I just can't get it into my head that I'm gay..

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    Apr 27, 2008 3:46 PM GMT
    I'm 18 years old and I can't believe that I'm gay...Like I know I'm attracted to guys sexually and mentally but I just can't be happy with myself...


    Why is this?
    Will I ever be fully OK with myself?
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    Apr 27, 2008 3:58 PM GMT
    willie1991,

    What helped me when I was 18 was meeting a group of diverse and wonderful gay men around my own age. The love and admiration I came to feel for them made my self-acceptance happen by itself, on its most basic and difficult level.

    I hope I get the chance to thank them for what they gave me, and also I was very fortunate to find out about their group from an ad in my college newspaper.

    But that first push didn't take care of everything. I saw different therapists at different times, but finally, again, it was "information" that came to me through friends that caused me to ultimately value the person I am.

    It takes time, but if your're open (keep your eyes and mind open) and take advantage of the resources around you, the help you need will come to you, at least it did in my experience.

    Charlie
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    Apr 27, 2008 4:02 PM GMT
    PS--By "the help you need will come to you," I didn't mean you can sit and wait. Make an effort to find out what support is out there and follow any leads. Yes, it doesn't sound very "magical." That happens when "chance" puts a sign right under your nose.
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    Apr 27, 2008 4:52 PM GMT
    guess what?
    i'ts a shock but you'll get over it and there will likely never again be anything this surprising or difficult in life. just think -- you're jumping the biggest hurdle and after this, everything else will be a breeze icon_biggrin.gif well... mostly.icon_rolleyes.gif
    good luck, kid.icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 27, 2008 5:05 PM GMT
    evilgemini saidguess what?
    i'ts a shock but you'll get over it and there will likely never again be anything this surprising or difficult in life. just think -- you're jumping the biggest hurdle and after this, everything else will be a breeze icon_biggrin.gif well... mostly.icon_rolleyes.gif
    good luck, kid.icon_wink.gif
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------evilgemini----speaks the truth !!! Willie1991--- I was totally in your same shoes at age 18, I was so upset over it that I was depressed, and did everything I could to prove to myself that "THIS JUST ISN'T SO" but it "WAS SO". I remember I decided to get a book written about gay lovers, to see if those ideas in the book held an attraction for me, well, it sure did, and I couldn't put the book down. I new then I was gay and yet I tried to ignore it, I got married, I could easily have sex with a woman, as well as with men, but I just stuck with my wife. Finally after 16 years, and two children, I decided that I had lived a lie long enough and got divorced. Then my life began !!!! all the anxiety was behind, and oh what a relief. For your own good accept your being gay young, you will save yourself a lot of pain and inner termoil. I wish you the best !!!
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    Apr 27, 2008 5:10 PM GMT
    Wow! That is internalized homophobia to the point of brainwashing. ... icon_eek.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 27, 2008 5:45 PM GMT
    Try not to put these labels on it
    when you say "gay" it's obviously conjuring up thoughts in your mind

    you are you and that's all there is to it
    you might like the color blue
    or you might like going bowling on a saturday night
    all these things added together make up who you are
    your liking men is just one part of that

    you're 18...you have a whole life ahead of you
    things like college and a career will and finding a place to live will answer all these questions for you...you'll seeicon_wink.gif
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    Apr 27, 2008 5:50 PM GMT
    It will take time, but yes you will more than likely come to accept yourself. I fought myself until I was 25. I have never heard any reason why a person should be ashamed of being emotionally and sexually attracted to a member of the same sex.

    It is your life, it is who you are. Trust me you will be far happier accepting yourself then fighting an internal battle with something as fundamental as sexual orientation.

    Best of luck.
  • redheaded_dud...

    Posts: 408

    Apr 27, 2008 8:22 PM GMT
    Howdy, Willie. I've posted here before and said the same thing, but it's worth repeating (at least it is to me!). The best advice I may have ever had was "Coming out isn't an event; it's a process." You are who you are. You'll get there, and you'll experience a lot of laughs and tears along the way.

    I'm probably weird, but back in the day, I wasn't ready to "come out" before reading all about it. I found a book called Coming Out Right, which is probably long out of print, but it helped me. Today, you have the internet, and this site, despite it's name, is really supportive. Just realize that not every post (this one?) relates to you. Consider all advice, but take only the advice that seems right to *who you are*.

    So here's a question for you: In your original post, you said you were attracted to guys, but "can't be happy with (your)self". Apart from the attraction to guys, are you happy with yourself? Why or why not? If it's JUST the attraction to guys that's keeping you from being happy with yourself, what do YOU think it would take to begin to be happy?

    I've been 18, but you haven't been 40 (yet). It sounds like you already know this, and I'm here to validate it: It's important that you find out what makes you happy. That's a journey only you can take, and please note that I said "happy", not "what feels good." Good luck, and please know that we're all here for you.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Apr 27, 2008 9:53 PM GMT
    willie1991 saidI'm 18 years old and I can't believe that I'm gay...Like I know I'm attracted to guys sexually and mentally but I just can't be happy with myself...


    Why is this?
    Will I ever be fully OK with myself?




    Willie,

    I was 32 years old before I could accept I was gay. Now, don't let that scare you. I kept it to myself for all those years, and did not speak to anyone about it. You on the other hand have done the right thing here by asking about it. Your post made me happy icon_smile.gif Happy that you have not kept it to yourself for the next 14 years.

    Yes, I believe one day you will be OK with it. If you find it hard to cope with it, see someone that will help you to accept it. I got no help, and I regret that.

    Don't know what else to say. If you have any questions, just ask, no matter how personal they maybe.

    Don't be afraid to ask for help icon_smile.gif

    Mike
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Apr 27, 2008 10:25 PM GMT
    icon_eek.gif

    Was it something I said icon_question.gificon_confused.gif

    I hope he is OK.

    Mike
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    Apr 28, 2008 11:03 AM GMT
    willie1991 saidI'm 18 years old and I can't believe that I'm gay...Like I know I'm attracted to guys sexually and mentally but I just can't be happy with myself...


    Why is this?
    Will I ever be fully OK with myself?


    Don't worry, at 18 I was still wrestling with my demons too.

    Until I realized it's just some part of me. I'm attracted to guys instead of girls.. so what? That doesn't change who I am.

    Good luck and cheer up!
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    Apr 28, 2008 11:32 AM GMT
    I guess this is like an AA meeting. Hi, I'm John and I'm queer. (I've never been to an AA meeting but I hear this is how you are supposed to start)

    I had my realization at age 13. I had always been sexually attracted to men and other boys growing up.
    The first time I enjoyed sex was at age 11 with another boy my age. I didn't know what sexuality was at the time but I've always known what I like.
    At age 13 I discovered what a queer is and that I'm one and it was presented to me as being very negative and disgusting. That's when my battle started with myself.
    I tried to be straight and worried that I would fail.
    I dated lots of girls in high school, had sex with quite a few, married and still fought with myself over my sexuality. It's an overpowering urge.
    I finally divorced and accepted myself and I'm doing so much better. The war is over and I won. I do mourn the time I wasted at it.
    At age 18, the best is ahead of you now. For us, the high school years can be the toughest. Enjoy life the way you want to.
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    Apr 28, 2008 12:35 PM GMT
    Yeah, me too! I'm now 34 and look how fuct up my life has becomeicon_lol.gif
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    Apr 28, 2008 6:26 PM GMT
    hey its cool im 19 and going through the exact same thing. Its tough, but give it time. See if you can't find a local gay friendly groups.
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    Apr 28, 2008 6:34 PM GMT
    I'll be 32 this year and still haven't fully accepted it. Different people have different experiences in their lives which create different outcomes. I have very few gay friends, so that's why it's been so hard for me to adapt and accept being gay.

    It's also very hard for me to meet gay guys that I'd actually call a friend. So, that always brings me back to a feeling of not wanting to be a part of "that crowd". I love roller coasters, but not emotional ones like this. ha ha!
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    Apr 29, 2008 3:49 AM GMT
    halltd saidI'll be 32 this year and still haven't fully accepted it. Different people have different experiences in their lives which create different outcomes. I have very few gay friends, so that's why it's been so hard for me to adapt and accept being gay.
    It's also very hard for me to meet gay guys that I'd actually call a friend. So, that always brings me back to a feeling of not wanting to be a part of "that crowd". I love roller coasters, but not emotional ones like this. ha ha!


    I have very few gay friends. Fact.
    It's also very hard for me to meet gay guys that I'd actually call a friend. Fact.
    So, that always brings me back to a feeling of not wanting to be a part of "that crowd". Fact.
    I love roller coasters, but not emotional ones like this. . .so I settle for roller skates instead. Fact.
    (Better to fall down my arse and rise up again! Fact.)
    ha ha! Fact.