he loves me but wants his other mate???

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 24, 2008 9:50 AM GMT
    recently i found out that my best mate has fallen in love with me and he wants a relationship he knows i,m gay but recently his other mate whom he was close to before he met me has come back to town now i neither see or hear from him. I rang him and asked him where we stood and he said nothing had changed between us. since then i,ve heard nor seen him around should i give up and walk away let him be with this guy or stay and see what happens. i feel like i,m intruding between the two of them. could he be hiding his feelings about me while his other is round? any advice guys???
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    Apr 24, 2008 4:53 PM GMT
    He says he loves you but as soon as his ex comes back he does not talk to you anymore? I think he is being pretty insensitive to your feelings. I would keep an arms length for now, hopefully the friendship won't be damaged by his behaviour.
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    Apr 25, 2008 9:22 AM GMT
    hi Wysiwyg60 keeping him at arms length is what i,m doing now but what if he decides to choose the other guy. he,s never spoken about his past with this guy and nor will he talk about it. i got the feeling that something went wrong or someone got hurt but why choose him over me when the other guy has been away for a long time now suddenly comes on the scene. if he has told me that he doesn,t want to lose me then i can,t work out why am i being closed out it,s like he,s hiding how he really feels but about who should i let he decide in his heart which one he wants and accept his decision or keep cool for a while and let time take it course
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Apr 25, 2008 10:11 AM GMT
    Onenut, it says on your profile you're 41, but you're acting like a teenager for godsake.

    You are giving this guy all the power by agonising over his crappy treatment of you. You deserve better, so really need to put him to the back of your mind, and move on.

    Guys like this guy are a dime a dozen, how can you call him your best mate when he treats you like this?

    Move on.

    Loz
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    Apr 25, 2008 5:26 PM GMT
    what about a threesome
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    Apr 26, 2008 8:08 AM GMT
    Laurence thanks you said i,m acting like a teenager but understand this he,s the only guy i,ve met so far thats accepted as i am. all the rest ahve dumped me because as they say I,M DISEASED and they don,t want to spend their PRECIOUS time with someone like me e especially considering whats happened to me. but this guy does or rather DID. You talk about his crappy treatment of me, yet everything was great between us until this other guy arrived you say i should dump him and move on. thats not as easy to do as you think as I said in my first post it,s not easy for someone in my situation to find acceptense but as i said above he did accept me and loved me i,m really mixed up about this as i feel that this other guy is pushing him away from me to keep him for himself I,d really like to talk anyone about this so if you or anyone else wants to chat here,s my windows hotmail address it,s Sevron727@hotmail.com anyone with some advice????
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    Apr 26, 2008 10:31 AM GMT
    He's just not into you any more.
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    Apr 26, 2008 1:46 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidHe's just not into you any more.
    ok then why can,t he be honest and tell me. why was everything really great until this other guy showed up i,m finding very confusing when he tells me thats he really loves me and wants a relationship now this guy turns up after all this time and now i don,t even get a call or txt anymore surely it,s the other guy thats the problem if his feelings for me are that strong why is he taking this action by treating me like this could it be that he doesn,t want this other guy to know what he really feels or that he finds himself in a position where he may have to choosebetween two people if you had to choose between two people how would you decide which one to choose??
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    Apr 26, 2008 2:57 PM GMT
    Dont give up hope....

    lolcats funny cat pictures

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    Apr 26, 2008 3:04 PM GMT

    For some guys the words "I love you" are like the hiccups, when these guys drink too much soda or probably beer these words just come up.
    This guy sounds like bad news. Not sure how he could say such sweet things to you and then totally turn it off.
    He must have had the hiccups.
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    Apr 27, 2008 9:14 AM GMT
    Caslon, thanks for the message and i love the pic but yes i am hoping that he,ll come back to me or that something happens between him and this other guy and i,m the one who will get back the one i love. most of you say that i should forget this guy and move on. But how, it,s not easy for me as i have a fear of being rejected once people find out what has happened to me and i DON,T make a habit of telling people. the trouble is in my town word of mouth is a big killer and most of the gay guys knew about me and the op before i,d even come out of hospital thanks to my big mouth EX-boyfriend. finding someone to accept me like my boyfriend did ids going to be very hard maybe as caslon said there,s hope I don,t want to give up on him just yet in case there,s a chance he may come back to me if things change between these two i might be the one who could win so is it worth staying to see what might happen?
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Feb 20, 2010 12:05 AM GMT

    you can hope. you can want. you can kick and you can scream. but direct your own energies invest it into some forthcoming lesson. this is drivel. this is contrived.

    this is a hurt that you are guaranteed to experience. your stomach tightens not because it's clear and plain with him ... you become tense because you know you are the other man. a position for which you did not initially but concurrently are volunteering.

    if he was the oil and you the car ...

    you wouldn't get far ... it would be just a waste of time