Can't seem to find "The One"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 6:32 AM GMT
    Im 19 years old, in the closet, and searching my ass of for a guy. I am not THAT picky but I do have standards. I am masculine and looking for the same. I do not want a douche-bag bf... but at this rate, it looks like Im going to have to settle. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?? Where are the hot, masculine, FUN, REGULAR guys???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    Justin2595 saidIm 19 years old


    that's why
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Aug 04, 2011 6:33 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    Justin2595 saidIm 19 years old


    that's why

    +16

    Oy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 6:41 AM GMT
    Okay maybe I should rephrase! lol I guess "the one" is not what I am wanting. Finding a hot guy just to chill with and have "something" with is nearly impossible
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Aug 04, 2011 6:57 AM GMT
    I'm having the same problem. I'm 18 and while I could get with a bunch of guys if I wanted to, it's hard to find one that only wants me for sex. They don't have to be perfect but at least someone I can relate to and is just fun to be around and dependable.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Aug 04, 2011 7:00 AM GMT
    Also, it's harder when you're in the closet because no one knows you're even fair game for dating. You most likely have to come out to at least someone to start anything though. Just focus on meeting guys and being friends with them then if you see anything special in them try to find out if they're into you. Most gay men you'll never suspect because they are in the closet just like you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 7:04 AM GMT
    found it

    MV5BNTgxNTkzOTU2NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMjcw
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 7:08 AM GMT
    Or this one?
    lord_of_the_rings_ring-13984.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 9:08 AM GMT
    Hard to tell who they are at times, but then sometimes people may surprise you and be that masculine, fun, regular guy and you may not even know it icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 9:26 AM GMT
    The big reason is you're in the closet. Come Out it's 2011.

    No relationship can last when you're dishonest.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 12:58 PM GMT
    Justin2595 saidIm 19 years old, in the closet, and searching my ass of for a guy. I am not THAT picky but I do have standards. I am masculine and looking for the same. I do not want a douche-bag bf... but at this rate, it looks like Im going to have to settle. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?? Where are the hot, masculine, FUN, REGULAR guys???


    You are very cute - just to get that out of the way - but the way you express yourself on your profile and in this post leaves a lot to be desired. Drop the profanity in your profile text unless you actually are a sailor and are paid to talk like that - it makes you seem uneducated, something well-rounded non-dbag GLBT men avoid like the plague. You should also try to be more open minded and sympathetic toward the less-masculine gay men as they have faced much more harassment daily than you could probably imagine and if they pull up your profile on a gay site like RJ it is an additional and entirely unnecessary punch in their gut - you never need to date one, kiss one, or even become friends with them, but your outright antipathy towards them is bizarre. Oh and closets are for golf clubs - you do not need to buy a HRC logo shirt and wear it five days a week, but you are likely standoffish, cold, and unapproachable since you are a convincing decepticon - what normal risk-averse gay man is going to risk flirting with what appears convincingly to be a guy who has a girlfriend at home, and not even a long-distance girlfriend who lives in Canada like the thinly-veiled lie exposed to the world in Avenue Q?

    You should not settle. Keep looking, keep trying to improve yourself daily as a well-rounded person, and you will eventually find what you are looking for icon_smile.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 04, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    here's a top ten list.


    1. you're young.
    2. you think there's something as "the one."
    3. you can't legally go into a bar, and speaking for myself, i wouldn't date anyone under 21 for that reason.
    4. you have a serious chip on your should about masculinity.
    5. you don't seem to realize masculinity is an arbitrary concept defined by society and there is nothing inherent about it. you'd be surprised how great a guy can be if you'd give him a chance.
    6. your profile smacks of anger toward guys who aren't masculine enough in your eye. float like a "butterfly," sting like bee.
    7. you're a closet case.
    8. your hatred toward the non-masculine (as you define it) seems to be derived (on some level) as a response to guys who are clearly out, something you can't manage to do.
    9. you're post sounds whiny.
    10. you live in austin, one of the coolest, most liberal places on earth, and you still have the mentality of points 1-9 bubbling in you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 3:38 PM GMT
    As you get into your 20's and beyond you'll realize life is not all about having a boyfriend, finding "the one" (as there may be a lot of "the ones"), you'll get your heart broken, you'll break people's hearts, you'll hurt people, and they'll hurt you... it's life. it's called growing up. When you grow up and mature (no matter how "mature" you may be for 18/19) you do not have life experience or the different perspectives to be there. Be thankful for that. Enjoy being young, make friends- good friends, and worry less about boyfriends... this will ease everything for you, and finding a man will fall into place naturally, not forced.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 3:45 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]yourname2000 said[/cite]
    Ariodante said
    Justin2595 saidIm 19 years old, in the closet


    that's why

    fixed.

    Eh.

    No one should think they're going to find a relationship simply by virtue of coming out.

    There are very good reasons to come out. That's not one of them.

    Plenty of us are out or in process and still having monumental trouble finding "the One."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 4:25 PM GMT
    don't give up , it's not easy to find the one .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 4:27 PM GMT
    I'd just say, worry more about yourself and less about others.

    Life isn't about being in a relationship, its about enjoying it for yourself. I know you desperately want to find the someone, but there's more than life than wanting to be with someone else. You're hormones may make that a hard thing to forget.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    Be patient. He is out there
  • Brded1dr

    Posts: 45

    Aug 04, 2011 4:42 PM GMT
    Dude, it's the floaty, butterfly gays who paved the way for you in the past so that you can now enjoy the level of tolerance we have today. Learn your gay heritage.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 4:50 PM GMT
    running11 saidAs you get into your 20's and beyond you'll realize life is not all about having a boyfriend, finding "the one" (as there may be a lot of "the ones"), you'll get your heart broken, you'll break people's hearts, you'll hurt people, and they'll hurt you... it's life. it's called growing up. When you grow up and mature (no matter how "mature" you may be for 18/19) you do not have life experience or the different perspectives to be there. Be thankful for that. Enjoy being young, make friends- good friends, and worry less about boyfriends... this will ease everything for you, and finding a man will fall into place naturally, not forced.


    QFT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 4:51 PM GMT
    You'll be fine. In ten years when I see you doing trapeze on a parade float with a bullwhip in your ass we'll all laugh about this day. Ah, to be 20 again...
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Aug 04, 2011 4:55 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said[quote][cite]yourname2000 said[/cite]
    Ariodante said
    Justin2595 saidIm 19 years old, in the closet


    that's why

    fixed.

    Eh.

    No one should think they're going to find a relationship simply by virtue of coming out.

    There are very good reasons to come out. That's not one of them.

    Plenty of us are out or in process and still having monumental trouble finding "the One."


    I agree, mostly. Nobody is issued a boyfriend/girlfriend and a toaster oven and a certificate when they come out, and nobody should expect that.

    However.

    Living in the closet means living a lie. It requires constant deception of those we know and love. This constant deception is fundamentally incompatible with any halfway-decent romantic relationship - those are built on trust, and if you are so comfortable lying to everyone else's face then how can a BF really trust you?

    I'm not saying you should rush your way out of the closet. You should come out on your own terms for your own self. Just realize that most out and non-douchebaggy gay men have zero interest in going back to the closet, and that as a result they are not going to want to date you while you're still in.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 4:58 PM GMT
    Just as a side note: What kind of "fun, regular guys" do you expect to attract when you have nude photos of yourself up for the whole world to see. Most normal, regular, fun guys I know appreciate at least a shred of class and/or discretion.

    I also agree with the others:

    You are young.
    You have a poor attitude that wreaks of self deprecation.
    You are in the closet (which is probably why you hate "non masculine guys. U JELLY BRO??? lol)

    Most of the fun guys you meet will think you are too young, naive, inexperienced, and immature to date. Just saying...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 5:00 PM GMT
    Sam31488 saidJust as a side note: What kind of "fun, regular guys" do you expect to attract when you have nude photos of yourself up for the whole world to see. Most normal, regular, fun guys I know appreciate at least a shred of class and/or discretion.

    I also agree with the others:

    You are young.
    You have a poor attitude that wreaks of self deprecation.
    You are in the closet (which is probably why you hate "non masculine guys. U JELLY BRO??? lol)

    Most of the fun guys you meet will think you are too young, naive, inexperienced, and immature to date. Just saying...


    Why do peeps get so upidy about noods. I would want to make sure he has the proper equipment before going on a date with him.

    I mean haven't we all mistaken a lesbian for a guy before?

    Just saying...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 5:03 PM GMT
    calibro saidhere's a top ten list.


    1. you're young.
    2. you think there's something as "the one."
    3. you can't legally go into a bar, and speaking for myself, i wouldn't date anyone under 21 for that reason.
    4. you have a serious chip on your should about masculinity.
    5. you don't seem to realize masculinity is an arbitrary concept defined by society and there is nothing inherent about it. you'd be surprised how great a guy can be if you'd give him a chance.
    6. your profile smacks of anger toward guys who aren't masculine enough in your eye. float like a "butterfly," sting like bee.
    7. you're a closet case.
    8. your hatred toward the non-masculine (as you define it) seems to be derived (on some level) as a response to guys who are clearly out, something you can't manage to do.
    9. you're post sounds whiny.
    10. you live in austin, one of the coolest, most liberal places on earth, and you still have the mentality of points 1-9 bubbling in you.


    Or you could have just said he did an amazing job at coming across as a vapid little douche with delusions of adequacy in 100 words or less. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 04, 2011 5:11 PM GMT
    Sam31488 saidJust as a side note: What kind of "fun, regular guys" do you expect to attract when you have nude photos of yourself up for the whole world to see. Most normal, regular, fun guys I know appreciate at least a shred of class and/or discretion.

    I also agree with the others:

    You are young.
    You have a poor attitude that wreaks of self deprecation.
    You are in the closet (which is probably why you hate "non masculine guys. U JELLY BRO??? lol)

    Most of the fun guys you meet will think you are too young, naive, inexperienced, and immature to date. Just saying...


    Overly harsh and judgmental.

    I've seen many older and out guys use the same language, i.e. "searching for a guy" "not that picky" "masculine and looking for masculine" "where are the regular dudes?"

    I don't think any of this indicates this kid is a horrible person.

    And I also don't think it's at all encouraging or constructive for our young gays to be bashed for being young and closeted.

    I used to be young and closeted and I was not a horrible and shallow person. Obviously at 19 I was not mature and experienced, and was obnoxious and cocky to hide my insecurities. That's called...being 19.

    Justin2595: As you come into your own as a person, you will have better luck finding the right guy. No need to rush. Enjoy the next decade of your life and stay strong icon_smile.gif