Friends and money

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2011 4:19 PM GMT
    I don't normally start new threads, but searched the forums and didn't see a whole lot out there so here goes...

    Have any of you loaned money to friends and regretted that you did?

    I just negotiated with a friend who is in Barcelona. He has one week left of his trip, and he is BROKE. He's frantic and acting pretty pathetic right now. I mean, he was BEGGING me for the money.

    I agreed to give him half of what he asked, which is an amount I can live with should he default on his promise to repay me. I've decided that if he does, I will end our friendship.

    The amount I gave him will cover his meals, but it won't allow him to truly enjoy his last week. I want him to learn a lesson about budgeting and also the need to truly have a safety net when you need it (he says his parents have no money in savings, and he apparently has no credit from, I imagine, a bankruptcy.) He should have thought of his resources, and should have been more careful near the beginning of his trip.

    Let's hear your stories...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2011 4:27 PM GMT
    Never lend money to friends. It will not end well.
  • carew28

    Posts: 661

    Aug 01, 2011 5:27 PM GMT
    I earn minimum-wage, barely enough to live on, and I hardly ever lend money to anyone. A few years ago, though, I did give $3000 to my brother, who'd been laid-off, and his employer cut him off from unemployment-benefits. My brother would have done the same for me, and has helped me out when I needed it. Also, in real emergency situations ( rent, car-repairs, medical-treatment, etc.)I've occasionally loaned money to other friends or family members. I only lend money when it's badly needed for living-expenses. I never lend money to anyone for optional things like vacations, or any kind of recreational expense, nor would I ever ask anyone to lend me money for any kind of optional expense. I haven't taken a vacation in over 10 years, and I sold the house I'd owned for over 14 years when I could no longer afford to maintain it, and needed to raise money for my own living expenses.

    Some people just spend money thoughtlessly, without regard to consequences, then expect to be bailed out, in the name of friendship. Maybe if I had plenty of extra spending money, I'd be inclined to help them out a bit, but not the way my own financial status is at present.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2011 5:28 PM GMT
    When it comes to friends and family always give money as a gift never as a loan. If you don't want to gift it then don't give it. Ruins the relationship every time.
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    Aug 01, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    carew28 saidSome people just spend money thoughtlessly, without regard to consequences, then expect to be bailed out, in the name of friendship.


    This is my friend.
    Thanks for the opinions. I hope he proves to be a man of his word and pays me back the money when he gets it.
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    Aug 01, 2011 7:41 PM GMT
    I've lived a very privileged life and every "loan" I've given has never made me feel regretful in any way. I don't expect anything in return. Just the friendship that was already there.
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    Aug 01, 2011 7:42 PM GMT
    Had a cousin who was having problems, health and social. She called and asked me for $100 to bring her storage unit up to date so she didn't lose her stuff. The family said, don't ever give her money but I liked her and figured that I could afford to lose the money to someone I knew had issues. Many months later, she was at a wedding and walked up to me with a small 2 x 3 inch envelop with a single folded $100 bill. I was so happy I helped her out and even happier that she proved everyone wrong. She passed away a few years later but will always have my respect for having shown her gratitude by returning the loan. It does turn out right some times.
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    Aug 01, 2011 7:43 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidNever lend money to friends. It will not end well.



    QFT
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 01, 2011 7:44 PM GMT
    wise quote..

    If you loan money to a friend you will lose they money the friendship or both!!!!
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    Aug 01, 2011 7:52 PM GMT
    Even a considerable amount of money given as gift can be fraught with problems. If your friend needs to pay off something and you gift them $3000, even if you expressly say "this is a gift, you don't need to pay this back to me" I'd either consider the friend pretty douchey if they responded with "thanks! don't worry I won't even promise you I'll try to repay this back icon_biggrin.gif" or again it'd fall into loan territory if they swore they'd pay me back and then just didn't.

    I think the bottom line is the person who needs the money should be aware that if they try to use their friends as recourse for the cash they're automatically putting that friendship in some sort of jeopardy regardless of the circumstances.
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    Aug 01, 2011 7:53 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidwise quote..

    If you loan money to a friend you will lose they money the friendship or both!!!!


    I mean it depends right?

    There have been times when Im hanging out with my friends, we go out to eat, I dont have cash and it is cash only, they cover me the like 10 bucks and I either pay it back or we both forget and dont care cause it is 10 bucks, which is cool right?
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    MikemikeMike saidwise quote..

    If you loan money to a friend you will lose they money the friendship or both!!!!


    I mean it depends right?

    There have been times when Im hanging out with my friends, we go out to eat, I dont have cash and it is cash only, they cover me the like 10 bucks and I either pay it back or we both forget and dont care cause it is 10 bucks, which is cool right?


    I don't think food, alcohol and entertainment count. It's more like loan or credit debt and things of a monthly payment nature that are the main beef. Mmm beeef.
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidEven a considerable amount of money given as gift can be fraught with problems. If your friend needs to pay off something and you gift them $3000, even if you expressly say "this is a gift, you don't need to pay this back to me" I'd either consider the friend pretty douchey if they responded with "thanks! don't worry I won't even promise you I'll try to repay this back icon_biggrin.gif" or again it'd fall into loan territory if they swore they'd pay me back and then just didn't.

    I think the bottom line is the person who needs the money should be aware that if they try to use their friends as recourse for the cash they're automatically putting that friendship in some sort of jeopardy regardless of the circumstances.

    If you're gifting you should be prepared for the loss and expect only gratitude. If the friend can't even be grateful then you should reconsider the whole situation. But yes...some people are not even worth gifting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:00 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    Chainers said
    MikemikeMike saidwise quote..

    If you loan money to a friend you will lose they money the friendship or both!!!!


    I mean it depends right?

    There have been times when Im hanging out with my friends, we go out to eat, I dont have cash and it is cash only, they cover me the like 10 bucks and I either pay it back or we both forget and dont care cause it is 10 bucks, which is cool right?


    I don't think food, alcohol and entertainment count. It's more like debt and things of a monthly payment nature that are the main beef. Mmm beeef.


    Beef? Just like you...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:01 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Ariodante said
    Chainers said
    MikemikeMike saidwise quote..

    If you loan money to a friend you will lose they money the friendship or both!!!!


    I mean it depends right?

    There have been times when Im hanging out with my friends, we go out to eat, I dont have cash and it is cash only, they cover me the like 10 bucks and I either pay it back or we both forget and dont care cause it is 10 bucks, which is cool right?


    I don't think food, alcohol and entertainment count. It's more like debt and things of a monthly payment nature that are the main beef. Mmm beeef.


    Beef? Just like you...


    Are you saying I'm some sort of call boy who receives payment for providing sexual favors?? Because if you are I expect payment soon!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:02 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    Chainers said
    Ariodante said
    Chainers said
    MikemikeMike saidwise quote..

    If you loan money to a friend you will lose they money the friendship or both!!!!


    I mean it depends right?

    There have been times when Im hanging out with my friends, we go out to eat, I dont have cash and it is cash only, they cover me the like 10 bucks and I either pay it back or we both forget and dont care cause it is 10 bucks, which is cool right?


    I don't think food, alcohol and entertainment count. It's more like debt and things of a monthly payment nature that are the main beef. Mmm beeef.


    Beef? Just like you...


    Are you saying I'm some sort of call boy who receives payment for providing sexual favors?? Because if you are I expect payment soon!


    Then where the fuck are my sexual favors!

    Edit: This didnt even make it past the first page before we turned it into sex, way to go Ari!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:03 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    Then where the fuck are my sexual favors!

    Edit: This didnt even make it past the first page before we turned it into sex, way to go Ari!


    I said 4-8 weeks in the mail.

    Thread..DERAILED AHAHAHAMUWAHAHHAH!!! icon_twisted.gif
  • danielvn

    Posts: 222

    Aug 01, 2011 8:04 PM GMT
    wpbnole saidWhen it comes to friends and family always give money as a gift never as a loan. If you don't want to gift it then don't give it. Ruins the relationship every time.


    Agree icon_smile.gif Im going through the same issue. Everytime I remind her of the loan, it makes both me and her feel uncomfortable icon_sad.gif
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 01, 2011 8:05 PM GMT
    I haven't loaned money to friends since my teens. They suddenly stop responding to your calls, they lie, make you hunt them down... It's a BAD idea. You might as well expect never to see that money again. If you're friend went to Europe and didn't budget well, it's not your problem. Doesn't he have credit cards? Has he maxed them out? Chances are you aren't the only one he owes money to.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 01, 2011 8:08 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    MikemikeMike saidwise quote..

    If you loan money to a friend you will lose they money the friendship or both!!!!


    I mean it depends right?

    There have been times when Im hanging out with my friends, we go out to eat, I dont have cash and it is cash only, they cover me the like 10 bucks and I either pay it back or we both forget and dont care cause it is 10 bucks, which is cool right?


    I'm guessing the guy needs significantly more than lunch money. Yes, spotting someone like this is fine, as long as it's not repetitive and you can rely on your friend when it happens to you.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Aug 01, 2011 8:09 PM GMT
    so many people will never talk to you unless they need something from you. At that point they make it feel like it is a great honor to help them.

    To the original poster-Buy him a plane ticket and tell him the party is over.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    wpbnole said
    If you're gifting you should be prepared for the loss and expect only gratitude. If the friend can't even be grateful then you should reconsider the whole situation. But yes...some people are not even worth gifting.


    The problem is there's a gift then there's a gift. It's not the same situation when you out of your own initiative and will give something to someone than when someone calls you up desperately saying "dude I need $3000 now!!!!". When someone asks you for a specific cold cash amount it's not really a gift anymore, even if you say to yourself "this is a gift".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:11 PM GMT
    wpbnole saidWhen it comes to friends and family always give money as a gift never as a loan. If you don't want to gift it then don't give it.


    This.
    My close friends and I give money to each other all the time. We all know that times are tough, and we are all happy to help each other out. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    Chainers said
    Then where the fuck are my sexual favors!

    Edit: This didnt even make it past the first page before we turned it into sex, way to go Ari!


    I said 4-8 weeks in the mail.

    Thread..DERAILED AHAHAHAMUWAHAHHAH!!! icon_twisted.gif


    HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTT!!!!!!!!!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 01, 2011 8:15 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    wpbnole said
    If you're gifting you should be prepared for the loss and expect only gratitude. If the friend can't even be grateful then you should reconsider the whole situation. But yes...some people are not even worth gifting.


    The problem is there's a gift then there's a gift. It's not the same situation when you out of your own initiative and will give something to someone than when someone calls you up desperately saying "dude I need $3000 now!!!!". When someone asks you for a specific cold cash amount it's not really a gift anymore, even if you say to yourself "this is a gift".


    wait wait wait ari, back the fuck up. You have friends?