Can't get him out of my head/heart...

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    Jul 23, 2011 9:48 AM GMT
    I am far for having that foolish stuff of first love and the like,,,
    But this time I don't know, just can't get him out of my head.
    We met one evening for a sex date, he seemed low-key on the
    phone somewhat indifferent. I came to his place which felt nice
    and chosy which I told him so. There were lit candles which
    gave the impression of a romantic kinda guy. We sat on the
    couch talking and I remember him saying to himself outloud
    "at last a normal guy"...well.. I liked him though he wasn't
    Mr. handsome... we shared our resume and found out that we
    have quite a lot in common... to my astonishment we were also
    born on same date different years so we are celebrating birthday
    together. Anyway at a certain point I had to cut the talking which
    I like and get physical... I wasn't feeling 100% attraction the kissing
    wasn't perfect...and in bed it was too short for me as he did not
    let me have as much fun as I wanted when he blew his horn too
    soon for my taste.Well I know he finds me very attractive maybe he
    got too excited in bed.. Anyway I told him I need to rush and I felt he wanted
    me to stay but anyway he insisted on walking me out to catch
    a taxi saying he never went outside dressing casual as he was.
    The guy has a dress code I registered...anyway it was nice to
    have a companion late at night... I got on the taxi.
    The days went by he was outside of the country, we talked on
    the phone several times and somehow we made it to another
    meeting again at his place. I had the idea in my mind that maybe
    just maybe there is a potential and since the sex was not wow
    the first time, so I figured that maybe I will try connect with him like
    as friends.... anyway I like baking pastires so I thought it would
    be nice to bring some cookies I made. At his place he was making
    coffee while showing all the stuff he brought from his biz trip then
    seeing a box of cookies I remembered I forgot MY cookies in the car...
    I guess I was a little bit nervous... I told him I brought cookies
    and I will just go out and get them... then I noticedit made him
    stop to think what is going on... why did this guy bring cookies...
    well I am psychic I guess I read minds... well maybe I am wrong.
    Anyway the coffee was ok the cookies were declicious
    and we bascially sat and talked about eveery subject in the
    whole world. I wasn't so much in the mood for sex...he was, I
    guess. I told him if it's ok we would skip sex this time.... I do
    not recall what was his reaction but the next him I was on top of him
    and we were making out kissing...then he was laying
    on the couch and I was stroking my hand on his naked chest
    and belly which he said he wanted to last forever . I went home.
    Since then he only contacted me on the internet, though I was calling
    him a few times. It felt like a regression... I disliked the fact that he didn't bother to call...maybe he got offended that there was no sex... I don't
    know and did not ask. My idea was to just get together from time
    to time and see what comes up between the two of us cause I felt like
    I wanted to give it a chance. At one time I suggested we go dancing
    cause he seemed like a straightjacket kinda guy a little
    conservative but anyway I ended up feeling connected to him
    after the long evening we spent togehter and it's been a month
    that we haven't been in touch. I figured I shouldn't chase him if
    he does not respond, call or whatever but he is still on my mind
    for some reason and I don't feel like seeing others till I know
    what's with him and myself... it is wierd for me but that is what
    I feel right now. Have I fallen in love?
    I do not think I should call the guy but I want to know...
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    Jul 23, 2011 11:43 AM GMT
    Do it...reach out to him. Send him flowers. What's the worst that can happen, besides it going nowhere (which it seems to be going). If nothing happens, at least you tried.

    (not like he's the only fish in the sea)
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    Jul 23, 2011 1:02 PM GMT
    I think that you want something beyond "just sex" and he is trying to make a relationship with "only sex." Bringing cookies and actually being thoughtful are attributes associated with an intimate and emotional connection and I can almost positively say he got scared or turned off at the idea.

    Chances are he's not going to change his mind, as evidenced by his month of no contact.

    I think for whatever reason at this point in your life you want to try the "boyfriend thing." I say go for it.

    I'm sure you can get a boyfriend out of a hook-up but that isn't the primary purpose of it. So, go on a real date, talk to the guy and find someone that interests you

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    Jul 23, 2011 1:19 PM GMT
    Well thanks mate
    that used to be my thing ...sending flowers when I was maybe
    more naive and less experienced but right now I don't know.
    It's like my head says .., the guy stopped calling me on the
    phone and just chatted with me on the net so it is a sign that
    he is not serious about me... maybe that is the thing and I should
    be facing it otherwise he would have continue on the phone... well
    he did mention he is talking on the phone with friends with this app
    that let you talk no-cost which makes it even worse meaning I am
    not worth spending calls...So why do you think he is entitled for
    flowers or even a call? Then again I need to check with myself why
    my heart won't let him go...


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    Jul 23, 2011 1:33 PM GMT
    Adam thanks
    you are right ... sometimes the heart seems to get the head confused.
    I have been into relationships and that is what I am after. So I guess the
    cookies idea seemed like a nice thing but it was a way to find out if
    he the guy is serious. I felt that he didn't like the idea... that was my
    intuition. He said many things that gave the impression that he is
    not easy with relationships and that he guards his feelings and not
    opening up easily... Don't mean to brag but at this point I am the
    one who should be chased after! you live you learn!
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    Jul 23, 2011 3:12 PM GMT
    Perhaps he sensed that you didn't find him that appealing physically.

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    Jul 23, 2011 3:22 PM GMT
    Sometimes guys are not necessarily looking for the same things you are. I guess if he hasn't returned your calls its evidence that he's not really looking to date or get into a relationship. He was probably looking for a fkbuddy instead. It seems you have fallen for him. Hopefully more time will help you let go.
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    Jul 23, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    Actually there were no expectations on my part ... I was open for whatever might become of it... but I did expect a few honest words cause there
    was some kind of intimacy.... so he seems to be a bit emotionaly immature. I mean when you first meet someone you do not declare
    hey I am here for the sex , or no I am here for long term relationship
    or I am only into holding hands .... you go with the flow and if it isn't
    flowing then you communicate it to the other out of respect amd move on...
    he didn't bother to do that so I am kind of hurt... anyway.
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    Jul 23, 2011 7:18 PM GMT
    neptunian saidWell thanks mate
    that used to be my thing ...sending flowers when I was maybe
    more naive and less experienced but right now I don't know.
    It's like my head says .., the guy stopped calling me on the
    phone and just chatted with me on the net so it is a sign that
    he is not serious about me... maybe that is the thing and I should
    be facing it otherwise he would have continue on the phone... well
    he did mention he is talking on the phone with friends with this app
    that let you talk no-cost which makes it even worse meaning I am
    not worth spending calls...So why do you think he is entitled for
    flowers or even a call? Then again I need to check with myself why
    my heart won't let him go...




    I've noticed that when guys write about feelings that are not returned, it must be their fault, or somethings wrong with them. But usually it's the communication part that's the problem...being it isn't there. This guy's maybe afraid to make the first move...he seems appreciative of you, but lacks majorly in the "go get 'em" department. You obviously like him, or you wouldn't be here asking for advice. (sorry if I'm sounding like an advice columnist, but I'm bored!) If he's not worth flowers, then he's not worth asking for advice about.

    (And I think flowers are romantic, nothing naive about it...you could send power tools if that's your taste! lol)
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    Jul 23, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    Ok dude
    and btw you seem to put your boredom to a preety good use... very efficient :-)

    You may be right I noticed he is not the one to initiate, he seems
    to be shy and somewhat insecure... maybe I am preoccupied
    with myself disregarding his signals... We are so much alike that
    maybe we are both expecting each other to make a move.... To be
    honest I am not sure how and what I feel for the guy... but I wanted
    to give it a try... I am missing something here... met him twice, baked
    him declicous cookies... opened up in front of him... made him feel
    good in the belly by gently stroking my palms all over it , suggested
    that we go dancing sometime and gave him a hint that I would like
    a vacationt together... just a small tiny hint.... Are you telling me that there are guys out there still expect to be taken by the hand???
    My ex was so head strong and over-assertive that I ran away from him
    and now I get to deal with the opposite...
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    Jul 23, 2011 7:38 PM GMT
    I am afraid that I make a fool of myself
    sending flowers and find out that he is
    not interested. Even though I have a good
    excuse to send flowers... I haven't done it for
    a few years... I am afraid to get hurt.icon_neutral.gif
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Jul 23, 2011 10:57 PM GMT
    neptunian saidOk dude
    and btw you seem to put your boredom to a preety good use... very efficient :-)

    You may be right I noticed he is not the one to initiate, he seems
    to be shy and somewhat insecure... maybe I am preoccupied
    with myself disregarding his signals... We are so much alike that
    maybe we are both expecting each other to make a move.... To be
    honest I am not sure how and what I feel for the guy... but I wanted
    to give it a try... I am missing something here... met him twice, baked
    him declicous cookies... opened up in front of him... made him feel
    good in the belly by gently stroking my palms all over it , suggested
    that we go dancing sometime and gave him a hint that I would like
    a vacationt together... just a small tiny hint.... Are you telling me that there are guys out there still expect to be taken by the hand???
    My ex was so head strong and over-assertive that I ran away from him
    and now I get to deal with the opposite...


    I think a lot of guys have been in this situation. One thing that I suggest is that you might not want to have sex on the first date if you're looking for a relationship. Some men may be confused if you have sex on the first date and deny it later. They may wonder why and that could cause them to feel that you did not like being with them. "What is he looking for". I did not have sex with my boyfriend until I could tell we were gonna be together.
    I think that it is great that you want to see him as a potentail boyfriend and it is great that you invited him to go dancing. Here is the $100,000...did you ever tell him you LIKED him and wanted to go on a officail date? While it may be hard to do I think you sould call him and tell him that you've been thinking about him, and want to get to know him more. Then ask him to meet you for dinner.
    He seems like the type that needs to be chased and needs to know your looking for a relationship. He may say no, but so what, at least you won't wonder what could have been. If he says yes, congrats, you may be at the start of a wonderful relationship.

    Good Luck!