Advice: What you're really saying.

  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Jul 31, 2011 12:58 AM GMT
    I have no idea why, but people always ask me for advice. Generally they never take it, and that's why I've stopped giving it, even if asked for. I've found out that when some is asking for advice like: "Should I go to a party or study for a test" they are saying one of three things.

    1) They are looking for someone to blame for their poor decision-making habits. "You told me to study, even though I should have gone to the party. I still failed my test." or "You should have told me to study instead of go to that part. I failed my test!" Either way, you are blamed for the result.

    2) They are looking for someone to agree with the decision they already made. "Yeah, studying is probably the right thing to do." or "Yeah, I should relax and have some fun."

    3) They are looking for someone to sway their opinion, even though they've already made up their mind. "Yeah I should probably study." (then they proceed to go to the party) or "Yeah, I should go hang out with them." (then not and study). Either way, they still do what they were going to do.

    In all the fake scenarios, they've made up their mind. This, however doesn't apply to certain situations, like asking for help buying a car, etc (wherein the choices are not so limited). Though asking for help and asking for advice are two different monsters.
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    Jul 31, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    Congrats on your epiphany.
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    Jul 31, 2011 1:06 AM GMT
    I prefer using the wiser point of view, go along with it and pretend like I'm telling them one way, but really just letting them tell me what they decided. Cause a lot of my friends are so predictable I know what they are going to say/do before they even answer/act.
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Jul 31, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    navi_saiyan2 saidI prefer using the wiser point of view, go along with it and pretend like I'm telling them one way, but really just letting them tell me what they decided. Cause a lot of my friends are so predictable I know what they are going to say/do before they even answer/act.


    I tell them that they already know the answer. Then they want me to tell them. I like to make them work to realize that they made the decision already.
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    Jul 31, 2011 1:18 AM GMT
    DrewT said
    navi_saiyan2 saidI prefer using the wiser point of view, go along with it and pretend like I'm telling them one way, but really just letting them tell me what they decided. Cause a lot of my friends are so predictable I know what they are going to say/do before they even answer/act.


    I tell them that they already know the answer. Then they want me to tell them. I like to make them work to realize that they made the decision already.

    You know what I mean then haha icon_twisted.gif
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Jul 31, 2011 1:19 AM GMT
    navi_saiyan2 said
    DrewT said
    navi_saiyan2 saidI prefer using the wiser point of view, go along with it and pretend like I'm telling them one way, but really just letting them tell me what they decided. Cause a lot of my friends are so predictable I know what they are going to say/do before they even answer/act.


    I tell them that they already know the answer. Then they want me to tell them. I like to make them work to realize that they made the decision already.

    You know what I mean then haha icon_twisted.gif


    Yes. Exactly. *sigh* I'm just a bit meaner about it. ;)
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    Jul 31, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    DrewT said

    Yes. Exactly. *sigh* I'm just a bit meaner about it. ;)

    Actually I'm cruel about it, figure they need a kick in the butt so I give them one... then several more icon_twisted.gif
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    Jul 31, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    Some people just like hearing others opinions/point of views on things. That's all. Most people do know they answer already but they like knowing id others thought the same way as them and sometimes they might've missed something or not thought of something and you voice helps make the decision a little easier for them. Get off your high horse and be a friend. You can't make them take your advice since advice is meant to be taken with a grain of salt and used however the person receiving it pleases. Your first mistake in giving advice is getting bent out of shape if they don't use it. All you can do is show them the door. They'll step through it on their own if they want.

    You'll one day wish you had given advice when someone asked for it or even if they didn't. Clearly you've never dealt with suicide or depression.

    FYI....asking for advice is a form of asking for help so they aren't two different monsters. Advice is also nice even when not asked for because it shows you have aren't a complete robot and that you pay attention.
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Jul 31, 2011 1:28 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidSome people just like hearing others opinions/point of views on things. That's all. Get off your high horse and be a friend.

    You'll one day wish you had given advice when someone needed it. Clearly you've never dealt with suicide.

    FYI....asking for advice is a form of asking for help so they aren't two different monsters.


    Yes. I have dealt with suicide. "Should I jump off this chair and die, or should I go and make a sandwich?" Yeah. I'm not a callous asshole.

    And seriously, when all your friends whine and complain about life and say "What should I do?" then you'd react the way I do.
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    Jul 31, 2011 1:34 AM GMT
    DrewT said
    Guy101 saidSome people just like hearing others opinions/point of views on things. That's all. Get off your high horse and be a friend.

    You'll one day wish you had given advice when someone needed it. Clearly you've never dealt with suicide.

    FYI....asking for advice is a form of asking for help so they aren't two different monsters.


    Yes. I have dealt with suicide. "Should I jump off this chair and die, or should I go and make a sandwich?" Yeah. I'm not a callous asshole.

    And seriously, when all your friends whine and complain about life and say "What should I do?" then you'd react the way I do.


    Dude! We all have at least one friend or know of at least one person who is around us who whines and complains all the time. If it bothers you that much then just completely write them off and don't deal with them anymore. That would be much better then being a friend and completely ignoring them. Don't be passive about your dislikeness of giving advice and just tell them not to ask you then instead of feigning interest and being all nonchalant about it.

    FYI....you're whining right now about friends who whine so what the fuck, dude?
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    Jul 31, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    Guy101 said
    Dude! We all have at least one friend or know of at least one person who is around us who whines and complains all the time. If it bothers you that much then just completely write them off and don't deal with them anymore. That would be much better then being a friend and completely ignoring them. Don't be passive about your dislikeness of giving advice and just tell them not to ask you then instead of feigning interest and being all nonchalant about it.


    this makes sense.
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Jul 31, 2011 1:55 AM GMT
    Yeah and people who aren't my friends that I barely know ask for advice. Seriously.

    People do need to learn to make their own decisions ;)
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    Jul 31, 2011 1:57 AM GMT
    DrewT saidYeah and people who aren't my friends that I barely know ask for advice. Seriously.

    People do need to learn to make their own decisions ;)


    Take it as a compliment that some random stranger thinks you are smart enough and well balanced enough to give advice or would you rather have people think the latter of you?

    You act like you've never asked for advice which we all know is not true. LOL.
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    Jul 31, 2011 2:46 AM GMT
    It's one of the main reasons people make threads here.

    "Should I get my straight roommate drunk and fuck him while he's unconscious?"
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 31, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidIt's one of the main reasons people make threads here.

    "Should I get my straight roommate drunk and fuck him while he's unconscious?"



    yes, yes you should.

    make sure you take pics of him with your dick in his mouth
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    Jul 31, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    I prefer to not give advice to stubborn people anymore. When they fuck up, they got themselves to blame.
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    Jul 31, 2011 8:43 AM GMT
    Same shit happens here too. When guys ask for advice, whether it's related to fitness or relationships, they're usually just looking for someone to agree with them.
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    Jul 31, 2011 9:10 AM GMT
    Usually when I give an advice, I'll always leave it open ended so the person can make his or her own decision. That way the outcome if its negative won't land on you.
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    Jul 31, 2011 9:59 AM GMT
    In certain situations I enjoy giving my opinion, then immediately asking them if they were happy or sad with my answer. The answer to that is what they should do. (This also avoids your first problem of being blamed, as they still make the final choice)
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 31, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    When someone asks me for advice, I usually play the therapist role and say "What do you think you should do?" or I walk them through the pros and cons of the options.
  • DrewT

    Posts: 1327

    Jul 31, 2011 7:51 PM GMT
    Timbales saidWhen someone asks me for advice, I usually play the therapist role and say "What do you think you should do?" or I walk them through the pros and cons of the options.


    Nice! I try to do this as well. Though I have them come up with the pros and cons (if they want to).
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    Jul 31, 2011 8:03 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidCongrats on your epiphany.


    lol.