the best way to move on from him. Easy and hard as it looks.


    +1.

    I havent talked to my ex in 4 months & have no plans to.
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    Jul 21, 2011 10:27 AM GMT
    Yeah I have an ex, once a good boyfriend who's gone downhill... it happens
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    Jul 22, 2011 12:03 PM GMT
    Pure saidCut all contact.

    Really not a difficult concept yet it seems most people seem to struggle with this!


    +1

    I think its the battle between the heart & mind. The mind knows what we should do but the heart is holding onto the good times, love & memories. We have to choose which one we are going to listen to.
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    Jul 22, 2011 12:19 PM GMT
    Don't judge the lives of others. If screwing some hot married man makes him happier than cleaning up your puke than he made a turn for the better.

    SMH for the married man though.

    If you don't wish to hear about this than you should probably not try to be friends with your ex but don't judge him.

    He probably thought you were "the one" and he doesn't deserve to be judged on his ways now that you broke up with him because of his mood swings.

    Leave him be
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 22, 2011 12:29 PM GMT
    Sounds like the breakup was wise and largely you have a pretty grounded and logical approach to the whole situation.

    I'd encourage you to be open to the conversation, glad you are removed from it, but chat with him if he wants it. Cut the negative commentary. I absolutely agree with you, but keep remarks to a minimum unless he asks for them. If you feel that you should interject your opinion, do it in a helpful way, not demeaning. You loved him once, nothing wrong with being a friend "at a distance" to this guy who once meant the world to you.
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    Jul 22, 2011 12:38 PM GMT
    I know how you feel.

    I tried to maintain a friendship with my ex. I figured after 4 years of dating and buying a home together, he was still someone important to me even if it was just as a friend. It didn't work for numerous reasons, some of which you seem to be encountering too, but unlike you I also wasn't completely over him yet which made things worse.

    I think what really sealed the deal was that little by little he just didn't look the same anymore. I spent so much time questioning if he had just become gross after our break up or if he always was and I just never noticed it. He was having tons of risky unprotected sex, falling madly in love left and right with random people in the same month, and finally he let one of his new boyfriends try to tell me off on facebook for me not letting them have my computer and video game system.

    I said fuck it. Take the computer, the wii, the dryer, the piano, the microwave, and never bother me again. Do not write me, do not think about me, do not approach me if you see me in public. You aren't dead to me, you've just grown extremely pathetic and thus you're not that important to me anymore.

    I am so glad I haven't heard from him since. If this situation is becomming more work and tolerance than you need right now, cut him off. Why even put yourself through the trouble anymore? I cannot explain the weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders now that we no longer communicate with each other.