Opinions on this guy's sexuality and sexuality in general

  • JimJim

    Posts: 58

    Aug 04, 2011 5:59 AM GMT
    So I have a male friend of mine (let's call him Joey) who is mostly into women but who I know for fact has hooked up with this one gay acquaintance of ours numerous times. Joey has even once swallowed this man's cum after blowing him. They've pretty much done everything (including dry humping-Joey is usually the "bottom" of the dry humping) but haven't had anal sex.

    Joey and I are close and he knows I'm gay and we tell each other pretty much everything. No one else knows about his gay hook ups except me and the guy he hooks up with.

    Joey acknowledges that he's not completely straight but still identifies with the straight label because he as he put it, even though he can enjoy intimacy with another man, he's not really attracted to men. To clarify, he said that for example, he'll never ogle a guy on the street and think to himself "that guy's hot" or think about dating or anything. But if the opportunity with a guy presented itself to him he's not against it (as I've described above).
    Additionally he is pretty private about all of this because he doesn't want people spreading rumors about him when he's older and married (to a woman).


    So I'm asking this forum for all of your opinions - simply as a philosophical inquiry on sexuality with Joey as a sort of case study. Is it possible to go so far with men sexually and still claim to not *really* be attracted to them? Does still make him "straight"? How far can one reasonably stretch the label of heterosexuality before it tears apart? Is bisexual really an inappropriate descriptor for him? Is this an example where traditional labels might fail?


    P.S. - I know some of you will probably say something like "just let him live his life" or "don't think too much of it". I am not judging or trying to pidgin hole him or anything but am simply using him here on this forum as an example to further a discussion on sexuality in general.
  • JimJim

    Posts: 58

    Aug 06, 2011 7:02 PM GMT
    bump...really no replies?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 06, 2011 7:12 PM GMT
    My view is humans are sexual. Not bi,gay,str8,............just sexual. Meaning we are built to get off so we do it solo (men are the best at this icon_biggrin.gif ) and with another person. Some people will only have sex with the opposite sex, most will get off with both sexes, a lot don't know it.

    So A lot of us in here are attracted to men, but there is the possibility you might meet this one women who you might be attracted to and we need to leave the door open for the possibility. But in society we like to be put into simple boxes. You are either gay or str8....no in between. Which is sad because a lot of men and women will pass up a great person because they think well I am gay so I should not get naked with her or I am str8 so I shouldn't want to stroke off my buddy.

    The Ancient Greeks had it right, go ahead and love both if you wish. So some of us in here will only sleep with men but many here have had sex with both. We might then think I like it more with men then women and stop sleeping with women in general, but when you get specific. When you run into that 1 women, and you get those feelings you thought were only for men. Go with it and see where it leads.

    Just my 2 cents
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Aug 06, 2011 7:20 PM GMT
    pecfan saidMy view is humans are sexual. Not bi,gay,str8,............just sexual. Meaning we are built to get off so we do it solo (men are the best at this icon_biggrin.gif ) and with another person. Some people will only have sex with the opposite sex, most will get off with both sexes, a lot don't know it.



    You mean omnisexual or pansexual? I'm going to go ahead and disagree with you. A great deal of brain function is used to seek out a potential mate, most of which is not in the frontal lobe. Different genders have different pheromones detected through smell. I think we are hardwired for certain shapes. Males and females have different shapes. This is why I can not be attracted to woman. Something else not yet identified directs body schema (visual and tactile receptive fields) and that is why some males prefer penetration or being penetrated. That's why a bottom may be unable to top even if they want to. It feel wrong. The same feeling (body schema) a transgender person may experience. Your whole brian participates in your sexuality, and why shouldn't it? After all it is important.

    Where you mention the ancient world you have an interesting point studies also show there are more bisexuals than previously.... admitted to. It may even be the norm.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 06, 2011 7:22 PM GMT
    I agree. Rather than Gay, Bi, and Straight, everyone falls somewhere on a continuum. Personally, I do not believe that anyone is totally straight or totally gay. PecFan is right, society says that we should claim a label and put everyone into a box. So those men who are mostly attracted to women will find it easier (and safer) to call themselves straight. They still get their sexual satisfaction from heterosexual sex, and can easily ignore their homosexual desires because society frowns upon it.

    Your friend is actually not very unique. Most people are probably like him they just don't act on it.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Aug 06, 2011 7:25 PM GMT
    When I was younger I used to take a pretty black/white view of sexuality, but I've become a lot less certain with age. Now, I pretty much accept people with whatever lable they choose. Sexuality is so complex; it can engage almost any aspect of personality. While I believe that fundamental orientation is genetically and/or biologically scripted before birth, that orientation exists on a sliding scale. Then factor in all the conditioning details of culture, family dynamics, and upbringing and you get a tangle that's too complex to spend much time trying to figure out.

    Yes, I believe your friend can enjoy the physical stuff you describe without being overtly attracted to guys. Maybe it's just with that one guy who, for whatever reason, does it for him.

    Also, I don't speak from experience but only conjecture from things I've heard over the years, but there's a type of straight guy I refer to as "do-able." These are guys who strike me as so narcissistic that they are aroused by someone else getting aroused over them; they get off on you getting off on them. Maybe your friend is that way.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Aug 06, 2011 7:29 PM GMT
    los0800 saidI agree. Rather than Gay, Bi, and Straight, everyone falls somewhere on a continuum. Personally, I do not believe that anyone is totally straight or totally gay. PecFan is right, society says that we should claim a label and put everyone into a box. So those men who are mostly attracted to women will find it easier (and safer) to call themselves straight. They still get their sexual satisfaction from heterosexual sex, and can easily ignore their homosexual desires because society frowns upon it.

    Your friend is actually not very unique. Most people are probably like him they just don't act on it.


    I disagree, some people are totally gay and straight. You can argue for math when talking about the Kinsey scale, but Math doesn't apply here. 1/1000000000000 parts straight/gay isn't a real thing.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Aug 06, 2011 7:32 PM GMT
    I figure the label means little or nothing. Whatever Joey wants to do is fine as long as it is safe. If he mostly likes girls but wants a guy once in a while, why not? We spend way too much time trying to classify people so that we can then "adventure" in safe, or at least defined, territory.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Aug 06, 2011 7:34 PM GMT
    LJay saidI figure the label means little or nothing. Whatever Joey wants to do is fine as long as it is safe. If he mostly likes girls but wants a guy once in a while, why not? We spend way too much time trying to classify people so that we can then "adventure" in safe, or at least defined, territory.

    Or... so we can understand it. Maybe even control and predict.
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Aug 06, 2011 7:53 PM GMT
    I think it's possible the guy's basically straight but is able to enjoy experimenting with a guy he trusts. Just as a lot of gay guys have had sex with women here and there, especially when they're young, but aren't really straight or bi, something similar can be true for some straight guys. It's natural to be curious about it, and it sounds like he's found someone he can feel comfortable satisfying his curiosity with.

    Or, it could be a stop on the road to coming out. Either way, it's best to let people define themselves.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 06, 2011 7:57 PM GMT
    pecfan saidMy view is humans are sexual. Not bi,gay,str8,............just sexual. Meaning we are built to get off so we do it solo (men are the best at this icon_biggrin.gif ) and with another person. Some people will only have sex with the opposite sex, most will get off with both sexes, a lot don't know it.

    So A lot of us in here are attracted to men, but there is the possibility you might meet this one women who you might be attracted to and we need to leave the door open for the possibility. But in society we like to be put into simple boxes. You are either gay or str8....no in between. Which is sad because a lot of men and women will pass up a great person because they think well I am gay so I should not get naked with her or I am str8 so I shouldn't want to stroke off my buddy.

    The Ancient Greeks had it right, go ahead and love both if you wish. So some of us in here will only sleep with men but many here have had sex with both. We might then think I like it more with men then women and stop sleeping with women in general, but when you get specific. When you run into that 1 women, and you get those feelings you thought were only for men. Go with it and see where it leads.

    Just my 2 cents


    One of the best answers ....Plus there also the Kinsey scale...Human sexuality is a lot more fluid than we would like to believe.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 06, 2011 8:04 PM GMT
    JimJim saidIs it possible to go so far with men sexually and still claim to not *really* be attracted to them? Does still make him "straight"? How far can one reasonably stretch the label of heterosexuality before it tears apart? Is bisexual really an inappropriate descriptor for him? Is this an example where traditional labels might fail?


    Insofar as we can all have sex with people to whom we are not attracted (regardless of gender or apparent orientation), yes. If he wishes to identify himself as 'straight' then, since these measures are subjective, he can continue to do so. Labels really ought to be redundant nowadays, so who cares how far one wishes to 'stretch' one? The only people who tend to be bothered about such things are those who are not involved, so who actually cares what label you think is/should be applied? icon_smile.gif