How do serial monogamists do it?

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    Jul 20, 2011 8:21 PM GMT
    So, I have several friends who always seem to be in serious relationships--one, two, or three years long. Like clockwork, as soon as one of their relationships end, they go into a flurry of dating, and within a month or so they've identified the guy who's going to become their next relationship victim, and then the cycle starts again.

    I, on the other hand, can barely get past a handful of dates with the same guy, and I haven't seen anyone seriously in years. Can't really tell what the hell's the matter with me. I think I'm as attractive/fit as they are (you're going to have to take my word on this, as I'm too much of a coward to post photos of myself). I've been thinking a lot about it, and I think it comes down to a couple of things:

    - I have certain expectations for what it's like to be in love. So, I tend to focus on finding someone that I'm really going to click with and fall for, and it's rare to find anyone like that

    - I think my friends just start dating the first halfway decent guy they meet and take it from there. I sense they don't really go through the fireworks/infatuation stage with the people they're in relationships with, but I guess the sex and companionship are satisfying.

    - I'm comfortable being alone in a way they aren't. For example, I regularly go traveling on vacation by myself, whereas these friends seem to cringe at the thought of doing so themselves


    Thoughts?

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    Jul 20, 2011 8:29 PM GMT
    seattlechill saidSo, I have several friends who always seem to be in serious relationships--one, two, or three years long. Like clockwork, as soon as one of their relationships end, they go into a flurry of dating, and within a month or so they've identified the guy who's going to become their next relationship victim, and then the cycle starts again.

    I, on the other hand, can barely get past a handful of dates with the same guy, and I haven't seen anyone seriously in years. Can't really tell what the hell's the matter with me. I think I'm as attractive/fit as they are (you're going to have to take my word on this, as I'm too much of a coward to post photos of myself). I've been thinking a lot about it, and I think it comes down to a couple of things:

    - I have certain expectations for what it's like to be in love. So, I tend to focus on finding someone that I'm really going to click with and fall for, and it's rare to find anyone like that

    - I think my friends just start dating the first halfway decent guy they meet and take it from there. I sense they don't really go through the fireworks/infatuation stage with the people they're in relationships with, but I guess the sex and companionship are satisfying.

    - I'm comfortable being alone in a way they aren't. For example, I regularly go traveling on vacation by myself, whereas these friends seem to cringe at the thought of doing so themselves


    Thoughts?



    Thoughts are that you already have it all figured out.Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, the fact you don't mind doing things on your own speaks volumes...there is nothing lonelier than someone who has to be around someone all the time.Don't worry about what anyone else does.Your fine.Stop looking for someone..just carry on doing what you like and before you know it Mr. 'Not Quite Right' will show up....[and post some pics-nobody will give you the time of day on here unless you do]
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    Jul 20, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    I feel like I am in the same boat as you Seattle. I pride myself upon being an independent guy and that I am okay with doing things on my own.

    I'm really curious to see what thoughts everyone has on this since I feel like I am going through the same thing as you...only I've NEVER been in a serious relationship to start. I can't even get to that phase....
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    Jul 20, 2011 11:46 PM GMT
    seattlechill said

    - I have certain expectations for what it's like to be in love. So, I tend to focus on finding someone that I'm really going to click with and fall for, and it's rare to find anyone like that


    Thoughts?



    This.

    If you have 'certain expectations' you'll be looking forever. Doing things on your own is great, but when you want a mate you're going to have to be more considerate of differences most others have.. dont by any means 'settle', but if you looking to follow a rubric, you're not going to get anything substantial.