Are you ok with being the "bitch guy?"

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    Aug 01, 2011 6:40 AM GMT
    So today at Dores alley I was hanging out with a friend of mine, and we started discussing guys we like (he is a new friend). I told him that I prefer guys bigger than me, taller than me, and more masculine than me. He said that he doesnt because he hates being the "bitch guy." I told him I preferred to be the bitch guy and he was shocked, saying Im probably the only masc guy out there who wants to be the beta/omega to another alpha.

    I was wondering if other gay men felt the same. If you met a guy who was bigger, stronger, faster, more masculine than you, and made you feel like second place would you pursue the relationship?
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:11 AM GMT
    He can't be the best in everything, but in theory if he was I wouldn't mind cause well that's what I wanted and what I got icon_razz.gif. Alpha is not my place cause i abuse the power icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:20 AM GMT
    Chainers saidI was wondering if other gay men felt the same. If you met a guy who was bigger, stronger, faster, more masculine than you, and made you feel like second place would you pursue the relationship?


    No, not until I had dominated him and turned HIM into the bitch icon_twisted.gif
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    Aug 01, 2011 9:15 AM GMT
    At 6'4" I don't meet a lot of guys who are taller than me, or ones that I click with who are taller than me.
    I have been chatting with a guy who's 6'8", so yay!

    I'm really not concerned with being "bitch guy" or "alpha guy." I'm just not into roles. I look for a guy I click with and who, hopefully I want to be a better me around and the guy wants to be a better person being around me.
    I'm looking for a teammate, not an opponent. It doesn't matter who's bigger, stronger, or faster, as long as we work better together than we do apart.

    I'm not even going to get into whatever the f*** "masc" is supposed to mean.
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    Aug 01, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    Ermine said
    I'm looking for a teammate, not an opponent. It doesn't matter who's bigger, stronger, or faster, as long as we work better together than we do apart.
    I'm not even going to get into whatever the f*** "masc" is supposed to mean.


    I agree with this.
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    Aug 01, 2011 11:59 AM GMT
    i don't believe in roles that much, but i'm pretty sure i'm far more alpha male than anything else

    that being said, i don't think i'd be compatible with a guy w/ a dominant personality
    but who knows?
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    Aug 01, 2011 12:13 PM GMT
    closer85 saidi don't believe in roles that much, but i'm pretty sure i'm far more alpha male than anything else

    that being said, i don't think i'd be compatible with a guy w/ a dominant personality
    but who knows?


    It depends if you're talking sexually or not...sexually, I think things are generally easier if one partner tends to be more dominant, because you don't want a constant power struggle in the bedroom. Though it's good if you have a little bit of balance as even dominant guys sometimes like to let go.

    In other aspects of the relationship, both being dominant can work well and sometimes cause friction. Both myself and my partner are both dominant in a sense within our relationship and that keeps it fun and sparky and alive, but when we're both being stubborn it can sometimes also cause arguments if neither of us backs down.
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    Aug 01, 2011 1:48 PM GMT
    Ermine saidAt 6'4" I don't meet a lot of guys who are taller than me, or ones that I click with who are taller than me.
    I have been chatting with a guy who's 6'8", so yay!

    I'm really not concerned with being "bitch guy" or "alpha guy." I'm just not into roles. I look for a guy I click with and who, hopefully I want to be a better me around and the guy wants to be a better person being around me.
    I'm looking for a teammate, not an opponent. It doesn't matter who's bigger, stronger, or faster, as long as we work better together than we do apart.

    I'm not even going to get into whatever the f*** "masc" is supposed to mean.



    THIS!
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    Aug 01, 2011 2:09 PM GMT
    I love being the bitch guy. Otherwise I would just date girls. Which I do.
  • Latenight30

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    Aug 01, 2011 2:12 PM GMT
    wow are we all taking a step backwards talking about choosing roles and such.
    I'm 5'7 and I can be a bitch and I've been mistaken for being the "bitch" but they only make that mistake once.
    I like balance in my relationships. give and take.
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    Aug 01, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    Latenight30 saidwow are we all taking a step backwards talking about choosing roles and such.
    I'm 5'7 and I can be a bitch and I've been mistaken for being the "bitch" but they only make that mistake once.
    I like balance in my relationships. give and take.


    Taking a step back? How so?

    At the end of the day, 2 alpha's, by definition, cant be together in a relationship, one has to be omega. Thats just the way an alpha/omega aspect works. It doesnt mean that the alpha makes all the decisions (lets face it, bottoms control the relationship anyways) but someone is gonna be stronger than the other.

    I dont think its a step back I think its the truth.

    Notice how I said alpha/omega? This has nothing to do with masc/fem or top/bottom just relationship dynamics.
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    Aug 01, 2011 3:39 PM GMT
    I see what you mean. You basically just want someone to be your big spoon. No harm in that. I'm the same way. Just because you are a bottom doesn't mean you have to be submissive. I think by throwing in the term "bitch guy" people started freaking out icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 01, 2011 3:48 PM GMT
    swmrh911 saidI see what you mean. You basically just want someone to be your big spoon. No harm in that. I'm the same way. Just because you are a bottom doesn't mean you have to be submissive. I think by throwing in the term "bitch guy" people started freaking out icon_rolleyes.gif


    Yea I think so too, lol.

    And yes, I prefer to be the little spoon. I just want a guy who can pick me up, drag me into his room, have his way with me for however long he wants, then move the furniture around to where I want it.

    Is that so much to ask?
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    Aug 01, 2011 3:49 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    Chainers said...and made you feel like second place


    It is one thing to be playing sexual roles while enjoying sex. It is another thing to be in a relationship that makes you feel like you are 2nd place.

    A healthy relationship is one in which each partner puts the other guy 1st regardless of their roles in bed.


    I see what you mean there, Im not really talking about being second place in a relationship per se, but what if a guy was better at sports, stronger, faster, and so forth in all "man" aspects and made you feel like the "weaker" member of the relationship, is that something you wouldnt mind?
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    Aug 01, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    Just yesterday someone brought it to my attention that "I like to wear the pants". However, I don't like either of us being the bitch guy, even in my straight years I didn't want a "bitch" in the relationship. I am and enjoy the company of someone strong, opinionated, and influential.

    The caveat is that we both need to be smart and intuitive enough to know when to compromise.
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    Aug 01, 2011 3:53 PM GMT
    He can be bigger than me, taller than me, faster than me and more masculine than me, either way i would make him my bitch icon_twisted.gif

    At the end of the day all that crap is useless and unimportant, successful relationships are about compromising and balancing each other, not eternal power struggles that lead nowhere.
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    Aug 01, 2011 3:54 PM GMT
    Egyptian_and_Proud said
    Ermine said
    I'm looking for a teammate, not an opponent. It doesn't matter who's bigger, stronger, or faster, as long as we work better together than we do apart.
    I'm not even going to get into whatever the f*** "masc" is supposed to mean.


    I agree with this.


    Me too. Go and live in the 1950s if you want a 'role'.
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    Aug 01, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    sexyneighbour said
    Egyptian_and_Proud said
    Ermine said
    I'm looking for a teammate, not an opponent. It doesn't matter who's bigger, stronger, or faster, as long as we work better together than we do apart.
    I'm not even going to get into whatever the f*** "masc" is supposed to mean.


    I agree with this.


    Me too. Go and live in the 1950s if you want a 'role'.


    So angry...Geez, I really hit a soft spot for a lot of folks with this one.

    Would you like me to rephrase it to "If you were in a relationship, and one of you had to quit work to take care of kids, would you mind doing it?"
  • tbeaux

    Posts: 419

    Aug 01, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    I can be his "bitch guy" in bed, but other than that, <--- I like to wear the pants.
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Aug 01, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    The "bitch guy" I don't get. I am attracted to guys more masculine than me. But, there some guys that I would ravagely pound.
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    Aug 01, 2011 4:52 PM GMT
    " If you met a guy who was bigger, stronger, faster, more masculine than you, and made you feel like second place would you pursue the relationship?"

    Hmm.....no. Being equal is better, we think; equal being each of you has strengths and weaknesses that each other can benefit from (strengths) and that each other can get support and encouragement with overcoming (weaknesses). icon_wink.gif





  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Aug 01, 2011 5:07 PM GMT
    Attraction is very personalized....Your friend labeling it as being a "bitch"...Says more about him than you....Go for what you truly want and desire...The labels can fuck themselves......
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    Aug 01, 2011 5:07 PM GMT
    I totally understand the question and it's not offensive. I have a strong personality, don't like being bossed around but I damn sure like a man who tries. I like being the bitch guy but it's just a preference not a strike against one's masculinity, ego, or whatever else you guys are worried about.
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    Aug 01, 2011 5:48 PM GMT
    mybud saidAttraction is very personalized....Your friend labeling it as being a "bitch"...Says more about him than you....Go for what you truly want and desire...The labels can fuck themselves......


    I dont think it really says too much about him or myself, but thats just me. Its like straight guys who prefer to make more money than their wife. To them, it defines them as a man. I think a lot of gay men define themselves in terms of their physical strength.

    Its like my dancer friend. She has made it clear that she wouldnt date a guy who was into dancing (are their straight ones?) because she would feel that her "territory" is being encroached on with the relationship. To her, dancing is what defines her as a person.
  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    Aug 01, 2011 5:59 PM GMT
    If he could beat me in a swimming race, i would love him forever haha. I love me some competition. icon_rolleyes.gif