Grindr Hookup / Date?! Went from friends -> hookup -> intimacy. Feedback is appreciated.

  • buckled

    Posts: 165

    Aug 05, 2011 11:35 AM GMT
    Sorry for the ridiculously long post -- I usually don't make many posts but I'm just confused. Probably ignorantly confused. I'm not hurt or anything.. just don't know what I got myself into I guess haha. Thanks for any feedback!


    Maybe I'm an idiot and am not accustomed to hooking up. But I met someone off grindr.. we talked for a week via text.. seemed to get along really well flirted / general convo. He said he'd make dinner (we ended up getting pizza which was fine). Hung out drank a beer watched TV... ended up hooking up (not all the way -- relationship only). (fyi i've never done this.. i mean i've had sex but only in a relationship -- he is just really really hot and we got along really well)

    Anyways.. I was going to leave (had no idea what was going through my head) but I ended up staying and we slept together (spooned / cuddled / held my hand the entire time) it was very much... boyfriendish from what i've experienced. We woke up... hooked up again. Laid there for like an hr just relaxing... got up / dressed talked for 30 min and then I had to leave for work. He ended up w/ call me later.

    It seemed like friends -> hookup -> intimacy -- which don't mix to me, again maybe i'm wrong.

    Now...maybe I blew the possibility of dating because I gave in so quickly (usually I wait at least a 3-4 dates... but oops =) ). However, based on us talking to much (him initiating every convo) and then having a good time together I don't see why it would have completely taken it out of the picture.

    So I texted him like an hr afterwards telling him I had a good time.. he texted me back like 10 hrs later (meh.. he was working) saying "Thx. Good. Me too" I proceeded to call him a little bit later after I got off work -- he didnt' answer but texted me a little over an hr later. We chatted a bit then I said "So when are we going on a real date" -- he said "haha idk" I say "well you seem like a cool guy... enjoyed hanging out w/ you and i think we should do it soon.. you have company this weekend right?"

    No response. (this was from last night)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2011 12:30 PM GMT
    Don't push it. You mentionned you'd be willing to doing something again. If he wants to do something with you he will call/text you.

    My advice: don't ask yourself to many questions after just one "date/encounter/night of sleep" with a guy.
  • buckled

    Posts: 165

    Aug 05, 2011 12:32 PM GMT
    kk good deal.. i wasn't going to contact him again.. at least for a while but just wanted to feel out what it all meant. I usually don't read into things, but I could not read this situation at all so I needed some outside perspective. Thanks!
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Aug 05, 2011 12:32 PM GMT
    Depends on if he's just after a quick shag.

    You will be able to tell pretty soon-ish anyway.

    If he's serious, then I don;t see anything wrong with hook up first then develop relationship. At least u know the sex will be good.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2011 12:41 PM GMT
    The lie:
    Believing this was something miraculous and different from any other gay hook-up.

    The truth:
    -It's grindr.
    -Emotionally available people aren't usually seeking connections with other people via sex hookup sites on the internet. Emotionally available men make good boyfriends. The others don't.
    -Connection via text message or email is technically null and void. All personal defects and assets are seen filtered not in their raw form.
    -You had a good time that's all that matters.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2613

    Aug 05, 2011 12:51 PM GMT
    I think you`re taking this meeting too seriously.Time will tell whether this guy`s serious for more or just looking for quick meets.
    Carry on with your life as you usually do and see what happens.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2011 1:05 PM GMT
    You both have phones and voices. If he was as serious as you were... he'd CALL with a few words. Take a hint.. "Check Please?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2011 1:12 PM GMT
    Try not to get too caught up in this. You might call it intimacy, but that may not be how he views it at all.

    If he texts you back, great and if not you prob just saved yourself some heartache!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2011 1:23 PM GMT
    Its easier for someone guys to get intimate without having any intention of getting involved in anything more than friendship. You have clearly mentioned your intention for going on a date and now the ball is in his court. If he asks for one great, if not he just isn't looking for anything more than hook-up.
  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Aug 05, 2011 1:24 PM GMT
    He definitely didn't seem too interested in the date. I'd say play it cool and do not try to contact him again. If he does call you up, don't be overly available. Making someone a priority to you when you are merely an option to them will only lead to you feeling bitter or burned.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2011 3:20 PM GMT
    NOT unusual to cuddle after a hookup

    And if he was interested in a real date with you, he'd have given you a date and time when you asked.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2011 6:08 PM GMT
    It is not clear to me if you had sex or not, so I think he might come back, either for a real date or to finish the job, wacth out for what YOU want
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Aug 05, 2011 6:19 PM GMT
    Chill out. If he calls, he calls. You let him know what you'd like and it's his move.
    There are about a billions reasons as to why he might not want the same thing, all of which have nothing to do with you.
    You should have no regrets in having a brave attitude towards what you want in life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2011 6:33 PM GMT
    My vote says it's time to propose
  • buckled

    Posts: 165

    Aug 05, 2011 6:39 PM GMT
    Good deal.. appreciate the responses. As stated earlier I just wanted some other opinions. I wasn't going to contact him again anyways (unless he does).

    Regardless... got something good out of it ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 06, 2011 12:10 AM GMT
    if he calls cool, but it's unlikely he will.

  • metatextual

    Posts: 774

    Aug 06, 2011 12:20 AM GMT
    Have a similar situation going on with guy I met off grindr. We went on a date then drank in a park and he invited me to his place so we ended up hooking up and i spent the night. I thanked him for a good time and he responded positively and said that we should go to a yoga class together the next week [actually, just a few days ago lol].

    He's had a busy schedule so we haven't done the yoga class yet, but i did meet up with him quickly after the class [we use the same gym chain]. We rescheduled, and hopefully this weekend we're going on another date.

    I'm not sure where this is headed, but it'd be nice to know. Hopefully,your situation resolves itself, as well.