Getting hit on while you're with your spouse

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2011 11:07 PM GMT
    My spouse and I went to the beach this weekend for the first time this year. I'm feeling much more confident about myself after working out for the past six months, and it was great to go shirtless and not worry about having a spare tire around my waist (I'm down to having just an inner tube now).

    We were hanging out on the sundeck yesterday afternoon with about fifty other people, and this guy came over and started talking to me. I'm a friendly person, and so it didn't really occur to me until about ten minutes into the chat that he was hitting on me.

    I thought that I should derail the approach by introducing my spouse, but the guy kind of gave my spouse a passing glance and continued asking me what I was doing later and so on. I've never had this happen to me before, and it kind of threw me off to have someone hitting on me right in front of my spouse.

    It ended when we got up to go get dinner, and I didn't see the guy again. My spouse joked with me for the rest of the night about my other "date" for the evening.

    I'm curious to hear what others have experienced similar to this.
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Jul 24, 2011 11:15 PM GMT
    You handled it beautifully man, stay classy like that.

    That guy is tactless.
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    Jul 24, 2011 11:41 PM GMT
    I wasn't thinking tactless, probably just horny. After 20 years, my spouse didn't blink except to laugh about it later.
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    Jul 24, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    Lol happens all the time with my bf. Guys stare at him and makes me feel great cause I have him. I pull him close and kiss him so they know he's off limit. Then I look and my bf is pouting cause he thinks someone was checking me out, lol,
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    Jul 25, 2011 1:05 AM GMT
    It happens to us every time we go out LOL!!! We think it's fun. We'll worry when it stops. After nearly 13 years neither one of us feels threatened. We always are very up-front once we realize. Fortunately, thus far, no one has really gotten out of hand although every now and then some guy will get resentful when he realizes what the deal is. Most are very friendly and end up buying us both drinks.
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    Jul 25, 2011 1:39 AM GMT
    I've yet to experience THAT. icon_eek.gif
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    Jul 25, 2011 1:58 AM GMT
    Stop calling him your "spouse." It's weird.
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    Jul 25, 2011 2:09 AM GMT
    JackNWNJ saidStop calling him your "spouse." It's weird.


    what exactly... is weird about one man referring to another as his spouse, if they are legally partnered/married?
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    Jul 25, 2011 2:36 AM GMT
    alphatrigger said
    JackNWNJ saidStop calling him your "spouse." It's weird.


    what exactly... is weird about one man referring to another as his spouse, if they are legally partnered/married?



    The same kind of person who refers to East Indians as ragheads (which he did).
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    Jul 25, 2011 2:37 AM GMT
    alphatrigger said
    JackNWNJ saidStop calling him your "spouse." It's weird.


    what exactly... is weird about one man referring to another as his spouse, if they are legally partnered/married?



    The same person saying weird is the one who refers to East Indians as ragheads (which he did).

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    Jul 25, 2011 2:43 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    alphatrigger said
    JackNWNJ saidStop calling him your "spouse." It's weird.


    what exactly... is weird about one man referring to another as his spouse, if they are legally partnered/married?



    The same person saying weird is the one who refers to East Indians as ragheads (which he did).



    I also make fun of Indians (Casino type). So SIOUX me. Get it??? Hahaha lol lol bah hah bahaha hahahar haw haw har

    So the guy should have just said, "I HAVE A SPOUSE, LEAVE ME ALONE."
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    Jul 25, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    JackNWNJ saidStop calling him your "spouse." It's weird.


    Not sure what's weird about it. We've been in a committed relationship for 20 years and have a grown daughter and grandkids. What would you call him?
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    Jul 25, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    alphatrigger said
    JackNWNJ saidStop calling him your "spouse." It's weird.


    what exactly... is weird about one man referring to another as his spouse, if they are legally partnered/married?



    The same person saying weird is the one who refers to East Indians as ragheads (which he did).



    It seems that once we get rid of one troll (fearthefall) a new one comes in to replace him....

    Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?


    It's not weird to call someone you're in a committed relationship with your spouse. Thats what anyone else would call it. Unfortunately due to inequality, they cannot get married yet where they live.

    Should he call him his boyfriend? His partner? his husband? Would all three of those be too gay for your taste? Should he get a "beard" to cover it up?? Tell us, what EXACTLY would be the appropriate term?
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    Jul 25, 2011 4:02 AM GMT
    It's like saying "African American" for "black." Or the way Obama says "POCK-ee-ston." Or the way white Liberals say "undocumented workers" instead of "illegal aliens." It's too self-conscious. Anyway, who gives a damn?
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    Jul 25, 2011 4:23 AM GMT
    JackNWNJ saidIt's like saying "African American" for "black." Or the way Obama says "POCK-ee-ston." Or the way white Liberals say "undocumented workers" instead of "illegal aliens." It's too self-conscious. Anyway, who gives a damn?



    You, apparently.

    Bill is my spouse, husband, significant-in-all-ways other, (or Otru if Latvian) or any other term of endearment. As he considers me as well. There's a wonderful significance to that; that we can be openly and in all aspects be legally and socially in public life simply who we are, which includes who we love, and the freedom to do so is continuous, the effect somewhat intoxicating.
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    Jul 25, 2011 4:31 AM GMT
    What? No 3-way? FAIL! icon_razz.gif
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 25, 2011 8:12 AM GMT
    My ex used to get bent out of shape over that stuff and because it was always directed to me, he imagined outrageous scenarios where I was cheating on him. Never did, never wanted to. But I wasn't about to be locked in the castle either to calm his paranoia. I went out with friends all the time.

    He, on the other hand jumped at the first flirt for a fling; probably justified by his delusions.

    My other boyfriends enjoyed when one of us got a little attention from strangers. It's good fun.
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    Jul 25, 2011 10:02 AM GMT
    wild_sky360 saidMy ex used to get bent out of shape over that stuff and because it was always directed to me, he imagined outrageous scenarios where I was cheating on him. Never did, never wanted to. But I wasn't about to be locked in the castle either to calm his paranoia. I went out with friends all the time.

    He, on the other hand jumped at the first flirt for a fling; probably justified by his delusions.

    My other boyfriends enjoyed when one of us got a little attention from strangers. It's good fun.


    My first serious boyfriend had the same issue as your ex. He used to raid through my things, read my email, and spy on me because he insisted I was cheating. He even interrupted a study group for a class I was taking because he was jealous of one of the guys in the group, and embarrassed me at work when I was traveling to install a system.

    Since he couldn't prove that I was having an affair, he decided that I was just hiding it really well. He used that excuse to start picking up guys and bringing them home with him. That ended our relationship quickly.

    Luckily, my spouse, life partner, most significant other, husband, and I have complete trust and comfort with each other. So, we had a good laugh over this encounter.
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    Jul 25, 2011 10:04 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidWhat? No 3-way? FAIL! icon_razz.gif


    we're saving ourselves for you Paul. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 25, 2011 10:47 AM GMT
    Nobody ever died from flirting. I flirt with people all the time and then I leave. Though not with a spouse/partner/husband

    tease ftw
  • BardBear

    Posts: 533

    Jul 25, 2011 12:29 PM GMT
    My husOtter gets hit on constantly. It's flattering, not a big deal. He knows where I stand with him. And I chime in, should I be nearby.

    Peace,
    Bardy
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 25, 2011 4:41 PM GMT
    yeahim40 said
    wild_sky360 saidMy ex used to get bent out of shape over that stuff and because it was always directed to me, he imagined outrageous scenarios where I was cheating on him. Never did, never wanted to. But I wasn't about to be locked in the castle either to calm his paranoia. I went out with friends all the time.

    He, on the other hand jumped at the first flirt for a fling; probably justified by his delusions.

    My other boyfriends enjoyed when one of us got a little attention from strangers. It's good fun.


    My first serious boyfriend had the same issue as your ex. He used to raid through my things, read my email, and spy on me because he insisted I was cheating. He even interrupted a study group for a class I was taking because he was jealous of one of the guys in the group, and embarrassed me at work when I was traveling to install a system.

    Since he couldn't prove that I was having an affair, he decided that I was just hiding it really well. He used that excuse to start picking up guys and bringing them home with him. That ended our relationship quickly.

    Luckily, my spouse, life partner, most significant other, husband, and I have complete trust and comfort with each other. So, we had a good laugh over this encounter.


    I'm convinced it's mental illness. Same here...with the spying, etc. He was a pathological liar, but not a very good one. He'd bring up things discussed in confidence with friends and then either deny he knew or deny how he knew....reading my emails.

    Love blinds you to other's faults, and I tend to sell myself short. I'd say to myself "it's a quirk I can accept and deal with". In hindsight, I regret choosing to stay with him in Seattle as long as I did, while family needs were pressing here in Chicago.
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    Jul 25, 2011 5:27 PM GMT
    I think you & your partner reacted beautifully. Its great how secure you both are with each other.

    Situations used to arise like this with me & most of my ex's. I didnt have a problem until after awhile my ex never achknowledged my presence or being with me...."hello"! Hence one reason why they are my ex's, lol.

    Some guys see a couple together & its a challenge for them. How either person reacts & handles the situation determines the severity of it obviously.