What would you do if a co-worker called you faggot?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2008 1:18 AM GMT
    A few weeks ago a co-worker and I got into a heated argument. We have been feuding on and off for a few months now. When were were alone in the office she called me a faggot. I had no witnesses. I went to HR the next morning and discussed it with them and they suggested I file a formal complaint against the person. I did and gave the complaint to my supervisor the next morning. I also forwarded a copy of the complaint to our EEO office as a "heads-up".

    What would you have done in a similar situation? Do you see the word faggot to a gay man on the same level as the "N" word would be to a black person?
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    Apr 28, 2008 1:19 AM GMT
    Well I would have punched her right in the vagina!

    Just kidding.

    I would have done exactlly what you did, and yes it is the same as using the N word.

    I would also demand an apology from her.
  • Hagan_F

    Posts: 210

    Apr 28, 2008 1:22 AM GMT
    I agree with polo and your actions you described. As an HR professional, you did exactly the correct thing. Next steps would be to have a neutral party assist you both in settling your differences. You don't have to like each other but you do need to be professional at all times.
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    Apr 28, 2008 1:26 AM GMT
    Hagan_F saidNext steps would be to have a neutral party assist you both in settling your differences. You don't have to like each other but you do need to be professional at all times.


    Oh, I agree entirely right up to there.

    I'd slash her tires and cut her break lines on her last day of work.

    Joking about that last part, of course...
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 28, 2008 2:06 AM GMT
    Well let me say there is no place for feuding in your office environment. If you have issues with a co-worker, it should have been documented a long time ago..... thus if the individual calls you this kind of name you have some background...and track record of this kind of issue.

    She's no professional person.
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    Apr 28, 2008 10:14 AM GMT
    File a complaint under the workplace, discrimination and harrassment policy. Where I work these sort of behaviours can get you in a lot of trouble.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 28, 2008 10:19 AM GMT
    I don't fault you in the least and I probably would have done the samething if I were you
    but you need to be careful...once you open this type of thing you need to have all your ducks in a row
    because any company will look to end this in what ever way suits them
    that means if it's easier to get rid of you
    that's what they will do
    Choose your enemies wisely
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    Apr 28, 2008 11:39 AM GMT
    The word "Faggot" doesn't bother me, I own the word. When I'm called a Fag I smile and agree and exude pride over it. It totally disarms those who try to hurt me with the word.

    I wouldn't go running to HR. The woman who called you a "Faggot" just has unrelated issues with you. Find out what those issues are and resolve them.

    I hate the word "Homosexual". Call me a Fag anyday.

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    Apr 28, 2008 12:11 PM GMT
    We eat faggots in the UK! They are like meat balls he he he!!!!!!!!

    l would have hit him in the face with my Genuine gucci handbag!

    No really l would have hit him!
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    Apr 28, 2008 12:12 PM GMT
    I just go:
    "Really? Spell "faggot"!"
    after three seconds,
    "You idiot!"
    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Apr 28, 2008 12:15 PM GMT
    fandjd said
    What would you have done in a similar situation? Do you see the word faggot to a gay man on the same level as the "N" word would be to a black person?


    Agree. I think you did the right thing. Hope she has less pull on the office politics tho or it would hurt you too.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Apr 28, 2008 12:19 PM GMT
    John43620 saidThe word "Faggot" doesn't bother me, I own the word. When I'm called a Fag I smile and agree and exude pride over it. It totally disarms those who try to hurt me with the word.

    I wouldn't go running to HR. The woman who called you a "Faggot" just has unrelated issues with you. Find out what those issues are and resolve them.

    I hate the word "Homosexual". Call me a Fag anyday.



    I can see your point, but only partly agree. A good example is the pink triangle for lesbians. A bad example is when someone calls someone something knowing that it's divisive and hurtful, such as the situtation in this column. No one owns ignorance. Ignorance owns people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2008 12:35 PM GMT
    If you feel you did the right thing, then you have.

    I myself, would of said: "excuse me, but One is a fag. Not a faggot!!" Build a bridge, and get over it. But maybe you are not a fag? I would not of taken it further. But if her "actions", became malice, then One would.

    You can change a law. But.....this does not change attitude. The gay attitude needs a big over hall too, as the gay community can be very caustic towards str8's, and fags.

    If the world is in my face. I walk away saying: "have a nice day.!"

    But then "us Aussies", have a reputation for being tough, str8 to the point, kind of people. Just ask the pommies.
  • kjm1990

    Posts: 209

    Apr 28, 2008 1:13 PM GMT
    lol at my last job the bosses daughter called me that.

    i reply

    jess hunni some times i think even the cock up your arse has a cock up its arse.an i walked out.she was asked to clean out her desk....

    daddy wasnt her real daddy mummy an the step broke up an she was stealin from the till,i was offered her job an when she herd that she keyed in my car "feggat sucm dnt desrve mi job" basicly " faggots scum arnt good enough to replace me"

    dumb whore was cought on the video tho.

    i quit tho im studying again. but i proved my point

    so im a fag but...dont mess with me EVER
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2008 1:23 PM GMT
    Well it's usually pretty easy to come back with a witty retort; just bring up something about their failing marriage/succubus wife if its a guy, or how they are unattractive/get used by men like a cheap prostitute if its a woman.

    If it's a guy, and we arnt at work at the time, i punch him in his fucking face.
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    Apr 28, 2008 2:41 PM GMT
    Though I make no mystery about my sexuality at work, i also do not make it something that would interfere with my work - as it should not. i think i would be very surprised if someone felt that they had to resort to calling me names to settle a professional dispute. I would be sad for that person, but would probably won the argument far before she went there, at least based on her ability to be smart and professional.

    I am very weary about making gay jokes at work and usually correct people when they say soething is "gay". I would definatly report the person in this situation. It is rare that we get to stand up for ourselves in a legal way and I feel it is important to set a tone for what is and is not tolerable and the extreme to which it should be respected and enforced.
  • docmarvy

    Posts: 122

    Apr 28, 2008 3:22 PM GMT
    I would've responded with "We prefer to be called "Cocksucker Americans"."

    Actually, I would be leery of going to HR because in a few instances I've been in the office politics would have backfired on me almost assuredly.

    It totally depends on your office environment. If it's truly a professional place then you did the right thing. If it's a more relaxed environment or incestuous between HR and certain employees perhaps you're better off A) Turning the other cheek, B) Holding a passive aggressive grudge against her, or C) Baking her laxative-laced brownies to show there's no hard feelings and to make amends.

    In your case, you probably did the right thing. Even though she'll probably deny it and you presumably have no way to effectively prove it.
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    Apr 28, 2008 3:52 PM GMT
    In the midst of an argument, name calling is usually intended to hurt. And, the word FAGGOT does make me squirm a bit. It's a harsher title and is typically said with a strong sense of anger or hostility. The fact that this was said to you at work -- simply not acceptable. Sounds as if her intent was to belittle you and remind you of your status as a minority.

    You did the right thing. Were she to have slurred any other minority, I bet there'd be no debate. I am always curious when people embrace the terms used to shackle and oppress them. Feeding into the stereotype and smacking them with my purse or using the word "gurl" in my reply is just not my style. A strongly worded complaint filed with HR is. So, kudos for standing up for yourself.
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    Apr 28, 2008 4:02 PM GMT
    If this had been the first time the two of you had gotten in an argument then I wouldn't have reported it. I am the type of person to just let that stuff roll off my back.

    If it continued I would report it as you have done.
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    Apr 28, 2008 4:04 PM GMT
    I don't find the word itself the problem, as much as the intent to hurt that's behind it. Some of my friends and I call each other fag here and there, but there's clearly no maliciousness behind it. icon_lol.gif

    As far as a co-worker during an argument? Hell yea a complaint would be filed, no doubt about that. She would also be on my personal shit-list, which is punishment in and of itself. icon_twisted.gif

    I hope she gets canned, she doesn't sound like anyone I'd want to work with icon_evil.gif
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    Apr 28, 2008 4:21 PM GMT
    I'd tell them to bend over and then show em' what a true faggot is...

    icon_twisted.gif
  • mcwclewis

    Posts: 1701

    Apr 28, 2008 5:49 PM GMT
    I had a guy call me that at work once. I brought it to the managers attention and he didnt do anything about it.

    So, I waited a week or two, and one day when this guy was working, invited EVERYONE in the restaurant to party at my house that weekend... except him. I walked right past him. It might not sound like a big deal, but he got really upset. He asked our kitchen manager what he thought I would do if he just showed up. My kitchen manager replied "You wouldn't leave that place alive."
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    Apr 28, 2008 6:38 PM GMT
    i'd have lost my job and gone to jail. for real.

    don't call me a fucking faggot if you're not one yourself.
  • calipally

    Posts: 246

    Apr 28, 2008 6:49 PM GMT
    I would have said something like, "Look you fucking bitch, if I hear that word come out of your fat ass mouth again, I'll make it my life's mission to get your ass fired!"

    Then I'd start a rumor that she got warts from some guy she hooked up with from craig's list.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Apr 28, 2008 6:51 PM GMT
    Personally, I'd have busted out the wonder that is Cher.

    "Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes"

    'Cept it sounds funnier when I'm belting it out like Jack from Will and Grace...

    Then I'd probably gunt-punch the bitch.



    Lol, naw. I'm a pretty sarcastic person, and sometimes I can go a little overboard. When I'm around people at work who are the same way the things that come out of our mouthes kind of shock the others around us because they sound so insulting...but WE know we're just joking so it just kind of rolls off the back. In a situation where I WASN'T joking around...I would go out of my way to make the person cry. Assuming I cared enough.

    You don't get to commit a hate crime against me, no matter HOW small and insignificant it is in the grand scheme of things.