how can i get my friend to talk to me again?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2011 5:55 PM GMT
    Me and my best friend had a really bad fight sometimes in March. A lot of stuff happened that caused both of us to just hate each other. Our relationship is a bit weird because its like we are in a relationship but we are not because he is straight, or so i think. I love him dearly. He did try to make contact with me on several occasions, but i was a bit mean to him because i was still hurt by what he did. Anyways so we go to the same college together and when we see each other we act like we dont know one another and this kills me. I miss him so much! I dont know how to talk to him again and im afraid that if i try to make contact with him that he will turn me down and that will make me even more devastated.

    Some friends have suggested that i go up to him at school and talk to him face to face, basically just say sorry for the way everything happened and that i still care for him and love him no matter what.

    I on the other hand want to text him AND RIGHT NOW! but my friends say over text he might not respond or have any sort of emotion because im not there in person...

    I miss him so much icon_sad.gif please help me. What do you think i should do? what do you recommend I say?
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    Jul 19, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    Tell him what you are telling us. Call him if need be.

    Yes on the no texting, wait until it is face to face.
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    Jul 19, 2011 9:49 PM GMT
    It all falls down to what type of friendship you had, real or fake. Too many guys in our community are friends of convinience, and tend to talk to one another when it seems convinient. i have known my best bud for over 18 years, and we've had a few conflicts, we've stopped chatting back n forth for a month or so. But nothing to where neither he or i would stop talking to him completely. on the other hand I had a so called friend with in my circle of friends whom I would never talk to again, he burned me twice and that was 2x too many, he can right next to me and i just look past him, I cant do that with my best bud, I care too much about him and vice versa. Like I said it all falls down to what kind of friendship you had, it seems like when your bud was trying to patch things up, you put on a crown on, you should of just forgotten your little tiff and moved on. Since you didn't your bud moved on!
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    Jul 19, 2011 9:54 PM GMT
    Man up dude. Go up to him and tell him face to face that you miss his friendship and want to reconnect. If he rejects you, then move on. But the childish ignoring each other is ridiculous. You're a grown man. High school is over.
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    Jul 19, 2011 10:07 PM GMT
    Invite him over to your place for dinner and tell him the silly spat is over and his friendship means much to you. It's unfortunate that too many people just refuse to forgive and forget.
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    Jul 19, 2011 10:08 PM GMT
    I'm just scared he rejects me I think I would be devastated!
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    Jul 19, 2011 10:13 PM GMT
    meemo21 saidI'm just scared he rejects me I think I would be devastated!


    Well, if he rejects you you dont have a friend. If he doesnt you do.

    If you never talk to him you dont have a friend.

    See what Im getting here? You cant lose something you dont have.
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    Jul 19, 2011 10:15 PM GMT
    meemo21 saidI'm just scared he rejects me I think I would be devastated!


    You're making it sound like you are in love with him. But you said he's straight, or you think he is. Well, are you in love with him?
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    Jul 19, 2011 10:15 PM GMT
    Be the bigger man and apologize. Worry about his reaction later, i'm sure he will forgive you, if not today sometime in the near future. You can do it! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 19, 2011 10:18 PM GMT
    I have to echo what everyone has said already. Give him a call or take him to one side for a chat next time you see him. I think you both seem to value your friendship and want to repair it.
  • joxguy

    Posts: 236

    Jul 19, 2011 10:25 PM GMT
    That type of friendship comes from not being afraid to approach him and at least say hi, I need to apologize. Can I buy you a beer later or something like that. But if you feel that strongly about the friendship step to the plate. My feeling is if he won't talk to you then he is hurt too.

    good luck
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    Jul 19, 2011 10:26 PM GMT
    I can empathise 100%.

    I had a 'friend' from my school-days who I considered to to be somebody I was really close to a couple of years back, sorta like the relationship you've described. Just one of those tye of friendships where you both immediately 'click', same humour, care for each other, have great time when hanging out with the other, talk online for hours a day, every day, a definite bro-mance =D

    Anyway, there were things said and done that put splinters in the friendship, things were said and done on both sides to a degree, I would immediately apologise for mine, he would never for his. I distanced myself from him as the friendship became too one sided.

    He eventually, probably because of my distancing, said some really below the belt shit to/about me.

    Once again he never apologised to me nor attempted to win my friendship back as I thought he should- i'm nobodys doormat (unless you call looking at me from across the bar, in hopes I would return the gaze and start a convo 2 months after the fight,' trying to win friendship back'? personally I think it is a cowardly tossed crumb that I wasn't prepared to pick up) . I cut him out of my life entirely.

    I was mad at him for a LONG time. I was mad because I was hurt, and I was hurt because I obviously did care for him a lot and he abused that.

    Now the anger has subsided, i'm just kinda disappointed that he never had the balls to man up to his actions like an adult should, and make a genuine attempt to salvage what had been damaged, as I had done with him in the past for petty crap, MUCH less serious than his. The fact that he hasn't still, one year on- and likely never will, tells me his misplaced pride is more important to him. Oh well, life is a flux. I prefer to look forward.

    To the OP: Fix it now, whilst you still may be able to because the longer you leave it after the initial cool-off period, the more likely his heart will eventually harden to you.

    Bite the proverbial bullet and arrange a sit-down between you two to apologise and or hash it out, before it is too late for you both too, or at least make a strong attempt to so you will always know that you did everything you could to find out if it really was irreparable or if there was that glimmer of hope still left.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2603

    Jul 19, 2011 10:28 PM GMT
    Yes,go tell him face to face you`re sorry for what you said,etc.,and take the consequences from there.If he rejects you,at least you know where you stand in regard to him.If he accepts your apology,then you can begin to rebuild your friendship with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2011 10:29 PM GMT
    Whenever arguments happen with my friends, I ask myself, "is this argument worth losing the friendship over?"

    Most of the time it is not- and so as much as I hate putting down my pride and apologizing I know I have to in order to move forward with that friendship.

    If it's not worth it, then you let it go, and slowly let it fade from your life.

    You make it sound as though it's worth it, and now it's time to put aside your pride and apologize, especially before it's too late. Because if he thinks you are over it and don't care, when you go to apologize it will be too late. Good luck.
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    Jul 19, 2011 10:40 PM GMT
    You should talk to him in person not text. If you're man enough to break the glass, be man enough to repair it.
    He even came to you and you rejected. You are no better than anyone. Go talk to him, if repairing the friendship is what you truly want.

    To complement the poster above; Would you rather be right and proud, or happy and friends?
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    Jul 19, 2011 10:46 PM GMT
    I have to admit I got really close to texting. After reading your posts I have changed my mind and will wait till thursday to see him at school (thats when i seem to bump into him). I will just take him aside and apologize for everything and the way things went. I really hope I don't tear up that would be embarrassing! lol...

    Ps. This is why I love realjock because of all of you and the advice you give thank you so much! you guys are like the big brother i never had icon_redface.gif LOOL
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    Jul 19, 2011 10:47 PM GMT
    cityaznguy said
    meemo21 saidI'm just scared he rejects me I think I would be devastated!


    You're making it sound like you are in love with him. But you said he's straight, or you think he is. Well, are you in love with him?


    I do love him very much. It's a weird kind of love we have for each other. But I love him to death and would die for him he means the world to me on so many levels!
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    Jul 19, 2011 11:01 PM GMT
    call him. life is easy unless we make it hard. grow a pair.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 19, 2011 11:09 PM GMT
    meemo21 said
    cityaznguy said
    meemo21 saidI'm just scared he rejects me I think I would be devastated!


    I do love him very much. It's a weird kind of love we have for each other. But I love him to death and would die for him he means the world to me on so many levels!




    If you could only feel this way about another gay man, I think you'd have it made. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 19, 2011 11:36 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    meemo21 said
    cityaznguy said
    meemo21 saidI'm just scared he rejects me I think I would be devastated!


    I do love him very much. It's a weird kind of love we have for each other. But I love him to death and would die for him he means the world to me on so many levels!




    If you could only feel this way about another gay man, I think you'd have it made. icon_wink.gif


    hehehe, fact of the matter is no guy straight, gay or bi or better yet anyone in general has ever shown me what this guy has shown me. From affection, love to caring for me ect... & it's been so hard to let him go. The amount of love I have for him is unbelievable and I doubt I can ever have a guy in my life like him again. Or it's just going to be really really really hard to find one.
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    Jul 19, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    meemo21 saidI'm just scared he rejects me I think I would be devastated!


    Well, if he rejects you you dont have a friend. If he doesnt you do.

    If you never talk to him you dont have a friend.

    See what Im getting here? You cant lose something you dont have.


    I like the way you put it. It makes a lot of sense icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2011 11:44 PM GMT
    The quicker you get around to having the conversation the quicker you can relax about it. Put the ball in his court and let him decide then. Besides I feel the longer you wait on something the easier it is for a person to walk away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 19, 2011 11:45 PM GMT
    Ive had friendships go sour before.. unfortunately its sometimes just how it is.. true friends will always come back though
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 19, 2011 11:48 PM GMT
    meemo21 said

    hehehe, fact of the matter is no guy straight, gay or bi or better yet anyone in general has ever shown me what this guy has shown me. From affection, love to caring for me ect... & it's been so hard to let him go. The amount of love I have for him is unbelievable and I doubt I can ever have a guy in my life like him again. Or it's just going to be really really really hard to find one.


    Oh, I understand. There is a straight guy in my life that I feel the same for. Matter of fact we have been roommates for almost 8 years. But, when it all comes down to it, you know there will ( should) come a time for you two to go and live your separate lives, especially if he is straight. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 19, 2011 11:58 PM GMT
    I experienced something similar with two friends of mine within the past year. One made a choice he didn't want to maintain a friendship/relationship because I didn't pay enough attention to him. And the other was more about differences of opinion and misunderstandings. The ending of those relationships was not my choice--it was theirs. And I respect their choices because it was theirs, not mine. I still love them deeply and would do anything for them regardless of their choice(s). But ending the friendship was their choice--not mine. I moved forward and kept living my life.

    So you have some choices in front of you. You can reach out to him in the correct manner by having some balls and just speaking to him directly. Texting is convenient, inappropriate, impersonal and just plain stupid. What if cell phones and emails didn't exist? Then what would you do? Before texting came along, what would you have done? Think about that. You'd be a/the better man by just going up to him and saying, "Let's talk," or, "Listen...here's what I need to tell you." You don't have anything to lose by doing that.

    Another choice: Do nothing at all. You are still gonna keep breathing, the world is gonna keep spinning; Democrats and Republicans are still gonna fight--nothing changes. You'll have to accept the benefits and consequences of this choice but at least you know that you've made a definitive choice and you've stood your ground on how you feel and what you want.

    Good luck. icon_smile.gif