I love you..

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    Aug 03, 2011 12:32 AM GMT
    What does it tell you if a guy says:

    "I don't want to complicate things, but I can only tell you I love you while we are having sex..."

    After you've told him you are falling for him.

    How would you guys react?

    Stephan
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    Aug 03, 2011 12:37 AM GMT
    I must add, after 2 months of seeing each other 4x a week.
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    Aug 03, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    RSM23 saidI must add, after 2 months of seeing each other 4x a week.


    Then he only wants you for the sex dear icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 03, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    I'd knock him out
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    Aug 03, 2011 12:43 AM GMT
    "I can only tell you I love you while we're having sex"

    "Oh don't worry, I can tell your whore skank ass to get the fuck out of my life under any circumstance icon_biggrin.gif "
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    Aug 03, 2011 12:45 AM GMT
    Dear dude, show me that you care about me like I care about you then we can have sex.
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    Aug 03, 2011 12:50 AM GMT
    RSM23 saidWhat does it tell you if a guy says:

    "I don't want to complicate things, but I can only tell you I love you while we are having sex..."

    After you've told him you are falling for him.

    How would you guys react?

    Stephan


    If I had told him that I was falling for him and that was his response, I'd give it a few more attempts to see if his feelings would grow for me. If not, and if I was looking for more than sex, then I'd breakup with him.
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    Aug 03, 2011 1:00 AM GMT
    [quote]Then he only wants you for the sex dear icon_sad.gif[/quote]

    I Guess. We stopped seeing each other for a while and left to Mexico for a week. When I came back he wrote me an e-mail asking me is we could meet, and so we did. He even cried saying that he missed me. I was his drug and that I was his baby. He knew I wanted to commit but couldn't cuz he was not ready to commit even if I was perfect for him. We connected romanticaly, phisicaly and sexualy...

    I told him we should see each other as friends only... and he said he needed way more than that, he needed to cuddle touch me, feel, kiss and taste me... He even asked me to go to princetown with him for a week.

    I don't understand why would a guy cry over you, ask you to go on a travel with you, tell you we wouldn't mind you beeing in love with him, "fight" to have you around, get mad if you add some dudes on facebook or if you are on grindr but tell you he is not ready to commit.....
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    Aug 03, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    I would dump him right there and let him see what it's like without me. If he chased after me, then it might be worth another shot. Don't let yourself suffer for his uncertainty. If your sure, just stay sure and let him figure it out on his own time. I know that doesn't seem fair to you, but it may be the only way. :/ and if this scenario wasn't hypothetical, I'm really sorry. I know how that feels. icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 03, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    RSM23 said[quote]Then he only wants you for the sex dear icon_sad.gif


    I Guess. We stopped seeing each other for a while and left to Mexico for a week. When I came back he wrote me an e-mail asking me is we could meet, and so we did. He even cried saying that he missed me. I was his drug and that I was his baby. He knew I wanted to commit but couldn't cuz he was not ready to commit even if I was perfect for him. We connected romanticaly, phisicaly and sexualy...

    I told him we should see each other as friends only... and he said he needed way more than that, he needed to cuddle touch me, feel, kiss and taste me... He even asked me to go to princetown with him for a week.

    I don't understand why would a guy cry over you, ask you to go on a travel with you, tell you we wouldn't mind you beeing in love with him, "fight" to have you around, get mad if you add some dudes on facebook or if you are on grindr but tell you he is not ready to commit.....[/quote]

    He's not willing to put forth as much as he is asking you to, and he needs to be told that that isn't fair to you.
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    Aug 03, 2011 1:47 AM GMT
    RSM23 saidI don't understand why would a guy cry over you, ask you to go on a travel with you, tell you we wouldn't mind you beeing in love with him, "fight" to have you around, get mad if you add some dudes on facebook or if you are on grindr but tell you he is not ready to commit.....


    O let me see.. hmmm.. there is a word for this.... hmmm.... Freud thought it up.... hmm.. its now a common English vernacular..... hmmm. O yes... ISSUES!!!!
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    Aug 03, 2011 2:22 AM GMT
    Your boyfriend wants all the fun of having a boyfriend (the sex, the cuddling, the kissing, the fucking, the sucking etc.) without any of the responsibilities. Hence he doesn't commit even though "you are perfect for him" for now.

    You need to decide on whether you are happy with how things are and where you want them to go. If he can't meet you there, then cut him off.
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    Aug 03, 2011 2:42 AM GMT
    CHIdude said
    RSM23 saidI must add, after 2 months of seeing each other 4x a week.


    Then he only wants you for the sex dear icon_sad.gif
    sad but true...*sigh*...
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Aug 03, 2011 2:52 AM GMT
    Serotonin levels are probably low since he's having sex with you, thus why he is saying all the sweet nothings. He wants more, so he's trying to play you so you'll stick around for sex. Which would be fine if you guys were dating, but since he's made a conscious effort not to commit, you are just essentially a fuckbuddy and a placeholder until he is able to find someone he likes enough to commit to IMO.

    I fell for a similar situation two months ago, and listened to my heart instead of my logic and suspicions. I wouldn't trust your guy further than I could throw him. Just my two cents.
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    Aug 03, 2011 2:54 AM GMT
    it would tell me that i should stop falling for him.
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    Aug 03, 2011 3:08 AM GMT
    2 months in the scheme of things isn't a long time
    i d give my partner (if i had one ;) ) credit for being courageously honest.

    You know, if the guy was your mirror image, as sensitive as you, you probably wouldn't like him, so it s important to celebrate the diversity in your relationship....yes celebrate!

    You took the first step (and bold i might add) by verbalizing your feelings.
    Now I would sit back and enjoy the ride, and hope things develop further. if not, nothing ventured, nothing gained. i thinking harping on the issue will just make u miserable concentrating on what you dont have, instead of enjoying what you do have. In fact, that may nip the relationship in the bud. Nobody likes to feel cornered or pressured.

    After all, I m sure he's a good guy and probably intelligent, so undoubtedly he will come around, and see what a great guy you are.

    Quite obviously it's tough for you, but by having the self discipline to completely set these feeling aside, you will vastly improve your chances of having a lasting relationship and hearing those words you are feeling you need so much.

    As you have already realized, the guy is spending a alot of time with a guy he obviously likes. Concentrate on that thought and how lucky you both are to have met and connected with each other.
  • kcbronc

    Posts: 36

    Aug 03, 2011 3:09 AM GMT
    GreenHopper said
    RSM23 saidI don't understand why would a guy cry over you, ask you to go on a travel with you, tell you we wouldn't mind you beeing in love with him, "fight" to have you around, get mad if you add some dudes on facebook or if you are on grindr but tell you he is not ready to commit.....


    O let me see.. hmmm.. there is a word for this.... hmmm.... Freud thought it up.... hmm.. its now a common English vernacular..... hmmm. O yes... ISSUES!!!!


    What GreenHopper said.

    He sounds conflicted for sure. Has he been in a gay relationship before or was he raised in a strong religious household?
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    Aug 03, 2011 3:13 AM GMT
    I'd interpret it to mean that he's only interested in having sex.
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    Aug 03, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    I'd be kind of unnerved by his behavior to be honest. At the very least his behavior is reflective of immaturity but with the other things he said I'd be concerned about past trauma in his life. He has a very uneven understanding of a relationship. He can express his sexual/physical feelings for you but when it comes to the bread and butter of a relationship (trust and love) he is unable to say it except when chemically disinhibited by sex.

    If you love him and are falling for him, you are not going to listen to anything anyone says but tread carefully here and think about what you are getting into. If he does have some serious problems to address before he can commit, are you willing to wait?

  • nicehottie24

    Posts: 64

    Aug 03, 2011 3:28 AM GMT
    Slap him in the face and watch his reaction.
    kidding

    No but seriously clearly he has issues, and maybe the fact that he is reticent to be in a relationship is because he sees someone else or has someone else on his mind. I was in a situation similar to yours a few month ago, I couldn't understand why the didn't want to commit and found out a while after that he was still in love with his ex. So just don't get to much attach with that guy cause you could hurt yourself really bad.
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    Aug 03, 2011 3:30 AM GMT
    kcbronc said
    GreenHopper said
    RSM23 saidI don't understand why would a guy cry over you, ask you to go on a travel with you, tell you we wouldn't mind you beeing in love with him, "fight" to have you around, get mad if you add some dudes on facebook or if you are on grindr but tell you he is not ready to commit.....


    O let me see.. hmmm.. there is a word for this.... hmmm.... Freud thought it up.... hmm.. its now a common English vernacular..... hmmm. O yes... ISSUES!!!!


    What GreenHopper said.

    He sounds conflicted for sure. Has he been in a gay relationship before or was he raised in a strong religious household?


    He has been in three serious ones.. The last one was hard for him though.. and that is why he says he isn't ready to commit...

    But after two months of seeing someone 4-5 a week, you know if you can picture urself with someone don't u, even though your last relationship left you scars.. no?
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    Aug 03, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    nicehottie23 saidSlap him in the face and watch his reaction.
    kidding

    No but seriously clearly he has issues, and maybe the fact that he is reticent to be in a relationship is because he sees someone else or has someone else on his mind. I was in a situation similar to yours a few month ago, I couldn't understand why the didn't want to commit and found out a while after that he was still in love with his ex. So just don't get to much attach with that guy cause you could hurt yourself really bad.


    That makes sence, even though he pretty much hates his ex for what he did to him.

    And I told him he wasn't over his ex. His response: I am.. I'm into you. You're making me discover things about me I didn't know about. I'm happy I have you in my life and I wouldn't change a thing about you. Go figure!
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    Aug 03, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    Sounds like he's very conflicted. Perhaps relationship problems or big disappointments before you were in the picture and he's really not sure how to handle someone who really cares for him. If you like him, don't dump him but just date him and see where it goes. Dating can be very rewarding in getting to know someone, learning about them, enjoying their company without the stress of commitment. Good luck Stephan.
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    Aug 03, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    adam228 saidI'd be kind of unnerved by his behavior to be honest. At the very least his behavior is reflective of immaturity but with the other things he said I'd be concerned about past trauma in his life. He has a very uneven understanding of a relationship. He can express his sexual/physical feelings for you but when it comes to the bread and butter of a relationship (trust and love) he is unable to say it except when chemically disinhibited by sex.

    If you love him and are falling for him, you are not going to listen to anything anyone says but tread carefully here and think about what you are getting into. If he does have some serious problems to address before he can commit, are you willing to wait?



    I can't say I'm IN LOVE anymore.. I care LOTS about him, but I hate when things get too complicated... I just feel our connection is fading as time goes on and I kinda don't want it to fade... Marf

    Anyway thanks for the feedback guys, v. much appreciated.
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    Aug 03, 2011 3:35 AM GMT
    RSM23 saidI must add, after 2 months of seeing each other 4x a week.


    You can't expect someone to say they love you after only 2 months. And if they do, its just infatuation.