Married men!?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2011 8:37 PM GMT
    Hi, had anyone here been asked out by a married man (to a woman!) ?

    It's just that guy I know at work who happened to be married, father of two girls and - according to him - is gay undercover having got married because of social pressure.

    so, he came on a profile of mine on a gay social network and since then he's been insisting on asking me out (or maybe that's just the polite work of asking me to be his fuck-buddy)

    I dunno, although physically he'd be my definition of a greek god! I feel cheap everytime he asks me for it. I almost punched his face yesterday for inviting me to his apartment (as his wife had the girls for a day out!!)

    He says that I am overreacting and making a scene of nothing, that he's gonna do it anyway, if not with me then with any other guy he can get! says he loves his wife but to keep her and his family going along, he needs to satisfy his other needs!

    Am I really overreacting? I feel like vomiting everytime I imagine that family man cheating on his wife! I even thought of outing him but that would be devastating for both of us at work!
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    Jul 22, 2011 9:54 PM GMT
    1. Continue to steer clear. You are doing the right thing, and his trying to make you jealous of "whoever else turns up" isn't a good strategy on his part.

    2. He is going to get caught by his wife/family/friends sooner or later. Don't be the one caught in the crossfire. He sounds like a fucking creep and he deserves what he's got coming to him.
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    Jul 22, 2011 9:57 PM GMT
    My dad did it to my family.... and I have some pretty severe issues on several levels as a result.

    Let me ask you this? Do you want to be the guy that is involved with screwing up a family like that?

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    Jul 22, 2011 10:50 PM GMT
    There is far too much potential for major drama in this situation. Make it clear that the terms are unacceptable. There is a major issue of the integrity of his character. Depending on how he would deal with coming clean to his wife and playing on only one team, this be a manageable situation some time in the future. Now let him find someone else to use while he has his cake and eats it. You should not be on the menu. I get approached often by men married to both women and men looking for "some fun on the side". Once was enough.
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    Jul 22, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
    Many times in my life. The amount of bisexual lumberjacks I worked with, and in my 20s, they for a time were the only kind of guy I dated, because they did not want to get serious, as I did not at that time.

    There are were the ones who made the vowels, not I. So no wrong can be put on I, as I was not the cheater.
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Jul 22, 2011 10:56 PM GMT
    I am happily married to a woman who is comfortable with my sexuality. The big difference is that I told her everything BEFORE I asked her to marry me, and she gets it. We have some ground rules, and I am 1000% committed first to her and our two daughters, and we have a strong relationship based on mutual respect, love, honesty and commitment. I know our path may not work for anyone else, but it does with us.

    That said, this guy sounds like the does not have any of that, and the way he is putting pressure on you is totally inappropriate as well. I would stay clear, period.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 22, 2011 10:59 PM GMT
    There was a married guy who was obsessed with me my first year of college. He was really annoying. Then I slept with him, and that made it WORSE.

    I learned my lesson with that one..... don't sleep with creepy married men.
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    Jul 22, 2011 11:12 PM GMT
    laxdude25 saidI am happily married to a woman who is comfortable with my sexuality. The big difference is that I told her everything BEFORE I asked her to marry me, and she gets it. We have some ground rules, and I am 1000% committed first to her and our two daughters, and we have a strong relationship based on mutual respect, love, honesty and commitment. I know our path may not work for anyone else, but it does with us.

    That said, this guy sounds like the does not have any of that, and the way he is putting pressure on you is totally inappropriate as well. I would stay clear, period.


    Thats very cool how you were up front and honest with your wife before marriage. Just curious as to whether you fulfill your needs with guy's or not at all cause your in a monogomous relationship?
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    Jul 22, 2011 11:29 PM GMT
    tricky, just because he is married doesnt mean things are going well. He might be considering a breakup and he could be looking for a good reason to do so. On the other hand he might just want to have "some fun"... hard to judge the quality of anyone's relationship or their intentions from an internet profile.

    According to what youve described tho, I would stay away,
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    Jul 22, 2011 11:31 PM GMT
    When I read some of the postings on this thread I am reminded of the saying, "Let he without sin throw the first stone". It is easy to judge others when one has not walked in that person's shoes. Personally, I have had the honour of meeting some amazing men on this site who are not only wonderful husbands or ex-husbands, but also very loving, carrying and devoted Fathers. Their commitment and love for their families is something to be admired and respected, regardless of whether they are still in the marriage or not.
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    Jul 22, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    You are right, he is disgusting. Good on you for not giving into him. There is nothing lower than cheating on someone.
  • danielvn

    Posts: 222

    Jul 22, 2011 11:37 PM GMT
    To me, married gay men (to women) are cowards. Lets face it, its just like looking at yourself in a mirror and trying to convince yourself that your straight when your craving men so bad .. LOL
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Jul 22, 2011 11:37 PM GMT
    noway off limits if they r married they need to stay that way. turned down many guys because of that one reason and if they tell me they have kids i tell them they need to think about their kids first not their wants.
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    Jul 23, 2011 12:22 AM GMT
    new_guyme saidYou are right, he is disgusting. Good on you for not giving into him. There is nothing lower than cheating on someone.


    Oh I can think of one or two things that is lower, much lower.
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    Jul 23, 2011 12:23 AM GMT
    safety43 saidnoway off limits if they r married they need to stay that way. turned down many guys because of that one reason and if they tell me they have kids i tell them they need to think about their kids first not their wants.


    Maybe they should of thought of the kids before they created them.
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    Jul 23, 2011 12:25 AM GMT
    KardioTroll saidIt's not overreacting. You have every reason to turn this man down. I can't stand it when a man feels like jeopardizing his marriage whether it's with a man or a woman. Don't be the factor that ruins their relationship. If he wants to keep endangering his family's wellbeing like that then let some other guy be the one to get caught by the wife or kids.

    Edit:
    Do not out him under any circumstance. That's a pure dick move.


    Well, the temptation to out him is overpowering! I know I won't do it, but I really hope someone else does. Their relationship is already doomed so there's nothing to ruin. only the complicated work circumstances keep me from doing it.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2011 12:30 AM GMT
    sexyneighbour said1. Continue to steer clear. You are doing the right thing, and his trying to make you jealous of "whoever else turns up" isn't a good strategy on his part.

    2. He is going to get caught by his wife/family/friends sooner or later. Don't be the one caught in the crossfire. He sounds like a fucking creep and he deserves what he's got coming to him.


    Thanks for the advice. From your lips to god's ears! I hope she finds out about him real soon. the problem is that even when she does there's no guarantee that she's to leave him!

    I am not jealous, at all. but I can't deny that I am feeling a little guilty! It's like Karma is a bitch! this is the man I used to -you know- look at every now and then, the eye candy!

    I don't know now how could I look at him like wise knowing that he is married and a father! something inside me keeps repeating, "this happened for a reason" and I am ashamed.
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    Jul 23, 2011 12:36 AM GMT
    hart_g saidMy dad did it to my family.... and I have some pretty severe issues on several levels as a result.

    Let me ask you this? Do you want to be the guy that is involved with screwing up a family like that?



    When I was thinking about outing him, I was just thinking of the process as an inevitability.

    first off, I am so sorry for your family, I hope you found a way to cope with it and I am sorry for stirring this discussion about infedility.

    I was thinking, they are always caught, no matter how clever. An Egyptian woman would be least likely to suspect that her husband's is cheating on her with a guy. but she must be feeling something wrong! OH, when I think that this is just my hope I feel my head is about to explode!

    but she doesn't have him nor do the kids. All she has is just an immaginary love and an unsincere husband. so, is that enough to keep? I mean if my husband is the one cheating on me, won't I be grateful to whoever gets me out of this deceptive relationship!?
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    Jul 23, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    laxdude25 saidI am happily married to a woman who is comfortable with my sexuality. The big difference is that I told her everything BEFORE I asked her to marry me, and she gets it. We have some ground rules, and I am 1000% committed first to her and our two daughters, and we have a strong relationship based on mutual respect, love, honesty and commitment. I know our path may not work for anyone else, but it does with us.

    That said, this guy sounds like the does not have any of that, and the way he is putting pressure on you is totally inappropriate as well. I would stay clear, period.


    Even for a man who lives in the USA, I think yours is somehow a rare not-usually-understood case.
    He'd respond to that by the regular ranting about how he is forced blah blah blah - and this just makes me more angry!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2011 12:52 AM GMT
    nabob7729 saidThere is far too much potential for major drama in this situation. Make it clear that the terms are unacceptable. There is a major issue of the integrity of his character. Depending on how he would deal with coming clean to his wife and playing on only one team, this be a manageable situation some time in the future. Now let him find someone else to use while he has his cake and eats it. You should not be on the menu. I get approached often by men married to both women and men looking for "some fun on the side". Once was enough.


    I don't think he's planning to tell her anything, I even think that part of his insistance on me is that he feels it most convenient!

    he knows I must remain discreet for my job although I am not his employee (being the doctor there makes me his equal) and I am closer so that he can always find me if he wants.

    yes, I shall stay away
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    charlitos saidtricky, just because he is married doesnt mean things are going well. He might be considering a breakup and he could be looking for a good reason to do so. On the other hand he might just want to have "some fun"... hard to judge the quality of anyone's relationship or their intentions from an internet profile.

    According to what youve described tho, I would stay away,


    I really don't think he's looking for a way out of his marriage. I don't even know the name of his profile on that social network! all I can guess is that it's just one of those empty profiles with no picture at all.
    he even didn't contact me there, just came to work, looked at me strangely, asked me for a cup of coffee and started asking me questions about sex (as for a doctor's advice)

    then of a sudden... boom, he tells me about my profile, tells me that he can keep a secret and that he's the same... and the rest, you can guess.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 23, 2011 1:14 AM GMT
    I am so glad you haven't discarded your principles.
  • Space_Cowboy_...

    Posts: 3738

    Jul 23, 2011 1:25 AM GMT
    True_blue_aussie saidMany times in my life. The amount of bisexual lumberjacks I worked with, and in my 20s, they for a time were the only kind of guy I dated, because they did not want to get serious, as I did not at that time.

    There are were the ones who made the vowels, not I. So no wrong can be put on I, as I was not the cheater.




    you is Lumber Jack?icon_razz.gif
  • mybud

    Posts: 11832

    Jul 23, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    he's looking for Mr. Right Now...Your reaction shows you're holding out for more....Tell him quality expects more than what he's offering...Hold out for more man..cause you deserve it....BUD
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    Jul 23, 2011 4:04 AM GMT
    laxdude25 saidI am happily married to a woman who is comfortable with my sexuality. The big difference is that I told her everything BEFORE I asked her to marry me, and she gets it. We have some ground rules, and I am 1000% committed first to her and our two daughters, and we have a strong relationship based on mutual respect, love, honesty and commitment. I know our path may not work for anyone else, but it does with us.

    That said, this guy sounds like the does not have any of that, and the way he is putting pressure on you is totally inappropriate as well. I would stay clear, period.



    This was so completely great to read. Thanks for sharing it.




    very respectfully to both of you
    -Doug