Friends With Benefits

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    So the movie coming out has got me thinking: why is there not more of this? everyone says they are looking for something longterm, and thats great, but i would definitely like something in the meantime.

    to be honest, most of my relationships turn to sex anyway, so why not skip the bullshit and just have friends that you fuck every once in awhile? does anyone else agree?
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    Jul 21, 2011 4:52 AM GMT
    I've been that way for a few years.

    Part of the problem with finding others into the FWB thing is that society keeps telling people they're supposed to be monogamous, with only one person, blah blah, jealousy, blah blah, possessiveness, blah blah. This causes people to lie about what they really want, and they end up in a LTR and cheating on the side.
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    Jul 21, 2011 4:59 AM GMT
    You are not going to find that everyone here on RJ agrees with what you are saying, but it is my belief that you should do whatever works for you.
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    Jul 21, 2011 5:03 AM GMT
    Agreed. icon_lol.gif

    (What do you mean by "in the meantime"? icon_razz.gif)

    Did you watch the movie, how was it?

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    Jul 21, 2011 5:10 AM GMT
    have not seen the movie, but i do think that this is a lot better idea than a million 1 night stands. i think its a great idea to find someone you are comfortable with and lay some ground rules, like if either of you enter into a ltr that it would immediately end. NO STRINGS is exactly that. no emotional connection.

    hard to do sometimes, but i have done this with 2 people and it worked out great both times.
  • Smiling_Eyes

    Posts: 197

    Jul 21, 2011 12:57 PM GMT
    I'm all for fwb whether you're in an open relationship (as I am) or are single).
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 21, 2011 1:00 PM GMT
    Iceblink saidYou are not going to find that everyone here on RJ agrees with what you are saying, but it is my belief that you should do whatever works for you.



    Thank You....Thank You Very Much....icon_biggrin.gif
  • fitdude62

    Posts: 294

    Jul 21, 2011 1:15 PM GMT
    It has taken years to cultivate, but it is well worth the time and energy.

    I have the best friends!

    Learning to get past what society says and what you personally want is the hardest part.

    Peace
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2011 1:27 PM GMT
    The problem with FWB concept is eventually one will get some feelings and things go down the hill from there. Happens all the time.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 21, 2011 1:31 PM GMT
    asnextdoor saidThe problem with FWB concept is eventually one will get some feelings and things go down the hill from there. Happens all the time.


    Yeah, usually happens with younger or older guys.....middle-age guys seem to be more confident and less emotionally dependent..icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2011 1:35 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    asnextdoor saidThe problem with FWB concept is eventually one will get some feelings and things go down the hill from there. Happens all the time.


    Yeah, usually happens with younger or older guys.....middle-age guys seem to be more confident and less emotionally dependent..icon_wink.gif


    I tried it once and when you have a friend you can trust, enjoy his company and to top it of you two can have sex, it brought intimacy and it was no longer just friends. Either pick someone you wouldn't care much outside of bed or get ready to have more soon.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 21, 2011 1:40 PM GMT
    stone66 saidSo the movie coming out has got me thinking: why is there not more of this? everyone says they are looking for something longterm, and thats great, but i would definitely like something in the meantime.

    to be honest, most of my relationships turn to sex anyway, so why not skip the bullshit and just have friends that you fuck every once in awhile? does anyone else agree?


    I would probably endorse your position.........

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2011 1:57 PM GMT
    The reality is that maybe more than half of the guys don't really know what they want. You can say you want a ltr but turns out more to just fulfilling sexual needs as OP mentioned. But there are a handful of guys who really do know want an ltr and those who just want an open relationship or friends with benefits. Its clear to them.

    I personally would rather have a ltr. Its something you have to work towards, which makes it more meaningful. I believe we all move through different stages in our life more noticably every decade hehe.. As we walk life's journey, its our chance to figure it out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 21, 2011 2:34 PM GMT
    A LTR is better than FWB I think because if you're in a LTR it's not just about a friendship with added sex, it's a true partnership (or should be) where you stand together as a team and face life and enjoy sharing in all the ups and have the support of your partner through the downs. I just don't think you can have that same level of support and intimacy with a FWB.

    However, I think FWB is preferable to being single and just shagging around everyone you meet - much better to have regular sex with someone you actually like as a person.
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    Jul 21, 2011 3:12 PM GMT
    What's the difference between a "FWB" and a "steady"?
    They're one and the same in my view: a special person
    with whom to enjoy activities and share parts of yourself
    over an extended and indefinite period of time that you
    don't or wouldn't with just anybody. As for the societal
    dissapproval that is often mentioned in conjunction with
    all discussions of relationships not in the traditional he-
    teronormative mould, discretion goes a long way towards
    sparing oneself of unsolicited negative opinions and also
    gives the relationship more of an opportunity to cement
    itself into something strong enough to field unfavourable
    flack. And if you don't flaunt your fledgling unconventional
    relationships, as so many do, you won't elicit the envy of
    others and nor will most, if any, of your work colleagues and
    casual acquaintances ever know that the friend they've seen
    you with at times is anything more than a bud (with a bonus).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2011 10:23 PM GMT
    ok, a fwb is, in my opinion, not a relationship based affair, but more like a friend you fuck every now and again. its preferable to a fuck buddy, in that you can just chill and talk with the person from time to time, but not a relationship in that you don't depend on each other for the emotional needs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2011 10:28 PM GMT
    nah i think there is faithful friends .. but if i met someone like that .. i would just get away ...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2011 10:29 PM GMT
    I think that FWB doesn't work out because many people go about it the wrong way.

    I don't think its possible to have a relationship with "just sex" or "just" anything. You have to acknowledge that you can be intimate and grow emotionally close to someone that you are just having sex with occasionally. So many people try so hard to remove the emotion from a relationship and it fails because they end up confused at a process they can't stop from happening.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2011 10:50 PM GMT
    Oxus saidWhat's the difference between a "FWB" and a "steady"?
    They're one and the same in my view: a special person
    with whom to enjoy activities and share parts of yourself
    over an extended and indefinite period of time that you
    don't or wouldn't with just anybody. As for the societal
    dissapproval that is often mentioned in conjunction with
    all discussions of relationships not in the traditional he-
    teronormative mould, discretion goes a long way towards
    sparing oneself of unsolicited negative opinions and also
    gives the relationship more of an opportunity to cement
    itself into something strong enough to field unfavourable
    flack. And if you don't flaunt your fledgling unconventional
    relationships, as so many do, you won't elicit the envy of
    others and nor will most, if any, of your work colleagues and
    casual acquaintances ever know that the friend they've seen
    you with at times is anything more than a bud (with a bonus).



    Do you know BIGBUBBA1972?
  • danielvn

    Posts: 222

    Jul 22, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    If you just wanna have sex but not commit, I would say a FWB is great. But im not that desperate for sex so I'll pass icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    Iceblink said
    Oxus saidWhat's the difference between a "FWB" and a "steady"?
    They're one and the same in my view: a special person
    with whom to enjoy activities and share parts of yourself
    over an extended and indefinite period of time that you
    don't or wouldn't with just anybody. As for the societal
    dissapproval that is often mentioned in conjunction with
    all discussions of relationships not in the traditional he-
    teronormative mould, discretion goes a long way towards
    sparing oneself of unsolicited negative opinions and also
    gives the relationship more of an opportunity to cement
    itself into something strong enough to field unfavourable
    flack. And if you don't flaunt your fledgling unconventional
    relationships, as so many do, you won't elicit the envy of
    others and nor will most, if any, of your work colleagues and
    casual acquaintances ever know that the friend they've seen
    you with at times is anything more than a bud (with a bonus).



    Do you know BIGBUBBA1972?


    No. Why? I'm curious now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2011 6:28 PM GMT
    I would only enter an LTR if I were in love... other than that, I will only take an FWB, but I prefer to stay away from ONS
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    Jul 24, 2011 6:30 PM GMT
    Iceblink saidYou are not going to find that everyone here on RJ agrees with what you are saying, but it is my belief that you should do whatever works for you.


    What a radical concept. Personal fulfillment through life experiences, soul searching and honest curiosity.

    I guess I DON"T have to look to bitter hermits living in the woods and naive college freshmen who have read the first 3 chapters of Velvet Rage for life guidance.

    But what is the one TRUE religion?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2011 6:46 PM GMT
    I need a friend with full medical and dental.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 24, 2011 6:56 PM GMT
    i would love to find that. however, that is hard to find because usually i want to have sex with them but do not really want to hangout with them. personally, i just do not think we have anything in common. now if i could find a masculine, low key, non gay scene type of guy who was athletic,( i mean really can play sports ) loved going to movies and the outdoors i would be in heaven.