Why are some men threatened/embarrassed by effeminate gay men?

  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Aug 05, 2011 7:07 PM GMT
    ...and others are not? I have never been. Thankfully.
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    Aug 05, 2011 7:14 PM GMT
    Because apparently for some, just being yourself and living as the person you are is not an admirable quality.
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Aug 05, 2011 7:15 PM GMT
    Iceblink saidBecause apparently for some, just being yourself and living as the person you are is not an admirable quality.


    Alright end of thread...;)
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    Aug 05, 2011 7:28 PM GMT
    trainhard2011 said
    Iceblink saidBecause apparently for some, just being yourself and living as the person you are is not an admirable quality.


    Alright end of thread...;)



    Not really. Why being yourself, being unique, being an individual are not held in as in as high as esteem as average, normal, or regular should be discussed. If you knew me in real life you would know a rather strange person and so I sympathize with anyone does not fit into the role society expects.
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    Aug 05, 2011 7:28 PM GMT
    I myself do not feel threatened, or even embarrassed by queenie fem guys. I myself are secure within my own sexuality and gender. I also do not notice or react to their over the top antics in public. Not my type of guy, in anyway, because being gay a homosexual, one just has never been attracted to women in any way; ewwww nasty. Nor are they a threat to my masculinity. So I don't care., they are not apart of my world. But then many other things are not apart of my world either.
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    Aug 05, 2011 7:30 PM GMT
    Iceblink saidBecause apparently for some, just being yourself and living as the person you are is not an admirable quality.
    Preach.gif
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    Aug 05, 2011 7:47 PM GMT
    cause they be fuuuerce!!
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    Aug 05, 2011 8:06 PM GMT
    Why are some men threatened/embarrassed by effeminate gay men?

    I used to be embarrassed by effeminate men, when I was in denial. But being able to relate to a real person, and put into his shoes, changed that. One of my stories:

    I had returned to college, taking Theatre and Broadcasting degrees. One of my theatre professors was fully out in 1976, as swishy as God ever made one. He was not quite 2 years older than me at 28, but already a PhD with a few books to his credit.

    My girlfriend, also taking Theatre, sorta befriended him, and I went along with it to please her. I greatly admired his teaching abilities, and he gave the most perfect Army-style instruction I ever saw, though he'd been dishonorably discharged during Basic Training in 1968 for being gay. The 3 of us would go out for dinner fairly frequently, most often Chinese.

    One night my GF phoned me at the last minute, said a sudden family obligation prevented her from joining us at a restaurant. Horrified that I would have to sit down with this guy alone, without the "shield" of my GF, I tried to phone him to cancel, but couldn't reach him. I was obliged to show up as agreed.

    So just the 2 of us sat down to dinner. And he was as flamboyant as ever, in voice & mannerisms, though a brilliant conversationalist, not some flighty queen in what he said, just the manner. And soon I became aware of the other diners around us staring, and whispering. I cursed that we were given a table smack in the middle of the floor, as if on display.

    I asked him if he saw those stares, or was it my imagination. No, he said, it happens to me all the time, I see them, too, I'm used to it. Well, I wasn't! Not only was I embarrassed to be thought a gay, too, but I was an Army First Lieutenant, I couldn't risk my career if someone there recognized me, near my home town.

    But then another part of my Army self kicked in. This guy was my buddy, and you don't abandon your buddy to the "enemy." To Hell with them, I thought, I'm gonna defend this guy, stand by him, he's my friend. And so I deliberately stared right back at them with a little smirk. And I think I even started to mimic his mannerisms a little, rather than trying to butch-up my voice & gestures. I gave him my support, not my scorn, as best I knew how.

    A few days later when we met again we talked about the evening. And he said that yes, he'd seen what I was doing (with his sharp stage director's eye), and he thanked me. No straight person has ever done that before for me, he said. Well, I wasn't really quite so straight, and I later learned he knew that, too.

    But that incident put an end to my feeling embarrassed around effeminate guys. It also was the beginning of my slow process of coming out to myself, beginning to accept gays and eventually my own orientation. All while enjoying some won ton soup and a plate of pork lo mein noodles. LOL!
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    Aug 05, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    I'm not threatened or embarrassed of effeminate gay men. Why should I be? I'm too secure with myself to let some random person or anyone for that matter have that kind of power over me. I'm just not attracted to them and that's pretty much it for me. Other then that I get along with them and everyone else just fine.

    I don't think it's the actual person so much as it is the act and what they do as effeminate folk that would seem threatening or embarrassing.
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Aug 05, 2011 8:15 PM GMT
    For whatever reason, I read this thread as "Why are some men threatened/embarassed by effeminate gay male ART?"

    Was super excited to see some sequined and glittered rAndy Warhols. A little bit disappointed now.

    Queens are a hoot. It's not in my nature, but hell, good for them. If they can walk in 4 inch heels, more power to them (I'd break an ankle). If they can fully embrace that they love being fabulous and gay and flip their wrists and kick up at the knees, I say go for it. They're having fun, and why should I shake my head like a disapproving senior citizen?

    "Oh Margie, there go those QUEENS again. Goodness, did you see how tight that shirt was? Heavens, whatever happened to gender conformity?"

    I will state that I have come to associate flamboyancy with some very bad character traits due to a experiences with individuals, leading me to associate flamboyant gay men with negative aspects. I realize this is not true for every flamboyant man, but I am wary of them for the meantime, and I try to keep it in check to have an open mind when meeting and interacting with people.
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    Aug 05, 2011 9:22 PM GMT
    I think it has to do more with men violation traditional gender role behavior.

    I dunno, I'm comfortable with it.
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    Aug 05, 2011 10:00 PM GMT
    It's common for young men to disassociate themselves from feminine guys. In my 20s, I had an effeminate male friend. He was an interesting guy and a neighbor of mine. If I went out with him to a restaurant or store, etc, it was no problem. People seemed to assume he was my token gay friend. That is quite common in LA. If a group of his loud, flamboyant friends came along, I felt really uncomfortable. I would walk 12 paces behind them, afraid someone might think I'm with them. I feel badly I did that, and I was selling out to macho nonesense. Now I am too busy and stressed to worry about such things.
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    Aug 05, 2011 10:05 PM GMT
    Its like the X-men, people fear what they dont understand.
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Aug 05, 2011 10:06 PM GMT
    I think it's closely related to society's push to avoid notice. No one wants to stand out.

    Wear your dark colors, speak softly, dont make waves.

    We're like fish in a school, everyone swimming the same way, to avoid predators...or zebras based on the way some dress.

    hehe
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    Aug 05, 2011 10:30 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidMen who are threatened by effeminate men are basically insecure individuals who cannot accept others the way they are let along themselves. The more you love yourself the more you extend acceptance toward others. I know it sounds like a platitude but it's really the simple and honest truth.




    ^^^^^^^^^
    well said!
  • Lincsbear

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    Aug 05, 2011 10:38 PM GMT
    This fear of the feminine in a man is part of a larger societal misogyny that sees masculinity as morally superior to femininity.
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    Aug 05, 2011 10:52 PM GMT
    Cooties.
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    Aug 05, 2011 10:58 PM GMT
    Threatened? No. Embarrassed? Yes. They act like idiots.

    Maybe not embarrassed. Annoyed, perhaps.
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    Aug 05, 2011 11:04 PM GMT
    Lincsbear saidThis fear of the feminine in a man is part of a larger societal misogyny that sees masculinity as morally superior to femininity.


    This, and perhaps this alone.
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    Aug 05, 2011 11:15 PM GMT
    I used to be embarrassed and freaked out to be around effeminate guys because I did not want to be judged by anyone nor did I want anyone to suspect that I was gay. In high school I was even mean to this one effeminate guy (dunno if he was gay or not) icon_sad.gif

    Thankfully, I have changed now. But, yeah, the whole thing about "men should act like men, not women" plays a big role here. I know that quite a number of gay guys who, at some point in their lives, have despised effeminate men (probably because society hates effeminate men and stereotypes gay men as being highly effeminate). So, by dissociating themselves from such men, they think that they will be avoiding some problems or increasing their masculinity.

    Some people are just like that. No need to be embarrassed or feel threatened by them. It's society that's fucked up. That's what we should be ashamed of.
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    Aug 05, 2011 11:24 PM GMT
    I used to avoid dating very feminine guys. They used to creep me out. Embarrass me.

    Then, one knocked my socks off. Last weekend we walked around Easton Mall, he in all his fabulous glory, and I loved every minute of it. I can't wait to see him again.
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    Aug 05, 2011 11:28 PM GMT
    Because they are not really embaressed and/or threatened that's a construction in the minds of effiminate guys who need to rationalize and blame someone else for the consequences of the choice they made to be annoying and/or irritating.

    For example...complacency and assuming that there must be something wrong with another individual just because they don't like you... Is an irritating trait I find in people
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    Aug 05, 2011 11:30 PM GMT
    McGay said
    Lincsbear saidThis fear of the feminine in a man is part of a larger societal misogyny that sees masculinity as morally superior to femininity.


    This, and perhaps this alone.


    And it's been proven? It sounds like something a gender feminist pulled out of her ass.
  • trainhard2011

    Posts: 231

    Aug 05, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    Art_Deco, I love your stories. You always have the best stories. I wish I knew you in real life. I could really benefit from a person like you in my life.
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    Aug 05, 2011 11:39 PM GMT
    Cause dear, it makes them question there own sense of "Masculinity" I mean, how can they be all manly and shit when they look at those "queeny girly bitches who shouldn't even dare to live" and see all that in themselves.

    Gawd knows I get mistaken as straight enough during the day, then I go out and there aint no way people will mistake me for being straight cause I am like "Guuuurl did you see that walk past O M G Yummy!"

    I know whats inside of me, I know who I am, I accept who I am and most importantly, I like who I am!

    And thats a finger snappin, hair flickin, car fixing, wood workin, weight liftin kinda guy who aint gonna be held back by some twats who think it's not all manly and mucho to actually enjoy everything life has to offer!

    Get outta my way and get a proper hair cut cause that "Military cut" your so fond off thats suppose to make you look more manly fails the second I buy you a beer and you turn into that overly excited queen with a voice that went so high only dogs can hear you!