Signs & Body language? Bicurious...

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    Apr 25, 2008 4:57 PM GMT
    Hi guys, i need some advice...

    i'm a 25 bi curious male and have never done anything with another guy before and my curiousity has some what increased over the past few months... here's my story...

    I'm a very regular gym buff, so i'm one of the regulars, as like many others. Anyway when i first joined this gym (over a year ago), i noticed another regular who got my attention. In some ways i was attracted to him, not sure if it was on the 'curious' side but i knew i wanted to befriend him, but i was too shy... we made lots of eye contact, but i put it down to both being buff heads wanting to get some ideas off one another... there were even many occassions of eye contact in the change room, which i put down to, maybe he want's to be friends as well...

    Well after 10 months of this, i eventually said hello when we bumped into each other in the change room, and so for the last 4 months we've been on talking terms... i know he has a girl friend as i do as well, but can you guys give me some advice on any body language or signs i should look for? like eye contact or stance? anything???
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    Apr 25, 2008 5:08 PM GMT
    I usually detect a guy's intent in his eyes. Str8 or uninterested guys dont look you in the eyes or if they do, you can see that there is nothing to it other than they are looking at you during the conversation.

    If he has other intentions, there is a "knowing look," a "sparkle," in his eyes...and usually a bit of a smile on his face....like he is "knowingly" looking at you and waiting for a "knowing" look back.
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    Apr 25, 2008 5:21 PM GMT
    I wish i knew what the 'knowing' look was... all i know is we now train together, spot each other... laugh, crack jokes, etc...

    See it doesn't help either coz i'm pretty nervous so i try not to make so much eye contact, but before we were on talking terms, there were heaps of moments when we both made eye contact...

    how about training next to me on purpose? or is there anything about they way he spots me?

    I'm so new to all of this stuff, and confused like hell...

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    Apr 25, 2008 5:53 PM GMT
    A straight guy is just gonna look at you. His brain isnt wired to react to you as a man, so his eyes are going to be just there, not moving. A guy who is interested, his eyes are going to be searching for a look back. They will be moving slightly to be seeing if your eyes are looking back.

    Start looking him in eye, too.

    Yes, I would think if he is moving around the gym working out next to you on purpose, and it doesnt seem like he is doing it to just continue a conversation, then that would be a sign. Usually str8 guys dont do that. Useless it looks like he is just trying have you handy to spot him too.

    It sounds like the two of you are dancing around each other.
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    Apr 25, 2008 9:38 PM GMT
    gosh! i have the same problem ...

    when i joined gold's gym in november 2007 last year, i saw this guy who i guess is a regular member ...

    and he's cute ... but sort of arrogant ... but i like to be friends with him because he's cute ... he he ...

    anyway, i guess he's a regular member because everytime i go to the gym to workout, i always see him there ...

    i look at him ... maybe stare sometimes ...

    well, because he's cute ... ha ha ha ...

    fast forward to today, i still see him regularly at the gym ... and i always look and stare at him ... he he ...

    well, i love to stare at cute guys ... ha ha ...

    i guess he noticed me already looking at him ... because when i look or stare at him, he looks back ...

    but i'm too shy to make friends because of my perception that he's arrogant, ya know ...

    or maybe im just too shy ...

    besides, i already have a boyfriend ...

    and i want to be loyal to my boyfriend ...

    so i decided not to make friends because one thing might lead to another, ya know ...

    oh well, as long as i see him everytime i go to the gym, then i guess i'm okay ... ha ha ha ...

    i mean, i make him some sort of a "motivation" for me to go to the gym ... so that i will workout more ...

    he he he ... icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 25, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    Arrogance can be a defense mechanism to keep people at a distance because actually the person really feels insecure

    ...Or the person has been hurt too many times

    ...Or the person is just plain tired of being hit on
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    Apr 25, 2008 10:29 PM GMT
    Caslon saidArrogance can be a defense mechanism to keep people at a distance because actually the person really feels insecure

    ...Or the person has been hurt too many times

    ...Or the person is just plain tired of being hit on



    i don't think that he's insecure ...

    i mean, i think he knows that he's goodlookin or cute compared to other white guys in the gym ...

    i know when i see a cute or pretty goodlookin guy, ya know ...

    also, he's some kind of popular in the gym ... i see that he seems to have some "gay" friends ... i see that he talks to them most of the time ...

    and i heard this one guy calling him "gorgeous" ...

    and i don't think that his tired of being hit on because he loves to flaunt his body or his looks, though he's not naked when he's working out, ya know ...

    there are times that when im using a machine, he's near or next to me ...

    of course, i make glances at him ... i just can't resist his cute-ness ... ha ha ha ...

    and i notice that he makes glances at me also ...

    gosh! why is it so hard to say "hi" or "hello", ya know ... i just freeze or whatever ...

    well, im really very shy ... thats why im scared to make friends in the gym ... ha ha ...

    could anyone help me with this?
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    Apr 25, 2008 10:38 PM GMT
    ARRRRGGGHHHHHH! The infamous gym questions...if only their were easy answers.

    I am still working through this subject myself. Here is what I have come up with.

    1.) Differentiate wishful thinking with reality.

    2.) After applying 1 then be alert to the subtle things. Notice how he looks at you, notice if he seems to look the same way at anyone else.

    3.) As some others pointed out to me, be approachable. For me this means softening the look without blowing the focus. In other words, I have to get the damn Ipod out of my ears, and intentionally make an effort to not look like I am about to rip the top of the treadmill or destroy the next piece of equipment. It means maybe a slight smile and an occassional head nod.

    4.) This is probably tough for you, if you are just coming around to understanding a few things about your taste for guys, but notice the obvious. Does the guy stand a little closer then would be customary? When he spots is there anything particularly noticeable about how he does that...for instance when bench pressing does he stand directly over your face with a huge hard on tucked behind his sweats...okay so partially kidding about that.

    5.) How about just a regular innocent friendly offer. For instance...I am starving you want grab a bite to eat? Or since you are on talking terms, maybe you know some of his interests. A potentially awesome opportunity to have a little private time could arise from something along these lines if the interest is appropriate. "Hey I am getting the UFC pay per view tonight, you should come by and check it out".

    6.) Keep us posted, I am in the midst of my own gym dance with a few especially hot, hot bros. Always interested to try out new ideas on other people...haha.

    Good luck bro. (See guys I am learning...icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 25, 2008 10:58 PM GMT
    str8curious_jock saidI wish i knew what the 'knowing' look was... all i know is we now train together, spot each other... laugh, crack jokes, etc...

    See it doesn't help either coz i'm pretty nervous so i try not to make so much eye contact, but before we were on talking terms, there were heaps of moments when we both made eye contact...

    how about training next to me on purpose? or is there anything about they way he spots me?

    I'm so new to all of this stuff, and confused like hell...



    Dude...I totally understand where you are coming from b/c I am in am in a similar position.

    I have just been browsing around for almost a month now (I think) and have just been trying to absorb some of what is said.

    Best of luck to you dude!

  • Apr 26, 2008 2:11 AM GMT
    you will always catch more bees with honey, so just keep the convo always positive and leave something for the imagination icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 26, 2008 2:20 AM GMT
    thanks for the posts guys...

    i think i should elaborate more... because exactly like YngHungSFSD said, i'm trying to work out if its wishful thinking or reality...

    i guess we're acquantances (or maybe friends) now because we've exchanged numbers, know where we work (which used to be jst be down the road from each other), area that we live, etc.

    Re Caslow: A guy who is interested, his eyes are going to be searching for a look back. They will be moving slightly to be seeing if your eyes are looking back.

    Before we were on talking terms, this is the feeling i got, that both i, was looking for a look back and he was looking for a look back. I can clearly recall on one occassion in the change room where he was on one side of the lockers, i was on the other side, between us was a bench with a bar that is about eye level height, so you can hook your clothes on there, anyway i turned around put my bag on the bench and he turned around, and ducked his head so it would be below the bar and looked at me, and ofcourse i looked back. (Is this the looking look...)

    We've also established we share the same interest in terms of body building, he's told me about some weekender events and the next time he goes, i should come a long, and its a drive away, not a local event...

    Ok what else is there, he might be on one machine, i'm on another, say about 2 macines apart, but after he finishes a set, he comes over and talks, so i've started to do the same...

    i must sound like a loser but i want to know exactly what it is... from a str8 guys point of view i can justify that all the signs with are wanting to be mates and having a training partner... otherwise it could just be wishful thinking....
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    Apr 26, 2008 2:37 AM GMT
    LOL, foolish boy. The look under the rack is a very un-straight thing to do...if some wacko pulled this with me, he better be hot. Unlike the old man that pulled the shower curtain open again today...but I digress.

    Second, man, this guy invited you on a road trip, either he's a cannibal and wants to have your for dinner, or he's trying to get you out alone for some private time between you two to do something you both might enjoy. Take his ass up on that offer, literally if you get the chance just take it slow and play it out.

    Next, unless you are doing a workout specifically as training partners, a straight guy is most likely not going to come over to you repeatedly during a workout. Why? because it looks gay and if there is one thing a straight guy fears most its looking gay...

    Man what do you sse? What do you feel? Do you have catch scoping you out? Do you ever see his eyes start low and then come up to eye level? Does he ever touch you, pat you on the back that sort of thing? Does he conveniently end up in the locker room at the same time you do all the time? Does he react this way to anyone else in the gym? What do you think, what do you feel, what do you see?
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    Apr 26, 2008 2:44 AM GMT
    Oh yeah and one more thing bro. If you're not sure what you think, see and feel yet, resolve first to be more observant, and second understand that you don't absolutely have to know right now. I think the most likely possibility from what you have described is that he's into you, but yet is nervous, not out, not sure about you and he's waiting for a sign from you while trying to move things slowly forward by asking you on trips and such. Decide that no matter where this goes you can't lose, you either score a bad ass friend, or you score something more. With that being the case set out to be this guys friend, 100%, be someone that he can trust completely, obviously that takes time. But go hang out with him, go over training plans, and whatever you do, whether its friends or more is touch the guy in normal ways, a pat on the back, a high five when he pulls off a sweet lift. Guys in particular respond to touch at a level deep within the brain, if your touch is non-threatening it will help break down some barriers, and maybe give him that little signal he's waitin for. Now just don't go and cop a feel in a busy gym and then blame me for blowing it...use your head and feel it out...pun intended.


    PS: If I saw a pic of you I might have even wiser stuff to say ;)
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Apr 26, 2008 2:48 AM GMT
    Just watch Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss and learn.
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    Apr 26, 2008 3:05 AM GMT
    Thanks YngHungSFSD, you're right, i might be a fool and i admit naive as well, like i said i'm so new to this, and when i've been nothing more than curious, i now find myself here asking for advice from others...

    the look under the rack was me thinking, this dude probably wants to be friends and get some training advice icon_razz.gif

    I used to train with a couple of people and they used to say, "i think that dude's got a staring problem, he keeps looking", my rationale to them was, i think he's just getting some ideas, from one trainer to another, i know i look at other trainers to see if their technique is right, etc...

    What do i see? i think he's alright icon_razz.gif, do i catch him scoping me? well i'm nervous as all fuck so i try not to look so much.. we dont touch or pat each other, besides the spoting... do we end up in the locker room together, yes we do, but i think its because we start at exactly the same time...

    The invite to the road trip i will definately take him up on, but hey that's a little while away.. but i do not expect it to just be us, i expect his friends there to... he's also asked me if i go to specific new year events, but unfortunately i dont... that might have to change...

    My intentions are of course to be very good mates with him, best mates if that's possible, but i cant help but feel if there's anything more..

    Unfortunately he lives on the other side of the city, otherwise i would offer to give him a ride home...

    Damn i feel like a little kid with a crush on someone, haha!!
  • badtouch

    Posts: 67

    Apr 26, 2008 3:06 AM GMT
    i have to concur with YngHungSFSD.

    it seems as though you are less looking for indicators (secret handshake?) than looking for permission to do what it is you already want.

    no unilateral, universal indicators exist. regardless, you are both of the same mind -- with a presumable lack of this imaginary information -- whether or not this indicator existed. thusly, follow your instinct; take some risks. if he likes you, he likes you for who you are, not any research you've done on the rules of engagement and attraction. so following your instincts is the wisest course as your actions would be purely congruent with your actual personality.

    and if all else fails, liquor usually helps. haha
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    Apr 26, 2008 4:07 AM GMT
    HAHAHA badtouch...u dog...you hit it on the head...all that rambling from me and you come up with the simple solution...take this boy out of town on one of these road trips, grab a hotel, and in the evening after the event, get that boy drunk.... LOL..

    Lets see, out of town, alone, hotel room, alcohol...my guess is you'll find out all you need to know...

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 26, 2008 4:30 AM GMT
    Boys boys boys..... icon_biggrin.gif

    You've got to take this dance out of the gym
    Tell your friend that you wanna grab a beer
    or coffee sometime
    You'll get a better sense of him outside of the gym
    maybe take him to a place where there might even be other gay guys around and see what his reaction is
    ask him some leading questions

    a guy who wants to be seduced is easy to get info out of icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 28, 2008 12:50 PM GMT
    Hi All, start of a new week, training week starts again...so i thought i'd give you an update...

    having not seen my training bud over the weekend i decided to msg him this morning and asked if he was training... he said yep and asked me if i was, i said yep for sure and that i needed a spot tonight, he said likewise... so i spent the day in anticipation for the training... at lunch time i decided to go down to the local health food store and buy myself a protein bar, and i thought to myself, it would probably be a nice gesture to get him one too... so i did...

    Anyway training started, and we spoke heaps, like what we did over the weekend, general chit chat... and all this time speaking i thought about exactly what you guys told me, about if he looked at me, and if it was the looking look... i did my best to make heaps of eye contact... but again i failed to hold it... did he make eye contact with me? yep.. did he hold it? more than i could.. anyway good thing was we trained a lot together, as in constantly next to each other... even placed our things near each other, like phone, drink bottle and ipod... for some reason we seemed to both take over the whole gym, speaking so loudly... i even praised him heaps of pulling off some big sets... bit of a tap on the arm too ;)

    After about 1.5 hours of gyming and socialising we finished and we walked out together, my car was near his cab...

    what's my conclusion, i dont think he's curious... why? spoke about his missus a bit and he just doesn't come across like that at all... i think he genuinely wanted a training buddy... and i'm happy with that...

    We'll if n e thing ever happens, i'll let ya's known... but then again i could be totally wrong haha... we'll see..

    thanks again.