Guys who don't have casual sex make more trustworthy partners?

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    Jul 27, 2011 1:55 PM GMT
    To me, a guy who doesn't have casual sex is a big plus. Because they know how to do without or don't crave sex, I think on average they're less likely to be unfaithful when in a relationship and less likely to be solely after your cookie jar.

    ... do you think this is true?

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    Jul 27, 2011 1:58 PM GMT
    People who are not judgemental of others make less clingy, whiny partners...

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    Jul 27, 2011 2:00 PM GMT
    i think it's a nice theory, but theories can't be counted on to flesh out on a single person very well......

    people with impulse control are more likely to not fall prey to their impulses, but that doesn't mean they don't lie....
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:02 PM GMT
    I think it can be true, but on the flipside, guys who don't have casual sex may get into a relationship and then feel like they missed out on casual sex so be tempted to cheat. Whereas if you've already sowed your wild oats you don't feel that need any more and you're happy to settle down.

    Also, someone who doesn't have casual sex AT ALL is putting a great deal of pressure on whoever they are dating because they have built it up to be some massive thing and a lot of guys might be put off by having to make a big committment to someone BEFORE seeing if they are sexually compatible.
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:03 PM GMT
    Lostboy saidPeople who are not judgemental of others make less whiny partners...



    I never made a value judgement. I think you're reading this as a negative proposition 'people who have casual sex chase sex both in an out of relationships', rather than a positive proposition 'people who don't have casual don't chase sex'. I didn't say the former and I only suggested the latter.

    To me, this just seems like a rational conclusion and I was merely wondering if others in the community felt like it rung true.
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    There's no direct correlation between trustworthiness and sluttiness. There are many people who hook up casually habituallly when they're not otherwise in a committed, monogamous relationship; however, once they're committed, they stop fucking around. In contrast, there are many people who purport to not be into casual hook-ups, but they're always the first to cheat on their partners.
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:26 PM GMT
    Definitely agree with you there Bambino.

    You have a point Pure. Though, I think the 'need to sow your seeds' is almost the same as a need for casual sex. Maybe you could develop that need later, but I think there are also a lot of people who just don't feel that way. With your second point, I don't really think of sex after a few serious dates as 'casual sex' - so I can't really imagine anything but a really strange drawn our wait making the relationship awkward.

    theantijock saidHow many in monogamous relationships enjoy that level of trust?

    Please don't make this about the pros and cons of monogamy.
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    I understand your point of view. Its that whole sterotype, but understand this guys we created it. Those who choose to bed hop good for them, those who don't good for them. Can't determine if one or the other will lead to unfaithfulness. It depends on the person and what they value more.
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    cold saidTo me, a guy who doesn't have casual sex is a big plus. Because they know how to do without or don't crave sex, I think on average they're less likely to be unfaithful when in a relationship and less likely to be solely after your cookie jar.

    ... do you think this is true?

    I disagree with you here. On the face of it there might appear a very self controlled person and during the beginning of a relationship that person will certainly enjoy the sexual escapades you throw at them. After all, it's all new and fun.

    I don't think it's any big secret, however, that the shine of relationships fades over time. Not that a little tarnish or dullness means the end mind you. Sometimes this is out of boredom and sometimes due to other relationship issues. When this begins to happen it's usually sex that takes the first hit. At this point a person with little 'slutty' experience begins to wonder if what they've not had but seen and heard about all the time is really that good. What better way to find out than to go exploring. If you've been in a long term relationship, this will make sense I think.

    I think casual exploration is actually a healthy thing for guys before settling down into a relationship. In my opinion, it allows a guy to recognize that sex is a physical act that can happen with or without the emotional side of a relationship and therefore educates them to look beyond the lust that traditionally ignites a relationship. Reflecting on this when the relationship is slightly tarnished allows them to better evaluate what their relationship means and to appreciate their partner for more than just the physical aspects.
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:35 PM GMT
    cold saidTo me, a guy who doesn't have casual sex is a big plus. Because they know how to do without or don't crave sex, I think on average they're less likely to be unfaithful when in a relationship and less likely to be solely after your cookie jar.

    ... do you think this is true?


    yep, that's a value judgement
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:43 PM GMT
    cold saidTo me, a guy who doesn't have casual sex is a big plus. Because they know how to do without or don't crave sex, I think on average they're less likely to be unfaithful when in a relationship and less likely to be solely after your cookie jar.

    ... do you think this is true?

    I'd like to know what you're basing your 'thoughts' on here.

    1. What makes you think that a guy who has not had 'casual sex' knows how to 'do without or don't crave sex'. At 22 years old, how many opportunities does the average guy have to 'do or crave' sex?

    2. On what do you base your assumption that "on average they're less likely to be unfaithful" or that they are "less likely to be solely after your cookie jar"?

    It sounds like you are advocating that someone having casual sex is less likely to be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I don't believe that you have, at 22 years of age, the experience (LTR) or have sited anything to substantiate these statements. Faithfulness is much more about a relationship with open communications and love rather than how much sex a person has had prior, during or after the relationship begins.
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:45 PM GMT
    funbud8 said
    cold saidTo me, a guy who doesn't have casual sex is a big plus. Because they know how to do without or don't crave sex, I think on average they're less likely to be unfaithful when in a relationship and less likely to be solely after your cookie jar.

    ... do you think this is true?


    yep, that's a value judgement

    It's fairly neutral, it only means something to me in a very specific context. Outside of that context, it is irrelevant. It's like if I find out someone I'm interested in likes cheese - it's a plus, I know we have something in common. That in no way means that, to me, cheese enthusiasts are somehow better, more valuable or morally superior because they enjoy a delicious Camembert.
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:51 PM GMT
    To me, a guy who says he doesn't have casual sex is lying...or lives in a small town where it's not readily available...or just weird. icon_razz.gif
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    It certainly applies to me hands down my friends often tease because of it!

    They call me Mr. Prudence! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    No shade to guys and gals to do engage though!
  • masculumpedes

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    Jul 27, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidTo me, a guy who says he doesn't have casual sex is lying...or lives in a small town where it's not readily available...or just weird. icon_razz.gif


    What's your definition of "casual sex" ? icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    cold saidTo me, a guy who doesn't have casual sex is a big plus. Because they know how to do without or don't crave sex, I think on average they're less likely to be unfaithful when in a relationship and less likely to be solely after your cookie jar.

    ... do you think this is true?



    Obviously. If a guy is in the habit of treating other guys casually, then he's likely to treat a supposed monogamous partner casually as well. Why wouldn't this be true is what you should be asking.
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    Jul 27, 2011 2:59 PM GMT
    I'd definitely be more wary of a guy who regularly has casual sex or hooks up often, however, we still have to give them a chance. What would be more interesting is to find out why he used to do that stuff. Everyone has different backgrounds and different experiences so as long as he shows me he won't do it again, then I'd be fine with it.

    The thing that kinda worries me about hook-ups is that it's so unemotional -- the fact that he can go from one guy to the next without any deep emotional connection. Personally, I wouldn't want to feel like I'm just an object so he can use, dismiss, and then go onto the next -- that's my concern.
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    Jul 27, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    Animus said
    cold saidTo me, a guy who doesn't have casual sex is a big plus. Because they know how to do without or don't crave sex, I think on average they're less likely to be unfaithful when in a relationship and less likely to be solely after your cookie jar.

    ... do you think this is true?



    Obviously. If a guy is in the habit of treating other guys casually, then he's likely to treat a supposed monogamous partner casually as well. Why wouldn't this be true is what you should be asking.


    Agree!

    It'd be interesting to see which of the guys that hook-up often can actually maintain a substantial long-term relationship. Or maybe, their fear is that they can't icon_confused.gif I don't know.
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    Jul 27, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    cold saidTo me, a guy who doesn't have casual sex is a big plus. Because they know how to do without or don't crave sex, I think on average they're less likely to be unfaithful when in a relationship and less likely to be solely after your cookie jar.

    ... do you think this is true?

    I'd like to know what you're basing your 'thoughts' on here.

    1. What makes you think that a guy who has not had 'casual sex' knows how to 'do without or don't crave sex'. At 22 years old, how many opportunities does the average guy have to 'do or crave' sex?

    2. On what do you base your assumption that "on average they're less likely to be unfaithful" or that they are "less likely to be solely after your cookie jar"?

    It sounds like you are advocating that someone having casual sex is less likely to be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I don't believe that you have, at 22 years of age, the experience (LTR) or have sited anything to substantiate these statements. Faithfulness is much more about a relationship with open communications and love rather than how much sex a person has had prior, during or after the relationship begins.


    I mean, I completely understand where you're coming from and I would have made a huge sign on my original post saying 'this is just something I've been thinking about and thought it would be interesting to discuss' - but I thought the question mark and uncertain tone was adequate. This is by no means me representing myself as someone with a mysterious pipeline to the heavens. If I thought that were true, I wouldn't have created this thread. I'm not advocating anything. I'm just making a suggestion that seemed rational to me. Despite that:

    1. Out of the closet, in an accepting environment and in university at 17 gives me the better half of 6 years of sexual maturity and opportunity. Again, I'm not holding myself out as a wealth of knowledge, just answering your question.

    2. Simple logic - not saying that it's the way the world is, I was just wondering whether it felt true for people who have had more experience.

    Yes, I have been in a LTR.

  • masculumpedes

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    Jul 27, 2011 3:03 PM GMT
    Gbob saidI'd definitely be more wary of a guy who regularly has casual sex or hooks up often, however, we still have to give them a chance. What would be more interesting is to find out why he used to do that stuff. Everyone has different backgrounds and different experiences so as long as he shows me he won't do it again, then I'd be fine with it.


    Well, if he only did it for the $$$...would that make a difference? icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 27, 2011 3:04 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    cold saidTo me, a guy who doesn't have casual sex is a big plus. Because they know how to do without or don't crave sex, I think on average they're less likely to be unfaithful when in a relationship and less likely to be solely after your cookie jar.

    ... do you think this is true?

    I'd like to know what you're basing your 'thoughts' on here.

    1. What makes you think that a guy who has not had 'casual sex' knows how to 'do without or don't crave sex'. At 22 years old, how many opportunities does the average guy have to 'do or crave' sex?

    2. On what do you base your assumption that "on average they're less likely to be unfaithful" or that they are "less likely to be solely after your cookie jar"?

    It sounds like you are advocating that someone having casual sex is less likely to be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I don't believe that you have, at 22 years of age, the experience (LTR) or have sited anything to substantiate these statements. Faithfulness is much more about a relationship with open communications and love rather than how much sex a person has had prior, during or after the relationship begins.


    1. Considering that guys start craving sex when they hit puberty, I'd say about a decades worth of opportunities.

    2. See my other post.

    That's exactly what he's advocating. It's like someone who is used to treating sexual partners like a new candy to be tried until they've tasted it and then discarded not doing so because the last candy wanted to be in a monogamous relationship before he could taste it. Of course they're less likely to be able to maintain a monogamous relationship as a pure function of the habit they formed in treating guys as casual sex partners.
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    Jul 27, 2011 3:06 PM GMT
    malefeet said
    paulflexes saidTo me, a guy who says he doesn't have casual sex is lying...or lives in a small town where it's not readily available...or just weird. icon_razz.gif


    What's your definition of "casual sex" ? icon_wink.gif
    The kind where you don't have to wear a suit and tie, or a tux.
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    Jul 27, 2011 3:06 PM GMT
    ps - eb925guy, I'm grateful for your input and I think what you've said has a lot of truth to it - I hope my response didn't come off as hostile.
  • masculumpedes

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    Jul 27, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    malefeet said
    paulflexes saidTo me, a guy who says he doesn't have casual sex is lying...or lives in a small town where it's not readily available...or just weird. icon_razz.gif


    What's your definition of "casual sex" ? icon_wink.gif
    The kind where you don't have to wear a suit and tie, or a tux.


    Oh, then I think almost everyone will do this...icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 27, 2011 3:16 PM GMT
    cold saidTo me, a guy who doesn't have casual sex is a big plus. Because they know how to do without or don't crave sex, I think on average they're less likely to be unfaithful when in a relationship and less likely to be solely after your cookie jar.

    ... do you think this is true?

    Could be for some guys. Let me give you another model, using myself as the example.

    When I'm single I go into what I call "hunt mode." I'm a total slut. I go beyond casual sex to constant sex.

    But as soon as I start dating a guy regularly that hunt mode switch turns off, all by itself. I get no credit for it, not a conscious decision, it just happens automatically. I was looking for a man, I found a man, I'm not looking any more. I have what I wanted and need, I no longer even look at other guys with lust. I simply lose interest & motivation to seek others.

    I don't know how common a response that is, but I know I have it, and I would guess that at least some other guys do, too. The past is not always prelude. Some guys really do settle down and put their wild days behind them, as soon as they get what they were looking for all along.