Developing friendships in a new area

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 26, 2011 11:06 PM GMT
    Just to summarize, I moved from New York to North Dallas at the beginning of this month July 2011. I've message some general questions to people, sometimes getting a response sometimes not. I lean more to the shy/cynical side, it takes a while for me to let my guard down with people.

    When I was single and looking to date guys, it was very easy for me to make friends. Now I'm trying to be super clear that I'm not looking to hook up, or date, meeting some new people seems to be a bit more of a challenge. A gay or nondenominational church was suggested, but I'm not too sure that's a place I would feel comfortable. On the other hand, the expression don't knock it until you've tried it may hold some weight.


    I'm open to any ideas... icon_smile.gif
  • calibro

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    Jul 27, 2011 12:59 AM GMT
    well, to be fair, you're also in dallas...
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:28 AM GMT
    I think a lot of making friends in a new town has to do with your interests and how easy it is to find like minded people.

    If you're into music try hanging out at record stores, volunteering at an all age venue etc. If you're into fine arts, maybe check out some art stores and see what classes are offered in your area. Same rule for outdoors type stuff, if you want to find a kickball league, etc just do a quick google search in your area. There's alos that website meetup.com (0rg?) That is usually a good source to find basically anything you're into with people who are probably, more than most, looking for new friends. If you're looking to meet gay men, there are probably others on this site who know better on how to meet them. I tend to know mostly dykes in the queer spectrum.

    Good luck!
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    Jul 27, 2011 5:49 AM GMT
    calibro saidwell, to be fair, you're also in dallas...


    Dallas apparently has the 6th largest gay population in the country. I say New York, but I really meant Long Island. The scene on LI is way much different than NYC, Fire Island excluded. I figure there has to be someone to be friends with out there who is sane. lol
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    Jul 27, 2011 5:53 AM GMT
    cut_and_paste saidI think a lot of making friends in a new town has to do with your interests and how easy it is to find like minded people.

    If you're into music try hanging out at record stores, volunteering at an all age venue etc. If you're into fine arts, maybe check out some art stores and see what classes are offered in your area. Same rule for outdoors type stuff, if you want to find a kickball league, etc just do a quick google search in your area. There's alos that website meetup.com (0rg?) That is usually a good source to find basically anything you're into with people who are probably, more than most, looking for new friends. If you're looking to meet gay men, there are probably others on this site who know better on how to meet them. I tend to know mostly dykes in the queer spectrum.

    Good luck!


    My bf and I will be trying meetup.com in the near future. I suppose there are other groups I could join based on actual interests and less on whether they are gay this or not. I try to be optimistic, but I still have a fear of rejection / retaliation for simply being who I am. Then again I do a good job of hiding my sexual orientation to people when needed. I just want to be comfortable though. hmm :/ Thanks for the reply too!
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    Jul 27, 2011 7:51 AM GMT
    Try meetup.
    Otherwise I'd say try various social networking sites and make it clear on your profile that you have a bf and are looking for friends only. Then when you find someone who has similar interests and who is looking for friends contact him about meeting up to do that interest. You'll have better luck finding someone to make plans to do some shared interest than a more general "let's be friends" message or whatever.
    Otherwise just follow the advice for guys looking to find a date: volunteer, take a class, join a sports group, get involved in your community. If you're out doing things that you enjoy, you will meet others who share that interest.
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    Jul 27, 2011 3:05 PM GMT
    Ermine saidTry meetup.
    Otherwise I'd say try various social networking sites and make it clear on your profile that you have a bf and are looking for friends only. Then when you find someone who has similar interests and who is looking for friends contact him about meeting up to do that interest. You'll have better luck finding someone to make plans to do some shared interest than a more general "let's be friends" message or whatever.
    Otherwise just follow the advice for guys looking to find a date: volunteer, take a class, join a sports group, get involved in your community. If you're out doing things that you enjoy, you will meet others who share that interest.


    I will adjust my strategy accordingly. I prefer not to come across as that creepy pushy person and that is often the end result doing it the other way.
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    Jul 27, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    realmac said
    cut_and_paste saidI think a lot of making friends in a new town has to do with your interests and how easy it is to find like minded people.

    If you're into music try hanging out at record stores, volunteering at an all age venue etc. If you're into fine arts, maybe check out some art stores and see what classes are offered in your area. Same rule for outdoors type stuff, if you want to find a kickball league, etc just do a quick google search in your area. There's alos that website meetup.com (0rg?) That is usually a good source to find basically anything you're into with people who are probably, more than most, looking for new friends. If you're looking to meet gay men, there are probably others on this site who know better on how to meet them. I tend to know mostly dykes in the queer spectrum.

    Good luck!


    My bf and I will be trying meetup.com in the near future. I suppose there are other groups I could join based on actual interests and less on whether they are gay this or not. I try to be optimistic, but I still have a fear of rejection / retaliation for simply being who I am. Then again I do a good job of hiding my sexual orientation to people when needed. I just want to be comfortable though. hmm :/ Thanks for the reply too!


    Well, I would say that you shouldn't have to hide your gaydom, but, it doesn't need to be the first thing people learn or know about you. I view being queer as just another aspect of who I am and bring it up when appropriate which sometimes never even comes up within interactions with people. I believe meetup does have gay groups tho, so if that's where your most comfortable I'm sure you can find your niche. Moving to a new town is tough and it's even tougher getting settled. Just gotta put in a lot of work and it will happen.
  • calibro

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    Jul 27, 2011 5:07 PM GMT
    realmac said
    calibro saidwell, to be fair, you're also in dallas...


    Dallas apparently has the 6th largest gay population in the country. I say New York, but I really meant Long Island. The scene on LI is way much different than NYC, Fire Island excluded. I figure there has to be someone to be friends with out there who is sane. lol


    oh i meant it's dallas as in... oh, dallas gays. i lived in austin, and sans theguynextdoor, i had very little desire to hang out in dallas in general.