How do you say NO?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2008 7:16 PM GMT
    If you notice, I am practically active on this site lately for an average of 14 hours per day. I am at work when I am online and vice-versa. The reason being is my boss (even before she got pregnant) throws me things that are completely out of my job description, i.e., she makes me practically write her assignments for her MSc programme which is sooo time-consuming, unhealthy (sit all day --and night) and totally bores me to death!!! She gives me about US135.00 for every paper I make for her but it's just enough to cover for taxi if it takes me days (afterwork) to finish. Can you blame me if I procastinate?
    Now she sort of "coaches" me by saying I shouldn't be too kind (I volunteered to pick up one visiting consultant from UK from her hotel as she clearly doesn't know the way here in the office which is in the middle of the desert --my boss wasn't impressed). So if indeed I become less kind, obviously my boss would be the first one I'd say NO to. How can this be done without ruining my professional relationship with her? She's only 24, married and now expecting her second child next month (can't wait for her maternity leave!).
    I am sooo unhappy right now, but thanks to this site, you keep me awakeicon_exclaim.gif
    I need a drink!
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    Apr 29, 2008 7:21 PM GMT
    I think it's the sexy men on this site icon_biggrin.gifwho keep you awake.icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 29, 2008 7:23 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidI think it's the sexy men on this site icon_biggrin.gifwho keep you awake.icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif

    By awake I meant instant party in my pants.
    You English cocktease you!
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    Apr 29, 2008 8:41 PM GMT
    Obviously she doesn't want you to set boundaries with her. She wants you to set boundaries with people who might otherwise interfere with all of the things you do for her.

    Does it actually cost you $135.00 in taxi fare to deliver and pick up this work?

    You might try this. What if you said, I love doing this work for you but I cannot really afford it. The taxi fares are eating 80% of my income. I would be happy to continue, but you are going to need to cover the taxi fare.

    My guess is she will automatically adjust herself.

    It is clear that you are such an intelligent guy. You needn't be afraid to ask what your worth. Especially for intellectual work.

    That doesn't mean that people will always pay you what you are worth, but once you get into the habit of asking to be paid, and then insisting to be paid, you will soon discover that it is easier than you think to keep up this discipline.

    Don't worry about the time you spend on this site. You are a blessing to me and to a zillion other guys who watch out for every bitchy fun thing you say. Please don't get a life, then I might have to as well.

    Ciao
    Terry
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Apr 29, 2008 11:56 PM GMT
    Ursa has a good tactic, so let me generalize it into a strategy. Now that she's told you to be less kind, ask her for guidance on how to do so. Come prepared with a list of the work-related drains on your time and sit down with her to prioritize them. Make sure that list includes EVERYTHING work-related that you do, along with the amount of time it takes and how much it earns/costs you. Keep a running total of all these numbers and have specific, stated goals for what you want those totals to be (e.g., 40 hours per work week, etc.). Then keep track of what actually happens, and after each week ends, let her know how many hours it cost you. If it's over your limit, ask for her advice again.

    She'll get the picture. Before you do this though, make sure you're prepared to this as efficiently as possible (make sure you can present the info quickly and easily) so that she sees it as a chance to be wise and mentor-ish and rather than a drain on her time.
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    Apr 30, 2008 6:11 AM GMT
    Terry - thanks a mill! i should really learn to put a price tag on my produce! i never doubted that i could deliver all the time beyond expectations.
    Squarejaw - it's funny to read such professional advice on strategy from you looking like that!!!
    You guys rock!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2008 8:32 AM GMT
    Can you believe she just pulled off the "I'm dizzy all of a sudden" card on me?
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    Apr 30, 2008 10:27 AM GMT
    Working in a feild that is 85+% women. One well knows the mind field of working with, and for women. Give me working with jackaroo, or lumber Jack any day.

    But a lot of women don't want to hear no (only yes dear), as with children.

    But One is sick of dealing with these complexity's. So One would say no. No matter what you say, your in the shit. If this gives her any trouble, then ask: "now what part of NO, did you not understand?"

    Think of Aussie's when you do it. Grasp it by the horns, and get str8 to the point!

    Or just ask: "What did your last black boy die of?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2008 10:38 AM GMT
    zimatarNow she sort of "coaches" me by saying I shouldn't be too kind


    The curse of the filipinos, zim... *sigh* icon_wink.gif

    Maybe our schools here need handbooks on 'how to be evil'! icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 30, 2008 11:02 AM GMT
    Sedative saidThe curse of the filipinos, zim... *sigh* icon_wink.gif Maybe our schools here need handbooks on 'how to be evil'! icon_lol.gif

    That the product of MULTI-COLONIZATION by our shitty shitty colonizers!!! Who are they again??? icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
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    Apr 30, 2008 11:12 AM GMT
    zimatar said[quote][cite]Sedative said[/cite]The curse of the filipinos, zim... *sigh* icon_wink.gif Maybe our schools here need handbooks on 'how to be evil'! icon_lol.gif

    That the product of MULTI-COLONIZATION by our shitty shitty colonizers!!! Who are they again??? icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif[/quote]

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