Monogamy Vs Polygamy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2011 1:43 AM GMT
    I am a younger dude, 18 in fact. I started to date someone about a year and a half ago who happens to be older than myself by a slightly significant amount. He is everything I want in a man. He is perfect for me and couldn't see myself dating anyone else. The problem I have been facing comes down to the fact that I am young, and have tried to explain myself to him that I want to experiment with people and try new things unexplored. He wants to keep things monogamous. I don't want it to be a 'behind the back' type situation. If we were to have sex with other people I would want to know who and when and where he was to have sex, and I expressed this to him. He still wasn't happy with the thought of us having an open relationship.

    I just wanted some opinions on how to make this work. I have cheated, and I struggle not too. I mean curiosity really does kill some fucking cats after all.
  • SactownItalia...

    Posts: 306

    Aug 05, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    I'd say if you want to experiment, and your current boyfriend is not OK with an open relationship, then you shouldn't be in that relationship.

    You are obviously not ready for a "monogamous" relationship, like he is not ready or might never be ready for a "open" one.

    Do yourself a favor and in the long run him, leave him and explore. Obviously thats what you want icon_biggrin.gif

  • DrobUA

    Posts: 1352

    Aug 05, 2011 2:16 AM GMT
    If he is older he should be able to understand that you are young can't be sure of what you want yet. Shit, at 21 I understand that first timers are going to need some leeway to figure out what they like and want. If he cares about you enough to want to stay in a relationship he should be able to accept that. It's the price of dating someone young.
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    Aug 05, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    If you haven't read Dan Savage you may want to check out his column at "The Stranger" as well. He goes into this issue often and extensively.

    If your man isn't keen on an open relationship, then you probably owe it to him to let him go if your going to explore regardless. He's going to end up really hurt. Nothing wrong with wanting to explore, it just sounds like your both at different points in your life. My 2 cents...icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 05, 2011 2:29 AM GMT
    Some of our dreams may be others' nightmares. One-guy-only would be my dream... perhaps your nightmare.

    Tough one... good luck figuring it all out. In the meantime, its best to be honest and tell him you don't want the same thing. The bitter taste of truth is always better than the sweet taste of a lie.

    You should want and live the same thing. Keep communicating!
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    Aug 05, 2011 2:33 AM GMT
    Exactly what everyone else has said. You want to be a slut, and you have that right. We all do. Just don't go about it dishonestly. 1) you harm other people 2) you harm yourself more in the long run

    Leave him and if he loves you, he'll still be there when you come back. Maybe not as a bf/partner/fb, but he'll still be thereicon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2011 2:43 AM GMT
    I'd just like some sort of "gamy."
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    Aug 05, 2011 2:59 AM GMT
    If he does not want to be in a polygamous relationship but you do, then you should just get the fuck out icon_smile.gif

    You're betraying him and his trust by wanting to be polygamous. You can be whatever the hell you want, but he has laid down his expectations (which seem quite fair, tbh) of the relationship you and him, and if you cannot deal with these terms then you know what you should do.
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    Aug 05, 2011 4:01 AM GMT
    You know the answer already.... Part of what separates a man from the boys is being responsible, particularly when it is hard to do so. As Art Deco would say, "you're not ready for primetime". Life is all about timing. Good luck.
  • Scorpio1113

    Posts: 90

    Aug 06, 2011 4:57 PM GMT
    If you are the kind of person who needs to be free to be with multiple partners, then you need not to put yourself in a monogamous relationship. It is unfair to the other partner, who just wants to be exclusive with you.

    Sounds to me like you know what you want, and it appears to me that you know what will happen if you don't get it. Do the BOTH of you a favor. He deserves a man that can handle the responsibility of exclusivity, while you desire something entirely different! Good luck to you both
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    Aug 06, 2011 5:22 PM GMT
    for me as i live in the middle east, i try to understand the nature of an open relationship, how come a partner would accept the fact that his partner could have sex with someone else under what you call an open relationship,
    if we agree as partners to have sex and hang out with others, so tell me whats left for us?..
    i would call open-relation as dummy relation or fake relation
    anyway, please do him a favour and tell him the truth and go, so that he could find someone who appreciates the real life and real relation
    for you i am sure you will end up depressed as you choosed to lose your partner and chase after guys,
    in fact would you tell me whats wrong if you are lucky to find the right one at early age?
    i think its gonna take time for gay community to grow up..