blactor saidIm gonna be honest- after coming out last year, Im feeling so fucking lonely and I still have a few close friends.. I dont know if its due to being in a big city, maybe its loss after years of bulshitting myself and feeling disconnected from myself etc, but I need to ask for honest feedback how you sorted throigh the pain.
Im feeling like crying right now because it feels like a seriously dark and empty void in my soul and its really hard.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
I envy some of the guys on here who seem to have it all together and seem so chilled on their own, single or in a relationship.
I can relate to what you're experiencing, I actually went through that prior to coming out. I had very few friends and the ones I did have were very surface type in nature. Then I regressed to relying solely on people online to address my need to connect with people. It was essentially a Band-Aid, never really addressing the true issue.
I could cite many things going on in my life as the cause. Parents being divorced, having a father who was around, but not much of a role model to me, not feeling particularly attractive being overweight, having gapped teeth, making minimum wage, not really knowing anyone else who was gay...On top of that I'm an introvert....
After being a recluse for a number of years, I reached the point where my coping mechanisms were no longer satisfying me. The loss of a parent at a young age was my catalyst to stop living a lie and accept who I was. I went on dates, many of them good with no possibility of long-term relationship potential, or outright bad. Then there was a phase where I didn't want to date anyone at all, just have fun…It was a learning experience, I figured out what and whom I did and did not want in my life.
Quality friendship and a feeling of connectedness both your environment and the people around you can take time. I often remind myself of this now, since I moved 1600 miles from the place I grew up. Although it may appear that many people have their lives in order, the reality is often quite different.
Some associate the feeling of loneliness with depression. Every case is unique, I experienced many hard days. I even went to a therapist at one point, hoping to sort out my life. Then I found she wasn't the kind of therapist I was looking for and never went back... I thought antidepressants might be a solution to my problems, but never got to the point where I was prescribed them. After seeing the side effects from family members, I'm quite happy I never went down that road. Disclaimer: I do not pass judgment on those who genuinely need drugs to function.
You're still young and it's never too late to start meeting new people, one of whom may end up being a really close friend or more. Sometimes the best thing is just to talk about how you feel with another person. Let all those emotions out, speak and work with them constructively instead of having them take over. Last but not least… thanks for reading what I had to say :-)