Why Does There Always Have To Be That "Spark"?

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Jul 21, 2011 7:28 AM GMT
    When I ask a guy that I hung out with if he wants to hang again, he says something about there being no spark. I liked hanging out with him and he seemed to enjoy the time we spent together (which wasn't anything sexual btw) So why can't we hang as friends? What does he mean by spark? Does there always have to be a spark? Even for just friends? I mean, I don't expect a spark to happen whenever I meet someone lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2011 7:30 AM GMT
    how did you meet this person?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2011 7:46 AM GMT
    That's just an excuse to not hurt your feelings as he wasn't into you, that's just my opinion, of course, that's what I say when I'm not into a guy and he's like -you're a great guy, how come you're single, let's hang out again! icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2011 8:16 AM GMT
    Who the hell knows, but it's better that you don't have to deal with that twoddle anymore.

    Its like when a guy you like pulls the "friends card"

    When they do I I pull the "Fuck Off Card"

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 21, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidWhen I ask a guy that I hung out with if he wants to hang again, he says something about there being no spark. I liked hanging out with him and he seemed to enjoy the time we spent together (which wasn't anything sexual btw) So why can't we hang as friends? What does he mean by spark? Does there always have to be a spark? Even for just friends? I mean, I don't expect a spark to happen whenever I meet someone lol


    For guys who are looking for more than just a friendship....yes...icon_wink.gif
  • Hokenshi

    Posts: 387

    Jul 21, 2011 12:47 PM GMT
    I might not have said "spark" but i know what this guy means.
    I moved to a new city recently and have been meeting a lot of new people some I meet and get on well with, there is a non-sexual spark, other I meet and feel no connection with them at all.
  • tgrissom0312

    Posts: 91

    Jul 21, 2011 12:51 PM GMT
    I 100% believe in the 'spark.'

    I have truly experienced it 4 times in my life. Its at automatic, immediate attraction that goes beyond their physical features. I've had very deep relationships with those 4 people.

    Everyone one of those people were different physically/emotionally/personality.

    I never look for the 'spark.' But I trust it whole-heartedly when I find it.
  • Smiling_Eyes

    Posts: 197

    Jul 21, 2011 12:55 PM GMT
    Well said!

    For me, even for friends (non-sexual) there has to be a minimal level of attraction. I understand this isn't true for everyone but I'm sure it is true for some.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 21, 2011 12:59 PM GMT
    Smiling_Eyes saidWell said!

    For me, even for friends (non-sexual) there has to be a minimal level of attraction. I understand this isn't true for everyone but I'm sure it is true for some.


    Nah...I can be friends with anyone......I never meet a stranger...icon_biggrin.gif
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Jul 21, 2011 1:01 PM GMT
    The fact is that guys/people today are very busy, and they use all kinds of code words to protect their free time and still be "nice." This guy doesn't want to spend time with you, and is using the "spark" excuse even if you're not looking for more than friends. Everyone, including you, tries to manage interactions, but I know it doesn't feel good when you're on the other side of it. Just move on, there are plenty of great guys out there (you appear to be one of them!), so why waste time with someone who doesn't seem to want to spend time with you?!

    Not that it's comparable at all, but here's an instance of where you were potentially limiting your own time spent with someone you didn't want to waste time with. In April, you wrote an interesting post on "sexless relationships." I wrote you directly with a fairly long and thoughtful response. I wasn't hitting on you in the least, was trying to be helpful, but I had zero response from you. No drama, I get that people are busy, and that was that.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 21, 2011 1:09 PM GMT
    I think it's all based on expectations and priorities of the people involved. You'd just like to get to know him, he might want a boyfriend or a relationship. Probably should make sure you have somebody who's on the same wavelength as you.
    And even if you do, with different personalities and interests, you may or may not
    be friends. Just don't give up!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Jul 21, 2011 1:39 PM GMT
    By "spark" I think the guy just meant a "connection" of sorts, not necessarily physical attraction, but perhaps intellectually. We don't feel a connection with everyone we meet -- that's just reality. Just like a love relationship, friendships can't be forced either.
  • postyork

    Posts: 127

    Jul 21, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    Agreed with most of the other posters. "spark" could be representative of any number of feelings on his part, and it was most likely a way of summarizing and simplifying them without hurting your feelings.

    While you might have had a good time, and he might have even enjoyed it, it doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to repeat that. I know from personal experience that I can have a decent, enjoyable time with people and be left entirely cold afterward - even as friends. In fact, unless something is terribly wrong with someone I'm with, I usually make it a point to enjoy myself just a bit when I'm out with someone I don't know. Even in friends I look for exceptional connections, not just "mild good times".

    So in short, I'm not sure there always has to be a spark, but there always has to be mutual agreement from both parties that meeting again - as friends, lovers, whatever - is desired. Whatever he said was just a nice way to say that he didn't feel that it would be worth it to meet again for him, for whatever reason.

    It sucks, but just keep meeting people. Look for exceptional connections.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    It means that you were looking for a friend and he was looking for a date.
    I don't get what the spark has to do with hanging out with a friend either. For a friend, you should have had a good time and good conversation.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jul 21, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    Sounds like to me...friendships are secondary to him...the "spark" is sexual chemistry..Move on...others want your friendship...they're everywhere man....BUD
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2011 5:53 PM GMT
    move on! he's just not into u
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2011 6:10 PM GMT
    sparks start fires.

    fires are dangerous.

    if you see a boy sparking, LEAVE.

    jkjk..
    i'd give you a hug whether i sparked or not. I feel for you. Sorry things didn't work out in your favor. icon_sad.gif
  • jasen202

    Posts: 42

    Jul 21, 2011 9:27 PM GMT
    Off course there's sparks, it happens for me all the time. The guys , sparks lead me to, and I talk to have always been awesome. Although it usually starts the interaction, it does not imply it will go anywhere after we talk.

    Sparks haven't let me down...
  • PKP223

    Posts: 30

    Jul 21, 2011 9:35 PM GMT
    I think the spark is important no matter what, friends or more then friends, I mean if I didn't feel that important connection with my best friends or friends I probably wouldn't want to hang out with them because we wouldn't have anything interesting to do or talk about, and it works both ways
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2011 9:39 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Smiling_Eyes saidWell said!

    For me, even for friends (non-sexual) there has to be a minimal level of attraction. I understand this isn't true for everyone but I'm sure it is true for some.


    Are you saying there needs to be a physical attraction to maintain a friendship?


    To Joey: maybe you didn't make it clear that you wanted to be friends with the guy? But on his behalf, maybe he is afraid that you might try to overstep the boundaries if you claim you are fine with just being friends. I have had people do this with me when I said I only wanted to be friends and they wound up crossing boundaries. It simply caused a lot of drama and heartache.


    I want to be friends with you A, but only if you fuck me once a day...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2011 9:40 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidYou're such a horny lil' slut today, Chainers. icon_smile.gif


    Care to help me fix the problem :-)?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 21, 2011 9:43 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said'mkay...grab those ankles and enjoy the ride. It's gonna be bumpy!


    lol my ass may resist, but your junk just needs to persist :-)