Why is OUR sex life MY responsibility?!?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2011 7:25 AM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and needless to say our sex life has begun to dwindle. A few months ago my boyfriend cheated on me and when confronted about it he admitted to several encounters with the same person. I was devastated, but somehow it was all my fault for not being more entertaining in bed, I "forced him to seek satisfaction elsewhere." We have since swept that under the rug (much to my objection) and not talked about it since. I decided to be the bigger man and took it upon myself to jazz up our sex life. I decorated the entire room with black light reactive glow stars, colorful custom reactive drawings, even a glow in the dark model space ship which took hours to construct. I covered and taped up the window to block the sun and purchased a black light to make the whole room glow. This was one of his fantasies that he once described to me come to life. We both loved the results and had fun with it for a month or so, but now he is getting bored again and somehow it is up to me yet again to spice things up. If I don't there is a good chance he will cheat again (if it ever stopped in the first place).

    I am bored with our sex life as well. All we do is fuck. And I am always the bottom. I am being accused of lacking energy when we have sex, but how much energy can you really put forth when your job is to lay there with your legs in the air?!?! I would LOVE to be the top once in a while, or even be allowed to give him a blow job for crying out loud... But noooo, versatile is not a word he is familiar with. There is about a 3% chance that he will be in the mood to give me a blow job but other than that all we ever do is fuck. And with no room to expand our sex life what am I supposed to do???

    I am starting to rant, sorry. I don't know how much more of the selfish hypocrisy I can stand. Please help if you can, thanks.
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    Jul 19, 2011 7:37 AM GMT
    Move on.
    Your boyfriend is unwilling/unable to communicate his needs to you then makes his issue "your problem." Nothing you shared makes him sound like a keeper. He will cheat again (if he hasn't already.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2011 12:13 PM GMT
    What he said.
    I know I could use the quote button.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2011 1:00 PM GMT
    I appreciate your efforts, but I think it's time to have that TALK, and I mean, really have it, or move on.
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    Jul 19, 2011 1:04 PM GMT
    You have two feet, they are built for walking.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Jul 19, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    either move on or invite what he is interested into the bed room. It will either solve it or at that point you've done all you possibly can.
    In the end, He is just a guy!
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Jul 19, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    Fuck that shit he cheated on you go Lauraine Bobett on his ass while he's asleep tonight icon_evil.gif
  • Aquanerd

    Posts: 845

    Jul 19, 2011 1:37 PM GMT
    If you want to stick with this guy, and he can't/wont communicate, then by default you are responsible for your sex life. Some one has too!

    First off, you are using a condom!? Even if you didn't in the past, he's cheated. Protecting yourself is your responsibility. No unsheathed dick should come anywhere near your ass.

    He said he stepped out because he wasn't getting what he wanted from you. You also said that you were bored. So neither one of you are getting what you want out of your sex life. There is some serious talking that needs to be happening between the two of you. If sex is boring for both of you, are there other reasons why you are together? If there are common grounds outside of sex, then use them to start communicating on sex.
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    Jul 19, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    Well I have a good example of a pretty much he was an exclusive top and I was exclusively bottom. It worked for us actually over the 2.5 years we were together and never had a problem with it.

    Mostly all we did was have sex, but it was always hot - either it was because we really loved having sex together or because we took the most random times in our live and did it then...for instance...came home from work and he was showering so I came in and got in with him and bam!

    ahah
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    Jul 19, 2011 2:51 PM GMT
    He's taking advantage of your willingness to stick it out no matter what. He assumes you'll always be there because you want him so badly. Show him how much you respect yourself by having the power to end it on your terms. You'll feel better and empowered. Good luck.
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    Jul 19, 2011 3:27 PM GMT
    dcblue saidHe's taking advantage of your willingness to stick it out no matter what. He assumes you'll always be there because you want him so badly. Show him how much you respect yourself by having the power to end it on your terms. You'll feel better and empowered. Good luck.


    Exactly. Self respect is king.
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    Jul 19, 2011 3:55 PM GMT
    Ravco said
    dcblue saidHe's taking advantage of your willingness to stick it out no matter what. He assumes you'll always be there because you want him so badly. Show him how much you respect yourself by having the power to end it on your terms. You'll feel better and empowered. Good luck.


    Exactly. Self respect is king.


    It also shows co-dependancy issues on the OPs part. If it looks like an abusive relationship, talks like an abusive relationship, walks like an abusive relationship...then it must be worth sticking out for...?
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    Jul 19, 2011 5:31 PM GMT
    Aquanerd saidIf sex is boring for both of you, are there other reasons why you are together? If there are common grounds outside of sex, then use them to start communicating on sex.


    Yes, our sex life is horrible, but the rest of our life together is quite the opposite. We get along and agree on most everything else. There are plenty of reasons to stay with this man, but is this selfish, disrespectful attitude towards sex worth leaving him over?? I know only I can make that determination but its not an easy call to make...
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    Jul 19, 2011 5:47 PM GMT
    hopeless_romantic said
    Aquanerd saidIf sex is boring for both of you, are there other reasons why you are together? If there are common grounds outside of sex, then use them to start communicating on sex.


    Yes, our sex life is horrible, but the rest of our life together is quite the opposite. We get along and agree on most everything else. There are plenty of reasons to stay with this man, but is this selfish, disrespectful attitude towards sex worth leaving him over?? I know only I can make that determination but its not an easy call to make...


    Sex is important and if he's not giving you what you want and show's no flexibility, you should dump him. It's hard to believe you stayed with him after you found out he had cheated several times. Sounds like he's using you.
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    Jul 19, 2011 5:55 PM GMT
    It's pretty obvious that he has no respect for you if he lazily blames you for his cheating. If he really wanted the relationship to be successful he would have spoken to you about any problems. You need to stop being in denial and cut your losses. Good luck!
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    Jul 19, 2011 6:09 PM GMT
    Yeah I would say move on.....You deserve someone who really appreciates you. I mean hell you took the time to live out one of his fantasies. If it was me I would be like he, you can have what ever you want since you did that for me. Yeah, move on though because you shouldn't be the one doing all the work and it wasn't your fault in the first place....all of it is his fault he is the one that cheated and he is the one that cant communicate with you.