How Rough is Too Rough?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2008 9:09 AM GMT
    I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks, and at first he was sweet but now he's getting more and more rough in bed. I tried to talk to him but he just keeps saying that he gets "carried away". At what point should I worry? I really like this guy but I don't want to resort to wrestling moves to get out of bed when I stay over.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Apr 29, 2008 10:38 AM GMT
    Sounds like you're going to have to put a choke hold on this wrestler
    there are some guys who are turned on by wrestling and fighting with other guys
    and since this guy is getting worse with time it sounds like he's testing the waters and seeing if you're willing to go there
    2 routes you can take
    first is to sit him down and tell him that you're not really into it
    second is during sex stop him and suggest something that you DO like
    but if this guy is one of those sex grapplers you might lose him
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    Apr 29, 2008 1:33 PM GMT
    I would pray to have that problem with my partner...hes just the opposite... says he doesnt want to hurt me, I say hurt me dammit!!! haha
  • groundcombat

    Posts: 945

    Apr 29, 2008 1:50 PM GMT
    1repmax saidI would pray to have that problem with my partner...hes just the opposite... says he doesnt want to hurt me, I say hurt me dammit!!! haha


    haha
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    Apr 29, 2008 2:14 PM GMT
    Gees I like ruff play. Yet One is able to be tender too.

    I had my nipple almost bitten off one night, in some ruff play. The guy wanted to see how long it would take for me to flinch. I refused to flinch, or stop. So by the time, he was satisfied, one was not a pretender. My nipple was half bitten off. Now this was a wee to ruff, but god dam hot stuff.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Apr 29, 2008 4:27 PM GMT
    Do you wait until after sex before you say something? If that's the case, you're waiting too long. You need to be more vocal during the act about what you like and don't like.
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    Apr 29, 2008 4:30 PM GMT
    lf you don't like it tell him !!

    A little bit rough can be exciting but where do you draw the line or stop that's the problem?
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    Apr 29, 2008 4:44 PM GMT
    This reminds of a Sex & The City episode where the guy Charlotte's sleeping with can't come without saying, "You fuckin' bitch, you fuckin' whore!!!"
    hahahahahahah! x
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    Apr 30, 2008 2:58 AM GMT
    I dated a guy kind of like that but he only became rough when he drank. One night we were having a really steamy time and he wanted to tie me up. I thought it would be OK. He was drinking and I didn't know how mean he could get. Then he crushed a cigarette out on my nipple and fisted me hard. I bled all over his bed.
    He fell asleep after fucking me bareback. I struggled for hours to get out of the rope. When I did, I contemplated boiling some cooking oil and pouring it on his cock. But, I didn't. I cleaned up and left and never saw that freak again.

    I lucked out and didn't get HIV.

    No one will ever tie me up again.
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    Apr 30, 2008 3:02 AM GMT
    John43620 saidThen he crushed a cigarette out on my nipple and fisted me hard. I bled all over his bed. He fell asleep after fucking me bareback. I struggled for hours to get out of the rope. When I did, I contemplated boiling some cooking oil and pouring it on his cock. But, I didn't. I cleaned up and left and never saw that freak again.

    I lucked out and didn't get HIV.

    No one will ever tie me up again.


    Uhm, John43620... icon_eek.gif wow, ouch and ewww. People get drunk and "rough in bed" but I think you post is more about assault. Sorry it happened. Even more sorry I was eating dinner while reading this forum post.
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    Apr 30, 2008 3:08 AM GMT
    John43620 saidI dated a guy kind of like that but he only became rough when he drank. One night we were having a really steamy time and he wanted to tie me up. I thought it would be OK. He was drinking and I didn't know how mean he could get. Then he crushed a cigarette out on my nipple and fisted me hard. I bled all over his bed.
    He fell asleep after fucking me bareback. I struggled for hours to get out of the rope. When I did, I contemplated boiling some cooking oil and pouring it on his cock. But, I didn't. I cleaned up and left and never saw that freak again.

    I lucked out and didn't get HIV.

    No one will ever tie me up again.


    many things I have done in my life. But I would never let anyone tie me up.

    If anyone ever did that to me. Oh I would tie them up, but in a very isolated place, and then just walk away, with all their clothes.

    Thats not ruff, that sick.
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    Apr 30, 2008 3:17 AM GMT
    EricLA saidDo you wait until after sex before you say something? If that's the case, you're waiting too long. You need to be more vocal during the act about what you like and don't like.


    You need to discuss it BEFORE you get intimate. Sure its wierd and embarrassing to discuss some things for some people, but better a little bit of embarassment that will fade then broken bones and bruises.

    Rough sex is something people enjoy. I get a particular thrill from breath control, but before all that comes trust. before trust comes discussion. its not sexy, but thats life.
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    Apr 30, 2008 3:30 AM GMT
    John43620 saidI dated a guy kind of like that but he only became rough when he drank. One night we were having a really steamy time and he wanted to tie me up. I thought it would be OK. He was drinking and I didn't know how mean he could get. Then he crushed a cigarette out on my nipple and fisted me hard. I bled all over his bed.
    He fell asleep after fucking me bareback. I struggled for hours to get out of the rope. When I did, I contemplated boiling some cooking oil and pouring it on his cock. But, I didn't. I cleaned up and left and never saw that freak again.

    I lucked out and didn't get HIV.

    No one will ever tie me up again.


    Wow that sounds like my type of action. lol. Hot!! Nothing like a little pain to keep you alive.
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    Apr 30, 2008 3:32 AM GMT
    maybe its time to look for a new Guy before you end up like this

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    Apr 30, 2008 6:58 AM GMT


    why and when did sex become an extreme sport?

    i have never understood this concept, ever.

    but then again, maybe its the reason i remain single.

    oh well, so it goes i guess - but - at my age, sex should be exciting and fun without regret . . . not a test of endurance like a prisoner of war!

    ugh!

    B787

  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Apr 30, 2008 7:47 AM GMT
    For me anyway, rough is too rough once PAIN enters the room.
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    Apr 30, 2008 10:18 AM GMT
    PhxAriz08 saidI don't mind a romantic rough sex, but not a painful rough sex...


    Now I know I could give you tender, romantic, ruff sex, with no pain~!

    I'll hold my breath for 20 years for you to become my age, then it's a date. I've been doing this sex thing for 20 odd years. One becomes very good at things One has done many times.
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    Apr 30, 2008 10:45 AM GMT
    I'm with the boys from AZ... once it starts to hurt (and not that good kind of hurt) I'm putting you on "time-out".

    I don't buy the "carried away" bit though. I don't care what you say, you're always in control and aware of what's going on. So that sounds like a cop-out to me.

    I'd definitely talk to him about it, beforehand - and STOP him during sex if he starts to do it again. Maybe not abruptly the first time, but try to ease him into a different way of doing things.

    Better yet, why don't YOU take control of things. I'm assuming that you'd be the bottom in this scenario. I've rarely heard of a top complaining about aggressiveness icon_twisted.gif. So if that's the case, I'd change things up so that you're on top and controlling how fast/hard things are going.

    And if all that fails..... do like with any other dog and get a water bottle and spray him when he's being bad. icon_cool.gif (kidding....mostly icon_razz.gif)
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    May 01, 2008 1:41 AM GMT
    gawd, a man aroused is much like an excited puppy.. hes not thinking, hes just enjoying himself.

    When a puppy gets to excited and starts breaking stuff, you smack him on the nose and tell him firmly "NO"

    You don't do it before and you don't wait until after you do it while its happening..

    And trust me, if you do that in the sack, it'll have a desirable effect or he'll bark at you and go in for more... that was funny though
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    May 01, 2008 4:11 AM GMT
    Before, During, After, it just doesn't seem to register! Every time I say anything he apologizes and I almost feel bad because it seems like he really didn't realize what he was doing.
    I'm more than okay with rough but it should be consensual. I'm not down with rape scenarios, even faked ones.
    I don't consider myself weak but if it came down to it I'm not sure what I could do to stop him if he didn't stop, which he always has. Am I being an alarmist?
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    May 01, 2008 4:18 AM GMT
    not at all, if its making you uncomfortable then you should be saying something and if he isn't listening then hes being a prick!

    If it starts getting to much, theres always a good swift knee to.. well.. ya know hahaha I don't recommend it, but I can tell you, 5 minutes later, he'd be all ears!

    With guys like that though who wont listen to you sexually, they aren't worth it, its not all about what he wants and if hes like that in bed how will he be out of it when hes not getting his own way.
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    May 01, 2008 4:27 AM GMT
    Look, this guy is not assaulting you. Assault and rape are about power and not about sex. This is an issue of taste between consenting adults. If you don't like it then don't do it, game over.

    It isn't as if this guy is suddenly going to freak out and rape you. That just isn't how rapists work.

    Beyond that, your story quite frankly doesn't jive with me.

    A person who is genuinely afraid of being assaulted or raped doesn't put themselves repeatedly in situations in which they think that might happen.

    Doesn't sound to me at all like you are afraid of him, it sounds to me like you are afraid of yourself.

    My opinion is that anything consensual between adults is perfectly OK. Consent implies prior knowledge or an unwillingness to say stop in a spontaneous situation. Past that it is all a matter of taste and inclination.

    I think you ought to really make an effort to get to the bottom of your own fantasy life because as this situation sounds you are more of a danger to your partner than he is to you.

    Good luck,
    Terry







    no_way said

    Before, During, After, it just doesn't seem to register! Every time I say anything he apologizes and I almost feel bad because it seems like he really didn't realize what he was doing.
    I'm more than okay with rough but it should be consensual. I'm not down with rape scenarios, even faked ones.
    I don't consider myself weak but if it came down to it I'm not sure what I could do to stop him if he didn't stop, which he always has. Am I being an alarmist?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2008 5:02 AM GMT
    I'm not saying that I think he is going to outright rape me. My point is that after repeatedly telling him how far is too far he keeps going there. At what point do I stop trying to make it work and end the relationship?

    As far as my fantasy life goes, I really think that it is a stretch to say that I'm putting him in danger.

    This is not about fantasy, this about the reality of what I'm willing to do. I'm not willing to be the object of sexual intercourse rather than a participant.
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    May 01, 2008 5:17 AM GMT
    "I don't consider myself weak but if it came down to it I'm not sure what I could do to stop him if he didn't stop, which he always has. Am I being an alarmist?"

    What does this mean?

    I don't mean to imply that I think you are physically dangerous, I think you are emotionally dangerous.

    Those LaCrosse players at Duke come to mind.


    Question: "At what point do I stop trying to make it work and end the relationship?"

    Answer: "I'm not willing to be the object of sexual intercourse rather than a participant."



  • May 01, 2008 5:44 PM GMT
    Personally i think its when you decide its too rough and if your lover can't comply its time for a nice chat. i know that i am really rough but once my lover shouted stop i immediately stopped, its all cool to have fun but your partner should respect you.
    Then again i like to have sex like immediatly after another and go on for a good while, i actually can get off 3 different times in a session but the bottom can't take it sometimes. well i do respect him and if he can't, well that is alright.
    Just respect, if they cant see they are hurting you and can't stop then that is a problem. yeah it sucks to stop but the person means more to me and i am not having sex for my own pleasure and to hurt someone, its for both of us.
    Never be tied, I would never do that, I do bite and love foreplay but being tied would be scary and yeah you would have to really trust someone.