Why do gay men place age ceilings on who is and isn't Desirable?

  • nvaguy69

    Posts: 54

    Jul 30, 2011 1:47 AM GMT
    Can someone explain to me why gay men seem to think that anyone over the age of 39 is immediately undesirable and old? It seems even men 40 and up will only pursue guys that are younger than they are, which blows my mind since they themselves are in that age range that they find a turn off. I think it's a sad, if not downright shallow, attitude and perception.

    Personally, I've always found men in their 30s and 40s, and even some in their 50s, much more appealing than younger men due to many factors. They are definitely better in bed the majority of the time and more typically more mature to handle serious relationships. I've even seen men in their 40's and 50s who have way far better bodies than their counterparts in their 20s.

    So, what's the deal? I can understand the gaps in maturity and life experiences for something greater than a physical encounter. But, I'm at a loss as to why gay men only pursue youthful guys, even the older ones.

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    Jul 30, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    I actually prefer older guys. But then that's relative to my age, which happens to be 20, so 25 is what I usually go for as a top age for a relationship.
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    Jul 30, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    There is nothing wrong with having an age limit if you are a younger guy having a 'no older than...' cut off or an older guy having a 'no younger than...' cut off. I kind of find it a little odd, however, when the age cut off precludes the guy's own age, but I guess if they can find it, go for you want.
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    Jul 30, 2011 4:24 AM GMT

    Age is kind of a funny thing...or it is with me, anyway.
    From the time I came out in my late teens up until I turned 30, I was always more attracted to older men....not OLD, like me...but late 30's to early 50's.
    I went through a brief period when I was interested in younger men...thank GOD that didn't last long!!
    IF I were entertaining the thought of dating...or even something more serious, of one thing I am certain!! It would NEVER be anyone my age. Perhaps ten years younger...but not even ONE day older,
    Like so many of my other "ideal" men... I ran the gamut from blondes to brunettes, from Latinos to white as snow...from hairy to slick as glass.
    None of them lasted long...my taste would change with the wind. In retrospect, I think it kinda made life a little more interesting....
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    Jul 30, 2011 4:27 AM GMT
    I'm not sure, but there are some hot DILFs out there. icon_lol.gif

    Seriously though, I'm not sure, although I don't think gay guys are the only ones who do it.
  • nvaguy69

    Posts: 54

    Jul 30, 2011 4:29 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    nvaguy69 saidCan someone explain to me why gay men seem to think that anyone over the age of 39 is immediately undesirable and old? It seems even men 40 and up will only pursue guys that are younger than they are, which blows my mind since they themselves are in that age range that they find a turn off. I think it's a sad, if not downright shallow, attitude and perception.

    Personally, I've always found men in their 30s and 40s, and even some in their 50s, much more appealing than younger men due to many factors. They are definitely better in bed the majority of the time and more typically more mature to handle serious relationships. I've even seen men in their 40's and 50s who have way far better bodies than their counterparts in their 20s.

    So, what's the deal? I can understand the gaps in maturity and life experiences for something greater than a physical encounter. But, I'm at a loss as to why gay men only pursue youthful guys, even the older ones.


    It's too bad you don't have any women friends. 'Cos if you asked them, they'd have laughed at you and assured you that it's doubly so in the straight world.

    It's basic evolutionary theory...men choose partners who are 'young and fertile' (regardless of the fact that gay men can't reproduce.) In a sense, you're luckier if you're gay 'cos some of our crew are on the other side of that evolutionary directive...they're looking for someone to nurture, someone who has the resources to take care of them both. And those gay guys will find age/experience sexy.

    So I think you've got it ass-backwards on who's got it worse.



    I'd have to disagree. Women in general are attracted to older men, due to stability, both emotional and financial. Women in general want to be taken care of. Men, on the other hand, are all about pursuing. And, although we want an emotional attachment we also want physical gratification and can easily separate the two.
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    Jul 30, 2011 9:20 AM GMT
    i love guys in their 30s 40s and 50s. Sue me.
  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    Jul 31, 2011 4:11 PM GMT
    love doesnt know the age difference, for me , i cant be into someone who is younger than me , even one day younger , i really cant , but i am into someone who is 30 years old, and i am 22 , so age difference is 8 years
    any way he is straight ( thats why i am having so hard days )
    anyways we cant define age difference but of course when it comes to the situation when someone chases after guys younger than them by 20 years then there must be something wrong ,,,,,
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    Jul 31, 2011 4:27 PM GMT
    People are stupid. That's why.




    yourname2000 said
    MrPolish saidi love guys in their 30s 40s and 50s. Sue Blow me.


    Fixed!


    eww
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Jul 31, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    It's truly astounding how much younger 50 seems the closer you get to it icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 31, 2011 4:37 PM GMT
    I am grateful that plenty of young guys are into older guys. 40 something's that are available are single for a reason.
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    Jul 31, 2011 4:41 PM GMT
    I don't want to date someone who's old enough to be my dad. I'd rather be with someone closer to my age so that I can live as long as I can with him.
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    Jul 31, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    Straight men and women do the same thing. It has to do with evolution. Let it go.
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    Jul 31, 2011 4:50 PM GMT
    The gay world is driven by "sexual attraction". The other things: personality, chemistry, character, integrity all fall well behind. We call them "restrictions" when it comes to age/body type, etc, and we call them "preferences" when it comes to race/ethnicity/skin color. But it's all the same. Meaningless physical attributes that we can't/won't see past unless our dicks tell us to. The good thing is that straight men do the same thing. We all place restrictions on who we allow ourselves to connect with until we're forced to change.
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    Jul 31, 2011 4:51 PM GMT
    Gaymerboy saidI don't want to date someone who's old enough to be my dad. I'd rather be with someone closer to my age so that I can live as long as I can with him.
    Optimally I think this tends to be good reasoning however it's interesting that many guys your age think the opposite until they hit their 30s and 40s, then I've found that they tend to look closer to their own age. Not sure why younger guys tend to aspire to much older guys (ie: 20s for 40s or 50s).
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    Jul 31, 2011 4:57 PM GMT
    nvaguy69 said It seems even men 40 and up will only pursue guys that are younger than they are, which blows my mind since they themselves are in that age range that they find a turn off.


    This. I'm comfortable with older and younger, as long as the age difference doesn't span a generation.

    Having said that, I notice I tend to date men in their mid-twenties. Not by intent but rather because they're the ones who approach me (I'm shy so I rarely make the first move). All the other guys my age seem to be either partnered, or chasing after younger guys. icon_confused.gif

    It sucks coming out so late.

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    Jul 31, 2011 4:58 PM GMT
    Well, I've always been into guys late 30's to 50's. Not sure why, just always find them more available to a relationship and better in bed.
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    Jul 31, 2011 4:59 PM GMT
    Well i do perfer guys my age and I would never pursue guys younger than 4yrs of my age. I just don't go there, cause I mostly find immaturity and a lifestyle thats different from mine. Who knows, that may change as i get older. But still, ages apart don't seem to last that long, of course just my opinion. My ex was 11yrs older and plus long distance our relationship didn't last more than 8months. So i'm looking for guys closer to my age for a change.

  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Jul 31, 2011 5:01 PM GMT
    I'm a gay male and TBH, the most desirable guy on this site that I've seen is 45. I have an e-crush on him. He's extremely attractive, very intellectual, and I love seeing him post a ton. icon_redface.gif

    Guys are superficial, that's all. They want whats young and hot. I find it ridiculous, myself. They're missing out.
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    Jul 31, 2011 5:08 PM GMT
    I can understand a guy in his early twenties not wanting an older guy(30 +) because of the reminder he could be your dad. I know I certainly did.

    At 37 now I think men in their mid to late 40's are fuck'n hot sometimes. I started to look at men like this about 3 years ago or so.

    Not into boys though unless that have a very mature look to them. Rugged face, thicker body. Generally don't find them attractive.

    Now I'm basically married to a man pushing 40 and loving it.
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    Jul 31, 2011 5:15 PM GMT
    nvaguy69 saidCan someone explain to me why gay men seem to think that anyone over the age of 39 is immediately undesirable and old? It seems even men 40 and up will only pursue guys that are younger than they are, which blows my mind since they themselves are in that age range that they find a turn off. I think it's a sad, if not downright shallow, attitude and perception.

    Personally, I've always found men in their 30s and 40s, and even some in their 50s, much more appealing than younger men due to many factors. They are definitely better in bed the majority of the time and more typically more mature to handle serious relationships. I've even seen men in their 40's and 50s who have way far better bodies than their counterparts in their 20s.

    So, what's the deal? I can understand the gaps in maturity and life experiences for something greater than a physical encounter. But, I'm at a loss as to why gay men only pursue youthful guys, even the older ones.



    Because gay men are stupid. What's more to say
  • hyperionx

    Posts: 232

    Jul 31, 2011 5:20 PM GMT
    I don't really have a ceiling, but when I date a person there's a much better chance of a connection if they're going through the same motions of life as I am. That's someone I can see myself growing with, which is the kind of relationship I desire -- one of mutual personal growth.

    Usually older guys tend to "have their shit together" so-to-speak, when it comes to their life direction and their career and their long term goals, many of which have probably (hopefully!) have been fulfilled. All-of-the-above are still in flux with me, and I'd need someone who was also in that mindset.

    Having a common life situation is important in any relationship, which is why it boggles my mind why some guys in their late 30s, 40s, 50s refuse to date in their age range. How is someone in their mid-40's going to grow as an individual when they are dating someone just getting out of university, and vice-versa?

    Thoughts?

    (GREAT TOPIC BTW!)
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    Jul 31, 2011 5:23 PM GMT
    nvaguy69 saidCan someone explain to me why gay men seem to think that anyone over the age of 39 is immediately undesirable and old? It seems even men 40 and up will only pursue guys that are younger than they are, which blows my mind since they themselves are in that age range that they find a turn off. I think it's a sad, if not downright shallow, attitude and perception.

    Personally, I've always found men in their 30s and 40s, and even some in their 50s, much more appealing than younger men due to many factors. They are definitely better in bed the majority of the time and more typically more mature to handle serious relationships. I've even seen men in their 40's and 50s who have way far better bodies than their counterparts in their 20s.

    So, what's the deal? I can understand the gaps in maturity and life experiences for something greater than a physical encounter. But, I'm at a loss as to why gay men only pursue youthful guys, even the older ones.



    simply because gay men are ... (feel free to fill in the blanks)

    we claim to be a persecuted minority, but yet for some strange reason, hold to all sorts of isms that are not innate but developed over the years due to any number of reasons.

    i'm sure some guys will say it's their preference...

    as for me, i find the hottest men are 40+ and cannot see myself dating someone in their 20s etc.

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    Jul 31, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    hyperionx saidI don't really have a ceiling, but when I date a person there's a much better chance of a connection if they're going through the same motions of life as I am. That's someone I can see myself growing with, which is the kind of relationship I desire -- one of mutual personal growth.

    Usually older guys tend to "have their shit together" so-to-speak, when it comes to their life direction and their career and their long term goals, many of which have probably (hopefully!) have been fulfilled. All-of-the-above are still in flux with me, and I'd need someone who was also in that mindset.

    Having a common life situation is important in any relationship, which is why it boggles my mind why some guys in their late 30s, 40s, 50s refuse to date in their age range. How is someone in their mid-40's going to grow as an individual when they are dating someone just getting out of university, and vice-versa?

    Thoughts?

    (GREAT TOPIC BTW!)


    the person in their mid 40s have no interested in growing. they have stopped!
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    Jul 31, 2011 5:44 PM GMT
    What a silly thread. Helpful tip: if you want to chastise someone for their behavior, call them out.

    Example: "Mickeytopogigio lacks the emotional maturity to date someone older than himself, and he's too much of an egotistical prick to date someone younger."

    You see, this example is defensible, if a bit ad hominem.

    But "gay men...", "guys in their 40s", "the younger generation..." etc., are all generalizations. No constructive argument can be made, because it implies a rule that applies to said group. Each reply from a member of said group will likely sound like, "Well, it can't be ME who you're talking about. Clearly I'm the exception to that rule, and thus exceptional."

    Clearly someone's pissed you off, OP. So, do tell. Who is this prick?