The REAL reason you are single....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    "Let's admit it. You're good looking. You are smart. You're hot/cute. Guys want to have sex with you. They try to pick you up at bars / hit on you online often. You are funny, witty, with a great sense of humor. But you know what your REAL problem is? You are afraid of real intimacy. You are afraid of letting another human being (let alone another man who you find attractive) to get to know the REAL YOU. The moment that your conversations with a potential BF turn serious, the first instinct in your mind is to run...far and away. You are terrified of being rejected for the person of who you really are. Why do you run? Why do you hide? Are you afraid of being happy at last? Are you so scared to death of the unknowns in a relationship? Do you not feel that you deserve to be happy? Or, you are simply trying to achieve the impossible dream? You know, nobody's perfect but it does not mean that the less-than-perfect guys do not deserve unconditional love from another human being."


    I read something similar to this, like, a while ago and I just want to share with you guys on the forum. (I don't remember the exact wording but this is the feel of it.) Do you guys feel what's being portrayed here is is true? icon_confused.gif
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 31, 2011 6:15 PM GMT
    It's the fact they are not happy being homosexual. That's the truth. As soon as they accept who they are, and like who they are, they can move forward.They have self-respect, and then they are ready to jump into a relationship. But, until that happens, they will continue to lust after straight guys, knowing they are straight, and knowing nothing will ever happen. Or, they will blame gay men, call them narcissistic, shallow, vein, or whatever they can think of to blame gay men, who like who they are, for not paying any attention to them. There are tons of gay men who are not gym rats, or into image, etc., who are in happy, committed relationships. Why? Because they like who they are. They get made fun of on this site because apparently ugly gay men are monogamous or get married. But, they still have more than you. You can be the hottest guy in the world, but if you have zero self-esteem, and no self-respect, no one will want you. Accept the fact you are gay, stop being homophobic, go to gay functions, clubs, Pride, gay support groups, or wherever gay people are, and socialize. Many will disagree with this, and say "no gay men are this" or, "gay men are that" "straight guys are better" or some shit like that, and that's fine. Untrue, but fine. But, the bottom line is you're going to remain single until you accept your homosexuality.
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    Jul 31, 2011 8:05 PM GMT
    trainhard2011 saidIt's the fact they are not happy being homosexual. That's the truth. As soon as they accept who they are, and like who they are, they can move forward.They have self-respect, and then they are ready to jump into a relationship. But, until that happens, they will continue to lust after straight guys, knowing they are straight, and knowing nothing will ever happen. Or, they will blame gay men, call them narcissistic, shallow, vein, or whatever they can think of to blame gay men, who like who they are, for not paying any attention to them. There are tons of gay men who are not gym rats, or into image, etc., who are in happy, committed relationships. Why? Because they like who they are. They get made fun of on this site because apparently ugly gay men are monogamous or get married. But, they still have more than you. You can be the hottest guy in the world, but if you have zero self-esteem, and no self-respect, no one will want you. Accept the fact you are gay, stop being homophobic, go to gay functions, clubs, Pride, gay support groups, or wherever gay people are, and socialize. Many will disagree with this, and say "no gay men are this" or, "gay men are that" "straight guys are better" or some shit like that, and that's fine. Untrue, but fine. But, the bottom line is you're going to remain single until you accept your homosexuality.


    Wow, bingo.
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    Jul 31, 2011 8:29 PM GMT


    I'm not afraid of intimacy, the other person is... Bottom line.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2011 8:31 PM GMT
    No, sometimes you just havent met the right person yet and dont feel like entering a relationship just for the sake of having one
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    Jul 31, 2011 8:36 PM GMT
    GreenHopper saidNo, sometimes you just havent met the right person yet and dont feel like entering a relationship just for the sake of having one



    Maybe you have found the right person, but does that other person think you are right for them? Whatever it is, it's an ordeal when you find one and they are willing to give a relationship a shot only to find out they don't feel the same? Does that make sense and if it does, what was the point of even trying?
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    Jul 31, 2011 8:38 PM GMT
    dragondevil said

    I'm not afraid of intimacy, the other person is... Bottom line.


    LOL! Damn right!!!


    GreenHopper saidNo, sometimes you just havent met the right person yet and dont feel like entering a relationship just for the sake of having one


    Oh absolutely Pato. I didn't say what's written in the original post applies to everyone. I just want to see what people think about it. I totally agree with you views that sometimes you just haven't met the right person. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2011 8:38 PM GMT
    there's alot of truth to that as a generalization that applies to all people.

    people fear intimacy. period.



  • BigBearBB02

    Posts: 24

    Jul 31, 2011 8:41 PM GMT
    I'm not afraid of intimacy and commitment. I am however a bit picky and most of the time the guys I'm attracted to are not interested in me and the ones who are, just want me for sex and to fulfill a sexual fetish they have or live over a 1000 miles away. I want someone I'm attracted to physical and emotionally and vice-versa. Is that to much to ask?
  • rebelbeard

    Posts: 558

    Jul 31, 2011 8:43 PM GMT
    cityaznguy said"Let's admit it. You're good looking. You are smart. You're hot/cute. Guys want to have sex with you. They try to pick you up at bars / hit on you online often. You are funny, witty, with a great sense of humor. But you know what your REAL problem is? You are afraid of real intimacy. You are afraid of letting another human being (let alone another man who you find attractive) to get to know the REAL YOU. The moment that your conversations with a potential BF turn serious, the first instinct in your mind is to run...far and away. You are terrified of being rejected for the person of who you really are. Why do you run? Why do you hide? Are you afraid of being happy at last? Are you so scared to death of the unknowns in a relationship? Do you not feel that you deserve to be happy? Or, you are simply trying to achieve the impossible dream? You know, nobody's perfect but it does not mean that the less-than-perfect guys do not deserve unconditional love from another human being."


    I read something similar to this, like, a while ago and I just want to share with you guys on the forum. (I don't remember the exact wording but this is the feel of it.) Do you guys feel what's being portrayed here is is true? icon_confused.gif


    Don't you watch Sex And The City?? There are several things we are never supposed to say out loud! One of them is that all women just want to be saved. That doesn't apply to us. ^^^ That does though! Isn't that just something we silently deal with?

    (So annoying because it really is true)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2011 8:43 PM GMT
    While these are good points, chemistry is a big factor too. Intimacy, accepting your sexuality are huge. But if you can't be friends, you're not going to be in the relationship long. There are plenty of single, gay guys who have totally accepted their sexuality, are willing to be intimate, but have yet to find a guy with whom they can connect. I see a lot of them on here, actually and think,"damn, I need to move to NY or Chicago". Also, the confidence of the other guy is just as important as your own confidence.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2011 8:55 PM GMT
    dragondevil said
    GreenHopper saidNo, sometimes you just havent met the right person yet and dont feel like entering a relationship just for the sake of having one



    Maybe you have found the right person, but does that other person think you are right for them? Whatever it is, it's an ordeal when you find one and they are willing to give a relationship a shot only to find out they don't feel the same? Does that make sense and if it does, what was the point of even trying?


    Thats true.. sometimes you meet someone and you are both right for each other.. or potentially so,.. but the time is not right... or sometimes you can be temporarily right for each other, and then things change due to a change in the environment or other... change in jobs, change in outlook on life, change in what one wants for the future, different paths and growths etc
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    Jul 31, 2011 8:59 PM GMT
    Brownale saidIntimacy, accepting your sexuality are huge. But if you can't be friends, you're not going to be in the relationship long. There are plenty of single, gay guys who have totally accepted their sexuality, are willing to be intimate, but have yet to find a guy with whom they can connect. I see a lot of them on here, actually and think,"damn, I need to move to NY or Chicago". Also, the confidence of the other guy is just as important as your own confidence.



    What happens when you do find someone you can connect with? Accepting someone's love and being able to return it is the most difficult part for anyone gay or straight...
  • errol88

    Posts: 365

    Jul 31, 2011 9:00 PM GMT
    There are so many different reasons and justifications people will come up with. It's not just ONE reason; there are probably many. And they can range anywhere from deep (like being afraid to let people in) to the shallow (like he's just not hot enough for you).
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Jul 31, 2011 9:05 PM GMT
    Because I am so far deep in the closet, I too am having adventures in Narnia...
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    Jul 31, 2011 9:10 PM GMT
    Meh I think the real reason Im single is because Im a confident smartass who always has to/try win.
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    Jul 31, 2011 9:13 PM GMT
    mnboy saidMeh I think the real reason Im single is because Im a confident smartass who always has to/try win.





    LOL! I think it's just you.
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    Jul 31, 2011 9:15 PM GMT
    cityaznguy said"Let's admit it. You're good looking. You are smart. You're hot/cute. Guys want to have sex with you. They try to pick you up at bars / hit on you online often. You are funny, witty, with a great sense of humor. But you know what your REAL problem is? You are afraid of real intimacy. You are afraid of letting another human being (let alone another man who you find attractive) to get to know the REAL YOU. The moment that your conversations with a potential BF turn serious, the first instinct in your mind is to run...far and away. You are terrified of being rejected for the person of who you really are. Why do you run? Why do you hide? Are you afraid of being happy at last? Are you so scared to death of the unknowns in a relationship? Do you not feel that you deserve to be happy? Or, you are simply trying to achieve the impossible dream? You know, nobody's perfect but it does not mean that the less-than-perfect guys do not deserve unconditional love from another human being."


    I read something similar to this, like, a while ago and I just want to share with you guys on the forum. (I don't remember the exact wording but this is the feel of it.) Do you guys feel what's being portrayed here is is true? icon_confused.gif


    Though this doesn't apply to me personally, this is VERY true for a few of the guys I've dated. I've been in full blown relationships and had the person drop of the face of the Earth out of nowhere (or maybe I'm just a loser icon_razz.gif) The people who push others away just before they reveal too much of themselves are the ones who aren't truly comfortable with themselves and/or their sexuality. It's unfortunate, but it makes sense...if they are even still questioning themselves, it's natural for them to use that as a defense mechanism.

    I've recently realized that I'm a partially at fault for experiencing this with several guys though. Though I'm comfortable with myself, I've had a tendency to gravitate toward guys who aren't...I thought that was pretty much the only way I could find a gay guy who was masculine, not into the "scene", wasn't friends with every single homo in the area on facebook, etc. That mindset was ignorant in so many ways. In order to be in a comfortable relationship, both parties have to be comfortable with themselves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2011 9:15 PM GMT
    Nah that doesn't describe me at all. The reason I am single is because I am way too picky. And hanging out with a bunch of lesbians at straight bars and living in the suburbs doesn't really help me meet anyone. But its ok. No rush!
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    Jul 31, 2011 9:16 PM GMT
    Brownale saidWhile these are good points, chemistry is a big factor too. Intimacy, accepting your sexuality are huge. But if you can't be friends, you're not going to be in the relationship long. There are plenty of single, gay guys who have totally accepted their sexuality, are willing to be intimate, but have yet to find a guy with whom they can connect. I see a lot of them on here, actually and think,"damn, I need to move to NY or Chicago". Also, the confidence of the other guy is just as important as your own confidence.


    But the problem in big cities is that there are too many choices. It's like you go into a hugeass candy store and you dunno what to buy because the choices are staggering. It's a double-edged sword.

    HighOctane said

    Don't you watch Sex And The City?? There are several things we are never supposed to say out loud! One of them is that all women just want to be saved. That doesn't apply to us. ^^^ That does though! Isn't that just something we silently deal with?

    (So annoying because it really is true)


    Oh no! Did I open the pandora's box?! icon_surprised.gif

    Also, I would respectfully disagree with the part that I underlined. Some (not all) of us do have an active fantasy of wanting to be saved.
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    Jul 31, 2011 9:19 PM GMT
    Or, ya know, just because I haven't met the right guy.
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    Jul 31, 2011 9:23 PM GMT
    trainhard2011 saidIt's the fact they are not happy being homosexual. That's the truth. As soon as they accept who they are, and like who they are, they can move forward.They have self-respect, and then they are ready to jump into a relationship. But, until that happens, they will continue to lust after straight guys, knowing they are straight, and knowing nothing will ever happen. Or, they will blame gay men, call them narcissistic, shallow, vein, or whatever they can think of to blame gay men, who like who they are, for not paying any attention to them. There are tons of gay men who are not gym rats, or into image, etc., who are in happy, committed relationships. Why? Because they like who they are. They get made fun of on this site because apparently ugly gay men are monogamous or get married. But, they still have more than you. You can be the hottest guy in the world, but if you have zero self-esteem, and no self-respect, no one will want you. Accept the fact you are gay, stop being homophobic, go to gay functions, clubs, Pride, gay support groups, or wherever gay people are, and socialize. Many will disagree with this, and say "no gay men are this" or, "gay men are that" "straight guys are better" or some shit like that, and that's fine. Untrue, but fine. But, the bottom line is you're going to remain single until you accept your homosexuality.


    Absolutely incorrect.

    I've accepted my homosexuality. The one boyfriend who I consider a "real relationship" and I had an amicable split, and are close friends. Everyone else was more-or-less a "play date" to me, and I don't want to waste my time on people I don't see a future with.

    Lots of guys and girls hit on me. I've been told I'm anywhere from "cute" to "hot" and a lot of people fall in love with my personality, quicker than I fall for them.

    However, I believe in cultivating a strong friendship before jumping into dating.

    Additionally, most gay guys I have met just don't match up to my standards for various reasons. I know exactly what I am looking for in a partner, and if someone doesn't have it, then why should I waste my time dating someone who will not make me happy?

    I have every right to be picky, and I'd rather remain single than spend time with someone who has no chance of a future with me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2011 9:25 PM GMT
    I am not afraid of commitment nor intimacy. In fact, I am not afraid of getting into a relationship. Some may call it fear, but I know how the game is played and I know that I have nothing to offer at this current station in my life. My best friend argues that I am the strongest person he knows, that I have a huge heart and that I have amazing wisdom. All of that might be true on some level, but lets face it. Those things don't get you in the door. I know what my short comings are, which ones I have control over and which ones I don't. Is there someone out there for me? Possibly. But I am not in the right frame of mind to go through a good 1000 to find him. Not yet.
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    Jul 31, 2011 9:27 PM GMT
    dragondevil said
    mnboy saidMeh I think the real reason Im single is because Im a confident smartass who always has to/try win.





    LOL! I think it's just you.


    It most definitely is me. icon_biggrin.gif
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Jul 31, 2011 9:44 PM GMT
    Most gay guys don't match your standards? What, have you found the cure for cancer or something? Hey, whatever excuse to avoid gay men in whatever way you see fit. You have that right.

    But, it's interesting that when a closeted guy labels himself "straight" to the picky gay guy, that pickiness jumps right out the window, and the picky gay guy jumps right into the sack with the "straight" guy.