Straight friend mixed vibe....please help

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    First i will tell you how i met him. We are both 26. That was 2 years ago in college. I had a crush on him first sight. We would have eye contact every time we passed in the halls and this made me nervous every time i passed by him. (This happened very many times). I suspect he knew. It got really bad for me that i had to change directions everytime i saw him coming in the opposite direction. One time he found me in the libraly and came sat right next to me (probably to bring about a conversation). I was too shy and nervous that i just refused to say a word and he finally stood up and left.
    Then came one semester where we had to share a class. He came in late and of all the empty seats, he sat right next to mine. I was still so nervous. Was really quiet and did not talk much. Everytime we sat in groups (he was in a different group) there was this eye contact vibe that just went on all the time.
    I started opening up slowly until one time he found me in the libraly and asked for help solving numbers. We talked and then later discovered that we had very much in common. We became close friends right away and the bond even grew stronger than ever. I started to realize that i lost all contact with my friends coz he was around me all the time. Sometimes he would be jealous of some new friends i tried to make.
    Then the sleep overs started although he slept more at my place. For the entire time he slept at my place, we always shared my bed. Although no sex. We cuddled, but was scared to make a move. All signs were there but i was too nervous to say a thing. He had a longtime girlfriend he loved so much and this even got me more confused. We started doing things together(cooking, jogging, shared clothes, secrets). I even started riding on the back of his motor bike everytime we went to school. At one time he suggested to go to a gay club on which we went but both ended up dancing with girls. This all got me more confused and puzzled because he didn't make a move and i was scared to loose him if i made one. Then finally he moved in with me. I got really dipressed cause i wanted him so bad more of a friend and his signals were mixed. He loved his girlfriend and at the same time he flirted alot with me. He started calling me funny names like "sexy", "baby" until i decided to put a end of it all.
    I was so depressed, became obssesed with him that i wanted to just end the friendship. (of which i regreted coz at times i missed him) i told him i dont wanna be friends anymore. It was very clear that he was depressed too and then decided to move out. However he refused to cancel the lease. He paid rent for six months without staying or even coming there. I felt so guilty but i couldnt change anything. six month, he moved back in and this whole cycle has started all over again although not as serious as before. we have started doing things together again. Am now depressed again. I love him but i cant get him..Wat should i do? Should i just open up or wat? At the same time he has a girlfriend. Is he closet case? if i can, how should i? He is the only only first guy i crushed on first sight. I want to be the person i was before i found him..Please help Home Topics Workout Plans Forums Search Profiles Who's Online Verified Members
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    Poor thing. You sound obsessed.

    How about.... you just tell him how you feel.
    Yeah you're probably scared, but really, what's the worst that can happen.
    He leaves and never talks to you again?

    Because him leaving almost sounds like a secondary solution to me.




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2011 10:57 AM GMT
    Yes am scared because i don't know if he feels the way i do. Am not sure if he is gay or not...so wat would be my primary solution?
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    Jul 28, 2011 8:49 AM GMT
    If you keep the silence the situation is going to get worse.
    The only way is telling him how you feel, and this not means that everything is going to work out for you, but is the only way to get out of that hole of depression.

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    Jul 28, 2011 9:06 AM GMT
    Ummmmmm? ok firstly men (straight men) don't make direct eye contact with other dudes consistently, unless they want to pick a fight with you or feel threatened, second men (straight men) usually don't just randomly sit next to dudes they do not know, and thirdly HELLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO! men (ESPECIALLY! straight men) do not cuddle together in bed, so I say you have no reason to not ask him if he is, because lets face it in today's world he has invited you to suspect that he is gay or at least bi, all respect seriously but shhhheeeeeesh! if i were you and the cuddling happened i would be like "dude so who wants to bottom, me or you?" icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Aug 02, 2011 5:50 AM GMT
    I think he would be bi, but more straight than gay, cuz he wants to keep it that way, hence the girlfriend. But from what I see, I think the guy really likes you cuz you brushed him off and he still kept paying the rent and came back to the house to see you. Tell him how you feel and ask where this is going. Is it just a fling he wants or a relationshup he wants? If it's a relationship, then there may be some compromises he has to do, unless you're ok to an open relationship. If this is going nowhere, I suggest you focus your mind on other stuffs like activities, hobbies, exercise or another man.
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    Aug 02, 2011 5:52 AM GMT
    cj_kenny said I want to be the person i was before i found him..Please help Home Topics Workout Plans Forums Search Profiles Who's Online Verified Members
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    what the fuck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2011 5:55 AM GMT
    Hmmm, ive had a similar situation.. you cant really live with the person in your case, not as long as you have feelings for him, and he sticks around like that, but without reciprocating the feelings.... You will keep feeling this way..... either stop living with him, or tell him... those are your only two options
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Aug 02, 2011 8:16 AM GMT
    If you don't work it out with this guy, you're going to be back asking us about the next guy. The guy isn't the problem, it's you. You need to learn to be gay and make it work for you. That's a lifelong journey. If the guy isn't following you home, he's one of those fucked up bi guys playing games. Let him go.
  • chompi27

    Posts: 5

    Aug 02, 2011 8:17 AM GMT
    when you cuddle just check if he has a hard on, and if he has it is a sure sign that he is either gay or bisexual.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Aug 02, 2011 1:19 PM GMT
    You need to tell him how you feel....honestly and full.It sounds like you`re both dancing round the situation and it could go on for a long time unresolved.
    Either way,you can settle this with a frank conversation with him.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 02, 2011 1:28 PM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidIf you don't work it out with this guy, you're going to be back asking us about the next guy. The guy isn't the problem, it's you. You need to learn to be gay and make it work for you. That's a lifelong journey. If the guy isn't following you home, he's one of those fucked up bi guys playing games. Let him go.




    excellent reply icon_exclaim.gif
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Aug 02, 2011 1:31 PM GMT
    Before you claim to be in college (at age 24!), please learn how to spell "library."
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    Aug 02, 2011 1:35 PM GMT
    Wow is that poorly written.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    Just walk up to him and ask him if he wants a bj and say "just to try it once". If he acts weird about it, look him in the eye and say "relax dude... I won't offer it again". Then just act like everything is normal. If he comments or continues to act weird say, "Dude, it was just a fucking blowjob!" again. Have fun with it.
  • stonefire

    Posts: 12

    Aug 02, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    What a load of old tosh this post is !! Is this fantasy even written by a youngish gay man... and one who can't spell library, though he spent much time there........, and if by any chance this is a real situation... perhaps try to grow up a little, have some therapy. find out about need and inter dependence, and tell that jerk of bloke to do so too....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2011 1:48 PM GMT
    stonefire saidWhat a load of old tosh this post is !! Is this fantasy even written by a youngish gay man... and one who can't spell library, though he spent much time there........, and if by any chance this is a real situation... perhaps try to grow up a little, have some therapy. find out about need and inter dependence, and tell that jerk of bloke to do so too....


    Im pretty sure its fake.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    Sounds like you both have some...issues.