Younger men

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2011 10:40 AM GMT
    I find all men attractive, but I tend to emotionally connect with guys much younger than me. For some reason, much younger men are also interested in me more than men my age. The younger men who I have seen like my stability and my positive outlook on life, and i like their joy for living and energy and optimism.

    But I have avoided having a relationship with a much younger guy because I feel like I would be robbing him of opportunities in his life. At 25, he doesn't know all of the things I know at 45 and he needs those life experiences to learn them. It also feels like I am doing something wrong.

    I do know that it is a case-by-case situation and it depends on the men involved. There is no "right" answer. But generally, what is your atttiude about a younger man with an older man in a relationship?
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    Jul 26, 2011 10:56 AM GMT
    My attitude is bring it on, but I think it can be difficult to sustain long term, and for the older man it might be that he is looking to settle down whereas the younger man may grow and develop and want to move on from the relationship.

    My first relationship was with a much older man and although it was great and there wasn't really anything wrong with the relationship, I had to end it because I didn't feel ready to settle down at that age.

    I think if you're going to go for it then go in with your eyes open and accept that it might not be long-term, if you can't handle that possibility then don't even go there, on the other hand it could work out so if you think it's worth the risk then go for it!
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    Jul 26, 2011 10:56 AM GMT
    Stop censoring yourself this way.

    If you'd been in your mid-20's and found an older, more responsible guy interesting and wanted to get serious, how would you have reacted to being told he was afraid of depriving you of a learning experience?

    If you really think you have something to offer a guy, let him make the choice.
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    Jul 26, 2011 1:30 PM GMT
    I've always been attracted to older men for some reason. At 25, I was in a full on relationship with a 40 year old man for 2 years and I loved every minute of it. There was just so much we gave to each other emotionally and of course physically. And these type of relationships between younger men and older men has existed for CENTURIES and it was this type of relationship that spawned such a deep brotherhood between the Roman soldiers. Even though we both chose different paths (he got a new job in Massachusetts and I would be going back to school) we both gained so much out of that relationship.

    As for being robbed of opportunities? That is definitely case by case lol. I had some great times those 2 years and learned so much. But there are young men out there who want more than just a "hit and run".
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    Jul 26, 2011 1:33 PM GMT
    Clearly some people make it work. Personally, I dont think I could. While I have a ton of friends in their 20s I couldnt date one of them. They dont have my life experience, maturity, and are not in the same place as far as life goes. We dont have the same frames of reference. And we are not in the same place economically. They are fun to hang out with and we have a ton in common, but there is more too it than that for me.

    Most of the relationships I see with people with that kind of age gap is the older person wanting someone to "take care" of and the younger guy wanting a "daddy" figure. Which can work. Just doesnt work for me.
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    Jul 26, 2011 1:38 PM GMT
    Most people will be judgmental, I suppose. As long as you're being honest with your partner and yourself, who cares?

    When I was younger, I gravitated to people who were a bit older and were more mature than my contemporaries. Now, I typically gravitate towards people who are a bit younger, or at least people who have the same amount of energy I have.
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    Jul 26, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    I like talking to gay men from different generations (both older and younger) because they have had different life experiences than my generation. But in terms of relationships I have always gravitated towards guys around my own age.

    Sure young guys have phsyical attributes that older men don't necessarily have, but I think I would find it very difficult to relate to someone in their 20s because they are in a very different part of life (worrying about a career, or school, money issues, etc.). I also have no desire to vicariously re-live my 20's through another person. I like to think each period of life has its' positive attributes and want to enjoy what each one has to offer.

    I have come across a few gay couples with large age differences (15 years or greater) who initially made it work, but as time went by it became more difficult.

    Who knows though, a relationship could be the best thing that ever happened to both parties. I gave up years ago trying to figure out which relationships will work and which ones will fail.
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    Jul 26, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    mdstudio saidMost people will be judgmental, I suppose. As long as you're being honest with your partner and yourself, who cares?
    .


    This. The only thing that really matters are the two people in the relationship. Everyone else can suck it.
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    Jul 26, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    My BF is 8 years younger, and I can't imagine going beyond that. -- not because I am worried about the young guy but because I am worried about me. Nevertheless, a long time ago I dated a 21 year old who was truly exceptional, more wise and experienced than most 50 year olds. But that is such a rare exception. Have never met anyone else like that since.

  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Jul 26, 2011 2:57 PM GMT
    My B/F is 23 and he knows more than l do at times ok he has not had the Years of Life experience yet but that will come. We get on really well that is to say 90% of the time and l think that's good going! If he ever wanted to go l would never stop him but we have talked about that and he always says "lt's Forever" of course l will not live to 100 l hope?

    l believe in what ever is meant to be in life.
  • docbailey2005

    Posts: 362

    Jul 26, 2011 3:01 PM GMT
    I have no issue having sex with a younger man but dating is out. Not to mention so many young gay men think they're wanted simply based on age.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jul 26, 2011 3:02 PM GMT
    All of the concerns above are valid. But at what point do you stop intellectualizing and follow your heart? You're not talking about pursuing younger guys; but allowing someone in, that desires to be with you.

    My guy is 15 years younger, has always been into older guys, and we never even contemplate the age difference......until...

    He works for a gay couple that invited us to a dinner party. I already knew that they were 40 / 70 yo, but what threw me off at first was the age spread of all the other couples. Each one was at least 15 years, with most in the 20 plus spread, with their years together in that range as well.

    There was no sign of sugar daddies either. While they were all well off, what I picked up from various topics and conversations was that, with the exception of our hosts, both the money and the incomes came proportionately more, or equal from the younger guys.

    With "older" guys, from this site at least, a healthier than average lifestyle precludes the assumption of a physical burden with advanced age. Your "Real Age" is considerably younger than your calendar age. But, no one knows what the future holds. Follow your heart, not your fears, or social norms.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2011 3:05 PM GMT
    I'm in my early 50s and had two relationships with guys in their mid 20s. Both were great guys and the relationships ended for other reasons. The only struggle I had with the age issue was the different places I found us in our lives. We had like interests and fun together but in both cases, I was looking at the sunset of my career and they were looking at the sunrise. I wanted to be able to travel and such and didn't feel they would have that luxury as they were just beginning their careers. Now I'm dating a guy in his early 40s, has a stable job and more flexibility with arranging for time off. It's a much better fit for me personally, although the two younger guys were both very energetic and fun (not that my bf isn't though).
  • laxdude25

    Posts: 604

    Jul 26, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    Follow your heart and treat each other with mutual respect, understanding, and enjoy what you have for as long as it lasts. Since I hit my 40's (I am now in my 50's), I have now had 3 great relationships with guys in their 20's, lasting from 1 - 4 years. We had plenty in common, enjoyed each other's company in and out of bed, but each had our own lives as well. Btw, I'm open to a relationship with a guy my own age, but it hasn't recently worked out based primarily on logistics (time available to hang out) and mutual interests (I'm into sailing, surfing, biking, tri's).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidI'd say he'd probably be f-ing lucky 25yo, lol.

    Wasn't it Dan Savage who said just apply "the campsite principle": leave them better than you found them, don't dump your garbage there or anything that a future camper would have to clean up; and enjoy it for what it is and don't expect more. (Or something like that, lol.)

    Go for it. He could hardly do better and he could do far worse.


    AGREE!!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2011 4:01 PM GMT
    i say why not...i mean i've been with guys much older than me and although it wasn't serious i honestly wouldn't have minded it being so...cuz like u said we like your stability and positivity...as young people we need that since we are at a very volatile stage in our lives so just go for it...besides u r quite a catch sir icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2011 4:17 PM GMT
    I like younger men. However, I'm not into raising kids.

    They have to have a high degree of maturity and stability for me to hang around.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 26, 2011 4:18 PM GMT
    Joy is wherever you find it....icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 26, 2011 4:21 PM GMT
    catfish5 saidI like younger men. However, I'm not into raising kids.

    They have to have a high degree of maturity and stability for me to hang around.



    I agre... you... right... uhm...

    Sorry, I am distracted by your incredibly sexy profile pic. Musclecub with a big gun.... geez....

    No, I completely agree with you. The guys who I have gotten close to are ambitious, smart, driven and caring men. They sometimes lack life experience, but more often they have tremendously more life experience then their straight counterparts. Many of them made their own way in life and pursued and completed their own education without help.

    Maturity is a given. I would want someone not like that, but fortunately in our community there are a tons of guys like that in their mid-20's.

    Just like there are more men like us, older and yet still full of life, optimism, joy and energy than my straight friends. They tend to be old, fat and tired by this age. Society can often wear you down.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2011 4:40 PM GMT
    My question is why can't you find something in your age group? No offense but that says more about you than it does the younger guys you pursue if you find more in common with someone 20+ years younger than you.

    You pretty much answered your own question when you say you've been avoiding having a relationship with this younger guy because you feel like you'd be robbing him of experiences and you are probably right because unlike him you have "been there and done that". That might seem a bit harsh to say but it's a reality. I'm not saying you can't have a relationship with someone younger then you. Heavens no. I am saying that given the vast age difference you already notice some complicated situations that are sure to arise no matter how mature and stable this individual is or you for that matter.

    With that said I do know some folks with vast age differences in relationships who seem to make it work. Anything is possible if you work hard and want it bad enough. It only works though if both parties put their all into it otherwise it will be one-sided and thus doomed to fail.

    Some might think it's "Daddy" issues while others might think your success is what draws them to you. Some might even say that youth is what draws you to them. Who knows and who cares. What matters most is what do you think and how do you feel about it? What would make you most happy in this situation and how do you plan to go about obtaining this happiness? If you have doubt of it working because of your age then don't entertain it and move on. No sense hurting yourself or someone else because of insecurities.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Jul 26, 2011 5:18 PM GMT
    I generally go for older men,but do find many younger guys coming on to me.If they`re within fifteen years of me I find that okay,but more and I start to get uncomfortable,but why,I don`t know.Instinctively feel easier with guys around my age.
    But I respect those for whom it can work.
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    Jul 26, 2011 5:25 PM GMT
    Guy101 saidMy question is why can't you find something in your age group? No offense but that says more about you than it does the younger guys you pursue if you find more in common with someone 20+ years younger than you.

    You pretty much answered your own question when you say you've been avoiding having a relationship with this younger guy because you feel like you'd be robbing him of experiences and you are probably right because unlike him you have "been there and done that". That might seem a bit harsh to say but it's a reality. I'm not saying you can't have a relationship with someone younger then you. Heavens no. I am saying that given the vast age difference you already notice some complicated situations that are sure to arise no matter how mature and stable this individual is or you for that matter.

    With that said I do know some folks with vast age differences in relationships who seem to make it work. Anything is possible if you work hard and want it bad enough. It only works though if both parties put their all into it otherwise it will be one-sided and thus doomed to fail.

    Some might think it's "Daddy" issues while others might think your success is what draws them to you. Some might even say that youth is what draws you to them. Who knows and who cares. What matters most is what do you think and how do you feel about it? What would make you most happy in this situation and how do you plan to go about obtaining this happiness? If you have doubt of it working because of your age then don't entertain it and move on. No sense hurting yourself or someone else because of insecurities.


    I can find guys my age... in fact, the guy I really fell for this year was older than me. It was really bad timing for both of us.

    I dont want to be a Daddy to someone (I actually have two children and I am their daddy.) I want a partner, an equal partner. But my observation is that i just tend to immediately bond with guys younger than me and vice versa. I have avoided that, but maybe I am making a mistake. Maybe I need to open up to the possiblity of it so that I can widen my horizons.
  • tautomer

    Posts: 1010

    Jul 26, 2011 9:49 PM GMT
    I'm the reverse of this, and I attract A LOT of older guys. Nearly 1/2 of the guys who have ever contacted me on any dating site have been in their late 30's or older. It's interesting in that the few that I talked to (most were creeps...) I got along with them super well. They always cited that what they found interesting and so appealing is that I stood out, and seem "wise beyond my years". Hence, the felt like they were talking to someone their age.

    I'm just... not attracted to guys that old. I generally am attracted to guys in their mid-late 20's. Does that mean I don't find some older guys hot? Not at all, some can be crazy attractive. It's just there is this strange uncomfortable feeling I get when I think about being with someone who is a decade older then I am. I wouldn't be opposed to getting with an older guy, but I don't seek it, and it would just have to "happen".
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    Jul 26, 2011 9:57 PM GMT
    My boyfriend is 37 and we've been together almost 3 years now. we both work in medicine, and we enjoy similar things.

    the age difference was only an issue when our friends first met. mine were still in school and his were well established so there was a bit of a disconnect, but everyone got over it.
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    Jul 26, 2011 10:23 PM GMT
    I've dated a few guys younger than myself and had no success. I've always dated men between the ages of 30-50 and things go much more smoothly. I've been with my partner for over 3 years now and he is 47 going on 12. Its great.