Conversation killer?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2011 12:52 PM GMT
    This might just be the nature of an online dating site but... I have noticed that lots of guys seem genuinely interesting to me, and I would like to be friends with them--not just because of their shirtless pics and the major c2c potential. I genuinely like having interesting people to chat with. When I am perusing profiles and one strikes me as a potential cool friend, I send an interesting message. Usually three sentences about whatever picked my interest like mutual hobbies, or my experience traveling to their city.
    Nearly everyone looks at my profile, so I know they see the message but maybe 1/3 don't open it, and another 1/3 open it but don't respond. Of the remaining 1/3 nearly everybody stops replying after one message. Why is that? Am I that uninteresting? Does initiating a conversation seem to clingy? Should I play hard to get for a few days before I respond? Or are guys on here really just looking for sex even when their profile specifically says, "Hey message me, I love to chat"? What does the forum group think?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2011 1:33 PM GMT
    If initiating a conversation with a single message is considered clingy, then communication has changed a lot more than I thought in the last decade. However, not everyone responds to messages. I know that I'll typically respond within a few days of receiving a message, but sometimes I'll read the message, leave the house, then remember a few days later that someone sent a message and respond to it. Don't play "hard to get." If you have time to respond to a message, then do so. Adding head games into it will just be annoying.

    However, if your messages are "you're so hot, we should chat and hang out," I can see why someone would not respond.

    To be honest though, I was sorta hoping this thread would be "What's your favorite conversation killer to get out of a discussion?"

    Mine would be to ask them an awkward question.

    "What's your favorite color..."
    "...ed person?"

    ooh, or

    "You like kids too? I just LOVE 8-year-olds."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2011 3:10 PM GMT

    I find this kinda interesting. There is NO way we would be a match. but I want to point out a couple of things I noticed. I always check out profiles before opening a message from someone I don't know. If I see anything that doesn't look right, I click on the persons tab "View Mail History"..that way, you can read the message without opening it. Depending on the content of the message, I may or not open it and respond.
    BUT, your profile is a little out of whack. First, I don't think you should describe yourself as "Muscular"....you surely are not. Swimmer's Build might fit you better.
    And, this comment shows a lot of insecurity about who you are:
    "I'm straight except for one thing, I love the look and feel of a man's naked body--especially one pressed against mine."
    Based on what you say you love... what is it about you that is "straight" ??

    Of course, I have no idea what you say in your messages to guys on here, but after seeing your profile, I would hesitate to reply.
    Just MY opinion....
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 20, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    Here's a few thoughts on the subject.

    You'll have better luck with guys that post on the forums. They are active on this site, for whatever reason, ie, dating, chat, friendship. It does happen, but it's not really a hook up site. Inactive guys, are that, by choice. Perhaps they're just browsing, and not really looking for connection.

    You'll have better luck, once guys get to know you a bit from posting in the forums. Insightful or witty posts will give people an idea of your personality. Your connections will grow exponentially with your public activity.

    For example, you may respond politely to a comment from a stranger at the supermarket. But, you may be more engaged if it's someone from campus, that you've seen about, but haven't officially met yet.

    Also, messages can get lost, if someone gets a lot, but doesn't reply right away, it can get buried by newer messages. I'd guess that 9 out of 10 it's nothing personal. Just give it time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2011 6:15 PM GMT
    The sooner you realize that people are stupid, the sooner you'll not give a fuck if someone doesn't respond. icon_biggrin.gif
  • davemancheste...

    Posts: 175

    Jul 20, 2011 6:20 PM GMT
    I agree with friendsrbetter. Having looked at your profile the other thing that stood out for me other than the "straight" query raised above was your very strict age range of guys you are into. Now that is your prefenence but I wouldn't put it on your profile because it makes you come across like a shallow, unpleasant, tosser (which I'm sure you're not). That, however, is what I think of guys when I see a strict age range on their profiles- the guys whose messages I ignore.There will be perfect 30, or 40, or 50 guys that would make great mates, or lovers, out there that see your profile and just ignore you as a result. You aren't gonna be in you twenties forever mate- don't be ageist. Remember that.

    David
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 20, 2011 6:24 PM GMT
    There can be a variety of reasons someone doesn't answer.. don't immediately think it is some "rejection" in some manner.. unfortunately, for some, even reading messages is too much a challenge.

    For those who do read your messages, a comment back would be in order, again.. it takes an effort and there are guys who get a number of messages and they try and be diligent (we do...lol). I would encourage you to be patient.. those who are interested in a friendship will respond.. just be patient!

    Good luck there..

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 20, 2011 6:32 PM GMT
    Pyrotech saidTo be honest though, I was sorta hoping this thread would be "What's your favorite conversation killer to get out of a discussion?"

    Mine would be to ask them an awkward question.

    "What's your favorite color..."
    "...ed person?"

    ooh, or

    "You like kids too? I just LOVE 8-year-olds."


    If I'm talking to a gay guy and I lose interest I just pick a girl from the crowd and go "oh there's my girlfriend." and walk away.

    If I'm talking to a straight guy and I'm tired of the conversation I just move it towards gay related topics.

    If I'm talking to a lesbian chick....okay I wouldn't be talking to a lesbian chick.

    If I'm talking to a straight girl and I'm trying to get out of it...well that one's a bit harder...that's normally when I just completely zone out and just nod and agree with whatever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2011 6:48 PM GMT
    Everything everbody said above.

    In addition, You have pretty strict parameters for who you are interested in - your description of yourself is not accurate (muscular) and you don't have a face pic.

    You do not NEED to be muscular here, but you need to be honest and / or realistic about it otherwise it seems kinda weird. The hidden face, for me at least, automatically goes on a back burner. And yes - I know you wouldn't be contacting me anyway I am just responding to your post.

    You seem like a nice guy. Participate in forums - that is really the best way. And if you can (I understand there may be extenuating circumstances) show your face. Dudes may like to admire your pecs but ultimately will need to look you in the eye.

    Good luck!!!

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2011 6:56 PM GMT
    jprichva said
    Pyrotech said
    To be honest though, I was sorta hoping this thread would be "What's your favorite conversation killer to get out of a discussion?"

    Mine would be to ask them an awkward question.

    "What's your favorite color..."
    "...ed person?"

    ooh, or

    "You like kids too? I just LOVE 8-year-olds."

    If we're driving somewhere or maybe on a train, my favorite convo-killer is to gaze out the window and say, "I used to live down that street."



    On a plane, I just bring up the current weather- storm, heatwave, snow, whatever and talk about how I can remember worse so many years ago. "I remember a terrible cold spell back in 85. No it couldn't have been 85, it had to have been 83 because I was still in high school. Anyways it was so cold..." After my 15 minute story I am not asked anything else and have peace the rest of the flight.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 20, 2011 7:04 PM GMT
    Iceblink said

    I can remember worse so many years ago. "I remember a terrible cold spell back in 85. No it couldn't have been 85, it had to have been 83 because I was still in high school. Anyways it was so cold..." After my 15 minute story I am not asked anything else and have peace the rest of the flight.


    I'm sorry...what were you saying?
    icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 20, 2011 7:15 PM GMT
    wild_sky360 said
    Iceblink said

    I can remember worse so many years ago. "I remember a terrible cold spell back in 85. No it couldn't have been 85, it had to have been 83 because I was still in high school. Anyways it was so cold..." After my 15 minute story I am not asked anything else and have peace the rest of the flight.


    I'm sorry...what were you saying?
    icon_lol.gif




    Oh, okay. Let me start over from the beginning. I was just saying that...
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 20, 2011 7:18 PM GMT
    Trollileo saidIt's ok. You're not the only one. I tried getting a conversation started with a guy on here and he didn't message me back. I just wanted to be friendly and it was a genuine question. icon_redface.gif I guess I'm not interesting, either.


    No..you're very interesting D. And you're funny, and outgoing, and down to earth, and chat with everyone...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2011 9:07 PM GMT
    Yay for us posting the exact same topic on the exact same day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2011 9:10 PM GMT
    SemiTransparency saidYay for us posting the exact same topic on the exact same day.


    So will YOU guys return each other's e-mails?
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    Jul 20, 2011 9:16 PM GMT
    Trollileo saidIt's ok. You're not the only one. I tried getting a conversation started with a guy on here and he didn't message me back. I just wanted to be friendly and it was a genuine question. icon_redface.gif I guess I'm not interesting, either.

    But I've noticed that 90% of guys on sleazy hookup sites will send me a message that says "sup?" or "what are you doing right now?" I will always tell them the truth which is usually working, practicing, arranging, or (now since my ankle is healed up finally) working out. Apparently guys don't like it when I'm not free to do whatever sexual escapade they feel like partaking in. It's kind of funny actually.


    That's funny...I can't imagine anybody letting the conversation run anywhere to a message that says "sup?" I mean, unless it's my friends, I don't really know what to tell people when that's being asked.
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    Jul 20, 2011 9:17 PM GMT
    Cash said
    SemiTransparency saidYay for us posting the exact same topic on the exact same day.


    So will YOU guys return each other's e-mails?


    I always return messages unless I forget. Even if I can't think of much to say. It's common courtesy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    Reading your profile makes me feel awkward.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 20, 2011 9:44 PM GMT
    Your profile may need a little rewording. It may make people feel uneasy chatting with you. Add a face picture to make you seem approachable.

    In addition, the longer the distance between you and them the more likely the conversation will die out.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2011 12:59 AM GMT
    Trollileo saidBut I've noticed that 90% of guys on sleazy hookup sites will send me a message that says "sup?"


    I hate the three-letter intro. I usually take those conversations to their lowest. For example:

    "sup"
    "nm u"
    "ntn. lookin?"
    "y"
    "?"
    "!"
    "wanna fuk?"
    "cnt. too lzy 2 evn type."

    'Cause fuck em.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2011 1:30 AM GMT
    Everybody's got an opinion. Well I put muscular because that is what my friends and people my age call me in person, but apparently I don't fit RJ's definition. So I changed it.
    I do have strict age parameters, but I feel its better to put the age thing out there than cause an awkward thing later. I just feel awkward with people older/younger than my siblings (I come from a big family).
    I wrote straight except for, because I defy the stereotype so fully. When I came out to my best friends they were honestly and so completely surprised they thought it was a huge joke, and didn't believe me.
    I don't have a facepic because I am closeted. But I am verified, plus I always unlock if the person strikes up a good convo. I will make a few changes and I guess we'll see if that enhances responses.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2011 2:36 AM GMT
    It's very seldom I won't respond to an email. However, I probably wouldn't respond to an email from you for the following reasons:

    • I refuse to communicate to anyone who is ashamed of who they are, and being in the closet reeks of shame. Life's too short for that.

    • I also normally don't respond to guys who have strict age requirements listed in their profile (even if I'm within that age group.) Ageism is rampant in the gay community and I refuse to be a part of it. A sophisticated guy should be able to hang out with an 18 year old or an 80 year old. The things you can learn from someone much younger or older than you is astounding. Even if you're only looking for a hookup, let your decision be based on their attractiveness rather than a predetermined age.

    • The "straight" thing would make me laugh and delete your message without even opening it. If you're masculine, say "masculine", but unless you're attracted ONLY to girls, the word "straight" should not be in your profile. It makes you look delusional.
  • Osiris_Blade

    Posts: 103

    Jul 21, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    Pyrotech said
    Trollileo saidBut I've noticed that 90% of guys on sleazy hookup sites will send me a message that says "sup?"


    I hate the three-letter intro. I usually take those conversations to their lowest. For example:

    "sup"
    "nm u"
    "ntn. lookin?"
    "y"
    "?"
    "!"
    "wanna fuk?"
    "cnt. too lzy 2 evn type."

    'Cause fuck em.


    I agree fully. I get those messages so much. I try to type or speak with decent grammar and these drive me insane. But I actually take stock in using my wit and intellect to respond to these emails. I always follow up with a code. (The code is quite easy to break.) But as always they misread the code and respond so horribly that I force the conversation into the dirt. It has been quite effective.

    "Tag lines" I want to add to the list:

    - "xxx-xxx-xxxx we need to chat or text"
    - "whats happening my man?"
    - "wuts gud"
    - "hit me up"
    - "woof"
    - "Subject line: HOT, Email body: " (Yes, that is a blank. I did receive one of those.)
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    Jul 21, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    Trollileo saidIt's ok. You're not the only one. I tried getting a conversation started with a guy on here and he didn't message me back. I just wanted to be friendly and it was a genuine question. icon_redface.gif I guess I'm not interesting, either.


    Happens to everyone. Some people are just d-bags. I usually respond to anyone unless it's a three letter greeter or a no picture
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    I messages guys on here and no reply doesn't mean much to me it is what it is