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Who has stupid ASS friends like me??

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Jul 28, 2011 12:17 AM GMT

I really hate my "friends" right now. I need to know how to deal with this.

Sunday was my birthday celebration and I was just going to have a simple get together at the bowling alley (something cheap and close to everyone). I don't know what happened but everything went wrong. Right when my friend and I got there the other friends left us. And before that they were supposed to pick us up and take us but I get a call from them asking where me and my other friend are cuz they are already there and waiting for us and we needed to "hurry up". So I was like, what the fuck?? So fucking messed up.

It's one thing to leave your friends when you have something planned but its another thing to do it on their Birthday.

Here is the kicker...after my friend and I walked in, the other friend who was already there (the one that was supposed to pick us up) came up to me and asked me "if I was mad at her". OH HEEEELLLLLL NO!

In my head I was thinking "Oh gee no I'm so happy you decided to not pick me up after you promised and now you are leaving me after I just got here, I am not mad AT ALL" But all did was smile and say no...otherwise it would not have been pretty...especially since her BF was there. But now I just can't belive they would do that to me. I don't want to talk to them but I know that would be childish

Has anyone been in this sort of situation? What did you do about it?

Sorry for ranting.......I REALLLLLY needed to get this off my chest.

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Jul 28, 2011 2:16 AM GMT

My friends had me sober cab for them on my birthday.

But what you do in that situation is to calmly ask them what happened the day of your birthday at the bowling ally, then calmly tell them your side of the story in a more general sense- like just tell them what you told us, which was "Well I wasn't really happy that you left me at the bowling ally on my birthday..." and then go from there. From where I stand, telling them "No I'm not mad.

" just lets them off the hook and may just about encourage them to repeat the behavior once again.

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Jul 28, 2011 2:19 AM GMT

Saturday was my birthday...my friend's got pissed off because I didn't have the time to go out and celebrate due to working two jobs and taking 3 summer classes. And when I say pissed, I mean calling me and bitching at me because I wasn't at the bar getting wasted with them.

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Jul 28, 2011 2:40 AM GMT

bananaboi3 saidSorry for ranting.......I REALLLLLY needed to get this off my chest.

Rant all you like -- I'll rant right along with you on this one.

My partner & I HATE unreliable and irresponsible gays. And the women are the worst. We both served in the US military, and we are as precisely punctual & reliable as the sun coming up each morning. Those who are not soon fall out of favor with us.

You are young, and likely most of your friends are young. You can expect to experience a lot more of this. Young people have no sense of time or consideration for others. It's just the way they are, the way our society raises them.

There are a few rare exceptions, but your best plan is to assume the least common denominator. Young people, especially gays, have no concern about time or obligations. They may acquire it with age, though I know gays in their 50s who still can't manage it (we call it GST - Gay Standard Time, which means always late or failing to show).

So don't get your panties in a twist. This is normal for the gay community. Few are on time, few are reliable. Remember that gays are like herding cats -- nobody wants to go in the same direction, everybody will come to an event when they feel like coming.

The most unreliable person in the world in a gay man. Once you understand and accept that, you won't be inconvenicned & upset again.

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Jul 28, 2011 4:13 AM GMT

Art_Deco said
bananaboi3 saidSorry for ranting.......I REALLLLLY needed to get this off my chest.

Young people, especially gays, have no concern about time or obligations. They may acquire it with age, though I know gays in their 50s who still can't manage it (we call it GST - Gay Standard Time, which means always late or failing to show).

So don't get your panties in a twist. This is normal for the gay community. Few are on time, few are reliable. Remember that gays are like herding cats -- nobody wants to go in the same direction, everybody will come to an event when they feel like coming.

The most unreliable person in the world in a gay man. Once you understand and accept that, you won't be inconvenicned & upset again.

lol wtf
Is this a common gay stereotype? I've NEVER heard of it before.

Or is this something that you've come to learn yourself.
I like to think I'm punctual and reliable =(

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Jul 28, 2011 4:26 AM GMT

Art_Deco said
bananaboi3 saidSorry for ranting.......I REALLLLLY needed to get this off my chest.

Rant all you like -- I'll rant right along with you on this one.

My partner & I HATE unreliable and irresponsible gays. And the women are the worst. We both served in the US military, and we are as precisely punctual & reliable as the sun coming up each morning. Those who are not soon fall out of favor with us.

You are young, and likely most of your friends are young. You can expect to experience a lot more of this. Young people have no sense of time or consideration for others. It's just the way they are, the way our society raises them.

There are a few rare exceptions, but your best plan is to assume the least common denominator. Young people, especially gays, have no concern about time or obligations. They may acquire it with age, though I know gays in their 50s who still can't manage it (we call it GST - Gay Standard Time, which means always late or failing to show).

So don't get your panties in a twist. This is normal for the gay community. Few are on time, few are reliable. Remember that gays are like herding cats -- nobody wants to go in the same direction, everybody will come to an event when they feel like coming.

The most unreliable person in the world in a gay man. Once you understand and accept that, you won't be inconvenicned & upset again.

Naw- just young people are in general or those that are "young at heart". Do you notice a correlation with maturity, age and those who are likely to be late? I bet you will.

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Jul 28, 2011 4:47 AM GMT

I don't think being punctual has anything to do with gay or strait.

I think it just comes down to respect. I know PLENTY of strait ppl that cant get their shit together!

A prof said something once that stuck with me. "Early is on time, on time is late, and late in unacceptable" - I live by it

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Jul 28, 2011 4:50 AM GMT

If you expect anything from friends or partners you
will always be disappointed. They don't exist to please you.

Joeyphx444

Posts: 2387

Jul 28, 2011 4:51 AM GMT

Get new friends that don't piss you off
Seriously, people come and go and there's like 300 million people in the USA

Learn to let go when people do dumb shit, why try to work it out and cause yourself misery and stress?

Webster666

Posts: 9225

Jul 28, 2011 5:06 AM GMT

To the OP:

You're letting your "friends" do this to you.
When she asked if you were mad, you should have said, "YES!"

DCguy2001

Posts: 314

Jul 28, 2011 5:27 AM GMT

It might have been a simple misunderstanding about picking you up - or maybe she just forgot. So I'd probably let that slide - not worth losing a friend over something that minor.

But ditching you (and your other friend) right after you arrived at the bowling alley is definitely uncool, especially since it was your b-day.

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Jul 28, 2011 5:29 AM GMT

I think I'm the stupid ass friend my friends have O.O I need a change somehow.

safety43_mma1...

Posts: 4251

Jul 28, 2011 5:34 AM GMT

I don't talk to them anymore because I was expected to bend over backwards for them but they didn't have to for me and that os total crap so I told them to fuck off and don't talk to me again.

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Jul 28, 2011 5:35 AM GMT

Art_Deco said
bananaboi3 saidSorry for ranting.......I REALLLLLY needed to get this off my chest.

Rant all you like -- I'll rant right along with you on this one.
...
There are a few rare exceptions, but your best plan is to assume the least common denominator. Young people, especially gays, have no concern about time or obligations. They may acquire it with age, though I know gays in their 50s who still can't manage it (we call it GST - Gay Standard Time, which means always late or failing to show).

So don't get your panties in a twist. This is normal for the gay community. Few are on time, few are reliable. Remember that gays are like herding cats -- nobody wants to go in the same direction, everybody will come to an event when they feel like coming.

The most unreliable person in the world is a gay man. Once you understand and accept that, you won't be inconvenicned & upset again.

This is a corollary to the Gay Prime Directive:

"Never underestimate the inherent flakiness of a gay man".

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Jul 28, 2011 7:19 AM GMT

Wow, i didnt realize there were that many flakey people in the world...that really sucks.

This whole experience did show me who my true friends were. This was not the first time that they have done something like that so i am starting to see a trend with those "friends".

I guess I pretty much have to talk to them now...

Ugh...that, I am dreading. Im never good at confronting people, I always seem to get a little to riled up and let my emotions show a bit too much. I try telling myself to be cool and calm but then they go and think its still not their fault and i end up yelling at them.

And I do NOT want that to happen.

Any tips on staying cool and calm before the "confrontation"? Because I know that they will try to just pass it off as nothing.

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Jul 28, 2011 8:13 AM GMT

DCguy1999 saidIt might have been a simple misunderstanding about picking you up - or maybe she just forgot. So I'd probably let that slide - not worth losing a friend over something that minor.

But ditching you (and your other friend) right after you arrived at the bowling alley is definitely uncool, especially since it was your b-day.

^ this... if it were me I would probably in a joking way have told the friend that I was late cos she was supposed to pick me up.

the ditching however calls for a bitch slap

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Jul 28, 2011 11:43 AM GMT

I have one friend who tends to put his foot into his mouth constantly.

And he doesn't get it when people become hostile towards him....

Basically he lacks tact and he has the worst sense of directions.

charmr

Posts: 233

Jul 28, 2011 3:02 PM GMT

DTP_82 said
Art_Deco said
bananaboi3 saidSorry for ranting.......I REALLLLLY needed to get this off my chest.

Young people, especially gays, have no concern about time or obligations. They may acquire it with age, though I know gays in their 50s who still can't manage it (we call it GST - Gay Standard Time, which means always late or failing to show).

So don't get your panties in a twist. This is normal for the gay community. Few are on time, few are reliable. Remember that gays are like herding cats -- nobody wants to go in the same direction, everybody will come to an event when they feel like coming.

The most unreliable person in the world in a gay man. Once you understand and accept that, you won't be inconvenicned & upset again.

lol wtf
Is this a common gay stereotype? I've NEVER heard of it before.

Or is this something that you've come to learn yourself.
I like to think I'm punctual and reliable =(

That's the reputation we have. You are in the minority -- for which I greatly commend you! Like ART DECO I bemoan this condition, but the only thing we can do is put up with as much of it as we can bear and seek friends who are more responsible -- even tho they are more difficult to find. My friend, everything in life is a trade-off. Friendship is no exception. How much are you willing to overlook in exchange for what you get out of it. If the price is too high for what you get, find others. You are not going to CHANGE PEOPLE!

iHavok

Posts: 1477

Jul 28, 2011 3:28 PM GMT

The real question is why do we accept this flakiness?
it's disrespectful and continues because no one comments on it, or points out how rude it is...

Two reasons are valid for not being punctual.
Children and infirmity.

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Jul 28, 2011 3:38 PM GMT

I struggle with being on time myself, I openly admit it. It's selfish and childish and something I need to grow up about.

That said, friends like these make it clear through their actions that they do not value you or your time. You don't necessarily have to get rid of them but I would always be on the look-out for better people to spend time with.

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Jul 28, 2011 4:19 PM GMT

Interesting? I was a a friends birthday get together over the weekend, this friend is relatively new(5-6 months) and just turned 30. Most of his friends are in their mid 20's all very nice. After our 20 something people lunch, no one of my fairly new friends closer friends took the initiation of picking up his bill of the portion. I took it upon my self to pay his portion without any thought, but later thought," wow, his close friends aren't very thought full."

Later we all went back to his place for drinks, no one brought anything as much as a card and a bottle of something. My partner and I brought both.

I don't miss being 20 something, but even when I was in my twenties, I always brought something for a friend or had my friends split his birthday tab.

I guess you do decide who your friends are and what your willing to put up with. I realized about 5-6 years ago that I had some friends that didn't contribute to a healthy friendship and a positive way. They either were flaky, inconsiderate, self indulged or extremely tardy(45-60 min) keeping me waiting on them.

I cleaned the house of friends and lost them like an old set keys. Made new friends who did contribute and brought something to the table and I could in return.

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Jul 28, 2011 4:25 PM GMT

on 2 of my last 3 birthdays (one of them being my 21'st) a couple of my friends decided to get more drunk than me and have total emotional meltdowns.

Out of that group of friends, I seem to be the only person who actually has fun when their drunk.

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Jul 28, 2011 4:45 PM GMT

Rofl .... that is happening to me like ... everyday u can say .

Once before 5 days ago .. me and my friends went out ... and one of them forgot his money ... it wasn't a big deal , his bro lent him some money ( he was with us ) .. and later he could give him back ..after we r done from the movie and the funfair( something like Disney land) , we should go n eat dinner in a good place .. however he and his bro was broke already cuz his lil bro's fault of not getting his money .. so we decided to go back with him , cuz his lazy ass wont go back alone ... and we would know if we let him go alone , he wont come back ..
anyways his bro told him to get his money and extra money for him ...we went to the restaurant ... and he found out that the lil bro got money for himself only ...ROFL ( Only months difference between them ..) and that would fk the whole fun already (Twice) ... even tho i love them so much

you just should be patient i think hehe.

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Jul 28, 2011 5:53 PM GMT

Yes, I believe I should talk to them now because I really dont want it getting any worse. They get confusing though because it seems like one minute they love me then the next im yesterdays news. I just want friends who are always there and not wishy washy with their feelings. Like my best guy friend, we all hang out together and whenever we all hang out, they really love him and treat him amazing, then with me they kind of just treat me like trash. I don't want to say im jealous of my friend but, it sometimes confuses me that they would be so nice to him then be all flakey with me...when they have known me longer. I would say I am a very nice person too so idk what it is. This always seems to happen to me tho; make new friends, old friends and new friends meet, old friends and new friends like each other a lot, im the third wheel.

What am I doing wrong?! Why can't i meet genuine people???

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Jul 28, 2011 6:16 PM GMT

I had an exam the day before, then the day after my birthday this year

kind of off topic, but b'days seemed to be mentioned a lot :/

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Who has stupid ASS friends like me??