Is it supposed to be this hard to like other guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2011 2:06 PM GMT
    When I actually get a chance to go on a date, I struggle to actually give a shit about him. We can have so much in common, have great conversations, but its like im chemically imbalanced and incapable of falling in love, I know that sounds so fucking cheesey...

    I used to get swept off my feet so easily when I was in my teens.. and now Its so hard for me to even give a shit after the first date.
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    Jul 24, 2011 2:11 PM GMT
    It sounds you're shut down emotionally. That may be something to investigate with a therapist.
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    Jul 24, 2011 2:17 PM GMT
    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    Well first of all, you shouldn't be falling in love on the second date!

    Even though that is enough to make this post invaluable, I will add more.

    Maybe your tastes are refining. The way I feel now about meeting any new people is that unless they're awesome in some aspect, they're all fluff and I don't want to allocate my time to fluff. Plain old regular folk don't interest me enough to get to know them. It takes someone with a bold and unusual personality to give me the desire to be a member of the world. Maybe something similar is happening for you?

    Also, if the date is getting boring, try spicing it up with a slap across the face, or pushing your date into a body of water. That will certainly provide a more entertaining evening, and will decide for you whether a second date will happen.
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    Jul 24, 2011 3:06 PM GMT
    Short attention span caused by a decade of watching actors fall in love within an hour and a half?

    In your teens everything meant so much more because it was always about you and the way people paid attention to you. Once you've seen that people have lives that intersect with your own and not there for your approval and to bask in your company you lose interest quicker.
    Or it could be that you've been down this road before and you find it monotonous. Inject some spontaneity or stick with some working formula that gets you over the sads.
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    Jul 24, 2011 3:25 PM GMT
    @Skinny Bitch.....

    Slapping your date or throwing them into a pool of water is not exactly going to win him any affectionate returns...Most likely he'll get slapped with an assault charge. icon_confused.gif


    And meeting with people and thinking of them as fluff is awfully inconsiderate. Yes we all have our preferences but remember, while they may not be suited for you, they can be suited for some one else.

    And plain old average folks, are usually humbled and contented with their lives, without any sort of dating drama and what not.


    @new_guy

    Dating is very fickle and sometimes first impressions on a date is not necessarily the be all , end all scenario.

    As an outsider opinion, all I can suggest is that if you want to give a shit about guy for next date clue in on his likes on and dislikes and see if u can do something entertaining for the both of you.
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Jul 24, 2011 3:28 PM GMT
    I'm exactly the same. I havent actually given a damn about anyone I've been on a date with in a while.
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    Jul 24, 2011 3:33 PM GMT
    I think you are expecting too much from a first or second date. I mean how long did it take you to make friends with your best mates? Did you like them immediately and hang out with them straight away? Probably not and it's the same with dating. A first or second date is just a taster of things to come and if you have a lot in common then why not continue seeing the guy, let things develop at a natural pace rather than trying to find instant chemistry.
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    Jul 24, 2011 3:44 PM GMT
    Physically it should be so easy, but I guess this isn't the problem.

    Emotionally, I'd say you're either turned firgid because of some incident in the past. (please don't consider this an insult at all!)

    or, you're just waiting for the right one. You might even have a predetermined picture of how he should be and that might be a problem. For example, some guys have a fantasy about certain specific type of guys to fall for! those will never try to find the best feature in the man they date if he's not within these criteria.

    Hope you get over this problem soon.
  • Celticmusl

    Posts: 4330

    Jul 24, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    Very similar problem here. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the trust factor. Also, it takes me awhile to genuinely like someone....months it seems. I'm not sure if any of this is a defect, but this cautious attitude is definitely not a good fit in the gay world(for me anyway).
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    Jul 24, 2011 4:11 PM GMT
    maybe forget dating for awhile and just work on developing friendships. low stakes, no pressure. hang out, get to know someone. maybe the attraction/fascination will come with time. i'd watch out though..if what you are seeking is the thrill that came with dating when you were in your teens you may find yourself drawn to guys with very energetic personalities, who leave your guessing and questioning...in my opinion as you get older many of those guys are like that because they need a magazine rack (for all their issues).

    Not saying sane guys don't have energetic personalities just saying that the you may be drawn to tumultuous, dramatic relationships...not always the healthiest.
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    Jul 24, 2011 4:20 PM GMT
    it seems like u might have some internal issues that impede u to open up...maybe u should try to find out what they are and deal with them...for now though just try to make some good friends...u never now it might grow into something else once ur problem is solved icon_smile.gif
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    Jul 24, 2011 4:27 PM GMT
    Show your dates the youtube video, maybe after their transformation they will catch your attention.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 24, 2011 5:37 PM GMT
    Falling in love takes time...anything else is either lust, or loneliness.icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 24, 2011 5:40 PM GMT
    Have you Testosterone checked.. seriously.. if you are at the low end of normal and your doc doesn't do anything about it...check out Nelson Vergel's book on Testosterone and Men (google it) Amazing stuff in there. I was in the same place and it shocked me to find out I had low normal Testosterone. First doc laughed it off. I found a doc in the gay community that works with HIV patients who have problems with Testosterone and he fixed me up right away.

    Don't delay on this one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2011 5:40 PM GMT
    Maybe you're expecting to be swept of your feet right away and that's not realistic...

    or

    maybe there's just no "spark" and you're not that into them
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    Jul 24, 2011 5:41 PM GMT
    Bigsmiles saidHave you Testosterone checked.. seriously.. if you are at the low end of normal and your doc doesn't do anything about it...check out Nelson Vergel's book on Testosterone and Men (google it) Amazing stuff in there. I was in the same place and it shocked me to find out I had low normal Testosterone. First doc laughed it off. I found a doc in the gay community that works with HIV patients who have problems with Testosterone and he fixed me up right away.

    Don't delay on this one.


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  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jul 24, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    new_guyme saidWhen I actually get a chance to go on a date, I struggle to actually give a shit about him. We can have so much in common, have great conversations, but its like im chemically imbalanced and incapable of falling in love, I know that sounds so fucking cheesey...

    I used to get swept off my feet so easily when I was in my teens.. and now Its so hard for me to even give a shit after the first date.

    damn, then why even go on the date in the first place. i think you may need to seek out a therapist dude. that is not a normal reaction. unless you were never interested in them in the first place. anyhow, i would say do not go on a date for a while and figure out why you do want to put forth effort anymore
  • DanielQQ

    Posts: 365

    Jul 24, 2011 6:09 PM GMT
    just give yourself time. if you're not feelin it, you're not feelin it. Who said we have to date? Clearly, even if you think you want to date, you're not emotionally available. I've been in and out of that phase over the years. Dont fret, i suspect you'll eventually find yourself getting attached again
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    Jul 24, 2011 6:15 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm


    Also, if the date is getting boring, try spicing it up with a slap across the face, or pushing your date into a body of water. That will certainly provide a more entertaining evening, and will decide for you whether a second date will happen.


    LOL I want to do the pushing into water thing now.

    yea I agree with some of you maybe I just need some "friends".
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    Jul 24, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    new_guyme saidWhen I actually get a chance to go on a date, I struggle to actually give a shit about him. We can have so much in common, have great conversations, but its like im chemically imbalanced and incapable of falling in love, I know that sounds so fucking cheesey...

    I used to get swept off my feet so easily when I was in my teens.. and now Its so hard for me to even give a shit after the first date.


    The voice of the Instant Gratification Society - if it doesn't feel right straight away or if it's not easy like on TV , then it's not working..

    I don't think this is uncommon and all - take comfort in the fact that many people feel the same way.

    That said, now you've identified the problem is the first step, I would ask yourself why you feel this way. You probably already know the reason and are smart enough to work out your answer.


    Were you hurt badly in previous relationships?

    Were you disapointed by the actions, or lack thereof, of an ex?

    etc..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    new_guyme saidWhen I actually get a chance to go on a date, I struggle to actually give a shit about him. We can have so much in common, have great conversations, but its like im chemically imbalanced and incapable of falling in love, I know that sounds so fucking cheesey...

    I used to get swept off my feet so easily when I was in my teens.. and now Its so hard for me to even give a shit after the first date.


    It's not supposed to be, but men play so many games.... who can be bothered after a while...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2011 6:20 PM GMT
    I'm the same way. What you might want to try is set out making new friends and maybe with one of those men an affection that is more than friendship will develop.
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    Jul 24, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    I still have strong emotions for another guy, so its hard for me to connect with somebody on a date.
    However you cant expect to fall in love on the second date. Just be patient and keep at it even if you just "like" the guy. A strong a relationship needs a strong foundation.
    If its just sexual, then remember "a fire that burns passionately, dies out just as quickly".
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    Jul 24, 2011 6:22 PM GMT
    I agree, I havent crushed on anyone in like a year... it makes dating somewhat boring, i just hang with friends now and thats cool.... I personally think that after having had so many crushes and feelings blow up in my face and leading to disasters, Ive just shut "off" like someone said up here, and lost interest in that side of my feelings, I dont see the point in them, so even if I do get them once in a while, they will go away within seconds
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2011 6:27 PM GMT
    Lust or Love.. it's the difference between spit or swallow (respectively)