Came Out Today.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 27, 2011 7:55 AM GMT
    Well guys, I finally did it.

    I talked with my mom today, and I basically just blurted it out. She was pretty understanding, which made me feel confident enough to tell my dad. Well my dad wasn't quite as understanding to say the least. He asked me a bunch of questions, which I expected, and then started telling what he thought. I'd say that 90% of the things he told me was complete arrogance, but I kept silent for the time being. He first told me not to tell anyone else because I was only 20 years old and my brain was still developing (inferring this was just a phase). He then told me that God will perform a miracle and make me straight; that it just took time. But after I told him it's nothing like that, he basically told me that I wasn't welcome in his house if I were ever to have a partner.

    Although my dad's response was not what I hoped for, I know better than to expect complete understanding and acceptance right off the bat; and I know it takes time. Initially, I felt worse than I did before I came out, but now after a few hours, I'm beginning to feel some relief.

    It's funny, that this time last year, I was so set on hiding my sexuality from everyone. I had this whole mindset that I would deny to the grave. But things happened and I knew I couldn't truly be myself by hiding this part of me. I still have my older brothers to tell and my sister, but I think the hard part is over. It wasn't a scene I'd want to relive, but I'm glad I finally did it.

    The scariest, yet most exciting part about coming out is how different my life is going to be from now on. I've already set up this "straight" lifestyle in college and at home with my family that won't ever be how it used to. I know not all my friends and family will be as understanding as my mom when I come out to them, but I think I'm finally ready to stop hiding.

    Thanks for reading this guys. I can definitely take some good advise. I know I'm nowhere near the end of this process, but I'm trying to stay optimistic
    .
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    Jul 27, 2011 7:59 AM GMT
    Congrats, don't know any advice on this though so that's all I can say.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Jul 27, 2011 8:01 AM GMT
    Just dont force the gay shit on people. You are gay. It doesnt make you the whole person.
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    Jul 27, 2011 8:30 AM GMT
    Congrats!
    Welcome to the club
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    Jul 27, 2011 12:13 PM GMT
    I can say it will take time for your parents to adjust. Like your mom, my mom was pretty understanding and open. When my father found out, it was not so pleasant either. He told me that he never wanted to meet my friends or my boyfriends/partner.

    I know it's difficult coming from family. Your dad my take a very, very long time to accept. My father actually finally met my partner of 5 years this year. I came out at 24, now I'm 37. It's still weird, but my dad and I never really got along even before I came out. I hope better for you.

    Some one told me once, lower your expectations for your family and you wont be disappointed. They are individuals too just like you and will have a non parent point of view. This helped a lot for me, maybe you as well.

    Your new life and open heart is just a new chapter in a book. Mentally and emotionally you are gonna feel amazing.

    I would never trade outing my self. More confidence, love, and stability developed into all aspects in my life. You will have it too!

    Best.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jul 27, 2011 12:15 PM GMT
    Congrats my friend.....it's never easy....well, not for some of us....but it does get better. icon_wink.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jul 27, 2011 12:20 PM GMT
    JP85257 saidJust dont force the gay shit on people. You are gay. It doesnt make you the whole person.


    What exactly do you mean by that? Who's forcing anything? Consider that every thing to be considered "forced" is otherwise normal behavior and expectations of a heterosexual. i.e. bringing home a boyfriend.
  • Chackers

    Posts: 149

    Jul 27, 2011 12:22 PM GMT
    Congratulations icon_biggrin.gif !
    Pretty sure the parents are the hardest to tell so like you said you've got the hard part out of the way. Things will almost certainly get easier from now on.
    Well done!
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    Jul 27, 2011 12:34 PM GMT
    Congratulations! I'm very proud of you! You made my day icon_biggrin.gif
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Jul 27, 2011 12:38 PM GMT
    Congrats. The relief you feel is real and based on you being able to be true to yourself. You just gave yourself a huge gift. It is very liberating and I applaud your courage and your integrity.

    Not all reactions from others will be as you want, but you'll be surprised by most people who won't see it as an issue at all. Remember that the news may take some time for others to process...give them time and space as needed. And in the meantime, continue to be the son, brother, and friend that you've always been.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 27, 2011 12:52 PM GMT
    CONGRATS!! Awesome that you took the initiative and had the guts to do it.
    (pats on back). Many wouldn't have done what you did.

    Sounds like the hardest part may be over and I hope telling your friends and other family members is easier.

    You didn't say whether you have much of a support system (and I hope we are part of that) there with you... gay friends and others that you can share some of the details and know you are accepted and appreciated based on the guy you are.... I hope so!

    Again, congrats, it's exciting. I wish only the best. You whole life is in front of you.....

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 27, 2011 12:53 PM GMT
    JP85257 saidJust dont force the gay shit on people. You are gay. It doesnt make you the whole person.
    "Ok, but only if you don't force your straight shit on people. You are straight. It doesn't make you the whole person."

    That's what I tell everyone (in real life) when they pull that shit on me.

    Sexuality doesn't make a person, but it's a very prominent part of everyone. icon_wink.gif

    PS. Congrats, eChav! icon_biggrin.gif
  • cageym

    Posts: 99

    Jul 27, 2011 12:56 PM GMT
    When my college roommate came out to his parents it didn't go over too well; there were some of the same reactions that your dad had. He remained remarkably calm and when I asked him about it he said, "how long can they maintain a crisis?" His observation has been proved sound time and time again. Things can take time though.
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    Jul 27, 2011 12:59 PM GMT
    Congratulations! Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life!
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    Jul 27, 2011 1:09 PM GMT
    Congrats! I came out to my parents when I was 20 also. They had mixed reactions as well. My dad was initially the more supportive of the two, taking the time to listen to what I had to say, and reassuring me that "you're still my son and I love you" while my mom was in denial. It's funny, but 13 years later, even though my mom and I still disagree and have a lot to work on, I feel like she's more involved in my life while my dad has sort of become indifferent.

    Anyway, point is, like another poster said, your parents are people too - with all the strengths and challenges, and flaws and misconceptions that any other person out there may have. You took a big step in owning your own identity. Be patient with them.
  • jasontana28

    Posts: 3

    Jul 27, 2011 1:20 PM GMT
    congratulations bro..took alot of courage to do what you did...ur dad will come round..ur his son and he loves you..just give him time..you've had ur whole life to get used to the idea..let him catch up..the freedom you've gained by coming out is well worth what ur goin thru..take it easy bro..j
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    Jul 27, 2011 1:23 PM GMT
    Thank you guys for all your support and advice! I honestly don't have much of a support system, other than a gay cousin whom I haven't talked to yet, but you all are helpful beyond what I can express. Its comforting to find so many people, whom I've never met before, act so thoughtfully and encouraging. I really appreciate it guys.
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    Jul 27, 2011 1:29 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    JP85257 saidJust dont force the gay shit on people. You are gay. It doesnt make you the whole person.
    "Ok, but only if you don't force your straight shit on people. You are straight. It doesn't make you the whole person."

    That's what I tell everyone (in real life) when they pull that shit on me.

    Sexuality doesn't make a person, but it's a very prominent part of everyone. icon_wink.gif

    PS. Congrats, eChav! icon_biggrin.gif


    Yes, totally agree on this. What I observe, when coming out there are so many that feel this means complete freedom to do what you want, anytime, anyplace. To not conform to anything but act the way you want to act without fear of any kind of judgement from anyone. There are still acceptable ways to act as a respectable person.

    Congrats my friend!!!! You did it!
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    Jul 27, 2011 1:34 PM GMT
    Congrats man!
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    Jul 27, 2011 1:37 PM GMT
    None of it really matters now. What matters is you are living your life now...not a life someone else expects you to live.
    So go and live it. You will be surprised at how it will all fall into place.
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    Jul 27, 2011 3:18 PM GMT
    Congratulations! You may as well be true to yourself. We only have one life here, so why not live it to the fullest? You're on your way to a life of making great friends. Go forward and enjoy it all.

    icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 27, 2011 4:57 PM GMT
    well done mate icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 27, 2011 5:05 PM GMT
    That's absolutely great! Reading this makes me feel warm on the inside. Certain aspects of your life should become much better now, regardless of who supports/does not support you icon_smile.gif

    Good job icon_smile.gif
  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1331

    Jul 28, 2011 1:43 AM GMT
    Congrats! I came out to everyone but my parents like 2 years ago but my mom added me on facebook today so it looks like I'm going to have to have the official talk.

    It's good that you realize it will take time for your dad to come around. My roommates dad had the same reaction and it took a couple months but he's fine with it now.

    Just give him time to wrap his mind around it and be understanding to the fact that since he is straight, he is unable to completely understand what being gay is and how it works.
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    Jul 28, 2011 1:54 AM GMT
    Congratulations eChav on your first major step of self liberation!
    Feel the Chi energy flow freely!